RT @benedictsred: I don’t think any of us would get mad if Life Alert played Wipeout when someone falls.

Right now would be a terrible time for Brad Pitt to scam somebody online, everyone is on high alert.

@jabo_vancouver I don’t like seeing anybody lose their home but American problems are not our problems anymore, they are not our allies. We should not be sending water bombers. I would encourage any Canadian to adopt a “Canada first” mentality going forward.

RT @DaddyJew: Well well well if it isn't the same bill I couldn’t afford to pay in a different color

TRUMP: Canada ain’t shit. Also, we’d be great together.

@MatthewLovesUSA @POTUS Fuck off.

@eloffd @HotSpotHotSpot You’re right I’d rather beg strangers to help cover my medical bills on go fund me.

@LiersNwo1674 @BranJamesReport “Vast majority” get fucked loser.

@Deploydon @theJagmeetSingh Bye.

@LibertyNGuns @Acyn @MeidasTouch Get fucked loser.

@thefunnytweeter I’m honoured 🙏

[first day working at an Apple Store] I’m the miggidy miggidy miggidy miggidy Mac book technician, where’s your miggidy miggidy miggidy miggidy Mac?

@1_swarthy_dude @ANGiee_Ye 😂

Happy birthday @walkerscobell3 My daughter is a big fan and wrote your birthday on our kitchen calendar, so I’ve been getting friends and family to spam her phone with birthday wishes to you all day.

My daughter wrote @walkerscobell3 birthday on the calendar so I’ve been getting family and friends to spam her phone with birthday wishes to her celebrity crush.

Hate when my mom blows my food in front of my friends, especially bananas.

@its_The_Dr 🥺

RT @Tbone7219: Got drunk and hugged the Domino’s delivery driver again .... There goes that New Years Resolution.

Heard there was a fire at old navy, nobody died but there were reports of casual tees.

A lack of blowjobs will lead to a power vacuum.