Keeks 🍓
@DietCoke_Esq
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Startup legal tech GC/partner #RollTide 🐘
Boston, MA
Joined December 2021
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Pinned Tweet
I asked what the WORST thing that could happen if we canceled student loans and all I got was a bunch of people that would essentially “feel upset” because they paid theirs
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My brother is single and I don’t want to hear about it from my parents anymore so here’s an ad:
25, 6,4”, business degree from UConn, business job at HelloFresh in NYC, likes dogs, and will inherit the family estate in upstate NY
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As a millennial, I have about 1-2 more “unprecedented times” in me before I move into a pineapple under the sea
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“I have been a leader on fertilization.” No, that’s Nick Cannon
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My other brother is also single but he’s the middle child so no one cares:
28, 5’10”, computer degree from RIT, computer job with gov clearance, likes dogs, and will not inherit the family estate in upstate NY
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Ok the internet is mean for no reason, so no more family pics. Y’all need to heal or at the very least, eat a snack
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My mom is worried that I have FOMO because my friends are having kids.
Girl, I’m still asking “are we happy about this?” when my friends get pregnant
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USA Gymnastics has submitted additional evidence to the Court of Arbitration for Sport.
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Lots of questions but I thought it was normal to not know details about your siblings—in my head, they’re still annoying little brothers that I yell “GET OUT OF MY ROOM” at
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Why would I have imposter syndrome when Donald Trump fully believes in himself, all the time
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Ok DNC, you got me to watch the whole thing with the “special guest.” I was not familiar with your game
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Before law school, a man could easily gaslight me. Now? Prepare your exhibits, briefs, memos and citations baby, we are re-litigating
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@wakullawriter
He takes care of our aging parents in ways other siblings cannot due to distance from home—doctors appointments, etc.
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Chicken wings advertised as 'boneless' can have bones, Ohio Supreme Court decides
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Charles got to be king for like 5 seconds.
Princess Diana: Karma is my boyfriend
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Replying to opposing counsel at 1:45 AM and getting a reply back at 2:05 AM. I guess we’re both living the dream
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I’m going to debate every man that mansplains football to me this fall. With the energy of a very aggressive 1L gunner that wants to be a prosecutor
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Me, as an attorney: it's so annoying when people ignore my professional advice, like why did you even ask me
Me, to my doctor: yeah ok thank u, but I will not be changing my life shortening habits
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Just hired an attorney and she asked if it was ok to work 8-4 so she can get her kids, and when I expected her to come back [in the evening]. GIRL, THE NEXT DAY
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Legal in any meeting
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Advice to the girls in law school— even if you like him, don’t put his name on your diploma. You earned that shit
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Litigation is so fun because I cannot fix your problem, but I can make everybody (including you) suffer a little bit
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I used to romanticize the lady lawyer rushing around the city with a big bag, heels, coffee and phone in hand. I romanticized poor time management, feet/shoulder pain, burnout, sleep deprivation and the inability to unplug
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Some first year just raised his voice at the resident “knows everything” paralegal on a call. His funeral will be at 3pm
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Some attorney somewhere has a headache about how the iOS 16 edit text feature will affect discovery
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I’m astonished every time a grown adult sends a nasty email. You can’t take that back. That is an exhibit now
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Attorney: why was the filing rejected?
Clerk: can't tell you
Attorney: how can I fix it so I can re-file?
Clerk: it's a secret
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My parents secretly asked my brother if I had a health issue I was hiding from them. Why? Because I’ve been snacking a lot. Why have I been snacking a lot? I have been stoned. Why have I been stoned? I am at home with my parents
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Being a lawyer has me saying “first of all” when I only have one point to make
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AI will never replace lawyers because only we truly understand that the system is just vibes
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Born to say "what the fuck is going on here," forced by the rules of ethics to say "please advise on the status of this matter"
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An “anonymous” coworker had some concerns about me that she wanted my boss to address, so I CC’d her in my response. Xoxo gossip girl
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Idk my LSAT score but I know the bar that I blacked out at after I took it
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Me: why don’t people listen to legal advice from lawyers
Doctors: you need a full x-ray and most likely a cast on your hand
Me: how long can I raw dog this situation before I lose this hand
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Marketing just tried to convince me to put my headshot into my email signatures and I had to explain why in a field (litigation) where I’m already being taken less seriously due to gender, age, and ethnicity, it would be a bad idea to also display how pretty I am (yeah, I said
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Prenup is love. You love that person so much that if fate separates you later, you want them to move on in the most loving way. It’s like a time capsule of the love you have for them on the day of your marriage
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If your lawyer cries about getting yelled at by a judge, you're going to jail
Habba attacking the judge: But I was told to sit down today. I was yelled at and I've had a judge who is unhinged slamming a table. I don’t tolerate that in my life, I’m not going to tolerate it here
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Called your attorney 10+ times between 9-930 AM? Don’t wait! Try calling a few more times. They’re definitely available and just ignoring you. Follow me for more hacks
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Interviewed an attorney who is a single dad to 3 teenage girls and the way he calmly spoke to me while I chugged Diet Coke for breakfast…hired
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He didn’t like deadlines
and I was the fucking Federal Rules of Civil Procedure
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If your lawyer responds with “living the dream” to “how are you,” they are tired and sick of being a lawyer
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Being a lawyer is just waking up every morning fucking pissed off at your inbox. Haven’t had a single day of peace
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Buying and renting are equally awful right now. I’m about to go adverse possess some rich person’s vacation home
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Joint pre-trial memo is like a group project but you hate each other
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Advice to law students and students thinking about law school: start keeping a list of every place you've lived and worked since you were 18. It will save you years down the line when applying for the bar
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Just a girl in litigation, standing in front of a mirror trying to pronounce “motion in limine” and “voir dire”
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If a guy says “I don’t want to argue anymore,” it’s because he’s losing and wants a plea deal
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Being a lawyer is just getting forwarded emails with zero context
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Counsel spreading cream cheese on his bagel while addressing the judge is BDE that I aspire to have one day
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The paralegal when I e-file something all by myself
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I already signed it
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Don’t cancel me but I fully support cold calling in law school…one time I got cold called and I put on a great production of struggling to pronounce “Bristol Myers Squibb” to get the professor to move on because I didn’t do the reading. Girlboss, gaslight, manipulate—essential
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Litigation. Side effects include anxiety, depression, sleep deprivation, and [fill in the blank]
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@Kevin74767525
Aside from your feelings being hurt, would you be in a worse position if other peoples’ loans were canceled?
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When the hot guy in your law school class is now an ADA. I guess it wasn’t meant to be Kev 💔
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New lawyers interviewing for jobs, here are some tips. Please add
#lawtwitter
“We’re like a family here” = we will disrespect your boundaries and you will be here more than you think
“Fast paced environment” = management is not great and we’re always being chased by deadlines
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Barbie marketing did an amazing job but no one is thinking of Barbie legal that had to approve/edit all the ideas
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Immigrant parents: you must study well and you must build a high paying career
*becomes lawyers and doctors*
Immigrant parents: what is with all the working?
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Look, you may not like Travis Kelce but after dating a bunch of moody broody gloomy skinny British boys, Taylor deserves a big big dumb dumb golden retriever (he literally retrieves balls)
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Most meetings can be a Zoom call. Most Zoom calls can be a phone call. Most phone calls can be an email. Most emails can be a text. Most texts can stay as a thought in your own head
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@pearlythingz
@DrewAfualo
Beloved, I don’t know if it’s all that hate in your heart, unfortunate genetics and/or lack of sunscreen but looking the way you do at twenty-seven (27) is so sad. My condolences
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Your law career will never wake up one morning and tell you they’re not in the mood to spend some time together
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This is what the bar exam looks like
Travis Kelce loving Love Is Blind is important because it means at least one of these is true:
1. Taylor Swift watches Love Is Blind.
2. Taylor makes Travis watch Love Is Blind with her and he is kind and supportive.
3. Travis watches Love Is Blind alone while Taylor is busy.
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One of my law students live on my floor and she just pretends to not know me when I’m a stoned gremlin in the elevator. A++
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I’ve been saying “gonna raw dog it” instead of “gonna wing it” and anyways, HR will likely wanna chat soon
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Having big dick energy can be the difference between passing and failing the bar. Stop doubting yourself girlie. Is mediocre Matt from your law school class doubting his bare minimum efforts?
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I’m trying to explain girl dinner to a 57 year old colleague. Please share some examples other than 3 cans of Diet Coke
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Advice to 1Ls going to a lower ranked law school/have a non-traditional path—get good grades if you can, but most importantly, network in creative ways.
I worked at a local luxury gym and all my personal training clients were established attorneys. Those relationships got me
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Me as a lawyer: I wish people would stop assuming we know every type of law
Me to my OBGYN: what do u mean u can’t fix my heart murmur
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I would never date another lawyer because they will see right through the not giving definitive answers thing
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Startups: we’re going to disrupt the legal industry!
State bars:
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An attorney at my firm just helped an elderly woman negotiate a $29K home service bill to $0. We should all use our comma Esq. signature powers for good—it works
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Throwing law students/young attorneys into the water and hoping they swim is detrimental to clients. The fear of asking for help often lead to mistakes. I’d rather a “coddled” lawyer handle my case than an arrogant one
Stop coddling law students. Being a lawyer is not about you. It is about your clients. Stop reinforcing this weird weakness and treating these would-be professionals like infants. One day soon they'll be responsible for people's freedom, parental rights, money. This is sad.
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@RyanSainio
@Jamie7Keller
I don’t care what hours anyone works as long as things get done and I don’t have to talk to them before 10 AM
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You know when you have a tiny zit and you manage to make it 100x worse by messing with it? That’s what happens when you try to change one little tiny thing on a Words Doc template. Just leave it
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Just interviewed an attorney that thought I was HR and started the conversation with “I do not need multiple rounds of interviews”
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“Every time I talk to you, it costs me money.” Yeah well every time I talk to you, I want to turn in my law license so it evens out
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Seeing lots of job postings that require being in the office at 8 AM, like no thanks, I graduated middle school a long time ago
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Born to be unhinged, forced to proofread my emails before sending because it can end up in discovery one day
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