Charlie Blackmon
@Chuck_Nazty
Followers
49,968
Following
361
Media
145
Statuses
917
My mustache got lonely so now I have a facestache.
Denver, CO
Joined August 2011
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Room service at 11:03am - I’m sorry we stopped serving breakfast at 11.
Me - I’ll just have a burger I guess
Room service - Would you like to add an egg or bacon to your burger?
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I just went into the scary basement, fought off spider webs, and fixed my hot water heater with actual wrenches. This is how bad we need baseball to come back.
#socialDIYstancing
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Me: Where do you want to eat?
Wife: I don’t care
Me: how about option A, B, C
Wife: Ew yuck!
Me: okay you pick
Wife: let’s just go wherever you want
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I don’t care how dark your restaurant is. I refuse to use my phone as a flashlight to see the menu.
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Aliens invade, the only way to save the planet is to beat them in an intergalactic dance off. Who represents earth?
@VonMiller
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1. Wookiees age better than people do.
2. What's the Jurassic Park lady doing in space?
3. During the movie I contemplate the legitimacy of the force, but then realize I probably don't have what it takes since I just poked my nostril with my straw instead of finding my mouth.
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I really tried to spice things up for a big Friday night. I brushed my teeth mid day, put on deodorant after I showered, and put on a clean pair of sweatpants.
#QuarantineLife
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I don’t tell fish stories—fish tell Charlie stories.
@UCHealth
caught me rocking my routine at my secret fishing spot
#RockYourRoutine
#ad
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Goal for growth: Someday have enough self control to stop eating chips before the food comes at a Mexican restaurant.
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Nothing to see here... I’m just trying to breathe at altitude, through a mask, through a beard. But I am keeping the work environment safe.
@richeisen
@RichEisenShow
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I’m a little confused about why people create a social media account that is private. If only there were a device for these people that could communicate with select friends via audio, text, or pictures.
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Hey
@PandaExpress
, when are you going to change the name of your broccoli beef to “just broccoli”? You aren’t fooling me anymore.
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I am getting pretty good at holding my breath when people encroach on my personal space...which now includes the sidewalk, entire street, and half the park.
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I just counted 11 emojis in somebody’s profile. What are you trying to accomplish here? I have more questions than answers. I don’t think we can be friends.
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Things that caused my toddler to cry today
- handing her the juice she asked for
- looking at her shoes
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Have you ever tried to find out what smells so bad but then realize you are wearing a mask and it is just your stank breath?
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More things I saw at the civilian gym:
1. Guy flipping a mechanical tire (why pay for a membership to flip tires...why are there mechanical tires)
2. Lady hoola-hooping in the mirror for 45 minutes (also why)
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I think it’s pretty messed up the other reindeer would not let Rudolph play in the reindeer games until they realized how special his nose was.
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Throwback to a little more sun and a little less traffic. I will have to settle for a mental escape today.
@Toyota
@yukongoesfishing
#tundra
#sponsored
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Me: do you have room for me?
Valet: we have room for your truck but not that haircut!
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I got bored and tried to figure out what TikTok is. Now I have so many questions.
- Who needs a tutorial for these dances?
- Why so many “thirsty” guys?
- If we tried half as hard we could solve this whole virus situation!
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My friend Titus just got 8 different types of sauce for one meal we are cooking. Just thought you should know. God bless America!
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That's me taking the bull by the horns, it's a metaphor...but that actually happened.
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All-Star Election voting is now open. It ends Thursday afternoon. We have three finalists: Nolan, me and Trev.
Vote once on Google and once on and tell everyone you know to do the same.
#VoteRox
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Baseball is way easier on tv.
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Let’s support hurricane recovery efforts this Postseason! Tweet
#HR4HR
and T-Mobile will donate $1 for every post to veteran-led
@TeamRubicon
.
#sponsored
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I am thankful to live in the land of the Free because of the Brave. Happy Memorial Day!
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This guy just told me he paid $9 to watch "A Bug's Life" at the hotel last night.
#PlayerOfTheWeek
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I was just conquering the capital markets on my lunch break at the New York Stock Exchange.
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If you like freedom and dogs, support my friend Jerry as he helps veterans here
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Things I saw at the civilian gym that blew my mind over T-giving
-Grown man screaming at the punching bag while wearing headphones (if you don’t want to hear it, what makes you think I do)
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You won’t Belize how big this fish was. Snook me forever to land her.
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It takes lots of professionals and filters to make this look good.
@toyotausa
@joshuaedric
#MadeInAmerica
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Injured List update day 6:
Just finish part 4 of a youtube series “how to tan your own animal hides”. I don’t have any animal hides, why did I watch this? I have reached the end of the internet.
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Microwave soup for 30 seconds 3 different times = soup still cold
90 seconds for 2nd bowl all at once = volcano that killed the dinosaurs
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I’m partnering with
@TMobile
to share my support for our military & vets. Join me by sharing your message of thanks & T-Mobile will donate $1 to
@TeamRubicon
for every tweet with
#HatsOff4Heroes
.
#Sponsored
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Me: Minding my own business holding an ordinary household item
Toddler: Rips item away, stares me in the eye and says “share”
Me: I’m certain she is in the wrong; it’s hard to argue with “share”. She’s manipulative with my own words at 2. Something tells me it won’t get easier.
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How about that feeling of incompetence when you spell a word so poorly that autocorrect has “no replacements”
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This is how big the ball looks to Nolan.
@adamottavino
on the photo credit.
#springTraining
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Ping Pong Champs 2018. They said I couldn’t do it, but now I wear the pants... I just keep them…
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I wore this shirt all day today. Apparently I don't have one friend good enough to save me from myself.
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Support my buddy as he helps youth and amateur players get better.
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Does anyone else not refer to their dog by name when speaking about them within earshot because it’s not polite and you treat them like a human?
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Vast amounts of knowledge at your fingertips make the Internet truly incredible.
Me: Shut up and show me more Sponge Bob memes. Ooh a gif.
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Thanks to the Broncos for coming out to support the Rock Show. Some of these guys can hit
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Nolan leads the league in locker room hacks! And I don't need sunscreen for my neck.
@adamottavino
on the lens.
#springTraining
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I wear my gameface 25 hours a day. See how
@uchealth
keeps me ready to rock, every game of the season
#uchealth
#rockyourroutine
#ad
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I may not be a poet, but you’d never know it from the postcards
@uchealth
and I have been sending to fans across the U.S. this season. Have you gotten yours? There’s only 2 more left for me to send so sign up now and enter to win an autographed baseball.
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The first airline to realize I don’t want be interrupted during my movie will dominate the market. Stop telling me the weather!
#NoPSA
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What’s the beef with flour? Why can’t I get chocolate cake at a restaurant?Why is it flourless? I am already committing to cake… what’s a little flour going to hurt?
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The
@MaximBetUSA
wolfpack grows by 1!
I am so proud & excited to be the newest
@MaximBetUSA
investor, advisor and first global ambassador & creative director of Maxim‼️‼️‼️🎉🎉🎉
Make way for the Queen of lifestyle sports betting 👑💰
Get ready for the best parties & more 🎀💕🫶🏽
#Maxim
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The next person I see with snapchat dog ears is getting unfriended and unfollowed.
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The barber keeps asking me if I want my "eyebrows done." I am not sure if that is a thing now, or I just really need some eyebrow help.
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Wait a second...Zach Morris is not the same guy from Dawson’s Creek and Varsity Blues? My childhood was a lie.
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I am 1 PowerBall ticket away from adding guacamole to every burrito I eat for the rest of my life. I will make it rain queso.
#extraGuac
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I’ve had more than 3,600 at-bats in my career.
@UCHealth
helps me step up to the plate, every time. Even if it’s to hit a fastball that’s going in slow motion.
#rockyourroutine
.
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The Stanley Cup favorites start their playoff run tonight🏔️
Can
#GoAvsGo
take home the title?🏆🏒
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What song should I use for my walk-up music this year?
Your love
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Your love
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Your love
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I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I am on pace for 365 workouts this year.
#Toot
-toot
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I get funny looks when I ask for syrup on my crepes? Is that not how the French do it? They are lucky I'm not dunking them in ketchup.
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Thanks for the snow Atlanta. Good thing we are prepared. This water seems hard and fluffy.…
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I'll be signing autographs @ Latitude_Sports courtesy of @ Fanatics on Sat. Aug 19. See you there
#Rockies
fans!
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Team Precision, so precise we need surgical gloves. We lost...but we looked good doing it. Photo credit
@adamottavino
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When you are in bed eating trail mix and you drop an M&M, can't find it, and then try to sleep knowing it can only end badly
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Oops, I accidentally "Liked" your pic while trying to enlarge it. We've never met so I better unlike it quickly before you think I'm a creep
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GP8 manning the grill, a self proclaimed expert in “carne” and looking the part.
@88_gparra
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Do you ever get really excited about eating a banana but then feel like you need to eat the brown mushy one first so it doesn’t go bad…then you end up throwing out the rest in 2 days anyway?
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Because you like to "get down" on the weekends, but also Bingo is your jam.
#StreetBingo
#iPlayForKeeps
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I read the paper today at breakfast and felt mature, which was then negated as I realized I consider 12:30 an appropriate breakfast hour
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Wow!! Thank you to everyone who played a part in helping
@TMobile
donate $1,267,222 to
@TeamRubicon
. Way to go team 👏
#sponsored
Your
#HatsOff4Heroes
tweets were a hit!
Together we donated $1,267,222 to support veterans through Team Rubicon.
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Is it socially acceptable to be honest? "Hi, I like how your face looks, and I'll feel better if I'm eating. Want to go to dinner sometime?"
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.
@UCHealth
has helped me send over 20,000 postcards from the road to
@Rockies
fans this season, and I’m hard at work on this month’s edition. Where do you think I’ll be sending them from? There’s only one way to find out-SIGN UP TO GET ONE
#RockYourRoutine
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If your snapchat goes away in 3 seconds, we are not friends anymore. You know I can't read that fast.
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As a professional athlete I should never say this but ... I blew my nose, became out of breath and had to sit down
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I just opened a pickle jar with some lotion on my hands...off season workouts are paying dividends!
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