Emer McLysaght 🏳️⚧️
@EmerTheScreamer
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Writer. I don’t use this account much anymore.
Dublin
Joined March 2007
Me: A woman from Enniskillen got the first vaccine, Mam . My mother: Who? One of the Fergusons I bet.
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Man in Boots yesterday was all “don’t take the paracetamol and ibuprofen together”. Sir, it is day two of my period. I will put them into a spicy marg if I wish.
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The people who’ve been “socially distantly” meeting their pals for weeks now. What are they gonna do on Monday? Just start licking lift buttons?.
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“We mustn’t allow women to become promiscuous”, is what one man said to me on the street today. This is at the heart of so much of the No campaign. Wind your beaks in and mind your own business. #repealthe8th.
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The new Minister for Education is anti choice so let’s just KEEP AN EYE ON THAT.
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"I'm applying for a mortgage" - me buying raffle tickets for houses in Donegal.
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Why do those two have no heads? WHAT ARE THEY NOT TELLING US?
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This evening I’m bringing my mother out for a fancy dinner even though she can’t eat after a year of brutal cancer treatment. But she’s afraid the voucher will expire and she’d rather die than let them away with it.
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Everyone should just pretend they thought tomorrow was a bank holiday too.
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Me in any Irish bar on any foreign holiday after two (2) drinks.
I’m Irish.
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Me at 20: oh no my one pair of giant jeans are soaking up the street juice and I have spent my bus money on enamel-stripping wine. #LoveIsland gals at 20: my last five relationships have taught me so much about myself and I am ready to find love and settle down. I own 89 bikinis.
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Healing hands to all my fellow culchies who never went trick or treating as a kid because we had no neighbours 🤲🏻.
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My favourite thing about children in Halloween costumes is that they're always just wearing their own crap shoes. It's like *spooky vampire, horrifying witch* and then BAM a pair of lickarse Clarks.
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I thought Tayto Park was firstly a crisp wonderland and the rollercoaster etc aspect was an afterthought? Is everything a lie?.
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I've asked the ASOS man to just fling the packages over the back wall and one just came over and brained the cat and how blessed was I to witness it?.
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Wait until Faye realises that nobody was straight up to her about the brown lippie and the panstick. That’s the real crime here #LoveIsland.
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Conor McGregor retire bitch. And also face the consequences of your actions.
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A reminder coming up to Christmas: . Not everyone’s lives revolve around their immediate family. Not everyone’s families are alive enough/well enough/safe enough to limit contact to. Not everyone feels that as long as they can see their family things will be ok.
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I am thinking a lot about my dad today. He died of lung cancer at 60. He gave up smoking at 50, which was too late. His death was long and sad and very premature. If you are thinking of giving up, lean into it. You can do it (I did).
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The recoupling stakes have never been lower. Pls spare me the speeches. I will accept Chloe’s and that’s it. #LoveIsland.
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Just brutally unfollowed someone on Insta for dropping a "this one". I won't rest until it's eliminated for good.
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I’ve realised why we never had the Easter bunny as kids. It was because you got 1 (one) Easter egg and agonised for weeks over which one it was going to be and were involved in the ceremonial purchasing. The rabbit was redundant.
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Strolling onto the school tour bus to the Japanese Gardens and National Stud with the Bag Of Shite your mother got in Londis.
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I’d love a go of a baby. Just ten minutes. The pandemic has really done the people who don’t want babies but just need a quick fix dirty.
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Anyone who’s ever walked or driven along Merchant’s Quay will know that there is no shielding local schoolchildren from the realities of addiction because it is right there on the footpath and the steps. An injection centre would provide safety, dignity and discretion. Clowns.
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Greg’s passive aggressive use of “Mike” and even better, “Mick”, is just the level of pettiness I aspire to #LoveIsland.
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Need to do the Big Shop but also genuinely preparing myself for the rage at the people (men) nose-willying over their masks.
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Remember in school when you had to walk on one side of the corridor and there were no traffic jams? Draft up the legislation for the footpaths. Get me in to consult.
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Whatever way you're sneering at the Trinity student rent protest, blockading the Book of Kells is actually a very effective and symbolic way of garnering attention for the rental and housing crisis nationally.
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Complaining about a piece of legislation passed when you weren’t paying attention seems like a you problem tbh. Lydia Foy battled very publicly for more than 15 years for gender recognition. It’s not her or any trans person’s fault you were too busy picking your nose.
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@neasaconneally my mother once rang me from my deceased father’s mobile because she “wanted to see if it still worked”.
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Please be advised that when in the Áras, the two dogs follow Miggeldy EVERYWHERE
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I cannot BELIEVE Toby is getting this much airtime. Where are Liam and Millie Moo? #LoveIsland.
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Just saw a very attractive man littering and never before has someone plummeted from ride to abomination so quickly.
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Flying to New York tomorrow with @SarahJayBee with @AerLingus BUSINESS CLASS. Beside ourselves. Getting there early to fully appreciate the lounge. Fretting about not having enough time to appreciate all the tiny bits and watch the movies. Won't be giving in to ONE WINK of sleep.
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I’m a day late but am resurrecting the Young Rides Advent Calendar. Kicking off Day 2 with perennial fave HF:
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Imagine Liam hadn’t done all the fuckacting in Casa Amor. Him and Millie would be unstoppable #LoveIsland.
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Can we have a purge style day of reckoning for men who shout at women while they’re running?.
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We, as a people, live on an island besieged by rain, yet we have not a decent raincoat between us. Why are we like this?.
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My neighbours’ 24/7 door slamming, crashing around and shouting has been increased in recent days BECAUSE THEY ARE MOVING OUT. This is honestly the greatest Christmas present ever.
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Genuinely shocked that the queen’s casket is closed. If I’m queuing for fifteen hours I want small talk about how well she looks and how cold her hands are.
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🚨Please do not go for sunny Friday pints instead of voting. There will be other sunny Fridays. There will not be another chance to say Yes🚨.
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I worked in the K Club one summer and therefore am never surprised by anything.
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Rules we should keep: .-Everyone in tracksuits .-Six people at weddings.-Everyone gets a seat in the pub .-Me to continue butchering my own hair.
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JUST PUT THE MASK OVER YOUR FUCKING NOSE YOU FUCKING MEN.
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When you forget your bags going in for the Big Shop
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I dunno guys maybe David Attenborough should smile more.
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Paddy Jackson’s lawyers say they’re monitoring. whatsapp and google searches. This is like when my dad thought Hotmail and the Internet were one and the same.
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Me to the Tinder Swinder: I refuse to help you babe because I would have to get out the AIB card reader x.
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Rewatching New Girl again and it hurts me that there are people who haven’t ever seen it.
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You know, as I hurtle towards my 40th year I really do sometimes regret that I chose the Twitter handle Emer The Screamer on a whim in 2007.
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Someone behind the cameras has definitely had a word in Faye’s ear re: apologising. No harm. #LoveIsland.
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This story about funding for private schools brings up one of my favourite Dublin/rural divides: well-heeled Dubs expecting me, a culchie, to recognise the names of posh schools. Bitch if she's not a regional convent of mercy I don't know her.
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Maura is going to produce a hurl from somewhere and punt Michael right into that fire #LoveIsland.
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Absolute wallop of “we’re the furthest house from the Coláiste” off that weather.
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Flashback to telling Andrea Corr she’s “like a little doll” last night and possibly rubbing her cheek so I’m off to live alone in the woods.
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Miley Cyrus is in the new series of Black Mirror. Please let it be an hour of Liam Hemsworth giving her bad frights.
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You know, I was well into adulthood before I realised that “biro” wasn’t Irish for “pen”.
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We need a February bank holiday for the love of God. Who are these MANIACS suggesting November aka beauty advent calendar season? There are no novelty calendars in February, just bleakness.
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Just got abused on the street for wearing a Repeal sweatshirt in case you think you can ever have less than 100% wits about you. I’m grand but he was VERY ANGRY.
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Me: has had the same pillows for seven years .Also me: spends €13 on a cocktail I don’t want.
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I just opened Twitter to see the words “Schitt’s Creek sweep at the Emmys” and truly I have never been happier for people I don’t know.
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How does one apply to be a Young Professional?.
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Remember the year we were terrorised by Pharrell Williams and Happy?.
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Our Aisling would NEVER. She’s disgusted someone she used to series link religiously is tarnishing her good name.
From now on, whenever I see someone spouting anti-vax drivel on the TL I’m going to think “Oh my God, what a complete Aisling”.
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I am a woman who unequivocally supports trans women and holds no fear of trans people. Thinly veiled hatred of trans people is just that, thinly veiled. Your shit jokes and pearl-clutching tweets are embarrassing. Get a hobby. #TransRightsAreHumanRights.
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My number one enemy: couples out for a stroll.
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It's 2020 and I've just seen a period product ad with a gal gleefully playing tennis in all white, yet we have yet to see a commercial that even glances off the fact that you do seven toxic shites per day for the duration.
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Sorry now but if that white water rafting thing goes ahead I’m honestly staging a coup.
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Finally, someone who deserves the title Full Time Mad Bitch.
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Didn’t realise how much being single and childfree would get me off the hook on census night. Done and dusted 💫.
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pandemic weekends are looooong when you live alone. there are only so many fucking walks you can get enthused about.
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How does anyone fancy Jacques? At least Gemma’s excuse is that her prefrontal cortex literally wasn’t fully formed #LoveIsland.
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I may never get over “like your 75 and high risk look after yourself”.
All these previous credible artists and @vanmorrison need to stop spreading misinformation! Like your 75 and high risk look after yourself.
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Flashback to the time I had to ring my Dad from college to ask him to tape Sex and the City for me. "What and the City? I'll get your mother".
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I would just like to first recognise my child free, self employed privilege and then tell you all that I am going back to bed 💫.
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How is everyone? I’m at “crying because one driver let another driver out in traffic, so kind”.
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All this mess has done is ensure that Millie and Liam or Toby any Chloe will win. Fine by me. #LoveIsland.
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