Bill Schulz
@BillSchulz
Followers
41,523
Following
2,821
Media
6,221
Statuses
66,545
Once verified, now just weirded out by @elonmusk . @JonathanSchulz & @AlfredSchulz 's bro. @JoanneGoodhart 's co-host via
Manhattan, NY
Joined May 2008
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Yes NYC has a homeless problem. But it’s currently dealing with a-bunch-of-idiot-teens-waiting-for-SNL/Harry-Styles-tickets-on-Goddamn-Thursday CRISIS.
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HOLY SHIT!!! How the fuck did u find this, brother?? Either way, I apologize for my blazer...
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Clearly
@FoxNews
suffers from an anti-Bill bias. Join me in a march to create awareness, tomorrow, Mr. O'Reilly?
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Bad ass Xmas tree behind us.
@AnnCoulter
&
@McCarrollJoshua
are discussing how my show won’t suck in the new year.
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My favorite
#CPAC
speech quote from the 1 time we went?
@AnnCoulter
: "Sorry about my voice. Went out w/ the
#RedEye
boys last night."
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"Working class voters!", "gay things!", "climate change!", "bad things happened to me in my past!"... I really think I could do this.
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You don’t look a day over airbrushed.
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I first met Pat Caddell via
@AnnCoulter
. Immediately knew he'd be weird, funny and brilliant on
#RedEye
. And he didn't disappoint. Caddell was a complete original and I'm very sad about this. RIP...
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I am very sorry about Jasper,
@DanaPerino
. And I legit think
@FiveFanPS
is almost as shattered as you are! I never had to ask the question, "who's a good boy?" because the answer was clear: It was Jasper. Jasper was THE good boy.
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Thaaaaanks
@AnnCoulter
. I’m rarely star struck. But Ann allowing me to embarrass myself in front of the man that is
@Eck43
?? Cmon. He’s the coolest of the cool!
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Am I the only one that thought that WeatherTech ad was initially a commercial for Trump's Wall (TM)?
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I love the whole "I had a dream growing up..." thing. That's actually not relatable. Most of us didn't have a dream. We were born, had to deal with that, and tried to live our lives. Frankly I can't believe I'm STILL alive.
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I have a lot of issues with this
@AnnCoulter
profile. Upside?
@LandauDave
& I make a cameo. Thanks for the
@CompoundAmerica
plug, blondie.
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She's a national fucking treasure. And those aren't my words. Nelson Mandela said that about Lauren. (RIP)
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It's hard to see in this emasculating image, but I am quite literally holding
@AnnCoulter
's purse in that pic...
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RIP Wilford Brimley. U turned 85 at the age of 45. But goddamn did u maintain that signature look for an impressively long time.
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Unless Beto transitions into a Spanish speaking waitress again? I'm about to change the channel...
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If Robert Durst's meth excuse gets him out of jail? Then call me Captain Crystal. I'm using that nugget for everything.
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Again: Boston bars have been state-law-required to shut their doors for over an hour, now. (Hilarious.)
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And if any two people can build a bridge to a better America? It's me &
@AnnCoulter
She's my Trump lovin pal. And I'm...her biggest regret.
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I gotta go to bed. But I bump into
#RedEye
fans weekly. And they're the goddamn best. They always preface everything with "I'm sure ur sick of talking about it...". But I'm really not. I was extremely proud of that goddamn thing.
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Law & Order AP: “Sir? We can see u in the shot. Do u mind moving?” Me: “I kinda feel like Ice T & Mariska WANT me in this shot…”
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I'm now trying to think of a positive NYC update. Oh here's one: That whole derelict-trying-to-punch-u-in-the-face-if-u-don't-give-him-a-cigarette thing that made Manhattan in the 70s so edgy? It's totally back.
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And I've almost finished
@AnnCoulter
's latest book. God help me: It is funny as hell. And the lawyer in her also means its very well researched. I'll try my best to argue, but u better come correct w/ this woman.
I will be interviewing the little sis I never wanted, i.e.,
@AnnCoulter
(she's not psyched about it, either) via live, on Saturday, at 6pm EST regarding her latest: Tune in! And cue MC Skat Kat...
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EVERY bar in NYC is now an outdoor bar. EVERY restaurant in NYC is now an outdoor bar. Half the re-opened barber shops in NYC are now...outdoor bars. And it's GREAT. The genie is now out of the bottle, local gov bureaucracy. No going back.
#MakeThisPermanent
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If it wasn't for
#RedEye
? U & I wouldn't be best buddies w/
@AnnCoulter
As upset as she still is for that sad fact.
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PS
@AnnCoulter
KILLED it on The View today. My nemesis and awful
@Sherrod_Small
are the "red eye gang" I adore.
@BillSchulz
@Sherrod_Small
So I guess the ol red eye gang isn't getting back together anytime soon
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You are truly one of the oddest people I've ever met,
@JoNosuchinsky
. It's 2021. And the woman insists on doing Halloween as the early 90s sensation that was Fran Drescher's "The Nanny"...
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Best. Bartender. Ever. Gavin remains the worst thing that ever happened to me. But I will say this: he’s not charging me for drinks.
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Off to bed. And many thanks to the
#RedEye
fans. U believed in us back when even we didn't believe in us.
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While always wishing Murray was a ChiSox fan? The man remains my Buddha. And never forget: Bill's sister (who's an actual SISTER...i.e., a nun) babysat me
@jonathanschulz
&
@AlfredSchulz
back in the day. (She was awesome.)
Bill Murray singing Take Me Out To The Ballgame with a giant bear in a bar on Opening Day is the Twitter content I’m here for.
I’ve missed sports...
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I worry
@joederosacomedy
picked the wrong vegan neighborhood to have a birthday pig roast party…
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Pretty much one of my favorite
#RedEye
memories. And dude? You have NO idea how much behind the scenes problems this wonderful anecdote caused us the day after it happened.
@BillSchulz
Oh man, you reminded me of Bob Beckel's first appearance on
#redeye
. Here's a clip from:
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Of the many things I enjoy regarding
@daxshepard
’s podcast are his frequent, often advertorial, reminders that midwesterners are the best people on earth. (We are/it’s science.)
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Yeah....no. Still have zero hope. What else u got?
WATCH: Learn about Tara, an elephant, who was devoted to her best friend, a small dog. If you want something to give you hope, watch this.
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I absolutely adored Bob Beckel. He was too big, bright & boozy a star for
@FoxNews
to contain/handle. Rest in peace, not-so-tiny dancer. You taught me a lot. (And some of said lessons were actually legal!)
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"...last living link with our former greatness." America will say the same when
@RyanSeacrest
dies 120 yrs from now.
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Trying to watch soccer. Been "trying" for my entire adult life. Don't want to be a stereotypical "yank", but...Just. Cant. Do. It. Mate.
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It's been at least a decade since I last got my ass thoroughly beaten in NYC. Sadly? Tonight the streak was decidedly broken. (But...hey. At least Manhattan is somehow "edgy" again.)
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Happy birthday to the worst thing that ever happened to me. (May there be VERY few more,
@LaurenSivan
.)
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Finally listening to
@daxshepard
’s podcast with Prince Harry. (Late to the game, per usual.) It’s pretty fucking great. And it makes me kinda angry. I hate that Dax is a better interviewer than I am. This was something I was actually kinda trained for! He’s a goddamn actor!
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Oddly enough
@AnnCoulter
& I just had a lovely time at
@HudsonMaloneNYC
2 nights ago. And by "lovely" I mean "expensive"...
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People used to get fired for such transgressions...
We met We talked. We drank. I got really high and don’t remember anything. It airs Sunday.
#clubrandom
.
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In my defense? I was too drunk to properly make any point.
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This is sad.
#RedEye
was more the little engine that could than the actual Little Engine That Could. We all had a blast being a part of it.
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Donald & Marla named Tiffany Trump after his then wife's favorite shop. Conversely, I have an illegitimate daughter named Modell's.
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I noticed another omission. *cough*
@LaurenSivan
*cough*
I'm really disappointed that Time did not mention
@GretchenCarlson
in their story. She bravely took on Roger Ailes and ignited a national conversation. The NYT would not have done their Bill O'Reilly story if it weren't for her...which led to their Weinstein investigation.
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"If politicians of both parties would spend more time legislating and less time attacking each other, we would all be better off." Bob Beckel (1948-2022) cc:
@kurt_loder
@pattiannbrowne
:-(
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Dumb me just actually read the Weinstein article. I hate sexual predators. And I love
@LaurenSivan
. That’s it. That’s all.
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U know how they say "don't make eye contact w/ any angry grizzly bear"? Same deal w/ a drunken BoSox fan. Good luck...
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I love that
@greggutfeld
blocked me. Impressive people do impressive things. And we all must take notes.
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Super protective of NOT announcing where she is & at what time. But if I hung w/ my best pal
@AnnCoulter
tonight? Theoretically? It was fun.
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Dear non morning person: Ur gonna have to wake up before noon next week to call in. Hugs, Another Angry Non Morning Person
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I am open for business. (And to quote Val Kilmer/Doc Holliday while flashing his badge: “This time it’s legal, Johnny Ringo.”) Yet the NYC bureaucracy did indeed misspell my name on said badge…
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See that teen with the officer in Bryant Park? He was sitting by himself crying & the cop came over and asked him what was wrong. Girl problems. “She break ur heart?” He nods & the guy just proceeds to give him life advice/cheer him up. Kinda heartwarming to watch.
@NYPDnews
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I have a lot of friends that worked night shifts on the regular. And as sympathetic as I thought I was at the time? Fuck. Me. Now I know they were the real heroes. Four days deep on a night gig has given me cracked out perspective. I am slowly going insane.
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I’m old. But every time I wear a suit? I feel like the man-baby/fraud that I am. It never fits right and I don’t know what I’m doing. But
@LaurenSivan
is kind of adorable! I guess? (I’m so woke that I don’t see “hotness”.)
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This sadly means more than you know. Thaaaaanks old friend.
repulsive sidekick in classic repulsive (but always loyal) form.
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I've interviewed
@AnnCoulter
at least 20 times. But my favorite Schulz/Coulter mashup is sadly helmed by
@AlfredSchulz
, along w/
@movingsideways
, re: her lifelong Grateful Dead obsession. Trying to find the whole thing, cause it was adorable...
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I desperately want ole gullet chin to come visit us...
I’ve never been afraid of anything as much as Mitch McConnell seems to be afraid of New York.
I bet he’s said New York 30 times in this debate in 30 minutes.
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She has impeccable taste.
@BillSchulz
@JoNosuchinsky
@AnnCoulter
@GoshCarter
@CompoundAmerica
Your friendship with Ann is one of the more fascinating ones out there. I bet many ppl are baffled by it and that makes it even more interesting.
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Tomorrow on
#Mornin
@JoNosuchinsky
& I welcome
@AnnCoulter
Keren Margolis, who is currently off Twitter, (what did u DO, woman?) and
@GoshCarter
. Bottom line? Ann will like that Keren is now a Twitter pariah.
@CompoundAmerica
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One of the greatest thrills of my life (not kidding) was when
@normmacdonald
would once-in-a-blue-moon reply to one of my super dumb tweets. He was the funniest guy on the planet and this shitty year just keeps edging closer to 2020 levels of bad. RIP
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Hello, old cigarette machine friend. (Im a full on Floridian now. Not going back.)
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Every kid from the 70's to early 90's had a Guinness World Records book. And absolutely knew who Robert was. Also? The fat twins on those motorcycles.
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"Cocaine is a helluva drug." It's as true now as when Rick James first said it.
tom arnold just appeared on CNN and it was a train wreck
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Also been meaning to pitch a show called "Violently Murder
@McCarrollJoshua
" (working title). Still figuring out how ep 2 works, tho.
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Aaaand scene.
@JoanneGoodhart
& I can't thank
@AnthonyCumia
/
@erockradio
enough. Truly. We had an absolute blast. HUGS:
@FiveFanPS
,
@Thurdeye
,
@SteveContiDAGOD
@LubiPopovic
&
@bobby_tamburro
PUNCHES:
@geno_bisconte
& his stupid cat.
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You were my everything this week, Helen Schulz. It’s nieces like you that keep me wanting to stay alive.
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Oof. Verbatim what I heard via two dudes who thought they were talking quietly as I cashed out at Sullivan's: "Yeah, that's the piece of shit that used to be on Red Eye." Cuts like a knife. And yet? Apt description.
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This makes me smile for Ueck AND
@normmacdonald
reasons. Worship them both. But I'll add that the 1st book I read cover to cover was "Catcher In The Wry". That was Bob's actual title of his autobio. It was GREAT. My 3rd grade teacher disapproved of my choice. But fuck her.
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Thanks for making me dinner
@RemiSpencer
And sorry about this picture. (It’s been a helluva 2 decades.)
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The more I stay in Florida? The more I become Chris Cooper in "Adaptation".
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Happy Birthday
@LaurenSivan
You've always been an old soul...& isn't it great how your advanced age has finally caught up with said soul?
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Both of these little shits basically relayed the entire plot line of “Little Mermaid” to me, this weekend, without ONCE prefacing any twists with “spoiler alert!”. Now I don’t even wanna see it.
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#CompoundMedia
has lost a correspondent,
@JoNosuchinsky
& I have lost a dear friend, &
@TheoCaviness
's kids lost their dad. Please help to make this nightmare slightly more bearable for my brother's family. Thank u...
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Had a LONG interview w/ an NYPD detective today (wasn't about me). Was a witness to an attempted murder on 47th & 3rd (the guy got shot...but not enough to die). I live in the most old ass/boring neighborhood in Manhattan. But this is now happening a lot.
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I would kill to be a fly on the wall (or a fly in a Uecker seat?) during a Bob & Hawk convo...
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Tomorrow on
#Mornin
@JoNosuchinsky
& I welcome
@AnnCoulter
@LandauDave
&
@JoeDeVitoComedy
. That's three great tastes that taste great together, people. Bring your bibs, appetites and smiles.
#CompoundMedia
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If ur not watching
@LaurenSivan
cover the eclipse on
@ScienceChannel
this Monday? U hate America/science.
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Tomorrow on
#MorninBill
: The phoner guests that are
@AnnCoulter
&
@LaurenSivan
? Will FINALLY be in studio. Tune in.
#CompoundMedia
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Thank u
@greggutfeld
for an amazing gig. Bonus: On an amazing show. (See? I can be sincere.) Congrats on new show, u ole so & so.
#RedEye
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Off to bed. And I continue to love/hate you,
@JoNosuchinsky
. (Mostly hate.) But it was a great wedding party! I also don’t know what I’m pointing at, while being impressed by the bride’s posture…
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Currently on a 21-hour Greyhound bus to Florida. It's as awesome as it sounds. That said? I kinda wanna ask the driver what he makes. I'd go Grey for pay...
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At what point did Billy Corgan become James Carville and/or vice versa?
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The last time I had a curfew was in my early teens. And I never had anything cool enough lined up to break my curfew. I currently have an NYC curfew in my forties. And I still don't have anything cool enough lined up to break my curfew.
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FUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOU, Federal Committee Recommendations For New U.S. Dietary Guidelines...
Men should consume no more than one alcoholic drink a day, according to a federal committee’s recommendations for new U.S. dietary guidelines
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I will say this: Anytime I could crack up my love (aka
@DanaPerino
) ? I left the
#RedEye
set happy...
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The award-winning (not kidding) Bryant Park public bathroom is back! Time to go on in and flush ur own socially distant “phase 2”, NYC.
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The wind definitely made for an audio issue. But how were
@AnnCoulter
& I to know that? Anycrappers, here's some sexy sunglasses and even more sexy book signings...
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Excited to do an
@Entrepreneur
Q&A w/
@AnnCoulter
on her latest guide to gluten-free cooking titled "In Trump We Trust: E Pluribus Awesome!"
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I only stay at
@LibertyHotel
when I’m in Boston. I love the fact that it used to be a jail. That said? They HATE the fact that I brought Puppeto.
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Girl sitting next to me at airport bar is wearing faux tiger print fur, pounding wine and laughing at absolutely nothing. I went from kind of scared of her to now kind of in love with her.
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Re-watching Rogue One in my shitty hotel room. It remains the best thing to happen within this now embarrassing Star Wars franchise since Empire. A fucking smart/bad ass flick.
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