Variant (Batman)
@ClawMachine12
Followers
661
Following
93
Media
776
Statuses
7,666
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Pinned Tweet
She wanna party with a lawn care specialist
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CJ Stroud up 31 points in the 4th quarter staring down Deshaun Watson on the sideline
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Couldn’t make it to the gym today so we gotta grind at home 😈💯🤟🏻🤷🏻♂️
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While you’re on your generational run
@Fredward3948576
don’t forget who sent you your first explicit direct message
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I had a professor who would stop talking 3-4 times a lecture and just stare at his hand for a minute. After a week someone finally asked why he did that and he told us he had lasting effects from when he was addicted to hallucinogens and sometimes he can see through his hand
i miss college only bc of my favorite professor who would always threaten to kill himself
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You have to stop Cat that says ‘on gang’. Your smoke too tough. Your swag too different. Your bitch is too bad. they’ll kill you.
Cat that says ‘on gang’:
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When somebody brings boobs into the Pawn Shop and Rick needs an expert opinion
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BREAKING: twitter user “
@thegulbert
” has been permabanned for ‘promoting or encouraging self harm’. Here is the tweet in question -
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Roommate gave me a birthday present to come home to<3
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There should be a BeReal app only for girls to post and it’s only to post boobs and it’s only me that can see posts
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“You must be part of a semi-erotic all male mini golf trio if you think we fuckin”
Me:
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What was I cooking with this draft I have no recollection of this
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Welcome new followers. You will all be subjected to an intensive and invasive screening process in the coming week. You can not stop it. Enjoy your stay.
One love,
Clawmachine12
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Guys that got hit by cars that also have mustaches and were going to a wedding but got hit by a car
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Seeing myself on the internet in this capacity was the humbling experience I needed at that time
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My gf got me cologne and I lost my sense of smell a few years back so I’ve just been guessing and I’ve been wearing it for almost 2 months before my coworker finally said “just one squirt honey” last Friday I have to kms
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Christ.
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This picture fucking owns me. It kicks my ass every time I see it. The aura of this image is stronger than me. I hate it so much
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An old lady said I looked like Superman today at work
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I haven’t truly felt alive since I watched a gaggle of policemen chase a mini horse around my campus parking lot
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I was so fucked while taking this idk why I used another phone like this
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“Wes put down the beer and pick up thag book” ok I have 2 hand 🤷♀️😈
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Let’s go
I left my “I would bottom you so hard” shirt at home and my mom washed it for me
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Bro lost me after number 1
Every piece of fitness advice I could come up with after 6 years in the gym:
1. Stop drinking alcohol.
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Tried recreating Frida Kahlo’s “Birth” painting and my teacher wouldn’t accept it for some reason
@ClawMachine12
@Isaak477809631
Remember that time you took of photo of yourself giving birth to Isaak for an art project
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Down 10lbs starting to see more definition. 20 more lbs to go
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Wearing a packers jacket and going to Green Bay bars telling people I’m Matt LeFleur
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“Another day another time I get called a gay little monkey by Amaya”
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My roommates girlfriend brings her dog when she comes over so I have someone to play with while they hang out
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I am unfathomably sick and my clothes are hurting my skin I need someone to euthanize me
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this is one of the only pictures I have on my computer to post on twitter from my computer
twitter for computer
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Wife - I want a divorce I know you’re having an affair
Me - my apolocheese 🧀
Wife - what the hell is wrong with you
Me - I’m Gouda 🫕
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If I don’t hit 10 reps this set my family dies and the world explodes
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Boss: you are 4 hours late and you smell like beer
Me: merrily we fall out of line out of line
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I’ve been staring at this image for 8 minutes
When Patriots like Kyle Rittenhouse and I get lost, we just follow the flag to safety, like the wisemen followed the wishing star.
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For reference
I don’t get carded often at all but when I do they always do a double take because I haven’t renewed my drivers license picture since I was 16
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I fucking love giving animals carrots. Are you kidding me. Come on. Let’s go.
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Just remembered this and got incredibly upset
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“I’m going to be productive this weekend”
8.5 hour FNAF lore video essay:
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Icon vs owner
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I took this when I just woke up lol this is what I look like right when I wake up haha
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Drunk and thought about the word “derp” and it’s destroying my entire life
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Hope you all have a great weekend! 🫶🏻Except for one of you. I hate one of you.
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Me and my brain agreeing to wait until my mid 40’s for the trauma of my 20’s to show itself
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