Sir Herbert Oatcake
@Carpenterdf
Followers
1,403
Following
3,575
Media
1,758
Statuses
48,843
Official World Record Holder. Variously called 'local character', 'nutjob', and 'quiche eating terrorist sympathiser'. The Jack Dee of Dewatering.
Leafy Hertfordshire
Joined February 2009
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Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
Prediction time! I'm sure they will prove to be as inaccurate as they always are!
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@fesshole
In her defence your kid didn't have enough money 🤷 if I try and buy a £20k car and only have £19k should they still give it me?
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Nikita really has to be the star of this year's
#StrictlyComeDancing
. The way he has adapted dances and his style to work with Ellie is phenomenal
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@IndustrialVid
Basically you sink piles (or similar) into the river from a barge and form what is almost like a bathtub - no water can get in or out. And then pump water out from both the box and the underlying river bed. Box gets dry and people can dig out the river bed - witchcraft!
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@IndustrialVid
Finally something on twitter I know about! Dewatering of these kind of excavations is absolutely fascinating (albeit clearly witchcraft)! If anyone is interested I worked on a project similar to this in Ipswich a few years ago - its a brilliant industry ()
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@PolitlcsUK
@JLPartnersPolls
It's obviously the right thing to do in expanding the vote, but it's deeply depressing that Reform are polling so highly in this age brakcet
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You know what? I don't care that Tony Adams can't dance. He's loving it, the dances are fun and just can't help but make you smile. We have to keep him in!
#StrictlyComeDancing
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One thing I will say is that I am almost always very very impressed with Stephen Flynn at
#PMQs
. I guess being SNP probably helps but his questions are almost always superb, concise and barbed as hell
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... Because amazingly you can be both pro UK and pro EU at the same time
#PeoplesVoteMarch
#PeoplesVote
#brexit
#fbpe
#europe
#PeoplesMarch
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Can't be ignored quite how much both Albion and Newcastle's form both picked up massively after we both chucked Steve Bruce
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@mrjamesob
Isn't this basically Rees-Mogg using a national newspaper to ask how to do his job?
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I believe i said it at the last election, but Nicola Sturgeon really is a very impressive woman and politician
#bbcqt
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@Nigel_Farage
We generally don't just lock people up in this country for being a pain in the arse. If we did then you would have been in prison for decades
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You know what guys!? Maybe people don't speculate about why Watford General Hospital is telling people not to go there and we wait for an official statement? And in the meantime we don't dick around and meet friends in the park or whatever eh? Just a thought
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@fesshole
... admittedly half my customers are now dead or in hospital and I'm trouble with the local food and health inspectors but heyho
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@IanDunt
Is Philp the Truss govt version of Nadine Dorries? Living in another universe where if the govt do something then it must be right because they did it?
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I want Kayode to stay in purely for him trying to explain the modern world each week to Lord sugar in the boardroom. Hell that's got legs as a TV series in itself
#TheApprentice
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@fesshole
Whilst superficially sweet, this has a somewhat sinister undertone i can't place my finger on
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@fesshole
I assume that "hired small office" is actually a corner table in the local 'spoons
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@AnonymousUK2022
Surely a proper patriot would never go abroad anyway? Who needs Florida when there is Felixstowe? Why go to Marbella when you can go to Morecombe? Why visit Rome when you can have a week in Romford instead?
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I'm becoming increasingly convinced that everyone who writes for the Guardian is utterly soulless. Willy Wonka was and still is a wonderful film. A brilliant combo of charm, magic and creepy.
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@GarfieldUtd
@PolitlcsUK
@guardian
Well as you are so organised I imagine you will welcome those few extra minutes of spare time. Maybe treat yourself to a biscuit whilst you get angry about more people having a chance to vote
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@_DHOTYA
You joke but I once found a whole dog inside a chocolate bar I got whilst trick or treating! It was a Yorkie...
(Not remotely sorry. In fact I'm quite proud)
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@pimlicat
To be fair to Johnson, he and his government have been just as competent, logical and productive since he announced his resignation as they were in the months leading up to his resignation
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Seriously Lee Hurst. If you are going to try and be an edgy anti-woke comedian then at least make your jokes make sense and come close to being funny. Instead you just come across as a dumb bigoted fuck
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@PoliticsForAlI
I really don't like the Tory Govt. Far from it. But anyone who suggests this is true or there is any real comparison between the two is utterly utterly, almost terrifyingly, clueless
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Oh Jess you wonderful wonderful person. So eloquently and passionately put. If only we had more like you and Ken Clarke in the commons and less Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees Moggs of this world
This is how a true public servant reacts to a man whose only priority is his own ambition playing games with the lives of her constituents.
Jess Phillips, you have truly inspired me today. A very rare thing given today's parliamentary politics.
@jessphillips
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@JimMFelton
It's almost like there is something different between Rashford and Beckham....can't imagine what though 🤔🤔🤔🤔
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@anon_opin
Whereas a proper MAN would eat the orange whole, including the skin, tiny sticky label and maybe even the green net the orange came in
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There are very few clubs that can boast a sexually inclusive combi boiler as mascot
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@tesssummers98
@PolitlcsUK
I think they will still just about squeeze a majority without him
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@fesshole
"it was all going brilliantly to plan until that fateful Tuesday morning when I stopped to have a crafty ciggie and my van blew up. You could see the fireball as far away as Basingstoke"
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@_DHOTYA
Best case scenario this is bollocks. Worst case scenario he is a terrifying stalker. Happy Monday
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@mattletiss7
To be fair it is quite interesting. But it doesn't mean its why the weather is so erratic etc. Similarly The Borrowers is an interesting book, but it doesn't explain where my socks keep vanishing to
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@fesshole
Nah. You just happen to have a decent local MP. I've gone for help from tories, labour and lib Dem MPs on a number of occasions in the past. Arguably the least helpful was the lib dem and I'm a member of their party. You are just lucky to have someone engaged
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@anon_opin
Similarly it should be illegal for companies not to respond to all job applications. I don't care whether you have had 3 or 3000 applications for a role - it takes seconds to send an email saying 'no thanks'. Show some respect
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@Nigel_Farage
The irony of you complaining about lies being told over Brexit is not lost on anyone
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@SkyNewsBreak
Ah, so the Brexit Sunlit Uplands were actually just forest fires caused by a scorching climate
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@PolitlcsUK
Does it matter who wins a debate run by a dying and increasingly irrelevant newspaper and seen by noone?
Perhaps a better question is has anyone changed their mind after the debate ?
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Martin Allen and Barnet feels like one of those subscription services. You take the free trial, cancel when it expires and sign up again with a slightly different email address
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@_DHOTYA
See I could potentially believe this up until the couple being escorted out and the free shopping. People always go a step to far with their lies
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Can anyone help get a lost bunny home?! Found on the
@LNRailway
16.27 from Tring to Euston (found at the 16.43 stop at Kings Langley). He looks very law abiding so I assume has a ticket but I'm sure he'd love to get back home!
Will be handed in to the gate staff at Euston
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@mrjamesob
Naturally. If we have to stick asylum seekers in hotels they should at least be in labour areas. God this government is vile. There is no other word for it 🤦
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@BootstrapCook
My best friend is a surgeon and i think unfortunately you can probably include the NHS in this. Yes their stresses are bigger than say
@LoveWilko
so they deserve more leeway but equally the way they are treating their frontline staff at the moment is pretty atrocious
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@hmmmmm12394
1993-2022 West Brom. Or what is commonly known as a normal person who supports one club for their lifetime
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It also seems that Ed Miliband is actually out Milibanding the
@TheMiliverse
Do you have an OLD toilet at home? With a high-up cistern? Pull handle flush? Do you love it? Want to tell Ed Miliband about it on Radio 2?
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@StateOfLinkedIn
Before then spending 3 weeks in "didn't happen" hospital with non-existent frost bite?
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@SkyNews
The depressing thing is that he felt able to speak up about it because of his seniority whereas the nursing staff clearly look very uncomfortable but can't speak out
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I've long said that central London should be pedestrianised. Imagine Oxford Street, Regents Street etc all completely pedestrianised, with cafes and proper seating for visitors? Sounds bliss
To great uncertainty and controversy, in 2007, Ljubljana closed 12 hectares of its city center to private cars. Just 40% of residents approved.
A decade later, no less than 97% were against reopening to motor traffic: “None of us can really imagine cars ever staging a comeback”.
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Truss - Gone
Coffey - Gone
Mordaunt - Gone
Mogg - Gone
Mercer - Gone
Gullis - Gone
Shapps - Gone
Steve Baker - Gone
Clarke-Smith - Gone
Tories - decimated
SNP - decimated
Labour, Lib Dems and Greens - Triumphant
Worth every sleepless moment
#ge2024
#GE24
#C4BritainDecides
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@mrhenrymorris
As a hydrogeologist I can confirm that there are separate underground aquifers for rain from each of the four main points of the compass
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@GregHands
@JM_Afonso
@KCFConservative
@TeamLondonUK
@CemKemahli
@Josh_Rendall
@victoriaB_F
@APascuTulbure
@ISC_schools
@JulieR_isc
@team_greenhalgh
Surely parents will be able to afford this if they just stop buying avocado toast and paying for netflix?
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Sunak really isn't very good at
#PMQs
is he? All his answers seem to either be digs at Corbyn/the labour administration a decade ago or the usual BS about how good the Tories are. He doesn't have charisma and isn't a good speaker
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I just heard
@tiffstevenson
describe Priti Patel as 'Dolores Umbridge' and it may be the greatest bit of political analysis of the decade
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@fesshole
Let's face it, until the bit about being engaged, the gist of this tweet could probably cover like 60% of teenage boys
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@Midge1415
I give her three days until shes trying to return those crocs claiming shes 'lost the receipt'
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So basically thats May saying the white paper won't be published before next weeks vote. What a disgraceful govt. we have in this country
#PMQs
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@_DHOTYA
What is little understood is Jordan actually grew up as a little kid watching every Al Ettifaq game. Had posters of all their star players on his walls and dreamed of nothing more than earning a colossal amount of money playing for them in his mid thirties
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@anon_opin
The London Olympics were very good. They really were. The London Paralympics though were a different ball game. Brilliantly attended and supported and look at how more mainstream para sports are now? You cannot deny that alone made them great
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Maybe I'm delusional but I seem to be the only person who thinks we're actually going to have a decent season this year. In theory i don't remotely think the playoffs are out of reach. Sure it requires players to stay fit, Carlos not to leave, luck etc etc but I'm optimistic
#wba
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@RichardN7
@AlexForsythBBC
@bbclaurak
Amazingly some people work shifts so have free time, and some are even allowed a thing called Annual Leave! I know, it's disgraceful isn't it?
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@_DHOTYA
That's going to be tough to beat. I particularly like that the driver was a Buddhist. I half expected him to be converted on the spot
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It'll be sad when Gullis eventually loses his seat
BREAKING: Leaked messages from the Monday Club WhatsApp group.
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@PoliticsForAlI
So not because he recognises it as incredibly problematic language, but purely because his job is too high profile to let him get away with it
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Whether it's dangerous is irrelevant. That its Ronaldo is irrelevant. If O'Shea had done the same to Ronaldo you can guarantee he'd have been sent off
"He probably shouldn't raise his arms but it's nothing dangerous."
Was Cristiano Ronaldo fortunate to stay on the pitch after raising his hands to Dara O'Shea before he missed his first-half penalty? 👀
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@AyoCaesar
Arguably the only thing more depressing than these numbers is that so many people seem to still believe the government are doing a good job!
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@PuertoPessimist
It's genuinely upsetting. I work (broadly speaking) in the construction industry and our pipeline of work is getting increasingly empty yet people still seem to argue its worth it
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@fesshole
Over the last year I've gone from the 3 biggest buyer of diet coke cans in my town to like 8th. I was genuinely upset by this
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@_DHOTYA
Tbf if I saw a reasonably senior politician on the tube then I'd probably speak to them
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@PolitlcsUK
Obviously it would be hilarious if it passed but this does feel like a colossal waste of everyone's time
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