EP
@ElricPow
Followers
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Following
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Media
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Mediocre Gay | Weird Name | Silly Goose | Dumb Blond | Nice Lad | Mostly just trying to share a laugh 😇
🍁🇨🇦
Joined January 2022
Olivia Wilde: Jordan Peterson is a bad man and the inspiration for the film’s villain. Also Olivia Wilde:
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After some slightly defensive DM’s, I hope all the tops out there know that you are loved & appreciated. And as Abraham Lincoln once said, “two bottoms do not make an outfit.”.
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I would be so offended if my kidnapper didn’t also want to have sex with me.
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There was a spider in the office today & I made a joke that he’s our new web designer & the lack of laughter felt very homophobic.
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@JustinTrudeau Just admit that vaccines aren’t working as intended — we were hopeful, it didn’t work, lift the restrictions.
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Accidentally called my boss “babe” this morning, so some thoughts & prayers would be nice while I work through this trauma 🙏.
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A teenager called me “sir” this morning which was quite frankly uncalled for. Like what’s next? Asking me if I qualify for the seniors discount? Should I get Life Alert? Maybe start going to Bingo night? Chess in the park?. My day is ruined 😒.
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Whenever my older coworkers are mean to me I like to pretend I’ve never heard of the music they listened to growing up. Savage Garden? Is that a restaurant or something 😏.
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This morning I had a consultation with an oral surgeon & he was really handsome and I just don’t think that should be allowed. Like at one point he asked if I was a “gagger,” which ended up being in reference to x-rays but still.
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Shocked to discover I’m hungover after accidentally drinking two bottles of wine last night 🫢.
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Every year my nephew & I carve pumpkins for Halloween but this year he’s having a “pumpkin carving party” with his friends & on one hand I get it like spread your wings my man but on the other hand I’m sad about it. Little dude is getting too cool for Uncle E 😩😢.
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My coworkers think the reason I’m extra tired today is because I had a “wild night” & if by “wild” they mean staying up too late playing Ocarina of Time then yes, I’m a wild boy 💁🏼♂️.
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@Woke_Misogyny The homophobia of old repackaged as progress. Preference is just another word for choice.
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Islam promising 72 virgins waiting in heaven honestly sounds like a nightmare to me. A bunch of stage 5 clingers who can’t seem to find the prostate? No thank you.
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This morning a homeless man shouted rather vulgar & sexually-charged obscenities at me so naturally I acted offended. In reality though, my ego has been on a high all day because it looks like your boy’s still got it 💁🏼♂️.
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Getting in the holiday spirit by telling people I love their ugly christmas sweater when it’s just their regular clothes.
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Went out for dinner last night & our waitress was flirting with my boyfriend the entire time & then that little harlot had the audacity to ask if it was going to be separate cheques. This is my villain origin story.
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It’s not nice when people try & make me feel dumb, like excuse me for not being a rocket surgeon 😒.
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I think there should be a “Best Halloween Bulge” competition & I think I should be the judge or at least one of the judges 💁🏼♂️.
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Being called a terrible sleeper is nothing but slander because aside from grinding my teeth, talking, twitching, frequent insomnia, stealing the covers, & having the occasional nightmare, I sleep like an angel 😇.
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I obviously don’t talk about politics but this speech legitimately made me choke up because our once beautiful & peaceful country has been destroyed by an egomaniacal tyrant who hates us.
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Don’t task me with turning this house into a home if you’re going to reject my suggested art pieces
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Cardinals are so pretentious, like yes you have cool colouring and a badass mohawk but you’re not better than me.
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Not only did I use a big word today but I also used it correctly so I would like a round of applause, a little treat, and to take the rest of the year off please & thank you.
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I have discovered that some women find it weird when a guy gets hard when they’re cuddling which is totally bonkers to me. Like if we’re cuddling & you’re not hard or at least rocking a semi, I will be offended.
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Filing a formal complaint with tequila for tricking me into doing so many shots last night that I now feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.
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Christmas Tip: Do not eat an edible when wrapping gifts because you might forget to put tags on them & can’t remember whose is whose & will then have to start over 😇.
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Guess I’m buying a banjo now 🤷🏼♂️.
Dude plays a banjo on a mountain and a little Fox shows up to listen
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Her husband has disappeared under mysterious circumstances and she stands to inherit everything
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Oh you think I’m a little too old to still be playing Pokémon? Well aren’t you a little too old to still be alive💁🏼♂️.
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I feel so hurt & betrayed that the hot barista whose name I can’t remember quit and didn’t even tell me. No notice? No goodbye? No final playful flirt? . You think you know someone 💔.
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So are these drones aliens or not? I have a Christmas party tonight & an Independence Day type invasion seems like the perfect excuse to get out of it.
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✨2025 Resoultions✨. 1. Read More Books (to try & become smarter).2. Be Less of a Menace (to keep my job).3. Learn to Sew (to finalize becoming a trophy husband) .4. Eat More Cheese (I love cheese) .5. Become Immortal (self-explanatory).
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It’s only allowed to snow when I don’t have to drive who do I speak to about this.
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Ummm what creature is this and also how do I obtain one for myself?.
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Once again defending myself from accusations of depravity because apparently staying up too late watching “A Bug’s Life” is not a believable reason as to why I’m so tired.
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I made a joke today that vegetarians shouldn’t lecture me about eating meat because they eat baby carrots and nobody laughed & I just think that’s really homophobic.
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People often tell me they can’t figure out whether I’m being sarcastic or if I’m being sincere and I’m soooo sorry about it.
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Happy Sunday you precious princes, in the spirit of Canadian Thanksgiving I hope your day involves gobbling & stuffing 😏
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I missed two Christmases back to back a while ago & since then my entire family likes to do this annual joke where they pretend to be surprised that I’ll “actually be here for a change” . It’s been six years 😑.
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tall bottoms are so funny like ok miss fee fi fo fum get on the bed x.
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Looking forward to later tonight when I make up fake scenarios in my head and hurt my own feelings.
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When I was a kid I wanted Gizmo for Christmas one year & my parents had to sit me down & explain to me that Mogwais were in fact not real so they couldn’t possibly get me one…& then I cried 😁. Still my favourite Christmas movie though 😇
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My dream job is trophy husband (obviously) but in the meantime I would also like to be:. 1.Paint Colour Namer (so silly & fun).2.Puppy/Kitten Cuddler (or all animals).3.Dick Pic Critic (for artistic help).
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When he’s sick & you draw him a bath, change the sheets, make him soup, get him medicine, bring him water, cuddle with him, & then ask if there’s anything else you can do. Him:
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Like excuse me for trying to introduce Harold to the team 😒. (Harold is the spider if that wasn’t clear).
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I was at a corporate team-building seminar today & I’m pretty sure I was only asked to partake to fill a quota
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I too would like to feed a fox & then adopt him & bring him home & name him Willem Dafox 🦊.
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Happy Sunday you darling dudes, I hope somebody flirts with you today 😌
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Me: do we really need another Superman movie?. Also me: awwww there’s a dog I can’t wait to see this 😍
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If I was a motivational speaker I’d say things like “don’t let fear stop you from accomplishing your goal of shaving your balls” & they’d be like sir this is a funeral.
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I’ve been really sick the past couple of days & all I’ve done is sleep & play Story of Seasons on Switch & I think this is just my life now 🤒🤧.
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Someone called me “corny” today because I was listening to Elvis — like yes babe, what of it?.
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