Flight attendant: Is there a doctor on this flight?
Dad: *Nudging me* that could’ve been you
Me: Not now Dad
Dad: Not asking for a 'luxury companion' are they?
Me: Dad, there's a medical emergency
Dad: Go and see if 'incredible oral' helps
Dying passenger: WAIT WHAT
Hell yeah I'm taking COVID precautions!
Cleaning my hands
Only seeing lovers who aren't showing symptoms
Visiting parties: nope!
I'm cleaning my hands again
Dating wisely!
My view is fun goes on, life goes on, but let's all be sensible and keep each other safe.
The joy of small cultural differences:
Had a wonderful date with an American gentleman last night. Fast forward a good few drunken hours. I'm asking where my pants are and he's confused, saying, 'pants? you weren't wearing pants?'
Eventually we found my thong under the sofa.
Nobody:
Nobody at all:
But actually no one:
Me: What if there was a ball gag with a rubber straw attached through it, so you can keep the gag in but also be allowed a sip of your cocktail when you're well behaved?
At the
@KLECollective
photoshoot last week my wardrobe spontaneously malfunctioned, leaving me BARE BREASTED in front of the whole room.
Who then all loudly cheered
Of course, I hated every moment of it
When I get to 500 followers I'm going to release my individual photos from the
@KLECollective
shoot with
@StudioSaintG
.
I suggest you RT if you want to see them. Trust me, you do.
I am offering duos with the undeniably gorgeous
@AmeliaLaurent_
this November 6th.
Get us for an autumnal frolic while we still have some availability!
Genuinely an enthralling time talking sexual fantasies, horses, tying up barbies, and private play parties with
@AmeliaSwannx
for the
@KLECollective
podcast.
Me after one (1) hour of writing my PhD: exhausted, wiped, never going to read a book again.
Me after an overnight date: joyful, excited, clear skin, can't wait for the next...
Just finished celebrating a lover's birthday with him, so here's my recipe for your birthday celebration:
-Me
-You
-One bottle of Krug Grande Cuvee
-Our birthday suits
-The idea that age is just how old you feel when we're in bed together
That's it, that's the whole recipe.
What weird skills are you taking up during this time of isolation?
I'm learning Japanese.
My housemate baked a gigantic loaf of bread at 6am this morning.
One of my favourite forms of foreplay is discussing what wine we're going to drink together.
And that is because the way to a woman's heart is down her throat.
“If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream less, but to dream more, to dream all the time.”
Someone should have hired Marcel Proust to write escort website copy. Guy was a natural.
This week I'm recording a
@KLECollective
podcast with
@AmeliaSwannx
and can barely contain my excitement.
We're talking about our formative kinks: I have so much to say on this but what are yours?
What did you first get hot to? When did you know you were a flagrant pervert?