69 Lust Songs
@BluesXplosnMan
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Following
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Media
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Statuses
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We could be sleeping in the flowers. We could sleep all afternoon. ¶ ENM/relationship anarchist ¶ he/him
Chicago, IL
Joined April 2017
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Pinned Tweet
There are enough lovely sexy people in this world that I don't need to waste my time with anybody who's intolerant or hateful.
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it's almost like
#BlueLivesMatter
was never really about being pro-cop but was instead an attempt to make being anti-black socially acceptable 🤔🤔🤔
Where are all the Blue Lives Matter people on the fact that Trump refuses to lower his flags for the fallen police officer or even call the family..... I see no outrage about it from y’all... when you tried to silence a whole movement because of your “love” for cops 🤔
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@andizeisler
"How much cash you got in your purse?"
"I... um... I don't have any cash."
*whips out white board*
"YOU HAVE THREE TWENTIES, A FIVE, FOUR SINGLES..."
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@SharpSweetBella
@CathyReisenwitz
Meanwhile my first thought was "at least they didn't shoot her" which is a depressingly low bar
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@ziggysternstaub
@nicholasvirzi
I think we all know Nicholas is willfully ignoring your point. As a fellow lawyer, I appreciate you sharing your perspective and all the hard work you're doing.
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@andizeisler
I've never seen a cow on the south side of Chicago but I'm praying today is the first day just do I can be the 40-something guy on the train going MOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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I have a Twitter Dom joke, and as soon as I'm done smoking this cigar and drinking this bourbon I'm going to DM you about it and tell you to do what I say even though we've never interacted before.
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@andizeisler
"The University of Toronto psychologist who became an intellectual hero to a global audience..." Did... did Jordan Peterson write that?
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This is your annual reminder that if you bitch about and/or make fun of new people at the gym this month, you suck.
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@GoingMedieval
Meanwhile, I would have never thought that a US president would be the one to help me understand the interconnectedness of propaganda scholarship and apocalypse scholarship. 😩
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That's hominy. A hymen is a country supergroup composed of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson and Waylon Jennings.
That’s a horcrux. A hymen is that vegetable that looks like corn but it’s a bit bigger.
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Me checking IG: I'm not pretty enough.
Me checking LinkedIn: I'm not successful enough.
Me checking Twitter: I'm not kinky enough.
Me checking Facebook: FUCK YOU UNCLE WALTER YOU RACIST PIECE OF SHIT HAVE YOU EVER READ A FUCKING BOOK HOW AM I EVEN RELATED TO YOU
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Me to a lady friend who's hit a rough patch dating-wise:
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How do people work from home without just masturbating all the time?
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@unapolygetic
When my wife and me opened our marriage it felt like I had stopped hiding a part of me from her and I can't imagine a purer expression of love than being your authentic self for somebody else
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@mami_esq
I hate that law so much but on the other hand considering how many black and brown folks are in prison right now because of it... what's good for the goose is for the gander, right?
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Startup idea: a co-op for non-monogamous folks who have kids where it's like a timeshare but you get access to rooms across the city for when you want to bang but neither person has an empty house to go back to.
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@drdevonprice
This whole thread is great but I'd just like to take a moment to specifically appreciate the phrase "If we wanna be evo psych creeps" 😂😂😂
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If you're a dude and you're mad about this it's because you're a sexual harasser/assaulter/racist/fatphobe and/or you don't give a shit about women. If you meet the baseline requirement for being a decent human then you think this is fucking awesome
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Yesterday my wife reached into my back pocket to squeeze my ass and there was a condom in there (I had a date the night before) and it was yet another reminder that I would be FUCKING TERRIBLE at cheating. So hooray for consensual non-monogamy!
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Yesterday somebody told me they'd guess I was 38 on a bad day (I turn 44 later this month) and today my GF said a friend saw a picture of me and called me "stupid hot" so if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go strut for a minute before the world goes back to crushing my soul
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Shout-out to anybody else who's in the like 2% of CNM folks who still haven't seen any partners besides the one they're living with and is wrestling with the question of when it will be responsible to do so
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Being non-monogamous and being someone who wants to be all things to all people can be a challenging combo.
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Me IRL: I must be the only freak around who's non-monogamous.
Me on twitter: I must be the only freak around who's not monetizing my nudes. 😂😂😂
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@Kyla_Lacey
On the flip side, my son has zero interest in sports. I would've loved to coach him in little league but it's not his thing. As a parent my job is to make sure he grows up to be happy and healthy, not to pressure him into meeting *my* wants and expectations.
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I love the term "SJW" because when people use it I immediately know they probably lack basic empathy skills.
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If Lena Dunham sees this tweet I guarantee it will be the title of her next memoir.
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My wife went on a date yesterday and came back and was like "I think you'd really like him; we should go out with him and his wife some time" and I realized this is the first time that SHE'S introducing people to ME and it's kind of fun :-)
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As of last hour I am officially fully vaxxed and accepting appointments for make-out sessions. Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to Walgreens to see if they still sell Binaca
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@StormyDaniels
Check out her header pic... Even Jesus is like "ugh I can't believe she's actually tweeting this shit"
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Gotta show off my new MeUndies AND my thighs that ran 13.1 miles yesterday
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My "I just made her cum so hard that we'll have to sleep on towels" face and my "I just got Final Jeopardy right when all three contestants got it wrong" face is the exact same face
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Everybody who creates a Twitter account should automatically receive this tweet
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One of the attorneys on this Zoom status call has pineapple wallpaper in her office 👀👀👀
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I don't mean to kink-shame but sometimes I wish I could go back in time like ten years so I could surf porn without every other video being stepsister this or stepmom that.
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@andizeisler
We have an important primary in my district (Marie Newman looking to bump DINO Dan Lipinski) and I want to want to do the phone banks but I don't even like calling people I actually know so I just donate money. Cheers to you for having decidedly more fortitude than myself!
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Dealing with a death in my wife's family is 100 times worse than dealing with a death in my own family because I'm constantly overthinking what my role is supposed to be instead of just grieving
(This is venting, NOT a request for advice)
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There's a certain irony to being horny af and having multiple sexy partners but not being able to get quality alone time with any of them. STUPID ADULT RESPONSIBILITIES GETTING IN THE WAY OF MY SEXY TIMES.
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The older I get, the more I realize: 1. giving/receiving gifts because you're supposed to for certain occasions sucks; and 2. giving/receiving gifts because you happened to come across something you thought someone would like is awesome.
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I'm jealous of people who are truly confident but I also wonder what percentage of people who *seem* truly confident are really just the most effective at covering up their insecurities
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Me when I see Dom/sub stuff: eh, seems like a lot of work.
Me when I see DDlg stuff: eh, I have enough kids as it is.
Me when I see something about putting a brat in her place:
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A nice hotel room without somebody to fuck in it feels like such a waste. :-/
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I have started and deleted so many tweets so far today about my struggles as a parent but I don't think sharing my thoughts would be productive in any way. That being said, if you're struggling too and feel alone you're definitely not.
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Tom Steyer is the dude you find still on your couch at the end of the night when you're cleaning up after a party and thought everybody had left already.
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My wife has literally spent years teaching me how to take a compliment without saying something self-deprecating in response and I'm happy to say I got a pretty great and totally unexpected compliment last night and I just said thanks like a champ
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Shoutout to all the women who appreciate well-defined thighs and calves as much as washboard abs
(and if you appreciate them MORE than washboard abs my DMs are open)
(and if you don't like washboard abs at all I've got GREAT news for you)
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New app idea: a sextape photographer exchange program where you volunteer to record another couple fucking and then one of them agrees to come over and return the favor
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"Is that a giraffe in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" 😂
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I noticed I've made a few self-deprecating comments about my body in tweets recently and that's bullshit. If I'm gonna be body-positive with everybody else I should show myself the same respect. My body gets shit done even if I don't look like... which Chris is the most ripped?
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It is hard as fuck to have to cram three months' worth of physical and emotional interaction into five days, but it also speaks to the strength of the relationship when it's totally fucking worth it.
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Is there a term like wake-and-bake but for masturbating and then going to bed? Maybe cream-and-dream?
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It really sucks that people get shamed for posting lewds/nudes online when I see beautiful people of all shapes, sizes, colors, ages and genders here, whereas most popular media still adheres to super narrow standards of beauty.
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It's kind of funny how I've always felt insecure about whether I'm kinky enough and then I look at stuff I've done/am into and realize that I'm definitely not vanilla it's just that I don't fit the most common portrayals of kink (not a Dom, not into tying people up, etc.)
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Just realized that it was four years ago this weekend that I met up with a twitter friend for totally platonic drinks. I was still monogamous at the time. I could never have imagined at the time that those drinks would lead me to where I am today.
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Sometimes I feel like a sponge for everybody else's anxieties and like I think my empathy makes me a better person but jesus I wish I could turn it off (or at least down) sometimes
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My experience as a parent? Kids are amazingly open, understanding and curious. It's we adults who teach them to be closed-minded and afraid of anybody/anything that's "different."
This 4th grader raised his hand and asked if he could speak to his class – then, he opened up about having autism. When he was done, his classmates had surprising reactions ❤️️
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Me to my wife: so I had a dream last night that I moved a box in our bedroom and I found a new pair of running socks just like these but they were blue
My wife: I had a dream about double penetration
Me:
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Pro tip: an open flannel with nothing under it is 🔥🔥🔥 for any boob shape/size
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People tweeting about bottomless brunch and I'm over here wearing pants like a sucker
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This
@OnlyFans
shit is why, while I understand why some people want to keep sex and politics separate, at the end of the day I believe you can't. Sex is inherently political, and only some have the privilege of having their sex lives unimpeded by politics.
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I swear when I'm horny my TL is all serious stuff but when it's 2pm on a weekday and I'm working it's 90% porn
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How excited am I to get my second vax shot? I just checked my condoms to make sure they didn't expire during COVID 😂
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I'm reluctant to tell people about the whole non-monogamy thing because I've had a few friends react weirdly, so it's awesome when someone finds out and is positive and supportive about it. And I try to keep that in mind when others confide in me about personal matters.
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If there's one thing this pandemic has taught me, it's that you should make lots of sexy videos with your partner(s) because you never know when you might have to go months without seeing them.
And also wash your hands. You should wash your hands even when not making sexy videos
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Making a psych appointment for ADHD meds meant returning TWO phone calls which meant it took like THREE weeks, and now the first available appointment is THREE more weeks from today. Good times
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My wife has a date (sort of?) tonight and I'm pretty excited about it, guys. Hooray for compersion!
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I want to be a psychotherapy Dom. I'll be like "stop relying on others to tell you you're a good girl and validate your fucking self."
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I only have like ten followers so this shouldn't take long but what the hell... (via
@PolyGalSeeks
)
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The shitty thing about being really good at a lot of things is that it probably means you're also good at figuring out ways to convince yourself that other people don't like you despite significant evidence to the contrary
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What people think ENM is: non-stop sex
What ENM really is: non-stop responding sympathetically to text messages
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I came out to a friend as poly today and he came out to me as probably pan and it was pretty fucking awesome. ♥♥♥
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One challenge of opening your long-term relationship I don't hear many people talk about: getting used to condoms. Maybe this isn't a problem for most folks, but after twenty years of not using them, it's been a challenge I was NOT anticipating. 😬🤪😲
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@andizeisler
If I ever blow up on Twitter, instead of posting my Soundcloud I'm just gonna disclose every problematic thing I've ever done up front
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I may have tweeted this before, but one of the most fascinating things for me about non-monogamy is discovering what things do and don't make me jealous... like they're rarely what I would've predicted.
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One thing I wish more ENM folks would talk about is how wants/needs tend to vary more than with monogamous relationships and it's important to both figure out what a prospective partner wants/needs and what YOU want/need
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So other folks can say "I'm drunk" or "I'm high" but you respond with "I'm balls deep in my girlfriend while she eats out my wife" and you get kicked out of the group chat ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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My wife tweeted something about me on her main account and somebody who follows me on this account liked it and I want to be like "hey that's me!" but I can't cross steams when it comes to mains and alts
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I biked over 150 miles this weekend and my current status is "not too tired for sex but tired enough that you're gonna be on top"
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We should all post nudes and/or thirst traps on Monday mornings. Turn a negative into a positive, you know?
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LDR pro tip: if you haven't seen your partner in three months and you meet up at an Airbnb with a shag rug, you WILL get a nasty rug burn on your knee within a half hour of entering said Airbnb.
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I wish I were rich because I want to buy all the art but also art is expensive but also artists deserve to get paid
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Really excited to release my summer 2020 fashion line 😂
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My plan of nonstop sex and orgies once fully vaxxed overlooked two key details: I have three kids and I have a full-time job
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My wife after taking an edible and then fucking me and then fucking me again: "do you need that stuff that makes your mouth not dry? . . . water?"
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It's fucked up to scroll through my TL and see all the different ways our brains are sabotaging us (mine included). If I could invent a drug that would let people see themselves the way everybody else sees them... I wouldn't be rich because I'd totally give that shit away.
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@AnaMardoll
Oh man as a CIS man that was my EXACT reaction. Like yes, if there's one great thing about being a CIS dude, it's that I was definitely raised to handle shame and stigma in an incredibly healthy way 🙄
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