Parody FIA
@FIAsteward
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A parody of a governing body, much like the actual FIA. Equally as impartial. Interpreting rules however we care to do so.
Joined October 2022
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Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
To compensate Ferrari for the damage caused to the car of Carlos Sainz yesterday, we have given the team a $200 voucher to spend on Red Bull merchandise.
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Following his inappropriate comments regarding Sergio Perez, Helmut Marko will wear specially branded team wear with immediate effect:
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The
@fia
have asked us to apologise for our post yesterday. It may have given the wrong impression.
The picture is misleading as Red Bull were not the only team present.
Alpha Tauri were there as well.
It was a great
@fia
meeting yesterday to discuss the future of F1 rules and regulations. The dress code was a little bit strict:
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Mercedes are due to launch their 2024 car, the W15, on 14 February.
The sidepods will be launched sometime in July or August.
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Also a shoutout to our
@fia
stewards today.
It only took them EIGHT LAPS to determine this warranted a time penalty.
Amazing speed of decision making!
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Think the title race is dull? Think again!
If Sergio Perez wins every remaining:
- Sprint Race (3)
- Grand Prix (6)
- Fastest lap (6)
Max Verstappen will still need to score a whole THREE points from nine races to secure the championship.
What a nail biting finish in store!
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Mercedes are determined for the W15 to deliver its full potential at the Australian GP.
Mercedes targets include:
- Reach Q2
- 3.5s pitstops
- No more than 2 race strategy errors
- Solid P7/P8 finishes
- Second best Mercedes powered team
- Go away 5% less clueless about the car
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The
@fia
will penalise
@GeorgeRussell63
for bringing
@f1
into disrepute saying
@redbullracing
will win every race.
With the close racing, ultra competitive rules and strict cost cap penalties we have brilliantly created, Red Bull will likely only win 21 or 22 races, not all 23.
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BREAKING NEWS: Sergio Perez will complete the final 3 laps of the 2021 Abu Dhabi GP in November to see if he can secure Red Bull the 2021 Constructors Championship.
The
@fia
were unaware this option was available but will adjust the race result on this one occasion.
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Following rumours of
@LewisHamilton
being paid £62m under his new
@MercedesAMGF1
contract, the
@fia
has decided to bring salaries of drivers who are not Dutch into the cost cap with immediate effect.
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In the interests of full transparency, the
@fia
hereby release the full transcript of the decision making process during the closing laps of the 2021 Abu Dhabi Grand Prix.
Some parts may have been redacted to protect the individuals involved:
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F1 ALTERNATIVE STATS
Most wins by drivers who have had world champion teammates:
L Hamilton - 103
M Schumacher - 91
S Vettel - 53
A Prost - 51
A Senna - 41
F Alonso - 32
N Mansell - 31
J Stewart - 27
J Clark - 25
N Lauda - 25
J M Fangio - 24
N Piquet - 23
N Rosberg - 23
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It was a great
@fia
meeting yesterday to discuss the future of F1 rules and regulations. The dress code was a little bit strict:
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Great to see some nice clean overtaking by
@Max33Verstappen
in today’s Sprint Race.
Remember the
@fia
stewards like to see safe and controlled overtaking with sufficient racing room left for the car being overtaken - a textbook example here.
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The
@fia
are investigating allegations that Christian Horner may have been influencing F1 technical regulations to an unhealthy and inappropriate degree over a lengthy timescale:
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Name a bigger downgrade.
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In the interests of full transparency, integrity & world leading governance, the
@fia
hereby release FIA president
@Ben_Sulayem
’s independent investigation into his own alleged misconduct.
The president finds himself not guilty of all charges on the following grounds:
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Max Verstappen on Lewis Hamilton’s teammate comments:
"It's not nice of Hamilton towards the teammates I've had…”
Max Verstappen on Helmut Marko’s inappropriate Sergio Perez comments:
“I don’t think I’m the right person to educate Helmut…”
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Paddock rumour suggests that
@redbullracing
have asked for one additional lap to be added to the Belgian GP distance.
The team are rumoured to be unhappy at the race taking place over 44 laps, believing the number to be cursed.
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The
@fia
wish to clarify that for cancelled sessions the result of the last active
@f1
session determines the result.
If all Imola sessions are cancelled, race result will be taken from the Miami GP result.
@Max33Verstappen
would therefore be awarded a race win and full points.
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Lewis Hamilton is not wrong on Max Verstappen having weak teammates.
Sergio Perez must be the worst teammate of a championship winning driver since…
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Sorry, could you repeat that?! We’re just busy in the
@redbullracing
hospitality area.
The catering is great, but unfortunately the phone reception is quite poor.
📸 - Verstappen overtaking George under yellow flags.
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Following a request for clarification from an unnamed team, the
@fia
confirms that employee silence payments in excess of £500,000 are excluded from the cost cap and termed ‘Research and Development tax credits’.
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Team boss with no prior experience of cost cap compliance offers valuable insight on
@MercedesAMGF1
ability to comply with the cost cap.
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Looks like a great game
@EASPORTS
and
@Max33Verstappen
The attack/assault mode looks really exciting.
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Probably a five second penalty for Verstappen but we’ll make sure he’s 10 seconds ahead before deciding.
Or just ignore it.
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After Max Verstappen’s Red Bull topped day 1 of the Bahrain test, a team spokesperson admitted they are expected to “deploy the sandbag” on Thursday morning in an effort to downplay their dominance.
Or to use his proper name, Sergio Perez.
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Today we held a meeting of the
@fia
stewards to review the last race. It was agreed this situation at the
@SaudiArabianGP
definitely warranted a safety car.
@redbullracing
were adamant they needed a cheap pitstop for
@Max33Verstappen
which has to be taken into consideration.
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To avoid embarrassment to the
@fia
of overturned penalties, we will be introducing ‘honesty penalties’.
If teams consider they have broken the rules they give themselves the appropriate penalty.
This will not apply to
@redbullracing
as they insist they never break any rules.
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Following a request from
@redbullracing
, any driver that attempts to go wheel to wheel with
@Max33Verstappen
in today’s Azerbaijan GP will receive a blue flag and be permitted to concede position.
This does not apply to
@SChecoPerez
as team orders will instead be implemented.
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Sadly the only
@fia
regulation for fining a driver for giving away their trophy from the FIA gala is to request reimbursement of the original cost.
We will consequently be requesting the sum of €5.25 from
@LewisHamilton
.
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The
@fia
are set to appoint Jonathan Wheatley to oversee FIA race control following Steve Nielsen’s departure.
This will be alongside his Red Bull duties.
Wheatley previously performed the dual roles with distinction in 2021, coaching Michael Masi through some difficult races.
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The
@fia
are proud to confirm that Michael Masi will be presented with an FIA Lifetime Achievement Award at the upcoming FIA gala.
This is in recognition of his loyal and error free service to motorsport and specifically F1:
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Lawyers for Felipe Massa may consider legal action against Silverstone.
Massa believes allowing the 2008 British Grand Prix to run in wet conditions - causing him to spin a comical number of times for a championship contender - was a contributing factor in the 2008 title race.
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George Russell is understood to have requested team orders at Mercedes this weekend for the drivers championship.
Having won the race last season, Russell believes he is quicker around Interlagos and Mercedes should prioritise improving his current 8th position in the standings.
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Red Bull are rumoured to have Nelson Piquet lined up as a replacement if they decide to remove Helmut Marko.
Piquet is considered to embody the values of Marko and the Red Bull team.
Marko has reportedly been told Piquet is from North America in order to agree the appointment.
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Please note that due to issues in production with the new for 2023
@fia
clothing, all FIA stewards and other personnel will borrow team wear from
@redbullracing
for the duration of the Bahrain GP weekend.
We remind everyone of the FIA’s total impartiality and integrity.
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The
@fia
would like to apologise to Max Verstappen and Red Bull.
Having reviewed Lewis Hamilton’s 2021 Qatar pole lap, we counted at least 15 track limit violations.
Track limits will be enforced with the same accuracy & timeliness as at the Austrian GP.
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We have now selected the four cars for whom we will monitor track limits in Mexico.
This will include car no.44 and three others.
We trust that the other competitors will not exceed track limits all weekend.
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The
@fia
are investigating reports of further misconduct by
@LewisHamilton
and
@MercedesAMGF1
following yesterday’s reprimand for lateness.
It is alleged that Hamilton had more than the permitted two Weetabix for breakfast.
This could result in exclusion from the event.
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Following the presence of several lizards on track in Singapore, we have been investigating reports of sightings of a dinosaur in the F1 paddock.
However there is no need to worry, it’s just
@redbullracing
’s Helmut Marko prowling the paddock sharing his prehistoric views.
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Ladies and gentlemen, your
@LaureusSport
Sportsman of the Year 2022:
@Max33Verstappen
Rest assured he will be back in 200mph+ machinery with
@redbullracing
next weekend.
Max was in a sim racing competition today ( we had no clue about this but anyways) he got disqualified because shunted his opponent on purpose as a retaliation of the person hitting on him. Here’s the video:
Max 😭😭😭
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Today marks two years since we last went “motor racing” with our former race director Michael Masi.
One for the history books.
The
@fia
wish Michael a great day and hope that his Honda dealership is running successfully.
Who knows, maybe we will see him back in F1 soon…
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The
@fia
are aware but unconcerned of reports of Toto Wolff leaking confidential FIA information.
We’ve been deliberately leaking false ‘Red Bull’ technical secrets to him for the last two seasons with great success.
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Jos Verstappen was unimpressed with
@SChecoPerez
’s win at the
@SaudiArabianGP
.
The Dutchman - without an
@f1
win of his own to his name - insists the win is no big deal.
It’s claimed Jos has his own history of beating various members of the Verstappen family in the past….
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The
@fia
may reverse the deletion of
@Max33Verstappen
’s lap time for track limits as data shows no advantage was gained.
Data from FIA steward Derek Warwick’s Honda dealership show sales decline when Verstappen has a poor qualifying result.
If anything, that’s a disadvantage.
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An 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦 stat from our
@fia
stewards and president 🔥
They achieved an impeccable 100.0% correct decisions over the entire season.
They also achieved 100.0% score in our metrics for monitoring track limits, consistency and impartiality.
Well done team! 👏
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Due to a sickness bug
@Max33Verstappen
will not be present in Jeddah until Friday.
We believe he was sick of hearing about ‘the greatest lap that never was’ from 2021
@SaudiArabianGP
qualifying just like everyone else.
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Mercedes driver George Russell has revealed the extreme physical effects of the Qatar GP.
Russell, who recovered to fourth after a first corner collision with teammate Lewis Hamilton dropped him to the back of the field, revealed he shed a whole layer of skin during the race.
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BREAKING: To avoid another boring, predictable race the Australian GP has been cancelled.
Points are awarded on current form as follows:
- Verstappen awarded 26 pts for win and fastest lap
- Alonso awarded a podium after
@Ben_Sulayem
“had a word”
- Both Alpines classified DNF
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The
@fia
are pleased to announce our new 2024 Sprint weekend format:
Thursday:
Cars enter parc ferme
Friday:
AM - Grand Prix
PM - Sprint Qualifying
Saturday:
AM - Practice 1
PM - Qualifying for next Grand Prix
Sunday:
AM - Sprint Race
PM - Practice 2
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WANTED: Professional
@f1
stewards.
Requirements:
- Male
- Indecisive
- Willing to sign NDA
- Distrusts driver jewellery
- Ownership of Honda/Ford (from ‘26) dealership desirable
- No prior/future knowledge of rules
Benefits:
- Top class catering provided by a leading team.
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In the interests of safety, the
@fia
will be trialling new brake markers at the upcoming Japanese GP:
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Lots of people saying Verstappen should be penalised for this. Not so.
You need to consider the
@fia
regulations, specifically Article S of the Sporting Regulations. Clause H section one, sub-section T.
Remember the rules are: S, H, i…
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The
@fia
denies reports that Red Bull have failed a crash test with their 2024 car.
After discussions with Red Bull personnel, it became apparent it was the FIA that failed: setting the requirements too high.
These have been adjusted accordingly and Red Bull have now passed.
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5 second penalty for George Russell.
Not yielding at first sight of a Red Bull.
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Flavio Briatore: “He (Hamilton) is one of those drivers who doesn’t put in effort when the car isn’t good.”
Flavio Briatore’s efforts when the car isn’t good:
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UPDATE: Massa’s lawyers now think the Silverstone weather was an ‘act of God’.
So they are considering suing God as well.
Lawyers for Felipe Massa may consider legal action against Silverstone.
Massa believes allowing the 2008 British Grand Prix to run in wet conditions - causing him to spin a comical number of times for a championship contender - was a contributing factor in the 2008 title race.
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Great to see
@Ben_Sulayem
turning up for this evening’s
@fia
gala.
(PS please don’t sue him).
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The
@fia
would like to thank Michael Masi for his visit today to coach our stewards and race directors on impartiality, fairness and safety car procedures.
Here he is telling
@PierreGASLY
that it’s a guaranteed
@redbullracing
victory this weekend whatever happens.
Former FIA
#F1
race director Michael Masi, who was removed from his position after his error in applying the rules during the 2021 Abu Dhabi GP influenced the outcome of the world championship, is back in the paddock at Melbourne - here he is with
@PierreGASLY
.
#AustralianGP
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BREAKING: Helmut Marko may be suspended by Red Bull following an alleged affair with Christian Horner.
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Rumours have surfaced that
@SkySportsF1
pundit Karun Chandhok has pre recorded a generic segment stating a future Max Verstappen pole lap in the 2024 season is “the greatest lap ever”.
Chandhok claims the lap eclipses Senna - Bruno Senna when he outqualified Chandhok by 1.7s.
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George Russell is understood to have told Mercedes their single biggest flaw this season.
The lack of team orders in his favour.
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We would like to confirm reports that the
@fia
were far too lenient in Singapore.
In hindsight Lewis Hamilton should have had to give ALL the places back and run last after taking the run-off at turn 1 of the race.
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When
@Max33Verstappen
boxed and they restarted the 2021 Abu Dhabi GP for one lap.
Great work team
@fia
.
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Following his double defeat to
@SChecoPerez
at the Azerbaijan Grand Prix,
@Max33Verstappen
has announced an exclusive new sponsorship deal.
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At this point we’ve decided we are just going to give everyone* a 5 second penalty and be done with it.
* - one team excluded from penalties.
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We quit, we can’t bring you any more amusement than the real
@fia
at this point 🎤
(We might be back tomorrow)
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Damn it, I think they are on to us…
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The final straw for Lewis Hamilton at Mercedes was discovering the W15 was made out of Lego:
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It appears
@Nike
are looking to put a stop to
@Max33Verstappen
and his ‘Max 1’ clothing brand.
This has nothing to do with the conflict in use of the word ‘Max’.
They are just another of the many parties who believe he is using the number 1 under false pretences.
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Following the expensive damages to the Hungarian GP winner’s trophy, future trophies will no longer be as expensive.
The trophy for the Belgian GP will be a low budget reflection of the quality of the current
@f1
season and match the colour of the boots of the winning driver:
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Christian Horner has revealed that Red Bull had to undo some “bad habits” learnt by Daniel Ricciardo whilst he was with other teams.
These include:
- Humility
- Sportsmanship
- Honesty
- Humour
- Integrity
- Working within the cost cap
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Due to unexpected low temperatures in Las Vegas,
@fia
track sensors and CCTV systems may not work reliably in cold conditions.
Consequently we will rely on the discretion of the FIA stewards and race director to determine fastest lap times, track limit violations and penalties.
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Following reports of fans turning up at
@Charles_Leclerc
home, the
@fia
received disturbing news of
@Max33Verstappen
being approached by two men charged with assault and racism.
Thankfully it turned out that it was just Max’s father Jos and his girlfriend’s father Nelson Piquet.
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The WhatsApp button on the W15 allows George Russell to post directly to the team & his social media account. Default messages include:
“I’m faster than Lewis”
“Let’s work as a team (in my favour)”
“It was Lewis’ fault”
“Crikey, the car bottled it & crashed me into the barrier”
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FUN FACT: The Las Vegas GP circuit was modelled on the outline of a pig to signify the gluttony and profiteering of those at the top of F1 to promote the show at the expense of the sport.
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Alpine are confident they can turn around their poor start to the season after poaching two key staff from Mercedes:
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The
@fia
are proud to announce our Alpha Tauri clothing range.
Working with a Red Bull owned operation aids our commitment to integrity, impartiality & fairness.
Clothing will be available via our website.
Payment can only be accepted via Visa, Cash App or cans of Red Bull.
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Lots of questions for the
@fia
:
1.) Why only 100 lap times deleted if there were 1,200+ track limit violations?
2.) How did the FIA determine which drivers should be penalised?
3.) Were the FIA being led by driver/team complaints?
4.) Why isn't there a better system in place?
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Ok enough downgrades.
Name a bigger upgrade.
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Alpha Tauri are set to appoint Bulgarian Hristian Corner as a Senior Team Consultant.
The Red Bull backed team are vague on Corner’s past but his relationship with the
@fia
& experience of cost cap compliance were key to his appointment.
Alpha Tauri will pay his entire salary.
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Did you think
@LewisHamilton
would get through a race weekend without the
@fia
stewards investigating some irregularity?
You must be as thick as two short planks…
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For those watching
@SkySportsF1
coverage next season, Sky have launched a new service.
There will be two buttons you can press to ensure unbiased coverage:
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Mercedes will continue their experimentation with Lewis Hamilton into race day.
Hamilton is expected to start the Australian GP on wet weather tyres.
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Helmut Marko wants to bring Carlos Sainz back to the Red Bull stable, replacing Sergio Perez.
Marko is keen on making Sainz’s number 55 a prominent part of Red Bull’s livery.
It’s believed Marko sees the number as having a wider significance and meaning for the Red Bull brand.
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