harverd professer
@EricAndAmerican
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Following
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Media
3,103
Statuses
40,090
i’m not here for a long time nor a good time
houston
Joined April 2019
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Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
slam dunking da haters on twitter dot com
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please be quiet weezer is presenting their group project
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would you rather get through 2020 or relive this
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i cant get this one out ofmy head
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“the 12th image in your gallery woke up garfield”
“your 9th meme made banjo upset”
“sans is going to shoot your 4th pic”
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trans people after the oreo tweet
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this fucking video took me 15 minutes to make but it was worth it
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pyrocynical
Someone left old TVs outside 50 homes in Virginia while wearing a TV on his head. No one knows why.
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jimmy mcgill after losing the kettleman case to hhm:
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i always felt bad for this guy. i knew some kids like this and it seemed like a few people would always harass them
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just found out that you have to not be annoying to make friends
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two guards block your path. one tells only lies and the other speaks solely the truth
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this made me cry when i first saw it
Ok then, what’s one of the best. This is still one of my faves.
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i couldve poured the juice much better than her
She didn’t get yelled at or hit. Instead she was allowed to make mistakes until she figured it out.
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yall.. isabelle has little tiny shoes and tHEYRE SO PRECIOUS 🥺🥺✨
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when u get girl toy instead of boy toy from mac donald
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@conniedefc0n
i remember seeing this back then and thinking “what do guys mean when they say closing their legs crushes their nuts”
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“JUMPSCARES:
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You’re welcome! Have fun watching ^^”
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fuck a zodiac sign. whats your favorite girl scout cookies
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having scoliosis is totally bi culture
Someone made a bi chair to accommodate our god-given slouchiness. 🙌
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how the fuck you gone milk a cockroach it aint got no titties
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Welcome back Shinzo Abe
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im heterophobic, homophobic, aphobic, biphobic, fuck it i just hate all yall bitches
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this is so fucking funny. they thought of three things and gave up trying to fill it in and posted it anyways LMAO
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fuck it. tell me your favorite soda (or if you don’t drink it) and i’ll put you on a tier list
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“Your honor, my client was simply just going through his joker arc”
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so theodd1sout is a fucking furry after all god damn it
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why the fuck did they do that 😭
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*clicks remote* you know, i think i finally get it. it’s time for me to schedule that shot
A new Family Guy COVID-19 PSA just aired during Jimmy Kimmel Live!
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i like how pretty much everyone has missed the edit of this image in the replies. everybody
There’s no such thing as a “self-made billionaire”
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he is not a boy scout anymore. he has completed his journey. now he is a man scout
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shit in my wifes purse while she wasnt looking 😜
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why do some restaurants insist on having gimmick burgers that just fucking secrete cheese everywhere
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@flanotter
TRANSCRIPT
Plastic easter eggs filled with mung beans.
[♪]
Two Christmas tree ornaments filled with jingle bells.
[♪]
Two wads of masking tape tied together with a pink ribbon.
[Snapping]
Two paint cans filled with nails.
[♪]
Two chemistry vials filled with plastic beads.
[♪]
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printing this out and framing it on my wall as encouragement to try my best at school as to not end up like this when i’m 21
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because dolphs a lazy ass and wont do it i will
reply and ill mark u
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if bill gates is really gonna put chips in me when i get a vaccine i hope its sour cream and onion flavor
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this book is an SCP and transforms everybody who touches it into the girl on the right
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messytails guac
This is what the guac looks like at my local chipotle...lmao like is that for real???
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I know this is a Dan post but this genuinely works and is good advice
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everybody gangsta till Weezer start movin
This self-driving garbage can remembers to take the trash to the curb for you
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does anyone else bite the skin off their lips and inside of their mouth
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ladies and gentlemen, i present to you... ouizer
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seen a few people try to say stuff like “preschool twt going crazy” when this is just learning english as a second language
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when somebody asks how many days there are until friday
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why is 80% of boomer humor about just absolutely hating the everliving shit out of your wife
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somewhat related i think
Just realised something horrifying. Ppl wit depression score higher in tests of realism. Intelligence is positively correlated wit mental illness & suicide. This indicates that if the mind understands 2 much abt reality, it wants 2 destroy itself. Human life is existential horror
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