Mistress of Mischief
@BkBap
Followers
2,193
Following
575
Media
8,848
Statuses
251,041
I’m from Brooklyn, I be everywhere comfortably. Difficult takes a day, impossible takes a week.
Im gon be where Im at
Joined December 2008
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On Juneteenth and the 4th. He said you not Black or American.
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This child walked in and said “ok so Cinderella…if the shoe fit so perfectly, how did it fall off in the first place?!” I—
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Christian Siriano has never met a curve he couldn’t hug just right
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She always looks like the zipper on her human suit was zipped all the way but they missed that little hook at the top
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“I noticed your legs were like mine and that’s not pretty. You can either shave your legs or kiss me.”
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@TiricoHairline
I just saw where you called him blind pommel Jesus and spit out my drink I am so sick of you😂😂
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Wypipo do have a culture. It’s called unmitigated gall.
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Black people been called nigger for over four centuries, white women couldn’t take Karen for more than a fiscal quarter.
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Naps. Final answer.
WHAT SEEMED LIKE TORTURE WHEN YOU WERE A KID BUT FEELS LIKE HEAVEN NOW?
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Blacc Chyna was acting up on her boyfriend’s Senior class trip?
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I saw a tweet about hating planned sex. Pro tip: life happens and sometimes planning is necessary to maintain intimacy. Make it a game, set a challenge like 8 days in a row. Sure it’s planned, but don’t you want to win?
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Stepson asks his Dad what’s in egg nog. He answers “egg”. Stepson pauses, says “what else?”
I had to leave the room. Twitter is a virus.
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@solomonmissouri
This summer at age 99. Folks said he got closest to 1.00 without going over.
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@lovelyjessij
I just read through the DM’d secrets, my heart broke multiple times but I wanted to commend you for giving people a safe space. Telling someone a thing you can’t tell anyone is so healing
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@BtSquared2
Imagine thinking you deserve more than another because she’s a stripper with a kid. Judge her all you want, you’re just a nerd with subpar pussy.
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The correct answer is Jenifer Lewis
What celebrity would you want as your Spades partner just based off vibes?
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@SkinCareBully
Ok! It’s hygiene routine time. Lock down the shower/bath, deodorant and smell goods and skincare routine. Tell them to get at you on that last one.
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No that’s the Quarterback.
Quarantine is the large group of muscles covering the front and sides of the thigh.
Naw, that’s Quasimodo.
Quarantine is the guy on the football team who throws the ball.
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Turn to your neighbor and say bitch nigga you could neva eva eva eva eva eva eva eva eva eva get on my level
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Being pro-Black while deeming someone "not Black enough" is a problem. Loving Black love but only if the shade is right is a problem.
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Why did you do that Sharon?!
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If your DNA is set up where cilantro tastes like soap, please know that your creator, whomever you believe that to be did NOT fuck with you in any way, shape, form or fashion.
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Just sat here and ate half a pizza non stop looked over at me Husband and He's like....
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@themelaniedione
That always cracks me up. Pussy when he had pussy? Yes nigga! I’ve had steak in the freezer and ended up in Taco Bell drive thru, what are you even asking?!
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Baby a nigga that can fuck you until you can smell colors ain’t never gave a fuck about a battery powered contraption I promise you
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Things they shoulda never gave you niggas
1) the phrase “that same energy”
2) the term “clout”
3) parsley
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Drink water, exfoliate, moisturize, laugh often, have great sex. Fountain of youth, write that down. You're welcome.
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You sit outside the doors and make them come to you. They challenging you to a bad bitch contest, you wanna be in first place or what?
ETHICAL DILEMMA: both cats are meowing for you to come play with them but are in separate rooms and are watching you so they will know if you choose the other cat
what do u do
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@metroadlib
Every single day. Her dancing in it , her giving the interview in it laying down. It has a hold on me.
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Caved and got AMC+ so I could start Interview With The Vampire
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Dana “I ain’t never seen a bad hair day in my life” Owens. Also the audience tried to play it cool but they lost their collective shit when the Queen came out.
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Bounce houses ain't just for little kids. Idc how old I am it's always gonna be "bitch hold my shoes"
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@BtSquared2
Because it’s like someone put chattel slavery and the handmaid’s tale in a blender, added a dash of black mirror and microwaved it for 3 years.
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@lovelyjessij
It’s funny, sometimes all we have to do to lighten someone’s load is ask. I’m glad you did and I hope some if not all found some comfort and peace.
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Uh....thanks?
Walmart says it will no longer lock-up black beauty products in its stores.
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Regina Hall is giving a master class on Nine Perfect Strangers btw
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THAT'S the album title. Done.
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@thegates0fmel
I believe most cats were previously people. Their behavior is several lifetimes of collected human shade.
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It’s not beloved. You look like a Disney “inclusive” prince and that’s just fine, you’re handsome.
I look like such a thug in my ID picture. It’s giving “Everybody on the ground now!” 😭😭😭
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We’re Black, we just work here
As an American, how are you not embarrassed by your country right now?
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I was moving, my credit was shit. Found a house I wanted, for rent. Needed a credit check. Told them I could bring them a cashier’s check for a year’s rent. Guess what they suddenly didn’t give a damn about...
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She may have been built, stacked and had all the curves a man likes but she was still a victim of the patriarchy. In this bad Mama Jamma of an essay I will....
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Dionne THEE Singer
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@dopegirlfresh
Not a thing. She’s touching both so she’ll wake as soon as there’s movement. This is pro baby watching.
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@brownandbella
I want the babies to recognize this language. He doesn’t see women as human. “She’s replaceable by a newer shinier model” applied to Beyonce is insane
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@jfreewright
@That1guyJeff
This is really like bringing up how warm the smallpox blankets given to the Native Americans were.
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You might think you don’t give a fuck but have you met toddlers?
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@CruzanChoklate
I thought the guy mistakenly using dog shampoo with a dog on the label was bad but this is just
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I hope locusts are next
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Referring to strawberries as “these niggas” is excessively Black in the most hilarious way.
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What actor do you see in a movie and know instantly you shouldn’t trust them cause they gonna be evil no matter what?
Mine is David Morse.
This motherfucker show up, it’s curtains by Act 3.
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💗
22 years of sobriety in 12 days. Today is what matters
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The lighting on Anjelica Huston in the Addams Family movies is just
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@ppinesmom
I know this one has I remember thinking she seemed pissed she had to be a baby again 😆
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After what we saw today, we should all be supporting Britney at this time.
Regardless of our past, good and bad, and no matter how long ago it was… what’s happening to her is just not right.
No woman should ever be restricted from making decisions about her own body.
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