Charlotte Bayes
@CharlotteBHC
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I write about sex and relationships and I like vaping
Dacorum/Leighton Buzzard
Joined March 2014
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Pinned Tweet
New Dick Appointments is out! In a new series, I’m answering your questions about sex & relationships
In this issue I discuss; dicks that are too big, rimming, and some mental health!
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Americans calling pasta “noodles” makes me want to tear my own skin off
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Some of this might not be to your taste, it’s not mine, but do you know what happens when someone like Kylie Jenner does this shit? Each seller who makes their living on Etsy gets a cease and desist and it gets nasty, she’s a cunt and I don’t get why you lot Stan her so much
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This was on my parents cruise breakfast bar this morning... shreks head
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I am going out of my fucking mind at the thought of the lock down being eased when every day there are still thousands of new cases, we are the worst hit in Europe and there are potentially 55K dead, and NO ONE IS BOTHERED IN THIS BOOTLICKING COUNTRY? NO ONE IS OUTRAGED
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Paid £250 to find out he is an anxious pooer like me
He is home and he ate some food :’) he just needs to do a big poo now
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Some of you never had to use this and it really shows
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Me looking round for my water bottle when I wake up at 3am and realise I have drunk it all
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Finding out someone else ate that thing you were planning to eat when you got home that you had been thinking about all day
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Evergreen
Helena Bonham Carter defends JK Rowling and Johnny Depp
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Nikki Grahame was an *absolute Queen* first person I ever truly identified with on TV who was truly herself, had huge emotions without being apologetic, open about her mental illness, was hilarious, just all round icon, really really hope she is at peace now
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@EwaSR
@katierpacker
Sometimes you can eat too much at the wrong time and ruin DINNER THE BEST MEAL
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Just say chav mate you are fucking bursting to do it
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SHUT UPPPPPP STOP LYINGGGGGGGGG I know this is bait but honestly give me answers? Where did you go? What did you specifically eat? Did you suck a naan???????
british curry is famously mild
i was there for weeks and tried a lot of curry— not a single note of spice beyond the vaguest of hints
the mexican food is godawful too, they make ketchup and call it salsa
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RT: Feeling miserable? Google your local social centre/dementia cafe/renters union/cop watchers/revolutionary union/whatever else you're interested in and get stuck in. Be prepared for people to be welcoming but reserved; be prepared for it to be hard and boring.
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EVERYONE MEET GENE
(He will be coming home with us in 4 weeks)
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Shes got good instincts bc this bloke is clearly a cop
We live in such times that the culture war is raging in Dear Deidre
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When I say you lose all privacy when you move back in with your parents, I cannot stress how literal this is, as in my mum walked in to the bathroom whilst I was shaving my fanny in the shower to have a wee and to discuss my nans cataract operation with me
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can't believe i am in a relationship with someone who loves the big light on
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For everyone who was shrieking about “abuse” the other day, lemme tell you about abuse, and control that I know, and gaslighting. It is rarely loud and it is rarely public, and if it is public it is just like this, quietly in the corner unseen so there are no witnesses
For anyone who didn’t see the most awkward thing that has ever been! Here your go! You’re welcome 🤦🏼♀️
#LoveIsland
#jake
#Liberty
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I don’t mean to be cryptic but, if you are shocked by the amount of famous men who treat women shockingly, and the amount of women who knew in whisper networks, your minds would be blown as to just how many of your online faves are just as fucking disgusting, and how often we
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I actually cannot believe this has happened and has been allowed to happen, I am fed up of not hearing working class voices in journalism, any editors I’m very free to write about this from many angles as an ex cleaner of 3 generations as a disabled person and as a childless gay
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If Adele is happy then I’m happy for her, but it’s a massive slap in the face that literally every media outlet and fan is screaming how good and better she looks, when she was always revered for being talented beautiful and a fit fat bird and “no one cared” about her being fat
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Everyone, meet Genes new adopted rescued brother... Clive! He will be coming to live with us at the end of the month
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can't stop thinking about something i saw where a girl asked a fb page if it was 'ok' to mix sports brands at the gyms in nike leggings and a puma top and adidas trainers, IF IT WAS OK
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So
@ReclaimTS
have £37K from the original crowd justice funder and and £507,159 from just giving, and they can’t help arrestees from the vigil they organised?
Something stinks here
Hi! I'm Mo, and I was one of the women violently arrested at Clapham yesterday, for the crime of peacefully protesting. I'm raising money to cover my fine, with any excess money going to charity.
#ReclaimTheseStreets
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@Chrissy1b
He dressed like a woman pretending to be a hooker with massive tits and on day time telly, sometimes at 7am? Out of drag he was an extremely fucking unapologetically camp gay man, years before it was socially acceptable
Sam Smith wore some shorts… Lily would have detested you
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@FloraEGill
I’d probably just not tweet for a bit - like a week or so because this was quite a stupendous error even for you
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ITS A SHOW ABOUT EATING CAKES WE DO NOT CARE FOR CALORIE OR WEIGHT SHAME CHAT SANDY OR ANYONE ELSE WIND YOUR NECK IN
#GBBO
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I bought those jeans off Instagram that fit anyone and lift your arse when I was high and 3 months later they have arrived
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LET HER
Gina Rodriguez wants to play Stephanie Beatriz's girlfriend on Brooklyn Nine-Nine:
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PRAM******** oh my god I am so sorry
Had to drop off supplies to K’s elderly mum who lives at home and never goes outside, we done car to door, back to home again.... there are people E V E R Y W H E R E arm in arm, running, with new babies (you can tell bc of the type of peen) I’m just absolutely gobsmacked
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@dank_ackroyd
I had this phrase stuck in my head like the worst intrusive thought for about 6 months, I’d literally burst in any room just shouting it (I was also living with my parents at the time looool)
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met in a Hemel pub, dad was on the floor crawling round biting peoples ankles pretending to be a crocodile, so understandably mum went to a different pub, dad came to find her, apologise & to chat her up, end of the night he gave her a bit of paper that said "I think you're nice"
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Today we squeezed in 9 people into my parents tiny house and used a BBQ folding table in the living room and we had a £1 plastic table cloth with a Christmas llama on it and it was great
Luv seeing your grand piano and aga on IG stories tho class warriors ✊🏻
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We haven’t earned the right to do what Spain and Germany are doing because THEY DIDNT MONUMENTALLY FUCK EVERYTHING UP LIKE WE DID and it is safer to do so there?! There’s no economy if there are no people? Every measure put in place has been confusing so any staggered return will
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Did you know Babs and Amy Winehouse were really good mates 😭
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That little baggy of tuna has made me so angry I can’t concentrate
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Me every week WTF IS THAT NOISE OH ITS THE CLAP THE FUCKING POINTLESS CLAP
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Why do you not like wastemen they come every Wednesday and they do a good job
This is the best thing I have seen all year
.
@stormzy
went back to his old primary school and let kids ask him any question they wanted, including if he wants to snog
@edsheeran
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Having witnessed and been party to A MULTITUDE of these sorts of things whether she had applied or not, I belong to several small indie business groups and it’s just a load of women making cards and I can bet my entire years wages that every single day someone will get a cease
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Amy has never experienced heart break has she, honestly you need to do this shit in your teens, listen to that same song for 5 weeks, tell your mum your life is over, cry on the phone to your best mate and then get a terrible hair cut and move on BUT IN YOUR BIG BIG TWENTIES OHNO
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@MarkSeddon1962
@oxfamgb
Can be inclusive and fight poverty Mark, it takes less than a second to use a correct pronoun my guy
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This is genuinely the worst thing I have ever seen on this website - Hollie call my phone babe please I’m worried
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I remember once someone invited me to go potholing and I was like sure, what is it? And they explained this and I never spoke to them again
I used to do caving when I was a mere slip of a lad and I remember one entry pretty much like this except the entrance was also covered in brambles when we arrived. ‘We are going where now?’
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After a really bad few weeks, I have some good news! I’m really excited to announce that I am going to be the new sex and relationship person at
@TheFaceMagazine
answering some of the biggest questions we have about sex, every week!
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Hello here is my very first article for vice 💦💉
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Bet the minimum waged checkout person loved that, told their equally overworked supervisor all about it too 🙄 also why not go to the market or some boujie farmers market for your fruit that comes in Zero plastic if you got the time and inclination for this ~mild direct action~ ?
I did that mild direct action thing today in the supermarket today. I took all the fruit out of the packaging at the checkout, put it in my bag and left all the plastic for the supermarket to deal with. It was liberating, cleansing and a tiny bit mortifying.
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I’m 6’1” and cis babe, tall women exist, and trans women don’t transition with the sole purpose of “infiltrating” sports lmao can you imagine?
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Imagine Labour put effort into fixing actual problems like nhs dentistry, mental health access, surgery waiting times, THE TRAINS ISSUE, even fucking potholes are a more pressing issue than trans people accessing HRT? Something I’ve been on since I was 13 lol
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so this is cheesy af, but basically i thought my life was gonna be over after ending my marriage but in 9 months i got a brand new laser, started a whole new business, bought my own car, bought *another* car, got an amazing boyfriend, got my confidence back and i am happy again
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Please please please vote labour
Someone I know got their assessment letter from the DWP for their capability to work. It's ok if you're in agony, just do the job.
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@imteddybless
Fucking HELL, she’s a legend though well done her and are you safe please beppo
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Why are squares so salty and vinegary why is that not the standard for every crisp?
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Because we have already paid for it.........? With OUR TAXES ????
Unpopular (?) opinion. Why don’t we charge patients for food when in hospital? Would bring in much needed income and improve quality. Why should we give out free food? People would have to feed themselves if not in hospital.
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And desist from someone just like this and the stress and the headache and anxiety that comes from it is awful, so whether I’m feeding into the kardashians hype or whatever, I don’t really give a flying fuck, this shit still happens every day and we need to stop endorsing them
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This isn’t negging - this is flirting and a bit of everyone’s in on the joke banter, this is how British people flirt most of the time
Negging is systematically breaking down someone’s self confidence whilst keeping them in a relationship
I think being negged is kind of fun, actually. For
@TheCut
, I wrote about how perhaps, maybe, possibly the pick-up artist tactic has some truth to it — especially in how we think about desire. Don't take this as an invitation.
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Me and boyfriend told our respective bosses the other person had broken their arm and we couldn’t go to work so we could bang all day, everyone was very understanding until later that day I did fall out of bed and break my arm from banging and that’s why lying is a crime
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Friends Guinea pig died this morning, here are some comforting words from a fellow Facebook user
http://t.co/dptf8kLDHX
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@yasminwilde
@garydunion
@mimmymum
???? You know the people who were rounded up and were part of a genocide so atrocious it has its own special name yeah? Well amongst them were trans people! It’s very well documented - soooooooo denying that is? HOLOCAUST DENIAL
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Hey I wrote about dating whilst being disabled and mentally ill!
"I don’t disclose my disabilities on my profile. I’m fat and six foot one; I don’t need to stack more odds against me."
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