Alex Fernie
@FernieCommaAlex
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I perform at UCB, write/direct things like Childrens Hospital, Bajillion Dollar Propertie$, Hotwives of Orlando and I drink milkshakes. Now you know me.
Los Angeles
Joined December 2009
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I saw some of the absolute worst tweets I’ve ever seen today.
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Hahahahahahahahahaha they destroyed the entire industry just to have to restart cable from scratch.
Disney and Warner Bros will team up to start a new streaming bundle that includes Disney+, Hulu and Max.
Arriving this Summer in the U.S.
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Or... OR... and hear me out on this... the Whole Foods CEO can just go fuck himself forever.
Whole Foods CEO suggests employees who are not sick "donate" their vacation time to employees who are sick:
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Interviewer: "So, what's your FAVORITE part of autumn?"
Scarlett Johansson: "I don't think slaves had it so bad."
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“This Trump guy, he’s a crazy motherfucker, isn’t he? He’s ruining the country with that crazy shit! But also, people on the left get mad when you use racial slurs. I just don’t know, man. Everyone’s nuts.” - 50 year old white dude comedians
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I'm watching a 1997 episode of SNL and it is completely impenetrable. Trying to figure out what the jokes are supposed to be is like trying to decipher a text written by a long lost civilization that bears no resemblance to modern humans.
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David Fincher Talks Hollywood Strikes in Venice: “I Can Understand Both Sides”
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The best part of any HBO show is the little behind the scenes thing they show after each episode where they reveal how incredibly British every actor is.
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The left: Should we punch nazis? Did that Barron joke cross a line? Is La La Land actually bad?
The right: We just dismantled the New Deal.
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This picture is like when a dog sits in front of the TV and you pretend it's really into the show but really it's got no understanding of or interest in what it's looking at. Also, the dog hates poor people.
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Say what you will about Andrew Yang, but dude is VERY good at getting a ton of media coverage and then coming absolutely nowhere close to winning.
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Can’t imagine a better endorsement for a labor deal than this.
UPS investors don't seem too happy about the terms of the agreement lmao
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I distinctly remember being a kid and thinking this specific line from the Tasmanian Devil was one of the funniest things I’d ever seen. Now as an adult? Gotta say… still true.
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Just to be clear, if Zachary Taylor had spent all of 1850 loudly yelling "I can eat as much cherries and milk as I want and I will NEVER get life-threatening diarrhea", that would have been funny too.
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Still not over the fact that everyone just agreed to call that Lion King remake “live action.”
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My main concern with AI in entertainment isn’t that it’s gonna take over everything, but that CEOs will be swayed by tech grifters and will TRY to have it take over before finding out it doesn’t work. But it’ll be too late and they’ll have destroyed the industry chasing vapor.
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It's Monday, so here's Brian Eno just dragging the living shit out of crypto and NFTs.
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The fact that Krispy Kreme offered free donuts to people who get vaccinated and a bunch of people's first instinct was to angrily argue about it online doesn't make me confident we're all gonna be able to come together to fix the world's bigger problems.
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I like that the degradation of the video makes this look like the last thing you see before Byrne climbs out of the TV screen and kills you in a puddle of water.
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Cashier: “That’ll be $13.50 for the burger & fries.”
Me: “Ah, but what has more value... than a STORY? The thing that inspires mankind, that soothes the soul. Money comes and goes, power fades but stories... stories live on.”
Cashier: “You have to pay wth money.”
Me: “...no.”
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Absolutely paralyzed thinking about all of the 65+ white people driving to Mt Rushmore in the middle of a pandemic to hear a military band do a half-committed cover of Come On Eileen before a dementia-riddled fascist's speech.
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@Srirachachau
Also nothing happens in Taxi Driver? Reservoir Dogs? Even Dazed and Confused… it’s like whoever did this cannot define “something happening” as anything short of “alien invasion and then a superhero gets the big glowing orb”
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Everyone on Twitter is so sad and horny that it feels like a Postal Service show circa 2003.
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My contribution to the Glass Onion discourse is that movies of that size and scope used to be incredibly common (they were most movies!) but now are vanishingly rare and so WAY too much focus and debate gets placed on them in the rare instances they do get made.
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Enough people have seen this tweet that the “giant conglomerate defenders” have started responding to it. Always a bummer.
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The next decade is going to be defined by incredibly rich people underestimating how fucking mad the rest of us are.
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99.9% chance that the main way this gets used is by cops trying to shut down and disappear footage of them doing shit they should not be doing.
NEW: Twitter bans sharing images or videos of private individuals without their permission.
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@saundersjoe
Well, they couldn't set it in 2020. Then everyone would just be talking about Tiger King the whole time. "Tiger King this" and "Tiger King that." Wouldn't have worked.
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Ah. Cool. Elizabeth Warren gets to debate 9 people who COLLECTIVELY are polling in the single digits.
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Sure David Koch died, but unless we find and destroy his phylactery, his minions will just feed souls into it until he reforms anew in his crypt deep within the temple of Orcus.
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Rollins Band featuring a shirtless Henry Rollins in work out shorts and his mic turned too low just started performing and I'm BACK ON BOARD!
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I am on my knees begging, BEGGING developers in this city to stop making buildings look like this.
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How bad Elon is at this will be studied for years. An absolute speed run for the all time world record for "Worst Guy Doing The Worst Job At Something."
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It’s difficult to overstate how much people who support this are on the wrong side of history.
BREAKING: UN relief workers visiting Gaza hospitals describe ‘unbearable’ scenes
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It’s just part of a long comedy tradition. Who can forget the classic George Carlin bit where he brought out a bunch of du Ponts and just talked about how great they were for 15 minutes.
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The “Disney is buying Fox?! Hell yeah, now Ant-Man can meet Peter Griffin!!!” argument never really went away.
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Huh. You mean Britney Spears DOESNT like the spate of documentaries that are just random people guessing what might be going on with her life? Who would have thought?
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Remember when cops kept claiming that fast food workers were targeting them with poison milkshakes and tampons in coffee and stuff and then every single example of it ended up being made up?
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Close the fucking restaurants and bars, give financial assistance to the people who depend on those businesses to survive, put mask mandates into place and then let's see where we are.
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It’s a shame that there’s so much going on that we can’t really focus on how funny it is that Tulsi Gabbard made a whole thing about “boycotting” the debate and then when no one really reacted, she just tweeted “I will be attending be the debate.”
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Mike Bloomberg paid half a billion dollars to stand on a stage and have a bunch of other old people alternate between being EXTREMELY mean to him and fully ignoring him. It is very very funny.
#DemDebate
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One time, after a good friend of mine died, I broke down sobbing on a street corner in Hollywood while holding a large hamster cage with a hamster running on the wheel and I think it's probably the funniest visual I've ever been a part of.
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I just want it on record that I think it would be perfectly fine, good even, if Schumer told McConnell he’d protect the filibuster and then just got rid of it anyways.
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I like that someone in the Trump admin thought "People don't know how much of a inept whiny shithead Stephen Miller is. Let's fix that."
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Turns out, hell is random people explaining the concept of "topical humor" at me in 280 character chunks.
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All these cops are threatening to quit because cities are passing basic, weak laws that just say "please consider hesitating a bit before you murder people maybe?" and I dunno, maybe that kinda tells you everything you need to know about cops?
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@Srirachachau
Credit where credit is due, the little "oh no" after the wet paint is one of the absolute funniest things.
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We are going to see so many of this sort of take from "Very Serious People." They should be thoroughly disregarded and ridiculed. This sort of take is just another version of "let's make sure old rich white men are never made uncomfortable."
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Reminder that 8 years ago a main conservative argument against Obama was that he had no gov't experience & was too focused on celebrity.
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John "The Maverick" McCain rushed away from surgery recovery to vote yea on an unwritten bill that strips health care away from millions.
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@Srirachachau
Clearly you don't have this insanely goofy deleted scene burned into your brain like I do:
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The advertising team for The Americans must be fucking PSYCHED about this turn of events.
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Deep down, we all know that we'll never have another day on Twitter that's as fun as the day Trump got COVID.
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Cops keep killing unarmed black people and there are people loudly screaming that fucking KNEELING is too much of a response.
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In the episode: “You ain’t got no idea who yer dealin’ with, pal. Dis is New York! I own dis town!”
After the episode: “Well, I was proper chuffed when the creators invited me to explore this character, wasn’t I?”
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@clairecdowns
That's what's so crazy to me... they 100% would have gotten away with it if they hadn't tried to get her approval several times and then done the "her" tweet. But I think it just never occurred to Altman that someone might say no to him.
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Several Thanksgivings ago, my mom spent hours drawing this on her iPad and then sent it to me and I think it’s perfect comedy.
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Based on the fact that people that tweeted this have dedicated their entire adult lives to ensuring that health care not be treated like a human right, I have to assume this tweet means they think only people who pay a lot in taxes deserve "world-leading medical care."
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In retrospect, the most famous people on earth no longer feeling any shame in doing tv commercials for, like, Doritos and Capital One might have been more of a canary in the coal mine for the death of our industry than we knew.
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That AI Calvin & Hobbes thing is the perfect example of AI so far. Random untalented guy writing a terrible script himself & then having a computer make absolutely nothing novel or new, but instead regurgitate worse version of good artwork that already exists around it.
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Sure is a weird coincidence all these politicians sold a shit ton of stock immediately after being briefed on the pandemic. Guess it’s just one of those unexplainable things!
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Hello, my name is Alex Fernie and I have made things for Seeso, Go90, Crackle, Youtube Red, and Quibi. So yes, I understand that all things are finite and sooner rather than later we will all return to the dust from whence we came.
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Imagine how horrible it'll to be when Trump has to publicly mourn a national tragedy. Think about how uniquely ill-equipped he is for that.
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In the 80s, there was a huge moral panic about satanic pedophile cults built in bunkers under daycares. And the question this era answers is... what if we did that again, but this time, we also have the Internet?
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One of the biggest strikes against the believability of a huge number of conspiracy theories is the fact that the CIA is incredibly bad at its job, and always has been.
At first the CIA was so confident of a Ukrainian defeat they told Biden the best they could hope for was an insurgency they could covertly arm. Whoops!
My latest with
@JamesRisen1
:
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"I am the motherfucking Punisher!" - cops most days
"I am very afwaid and can't be held accountable for my actions since I'm constantly quaking in fear" - cops when they murder someone
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Watching ppl who believed every insane conspiracy theory in the last 16 years go "Oh theres no evidence Russia is involved" is fascinating.
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Turns out, Joe Biden was in a coma for his entire tenure as Vice President.
In New Hampshire, Joe Biden predicts that once President Trump is out of office, Republicans will have “an epiphany” and work with Democrats toward consensus.
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See also: digital publishing, pivot to video, Uber, or any number of other “disruptive technologies” that promised the world and just destroyed entire sectors instead before being revealed to be a house of cards.
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Yellow is "No" on the recall, blue is "Yes" on the recall. Can you guess where Beverly Hills is?
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For the rest of my life, I’ll be grappling with the fact that I now know how many seemingly normal people believe that it is ok to obliterate innocent children as long as you say there might be a bad guy behind them.
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The most relatable thing about the president is that he’s terrified of a teenager.
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Warren and Sanders are coming off even better in this debate than they did in the one they were actually in.
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Extremely funny that some of the rabidly anti-guild accounts that have been confidently wrong all summer just up and nuked their accounts the moment the deal came out.
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The “your paycheck” part of this is so, so deeply disingenuous. Is he just going to spend the next few months pretending that everyone doesn’t already pay for their own insurance?
Let’s put this in perspective: if you eliminate every single solitary soldier, tank, satellite, nuclear weapon, eliminate the Pentagon and it would only pay for 4 months of Medicare for All. 4 months.
Where do the other 8 months come from? Your paycheck.
#DemDebate
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Finally watching Joker and I feel like people didn't talk enough about how big of an ask it is to buy DeNiro as a late night talk show host.
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The owner of the LA Times is worth about $5,500,000,000. If he wanted to, he could personally cover the amount of money the Times has been losing annually for around 150 years.
L.A. Times began laying off at least 115 people in the newsroom beginning today in an effort to stem deep financial losses. Many cherished colleagues - including some with years of service - are being forced to say good-bye.
@latimes
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Just to get on record, here is an incomplete list of people I don’t think we have to be nice to when they die:
- Newt Gingrich
- George W Bush
- R Kelly
- Mitch McConnell
- Harvey Weinstein
- Rush Limbaugh
- Dick Cheney
- Pat Robertson
- pretty much any Murdoch
- Joe Lieberman
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One little thing that brings me joy is how much Arizona hates Martha McSally.
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I like this headline/photo combo because it looks like the picture is of the moment the malfunction happened.
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It has come to my attention that people have started thinking this is something she actually said and not just a joke. So I’d like to apologize to Scarlett Johansson.
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Kendall Roy is one of the most accurate portrayals of a very dumb guy I’ve ever seen.
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My daughter loves Intergalactic by the Beastie Boys but she thinks the lyrics are “Intergalactic cemetery” and once this strike is over, I will be developing that concept. She won’t see a dime.
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531 voters in Los Angeles county voted for Deval Patrick in the 2020 Democratic primary. In this podcast, we'll track down each one of them and find out what makes them tick.
But first, Quip! The toothbrush subscription service that...
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The past year has certainly drilled home the fact that we REALLY need to do a better job teaching history and civics to our kids.
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Saw my first “the Biden texts were leaked by Biden to make him more likable” conspiracy tweet and you KNOW your oppo dump of dirt is going well when people doubt it because it’s too flattering for the person you were trying to attack.
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I guess I should have asked this before I was 36 years old, but where are your arms supposed to go when you’re sleeping?
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I know I shouldn’t be surprised anymore, but looking at the opioid crisis and concluding that the way to fix it is with the death penalty is so stupid it boggles the mind.
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Another debate without a single question about all these darn coyotes yippin’ and barkin’ all over Los Feliz.
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One year ago today, Trump tested positive for COVID. And we've all been chasing that high ever since.
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Equally baffling: why people are choosing to engage with this tweet, 18 hours later.
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But if we defund the police, how will they be able to afford to buy more trucks to accidentally blow up and destroy whole blocks of South LA?
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@LouisPeitzman
I 100% have not relearned the ability to keep a conversation going with acquaintances. Close friends, I can handle. Someone I like but don’t know well? It seems like that ability is just gone forever.
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The steady drum beat of stories like these are why the tech studios are so psychopathically determined to try to break the unions.
In a historic move, Marvel Studios’ VFX workers unanimously voted in favor of unionizing IATSE.
This marks the first time a unit of solely VFX workers has unionized with IATSE.
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