Fatbaldbloke
@Fatbaldbloke1
Followers
7,373
Following
7,336
Media
10,432
Statuses
84,542
No obvious joke knowingly overlooked. *Especially shit ones. Was once called an 'epic comical knob'. Not to be taken seriously. Ever.
Joined June 2020
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MOONLIT FLOOR OUT NOW
• 278575 Tweets
JUMP
• 209033 Tweets
Mets
• 165541 Tweets
Falcons
• 68220 Tweets
天使の日
• 54669 Tweets
Diana
• 43227 Tweets
#PowerGhost
• 31032 Tweets
Kirk Cousins
• 28753 Tweets
Bucs
• 28066 Tweets
MerzAesthetics x KTMP
• 27655 Tweets
Hayırlı Cumalar
• 23766 Tweets
SB19 IS ACER READY
• 21614 Tweets
#PowerBook2Ghost
• 19438 Tweets
HAVE A SAFE FLIGHT JIN
• 18587 Tweets
Mooney
• 18185 Tweets
ワートリ
• 16914 Tweets
Tariq
• 16380 Tweets
感謝マルチガチャ
• 15832 Tweets
Cane
• 14655 Tweets
PRABOWOsiapkan YangTERBAIK
• 13648 Tweets
Bleed
• 13113 Tweets
KEKUATANkita PERSATUANkita
• 13046 Tweets
最大4体ゲット
• 12656 Tweets
人達同士
• 12616 Tweets
#يوم_الجمعه
• 12502 Tweets
Can someone tell me what's in the booster jab that protects against Omicron that wasn't in the first two jabs?
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This morning, I found a great big black hole in my finances. So, I've just given the cleaner, the cook and the butler 15 % pay rises, ordered a new Range Rover, ripped out my perfectly good boiler and installed a heat pump, and turfed my Mum out on the street. Vote Labour😊
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'Yes, sir. He's barricaded himself in. He's taken two sausages'
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Stop taking the piss out of Starmer and his 'sausages' gaff. The rest of his speech offered a bacon of hope for the country.
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BBC one o'clock News. 'Warmest April on record'. How many layers you got on there, mate?😆🥶
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Anyone else see Jack Duckworth?
I can’t actually believe how beautiful I am. It’s just so effortless too. I wake up & I just am this hot. Sometimes it’s difficult knowing that everyone is attracted to me. Your gran & your man want me. Deal with it.
#TransWomenAreWomen
#TransRightsAreHumanRights
#LGBTQ
🏳️⚧️
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Sonny, my black lab and founding member of The Dogging Club, hung his lead up for the final time this morning. RIP Lad😪
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Chancellor announces OAP Bus Pass changes to prevent collapse of Index Linked Bond Market and collapse of the sun.
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I've come to the conclusion that middle age is mostly about shouting 'Fuck Off!' at inanimate objects😆
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Starmer to ban farting and picking your nose in public!
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How big a bollock did you drop by taking off your Poppy?
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Breaking : BBC announce new Match of the Day presenter
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Right, now you know, leave her the fuck alone.
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The power of the cameras in our phones is amazing. Took this photo of Mars last night.
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I'm a white Port Talbot Welshman :
Neighbour: cunt
Local shop: shut
Drycleaner: A what?
Dressmaker: poof
Hairdresser: fuck off
Builder: another cunt
IT chap: speccy cunt
Staff in M&S/Waitrose:🤣
Youngster on bus: told me to fuck off
#thisisporttalbot
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Jesus Fucking H Christ. I despair for this planet. I really do.
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29 years ago today this lady forced me to marry her against my will and I'm still trapped. Don't tell her I've enjoyed every minute of it😉
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'Oh yes, I'll be voting for you. I loved you in The Jungle Book'
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Like a cat trying to bury a shit on a marble floor.
"Whether Angela Rayner was there or not makes no difference. There was no breach of the rules"
Labour leader Keir Starmer says there is "no comparison to be made" between lockdown Labour event and those in Downing Street, where 50 fines have been issued
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Morning Shitkickers 👋 Woke up this morning and noticed everyone in my house is white. Worse than that, they're all Welsh. Doing my head in it is.
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'How did the lads down pit take you coming out as non binary, pet?'
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Mrs just came back from Waitrose with this chorizo. Fuck you Farage😡
My husband bought beans today in
@waitrose
today.
No sell by date and they’re not fit for consumption. Most are mouldy.
With no sell by date how can shoppers know what they’re buying?
#brexit
#lostcontrol
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Just had an argument on the phone with a woman that had the wrong number, she reckoned it must be the right number 'As it's the number I've got written down'.
3 times she rang.
Give me fucking strength.
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Next time you make a typo, just be glad you're not this guy😳
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I wonder how many of them would defend a paedophile?
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I was involved in a near catastrophic trolley chase in the Asda's today
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Mrs can't find a Beach Towel we've had since our Honeymoon 28 years ago. She turning the house upside down. This is going to be my fault isn't it?😆
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Just trying to think what my late Grandad would have thought reading this😆
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Youngest just off to the gym. As he's going, says, 'I've had my xbox in the living room for updating over WiFi, are you capable of switching the TV back to the Sky box on your own?' Condescending twat.
Now that he's gone, anyone actually know how to do it?😆😬😉
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Bring back hanging for people who cut cheese like this. Dear God.
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Petrol and diesel drivers, this is on you. Bastards.
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I bet
@theJeremyVine
would still manage to almost get run over by a bus turning left at some point😉
Garda Lake bike path, one of the most beautiful bike path in the world.
[📹instagarda]
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Morning shitkickers 👋If this gets any more expensive we'll have to buy it on HP😃
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Breaking : Lesbian Nana to be given Marvel Franchise
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This Labour Government are so financially inept they've stopped selling arms to a country at war.
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Only if I can be the guy who pushes the little tanks around on the massive map with a long pole thing.
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GP just confirmed I've got swine flu.
He's given me some oinkment and said it should clear up in a weeeeeeeek. He saved my bacon, and stopped me getting the chop at work.
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I will be reporting
@jk_rowling
to the police if she doesn't tweet her support for my 'Make Wagon Wheels Big Again' campaign. Fair warning.
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We need concrete evidence
Some children in Norwich are so hungry they're eating sand at school.
The Tory tax cut will do nothing for them and their families.
Here’s why.
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Morning Shitkickers 👋 Except this dirty scruffy lazy stupid cunt who left an address label on one of the boxes amongst the shite he's dumped. Enjoy the fine, arsehole😡
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@ArchRose90
If only Mrs Starmer was married to a millionaire, and could afford her own clothes.
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Morning Shitkickers 👋 I like watching Countdown of an afternoon to keep my mind active.
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Trying to obtain blood test forms and a urine sample bottle, for my 88 year old Mum.
'You'll have to phone back at 8am as per our Practice procedures'.
How the fuck did we win two world wars?🤦♂️
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I wish all these accounts posting 'Are you old enough to remember this?' Would stop. Yes, yes I do remember, and it's making me realise how old I feckin am😄😄Piss off!!!!
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Youngest is doing a trial day with an electrician today, with a view to starting an apprenticeship. Been at it since 7am. It's now gone 4pm. It's either going great or he's in A&E 🤣 ⚡️⚡️⚡️
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Breaking : Met Police issue map of the widened search area for Abdul Ezedi.
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Leave it, Dave, he's not worth it. Morning Shitkickers 👋
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Dementia 6 monthly check up with Mum. Nurse asks 'Do you do anything to keep fit?' Mum : ' I'm eighty ferkin seven, don't be daft' 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣❤❤❤
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Morning Shitkickers 👋 32 years ago today, this daft bint asked me to marry her❤️ As she said just now, If she'd strangled me instead, she'd be out by now. I'm in the good books as I remembered 😊Today's the day ladies! Pin him down😆Happy Leap Year!!
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Morning Shitkickers 👋 30 years ago today😳, this happened. As the wonderful Mrs F just said If she'd stabbed me with that knife then, she'd be out by now😆Still reckon she's punching🤭
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@kathrynhall_
I was asked could I be pregnant when I booked my prostate check, and I'm not joking🤣🤣
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I sometimes lie awake at night wondering about the rack Joleen must have had.
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Morning Shitkickers 👋 Rumours this morning that the M25 has been shut to help in the search for
@MatthewStadlen
's phone, and has fook all to do with replacing a bridge. More as it comes in.
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Hospital car park. Parking Attendant just knocked the window. 'Are you here for an appointment, Sir?'.
'No, the dogging meet'.
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88 year old Mum has called it again. 'The only white blokes you see on TV now are woofters'😆😬
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OMG it's so hot in Greece people are 'seeking shade' in the hottest part of the day and 'using water to cool themselves down'. Unheard of.
Greece is experiencing a heatwave, with temperatures expected to reach up to 44C in some areas.
Tourists were seen sheltering from the sun under trees and using fountains to cool themselves off.
Read more:
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Jeremy Bowen prepares to try and get past the receptionist at his local GP Surgery
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Morning Shitkickers 👋 30 years apart. Mrs F looks about a fortnight older🥰I look like a second husband😬
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Just found this previously unseen pic of my late Dad❤️
(He's the one in the beret, before you ask😳)
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Slavery
Without googling, name one invention by a black person that changed history
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Nearly broke into Little Richard's 'Tutti Frutti' halfway through reading this😄
18 months in jail for piloting a boat carrying more than 70 potential terrorists across the Channel
Howmalow Mawum-Duop admitted facilitating illegal immigration into the UK
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