god's bathroom floor
@DJSlizzard
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Following
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Media
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Statuses
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I’m not a DJ but I am a menace. why are you taking me seriously I didn’t ask you to do that 🦂📍chicago
Lizz with two z's (she/her)
Joined February 2011
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Pinned Tweet
my friend is at a fancy wedding in NYC and I absolutely lost my mind at this shrimp luge. so unsettling
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@Ya_Ali03
@s1cken1nggg
@postgrad_barty
no it was to make himself more aerodynamic for pigeon catching
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Remember the days of requesting a Lyft and hearing the little ding TWO SECONDS LATER and now I have to fucking beg the app to get me home
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What I would give to live in the Shire and make bread for the rest of my existence
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ok? join the club
Colton Underwood hasn't had an 'emotional connection' with a man yet
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this is so satisfying to look at
after years and years of research and development, drawing what i learned in middle school over and over again, i am proud to announce an important discovery.. The Cool S But Round
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@supitsalex
have you never seen shrimp on trays filled with ice? so much better and less fucked up looking. and no thought of shrimp juice flowing from top to bottom….
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a recipient of a sexy pic of mine just noticed
@GlamandGore
‘s video PAUSED IN THE BACKGROUND LMAO!??
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Chrissy Teigen called Evan’s ex a dipshit and I am absolutely doubled over laughing
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My first batch of Halloween pics is ready but are you?
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I have never tried eggnog before but I have swallowed c*m is that the same thing
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the vax card doesn’t seem sturdy enough to cut lines with 😕
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btw if you’re reading this and work in marketing/advertising I do need a new job but it’s cool if not no worries
daily reminder I have a GREAT BUTT
and I’m also looking for a mid-to-senior-level copywriting role based in Chicago remote or hybrid fine and I have a stellar resume
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@lmao_rayy
@TheDouggernaut
@andiran23
it’s 2001: a space odyssey
sorry everyone has a stick up their ass always all the time
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HI! I have transcribed a bunch of the clips from the ZOOM CALLS with the LA POLICE COMMISSIONER!
If you or someone you know is hard of hearing, or if you want to pull quotes, I hope I have made it easier for you! Edits welcome in DMs, updates to come!
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you say you’re fine and tweet this 3 times a month please hmu I’ll come over I promise
I say I’m fine and then boom I listen to Somebody Else by the 1975
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@Brittany_broski
this person literally spends all their time harassing big accounts. Like pls get a life you are so sad.
@EwdatsGROSS
isn’t this literally the same user from the other day
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I GOT A FUCKING JOB OFFER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 8 MONTHS OF FLOUNDERING AND WANTING TO KMS AND I GOT AN OFFER!!!!!!!!!! W!!!!!!
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welp auntie
@jackieaina
was saying lip plumper is part of her routine so I was like, BET I'm bout to buy some bc I haven't owned lip plumper in years and BOY DID I FORGET HOW THIS SHIT FEELS
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@jackieaina
gotchu girl. he really killed the layout and navigation, it's simple and beautiful :D GO DENIS GOOOO
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@Ya_Ali03
@s1cken1nggg
@postgrad_barty
ok a decent amount of ppl have liked this and I’m only ~40 followers shy of 1k on here so pls make my day?? or don’t. it’s ok! I won’t be mad. be nice to people and drink water thanks
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grammar nazi? I'm a grammar savage. I'll spell-check your suicide note tbh
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You wake up on Sunday at 11am refreshed and ready to brunch and enjoy your day, I wake up hungover regretting every decision I have ever made that led to this moment including being born, we are not the same
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Changed my body from the way God made it,
It reflects my altered mind.
Changed my body from the way God made it,
It reflects my altered mind.
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for all your gourmet baking needs, United Brands whip-it!™️
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@MrWorkSmarter
@jackieaina
Looks amazing but ARTIST COUTURE is spelled wrong under shops!!!! Had to point out. let me know if you want copy editing/proofreading done for free 😘
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had to go notes app for my worst date:
Aye man what’s the worst date yal have ever been on lmao
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People in Chicago on dating apps will be like “love to hike! need a hiking buddy!” bro where are you hiking? At our one state park? Or along our endless plains and prairies? LMAOOO
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I’m trying to move out to LA by the end of the year (spring ish?). I’m tweeting because my squad on here makes me feel comfortable, supported, and empowered. So thank you and hold me accountable?
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it is my duty as a 32 yr old to tell the 25 yr old homies which of their friends are empty soulless self serving cunts
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I GOT A WRONG NUMBER TEXT AND ENDED UP DISPENSING LIFE ADVICE LMAO
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no babe i still think you're cool just the way you went feral when pretty lights came back kinda scared me
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when your relationship has healthy boundaries but you still like it rough and your partner understands you perfectly
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hey quick question why do straight men still do this shit it’s so fucking weird
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Hi, some quick notes!!
if Trump dies:
-pence takes over til January
if he’s fine:
-he will use this to bolster his platform
if the test was a false positive:
-he will use the chance to slam all the discourse around testing
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my friend is visiting chicago for the first time with my friend who is a chicago native (they flew in from LA) and she was so scared about crime we obviously clowned her but then she got pickpocketed AT PORTILLO'S ON ONTARIO THE FIRST HOUR SHE GOT HERE LMAOOOO
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people who “don’t really like coffee” but CRACK OPEN a Red Bull at 7:45 am are godless and terrify me beyond measure
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@_Alex_330
@IAPonomarenko
roughly:
"our beauties got them... the russians scrambled. good job boys, you nailed it…they tried coming over here, smelly cunts. 'russian comrades'. we got them.”
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ran into an old acquaintance at a wedding this weekend (the second wedding where we were both guests) and now I’m crying cause wtf people can be so gentle and kind ?? And I needed this 😭
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thank u for being with me on this journey
I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will fin
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“we would do K together in every lifetime”
olympic competitor horses reaching for each other while also reaching and striving for olympic medal and win rivals but more importantly friends and stablemates
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26 down. Haven't comfortably worn a crop top since 2010. Eyes welled up. It's fine.
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Kat Von D is anti-vaxx. And thus, fucking canceled. Good night.
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yo "dude" is gender neutral the same way "bro" is gender neutral the same way "girlllll" is gender neutral i don't make the rules
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I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will find a job I will fin
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can’t believe I got my period. this is just like George Orwell’s 1984
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I posted this on my IG story during the whole pic trend thing but it’s honestly just a fire shot so
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I took this pic today after I pulled over to puke on the highway. I honestly haven’t stopped laughing
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i'm glad i went to festivals when i did and don't center my life around that anymore. because i would be BROKEN if i had to shell out $600 for fucking GA at forest. and SCI isn't even playing every night!! like omg y'all have it bad!!
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Hill House was a beautifully told ghost-woven trauma. Bly Manor was a beautifully told ghost-woven romance. Both are well done and I’m here for it !!
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@tkiramadden
the very basic simple steps montage to go from Homely but Adorable Girl to Standard Hot Girl will always weirdly satisfy me. but that might not hold up lmao
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still debating if this is borderline too naughty to leave here but I am doing it anyway
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glad Airbnb is going out of style now. I personally was ahead of the curve when I got indefinitely banned in 2019 (will not be discussing further)
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