I have many shows at this year’s Edinburgh Fringe. My debut solo show, Touching Tips with the handsome @petecarson , and a fully improvised solo show. Come see them, for they shall be a hoot and a half plus an extra half of a hoot to make it two full hoots. Ticket Link in bio

RT @hairball1952: david lynch forever

I think the Costco Guy’s 15 minutes is up, but the Rizzler can turn this into a career. I also think the climate crisis will kill us all before he gets there, but I’m picking one hill to die on today.

@CBThorburn What the fuck did you say

Me: I’m playing chess, while the rest of these fools are playing checkers. Judge as the checkers tournament: Ok

Me doubling down about my girlfriend who goes to a different school:

Do like Do horses know they’re wearing shoes?

@GrindingSince97 Go away.

God damn. OG Maco was a real one. RIP.

Did you know that you can bite gold to see if it’s real? And did you know that not all gold is edible? Wild stuff, happy holidays. I’ll be at the hospital if you need me

RT @wenchhaver: @CyberVillainess i’m from whoville and i say kill the grinch

Watching Joe Rogan speak was the first thing I did this year. This does not bode well.

RT @petecarson: opening kids letters to santa

I like declining to tell a long story by saying “long story” because I know it’s a long story, but I also know that I’ll turn it into an even longer story because I just can’t shut the fuck up. This tweet could have been shorter.

Guy I’m lost as hell I shouldn’t have bought this map

RT @officialbhoy: My comedy special premieres tonight on BBC Scotland at 10:30pm! Repeated on Friday 13th Dec at 11pm. Also available on iP…

RT @Cudalla: My shooter italian his gun go BURRATA

Been getting freaky with an improviser. In retrospect “yes, and” is a bad safe word.

$5 says the shooter is in this lineup

RT @honeyflower113:

“I can’t believe that someone killed that CEO. This resonates with me because I will one day be a billionaire at risk of assassination.” - Lots of folk, today, it seems.