Chloe Bellerby
@ChloeBellerbyMH
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23 yo #mentalhealth campaigner and advocate, battling & raising awareness of MS! Just trying to bring some light ✨ instagram - @chloebellerbymh
UK and Montclair, NJ
Joined November 2017
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Pinned Tweet
Anti-depressants *when it’s hot outside* IMPORTANT information that NO-ONE talks about… a thread 🧵
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I just saw this “You’re not lazy, you only have a certain amount of energy and right now you are using it all to survive.” I don’t know who needs to hear that right now, but I know someone does
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TODAY’S WIN: This is the exact spot where I tried taking my own life at 16 as paramedics & my best friend ran over to help me. For years I have avoided this spot bc of bad memories and anxiety… today I sat here smiling and changed the narrative. I’m proud of myself 🌞
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People who are suicidal can still:
- socialise
- exercise
- smile and laugh
- eat and sleep well
- be successful
- have goals for their life
- look like they aren’t suicidal
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I am literally EXHAUSTED 😭 BUT today is the first day in a long time I haven’t had any urges to harm myself. I went to ALL my lectures & I did everything I needed get done ticked off. And it’s 4pm and I’m in bed and I just wanted the Twitter world to know I’m proud of myself 😊
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TW ⚠️ Passive suicide… what it is and what you should know - a thread 🧵
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I was suicidal yet I was still getting up and going to school everyday. I was still making it to every shift at work. I was still spending time with friends. I was still doing what needed to be done. Just because someone is high-functioning doesn’t make their pain any less real.
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I NEVER wear short sleeves at work bc of my self-harm scars but today I’ve decided to challenge myself on the nicest day of the year… so here I am 🤗✨
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I was suicidal yet I was still getting up and going to school everyday. I was still making it to every shift at work. I was still spending time with friends. I was still doing what needed to be done. Just because someone is high-functioning doesn’t make their pain any less real.
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About a month ago I was go through a really dark period. A period that had lasted around 3 months. I was barely making it through the day, having thoughts of harming myself and just wanted the world to stop… today I am thankful I held on. I’m smiling and I really mean it 🌞
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8 years ago today, I tried taking my own life. I genuinely believed that this world did not need me in it. I thought at 16 years old that my world had stopped spinning. 8 years on and I LOVE being alive. Hold on, I’m proof it gets better ♥️
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It’s treatment day… I’m about to spend my day sat in hospital so if anyone wants to say hey, or send me cute animal pics it would be much appreciated 🤗🫶🏼
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Depression isn’t sadness. It’s exhaustion, no motivation, numbness, no desire to do what you once loved, it’s isolation, fear, negative thoughts, anger, disappointment, irrationality. Depression and sadness are not the same thing
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If it is your thing, please pray for me… and if it isn’t your thing… please have me in your thoughts. I am awaiting health related news and I need all the good vibes out there that I can get 🥺🙏
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I am so thankful my suicide attempt did not work 5 years ago. I am so glad I survived. I am so glad. Because my life is so very beautiful and now I have purpose. I see colour again 💖
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2 years ago I was laying in a hospital bed wishing my suicide attempt had worked. This morning my visa application was accepted & in July I will be heading out to the States on a soccer scholarship!!! Been the hardest journey of my life but it DOES get better!!! 🙏⚽️🇺🇸
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Please can we stop underestimating someone’s pain based on their ability to keep going? Just because someone is high-functioning, they go to work, they study, they workout…they do all the things they need to get done doesn’t make their pain any less real. Just be mindful of that
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2177 days ago I nearly died from a suicide attempt. 2177 days ago I believed I was genuinely better off dead than alive. But today marks 2177 days of being suicide attempt free. 2177 days of healing, of learning to love life again. 2177 days of being thankful to be alive. 🌞💛
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I was suicidal yet I was still getting up and going to school everyday. I was still making it to every shift at work. I was still spending time with friends. I was still doing what needed to be done. Just because you can’t see someone’s pain, doesn’t mean it’s any less real.
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Shoutout to everyone who survived their own suicidal thoughts this year. I am SO GLAD you’re still here.
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If you take anti-depressants and/or anti-anxiety medication you are MORE prone to dehydration and heat stroke. Although beneficial, there are side affects which are not talked about enough.
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Men cry.
Men break down.
Men have suicidal thoughts.
Men die by suicide.
Men suffer with mental illness.
There is no such thing as ‘manning up’.
Ask your mate if he’s ok, ask twice and ask three times. You don’t have to know how to help, you just need to listen.
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Being passively su*cidal is the desire to die without having a plan, and one won’t physically act upon the ideation.
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This is a huge & scary thing for me to share but this is my reality. I hid my body away for years out of fear. My scars are something I’m still coming to terms with. So here I am challenging myself to show the world what I encountered. Showing that I will no longer be ashamed ❤️
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Good morning… 2️⃣3️⃣ today 🎈a birthday I never thought I’d make it too. I had this belief that I would not make it to my 18th bday, I thought I would have taken my own life before then. 5 years later and I LOVE life, I’m thankful I decided to stick around & change my narrative ❤️
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Depression has kicked my butt for 2 months. I wasn’t looking after myself, I could barely get out of bed, I isolated myself, I cried most nights but I am coming out the other side and life doesn’t feel as heavy. I guess I just want you to know that no dark time is permanent ❤️
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There are some days that I absolutely HATE my scars and what I did to my body. There are some days when I wish that I could start over, and days where I hate my body. The truth is that acceptance is about understanding they will always be there, and choosing to embrace them. ❤️
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Depression isn’t always dark rooms and endless crying. Sometimes it getting up and going to work. Laughing and smiling all day and then coming home to sit quietly doing little nothing until it’s time to go to bed.
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At 11: I self-harmed for the first time
At 16: I attempted suicide, believing the world would be better off
At 17: I shared my story & raised over £10K for Mind
At 18:I accepted a football scholarship in the USA
At 23: I got high honours & degree in Psychology
It’s gets better ❤️
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August marked 7 years suicide-attempt free. 7 years since I made a decision that the world no longer needed me in it. Recovery is real and I am proof that it gets better. This world needs you in it.
#WorldSuicidePreventionDay
💛
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I have been in such a bad place since the start of this year and have had thoughts of harming myself everyday. For the first time this year I feel free from my own mind. Doesn’t sound a big deal but it has been exhausting, I’m smiling and I actually feel at peace🥺
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Although one does not have a plan to act on the thoughts, people who experience this May approach life and day-day activities without a care for their well-being and not worry about their own safety.
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Why are people who take anti-depressants more at risk of dehydration❓these types of medication can affect the body’s ability to regulate temperature, blood pressure and fluid balance.
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In a few weeks it will be 7 whole years since my first and only suicide attempt. I can’t begin to explain the growth and healing I have endured in that time period. Life isn’t perfect all the time but I am SO THANKFUL to be alive. No dark time is forever. I’m proud of myself 🧡
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6 YEARS SUICIDE-ATTEMPT FREE!!
6 YEARS OF BEING ALIVE!!
6 YEARS OF KICKING DEPRESSION’S BUTT!!
Today marks 6 whole years since my last suicide-attempt, since the day I almost died. I have been alive 6 more years than I thought I ever would and life is so incredibly beautiful 😭✨
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“I hope someone crashes into my car”
“I am going to cross the road without looking”
“I wish I was never born”
“I am not going to wear a seatbelt today”
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My grandad has dementia & every time I go over to care for him, he has no idea who I am. So every time, I get out photos of me growing up with him and show him when I was younger. I don’t usually get much response, but today, he smiled and said ‘I know who you are. I love you’ 😭
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I am 1400 days away from a suicide attempt that nearly cost me my life. 1400 days talking about mental illness, and my battle with depression. 1400 days of healing. 1400 of trusting the process. 1400 days of feeling stronger than yday. 1400 days of keeping faith & improving ❤️
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Being passively suicidal is not any less painful as someone who is actively suicidal. The pain heart break and sense of hopelessness is not any less.
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I was 16 laying in a hospital bed thinking there was no way back from my suicide attempt
#breakthesilence
and talk, I’m 18 now and head out to the USA on a soccer scholarship in 3 months time. There’s a future you just got to stick around to see it ♥️
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2 years apart. No difference between how happy I look, is there? 1st one I was in the worst place of my life, a week from trying to take my own life! The other a few weeks ago - in the best place I been in since I can remember... You never know what’s going on in someones life 💭
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At 11: I self-harmed for the first time
At 14: I starved myself
At 16: I tried taking my own life, I was diagnosed with depression
At 17: I wanted to make a change
At 18: I raised over £10,000 for
@MindCharity
and accepted a scholarship in the USA ⚽️
It. Gets. Better ❤️
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I am struggling with bad thoughts this evening, if you happen to see this say hi. I know I’m not alone but it’s nice when you know and see you are not alone... ❤️
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Just because someone does not have plans does NOT mean they’re not at risk. It is STILL SERIOUS and it should be treated as such.
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Just because someone does have an intent to actively and immediately harm themselves does NOT mean they they should not be taken seriously.
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This time 4 years ago I was planning my second suicide attempt. I was in such a dark place and felt so so lost, like there was just no point. Today the only thing I’m planning is my future and all the beautiful things I am going to do with my life. The darkness isn’t forever ❤️
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Please can we stop underestimating someone’s pain based on their ability to keep going? Just because someone is high-functioning, they go to work, they study, they workout…they do all the things they need to get done doesn’t make their pain any less real. Just be mindful of that
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The other day a colleague said to me “you just love life so much don’t you” and it made me quite emotional because for the first time I had this realisation that I really, really do love life. And every single day I am thankful to have survived my suicide attempt 6 years ago ❤️
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Some of the things you might hear from someone who is passively suicidal/some of their thoughts may include…
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I’m sat in the sunshine and have no idea what this picture looks like 😂 but I just wanted to share that I actually have my arms out and I can’t help but smile because there is so much colour in my world, even though mental illness once turned everything grey. It gets better 🌞
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EVERYONE has mental health. Not everyone has a mental illness. It is really important to distinguish between the two.
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The bravest thing I ever did… was continuing my life when I wanted to die
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We need to get rid of the idea that someone has to be suicidal in order to get help. You shouldn’t have to feel the lowest of the low, feel like life is not worth living in order to get help. Help should be given BEFORE that point is reached.
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This ultimately can interfere with the body’s heat regulation system which results in the body heating up faster - leading to dehydration and even heat stroke.
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Life has literally SUCKED for nearly 2 months. I have battled my mind every single day, being angry at the world, cried and nearly let my brain win but today I actually saw the light again!!!! ✨ I actually saw the world in colour again… I actually felt like ME 🥺
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3 yrs ago I was laying in a hospital bed after a suicide attempt.
Now, I have never been more grateful to be alive. I’m on a soccer scholarship in the US surrounded by amazing people. I don’t take a second of this life for granted. Whatever you are going through isn’t forever ❤️
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It really makes my heart ache when someone dies by suicide and people say it is “selfish”. To follow through with the act of suicide comes from deep emotional pain, it comes from the feeling that life is no longer worth living. To consider it selfish fuels stigma.
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People don’t fake depression. They fake being okay. Remember that
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People DON’T fake depression… they fake being okay.
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If you have a mental illness, you are NOT tired for no reason. A common side effect of any mental illness is fatigue, and not only that… it is absolutely exhausting fighting your brain every single day. Being on edge all the time is exhausting. You are not tired for no reason 🤷🏼♀️
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Today marks 4 years since I was lying in a hospital bed after attempting to take my own life. But this is to 4 years of healing, of learning, of understanding. THIS is to another 4 years of being suicide-attempt free and to another 4 years of happiness!! 🙏🏼✨💕
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831 days difference. I laid in a hospital bed wishing my suicide attempt worked. 831 days on I’m in the USA on a soccer scholarship, playing football everyday.
It’s a journey, a constant battle but after 831 days I’m in control of my mental illness... it’s not in control of me ❤️
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These types of medications can also increase sweating and decrease thirst which again, can lead to dehydration.
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My 6th Christmas that I didn’t expect to be alive for and I am SO thankful I am here. Another year of healing and celebrating love and life with my family☺️🎄🤎
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Suicide VS Suicidal:
Suicide:
- considered a tragedy
-everyone wishes they saw the ‘signs’
-everyone grieves the loss
Suicidal:
-considered attention seeking
-everyone dismisses them
-no one believes they’ll ever do it
If someone is suicidal, PLEASE take them seriously.
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If no one else has told you this… I AM PROUD OF YOU! Well done on getting this far, and for not giving up on the days that like you couldn’t survive. This world is better off with you in it. Always.
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If you’ve had suicidal thoughts this year, if you’ve felt like you would be better off dead than alive, if you’ve been close to the edge I just want you to know that you are 1 day away from completing 2021. I am SO proud of you & the way you have conquered each day. You made it.
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I just want you to know that if you had suicidal thoughts this year, if you felt like you’d be better off dead than you are alive, if you were close to the edge… I am SO proud of you for being here. I am so glad you chose to stay alive. I am so glad you are still here.
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I don’t know who needs to hear this but I’ve had some of the hardest months of my life to the point I didn’t think this world needed me. 6 months on the sun in shining & life doesn’t feel so bad. I made it. Hold on… YOUR SUNSHINE IS COMING. We need your light in this world 💚
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I spent around 1-2 years on anti-depressants before I opted for other ways, I WAS NEVER TOLD ABOUT THIS. That’s why this thread is so important. So now we know the risks… here are some tips to help you stay safe this summer ‼️
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When you come out of a dark place, you realise the beauty in being able to smile and actually feel happy. So this is me, actually feeling happy and cheesing after going through two months of fighting a war in my brain, wishing I wasn’t around. It ALWAYS gets better. Hold on ✨✨
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UPDATE: 7 years suicide-attempt free and I now have a degree! I am living proof that NO dark time lasts forever. I reached rock bottom, time and time again. But I chose not to stay there. I took responsibility and decided that this was not how my story would end. Hold on ❤️
2 years ago I was laying in a hospital bed wishing my suicide attempt had worked. This morning my visa application was accepted & in July I will be heading out to the States on a soccer scholarship!!! Been the hardest journey of my life but it DOES get better!!! 🙏⚽️🇺🇸
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It sounds obvious but: stay hydrated! 💧Drink as much as you can throughout the day. Even if you think you’ve drank enough, drink more water - even if you don’t feel thirsty!
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I was suicidal yet I was still getting up and going to school everyday. I was still making it to every shift at work. I was still spending time with friends. I was still doing what needed to be done. Just because someone is high-functioning doesn’t make their pain any less real.
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I saw this quote that said “it always rains the hardest on the people who deserve the sun” and I felt that
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1771 days since my suicide attempt. Nearly 5 years of healing and recovery, and life has never been more colourful, more incredible, more worth it. Excuse the language… but thank FUCK I didn’t die that day. This world still had so much more living for me to do 😍💛
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When someone dies from suicide, everyone wishes they had seen the signs, that they could have done something more. Everyone grieves. But when someone talks about their mental illness, they are dismissed, no one listens, they are accused of attention seeking. We need to do better.
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People ask me how I can be so open about my struggles with mental illness, self-harm etc, but it’s because what if someone see’s my post & realise they’re not alone? What if it helps in preventing someone taking their own life? It could save one person - that’s why I do what I do
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I couldn’t even get out of bed 2 years ago due to crippling depression, I tried killing myself and lost my love for football. I’ve been in the USA 6 weeks now on a soccer scholarship and yesterday I played my first 90 minutes in a long time. You can heal from this ⚽️💙
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My dad sent me this from York train station. So so SO important.
Suicide is the second leading cause of death among 15-29 year olds globally.
Its okay not to be okay ❤️
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Suicide VS Suicidal:
Suicide:
- considered a tragedy
-everyone wishes they saw the ‘signs’
-everyone grieves the loss
Suicidal:
-considered attention seeking
-everyone dismisses them
-no one believes they’ll ever do it
If someone is suicidal, PLEASE take them seriously.
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So about that thing I done today 🤭 I have went back & forth getting my self-harm scars covered up for years but TODAY I said goodbye forever to a coping mechanism that nearly killed me. This wasn’t about shame, this was about STRENGTH. This was about beating mental illness ass❤️
about to go do a thing… this is something I have wanted to do for the longest time but I wasn’t ready to close a chapter in my life, but now I am 😌watch this space! Healing is a beautiful thing 🤍✨🫶
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Avoid/limit alcohol and caffeine 🙅🏼♀️ both of these things dehydrate the body! Try limit them as much as possible.
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7 WHOLE YEARS OF BEING ALIVE!!!! 🎉🥺
7 YEARS OF BEING SUICIDE ATTEMPT FREE!!!! 💪🎉🥳
7 YEARS OF HEALING!!!!
7 YEARS OF FALLING IN LOVE WITH BEING ALIVE AGAIN!!!! ❤️
7 YEARS OF KICKING MENTAL ILLNESS BUTT!!!! 🥊
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At 11 years old I harmed myself for the first time.
At 14 I saw no purpose anymore.
At 16 I felt into the grip of depression and tried taking my own life.
At 17 I didn’t think I’d make it to my 18th birthday.
I AM 22 TODAY! A birthday I never thought I’d see 🥺😍💖
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If you see someone’s self-harm scars this summer, PLEASE don’t point them out. PLEASE don’t stare. PLEASE don’t ask questions. You don’t know how long it took for that person to feel comfortable in whatever they are wearing this summer.
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4 years ago I believed I was better off dead than alive, I saw no purpose and couldn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. 4 years of healing, of recovering and working on my mind has made me realise this world freaking needs me and I am STRONG! Don’t give up. It gets better ❤️
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Every day 12 men take their own life.
That’s 84 men every week.
Suicide is the biggest killer of men under the age of 45 in the UK.
So men, if you’re struggling, don’t ‘man up’.
Silence can be devestating.
Your mental health matters.
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Depression is really no joke, you can see someone smiling but inside they are dying. Just a reminder to be kind to everyone you come into contact with this week
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Mental health is NOT the same as mental illness. EVERYONE has mental health, not everyone has a mental illness.
Important to distinguish between the two.
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When I tried taking my own life, it was never about wanting to die. I thought I wanted to die but I didn’t… I just wanted the pain to stop. I wanted what I was experiencing to stop. I wanted life as I knew it to end. But nothing is permanent, even the darkest day. Hold on. ❤️
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It is f*cking BRAVE to get up every single day and choose LIFE, when everything in your brain is telling you that you’re better off not alive
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The problem with depression is you KNOW you’ll be OK but it feels like it will never end. You know people love you but it doesn’t feel like they do. You know doing something will make you feel better, you just have no energy to. You want to be well but u just don’t know how to be
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The problem with depression is:
- you know you’ll be ok but you feel like it will never end
-you know people love you but it doesn’t feel like they do
-you know doing something will make you feel better but you have no energy
-you want to be well, you just don’t know how to be
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I did not believe I would make it to the age of 18. I was suicidal & constantly harming myself. I didn’t want to be alive but here I am - five years on - smiling from ear to ear, SO thankful I decided to stick around. The dark times aren’t forever, my life is full of colour ❤️
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Eat light foods 🥗 it’s said that heavy foods increase body heat! So opt for light foods. Watermelon is a great option 🍉
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If you are ever with a person who has anxiety, and they ask you to order their food for them, or stand next to them when they buy something. DO NOT SIGH, DO NOT TELL THEM TO STOP BEING SILLY. Sometimes it’s hard to do simple things, when people help us out it means the world.
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Spend time in the shade ⛱️ sitting in the shade can help prevent the body from dehydrating, and keeps the body cool throughout the day.
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Anxiety stops you from doing things that others might find easy. Phone calls, ordering food, going out on your own, using public transport… all of these things are day-day tasks but for someone suffering with anxiety, these things are so debilitating and completely terrifying.
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