Annie McGrath 💙
@AnnieMcTweet
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Comedian / actor / writer & artist (aren't we all?). Host of @secretartpod . 🎨🤡 Represented by Avalon Management. ⚽️ @ClaptonCFC
London
Joined April 2012
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Don’t even TALK to me until I’ve had my coffee, piece of toast, cup of tea, been for a run, showered, done some work, had lunch, done some more work, had dinner, gone to sleep
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If the Edinburgh fringe gets cancelled, does anyone want to meet up in August and throw four grand in a fire?
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Got a visa and had three vaccines but still can't get an exemption to visit my brother in Australia. Apparently siblings aren't "close family". Haven't seen him for three years. Any advice
@ausgov
or time to start working on my backhand?!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Mini eggs well-deserved
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Hard to know what to wear to a cervical screening. I’ve gone for mask on, knickers off: smart casual.
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New series of
#Gogglebox
tonight! Wonder if they’ve gone with my suggestion of “Comedians watching panel shows they’ve never been asked to appear on”?
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TOILETS @ WORK
🚺: You are ladies and as such you have a duty not only to yourself but to all those who follow. It is your responsibility to be clean and tidy and don’t you dare mess this up or you will bring shame on us all
🚹: TRY NOT TO PISS ON THE SEAT LOL!
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My mum has started serving food in a shell, like she’s a 2012 gastropub trying to make a splash. No explanation, just some leftover cauliflower... in a shell 🐚
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So men get international men’s day AND year of the pig? 🐷😛🐽🤪🐖😝
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Really respect the lack of effort that has gone into these puns
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Spare a thought for Nicolas, Year 9, who’s been dealt a tough hand in life.
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Hey
@metpoliceuk
! I know you guys are busy but I haven't heard back from you since I sent a photo of the men who tried to mug me, the time it happened and the exact address where it happened... Thought I'd paint the suspect in case it helps with your search? Let me know! Thanks x
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Happy North London Derby Day to all the mums out there 🌹
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Suggestion for Gogglebox: comedians watching panel shows they’ve never been asked to appear on
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Were you all just going to let me reach 30 thinking the last letter of ‘cardamom’ was an ‘n’? CardamoM not cardamoN? Seriously? Am I alone in this?!!!!!!!
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Very sad news about Phil Jerrod. A lovely man and an incredible artist. Look at this amazing portrait he did of Jeremy Hardy! Thinking of Phil’s family & friends 💙
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Amazing to be at the
@Lionesses
game with a record attendance of 77,768 people!
@LouSanders
celebrated the England and Germany goals cos she didn’t realised we swapped ends at half time. Keep supporting women’s football 🤘
#ENGvGER
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Dream dinner party- you can choose ANYONE from history, alive or dead. What do you decide? I’d go for alive every time.
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New year; new paintings! I am available for commissions so get in touch if you would like an original artwork. A nice gift for someone you love/hate/are indifferent about 😛
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Another day of putting on my sports bra to drink half a bottle of rosé
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The best acting I do is in Hotel Chocolat, pretending I don’t know they give you a free sample every time you go in
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Best opening to a letter I’ve ever received. The pleasure was all mine, doctor.
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I guess I could have gone to bed earlier but I started compiling a list of who I’d put in the celeb version of
#TheTraitors
. Eight more places up for grabs, who else are we plopping in there?
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I’ll never be attracted to anyone who isn’t embarrassed having a phone call on the bus
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On trains when they say “report anything suspicious to a member of staff” I always tell them my friend Jack doesn’t like hot drinks
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Turning up late for an audition: “sorry, I decided to go in a different direction”
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🎄 If anyone would like to commission an original drawing/painting for a Christmas present, then hit me up. Here are some examples of my “work”. Please do share if you know someone who might be interested. Thank you, bye! ❄️
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I remember my first viral spinach tweet
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Tip for actors: remember to end your self-tapes POSITIVELY
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Say what you like about Gen Z, but they’re much more respectful than we were.
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If you’re not auditioning to play a Christmas elf over Zoom at 9.30am then you really have to ask yourself what you’re doing with your life
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The waiter in Gail’s asked me how my sandwich was. I said too small. Three girls looked up and stared at me. This is the kind of tension I live for 🔥
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At the end of the class the yoga teacher told us to relax our eyelashes and I’ve never felt more stressed by an instruction
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Just learnt how to spell twat
@AnnieMcTweet
It's called spelling. Remember that nice English teacher at school who used to try to tell you things? This is one of the things.
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Saw a girl I was at school with presenting a BBC news segment and thought “how does she have a job, she’s in the year below”. Forgot I’m 29 🤪🤪🤪🤪
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Enough of “my nan’s recipe”- would like just one celebrity chef to admit their grandmother couldn’t cook for shit
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Remember when we all thought January was the worst month to have a birthday?
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Challenge accepted,
@jamesmcnicholas
! ❤️🤍 North London Forever, 2024, Acrylic on canvas, 50.8 x 50.8cm (20 x 20 inches, for the old school). For sale! Pre-match scenes
@Arsenal
inspired by
@gunnerblog
, as per 🩷💥
#arsenal
#art
#northlondonforever
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Loved
#Unforgivable
! A treat to see
@LouSanders
being excellent as per and a pleasure to see her retch on TV. Last year we had to leave a shop because “it smelt of semen”. She started retching which made me retch- 2 girls on the streets of Leicester retching in broad daylight 💕
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Amazing to hear a scientist on Radio 4 giving tips on how to sleep in hot weather: “Move down to the sitting room or cellar”
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This has a very GCSE drama look about it
Brexit Party MEPs turn their backs in European Anthem at opening session of European Parliament
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🤩🤩🤩 Got to go on one of my favourite podcasts!
The
@AnnieMcTweet
episode is in your ether and it’s a doozy.
Contains scenes of wet eyes, bad laughing and the argument room.
Subscribe, RT and please be excellent to each other.
#secretartists
#twins
#seven
#standup
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Yoga teacher: Any injuries, any pregnancies, anything I should know?
@LouSanders
: We’re both Sagittarius
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Recent commission:
@JamesAcaster
asked for a portrait of
@JBazzler
... Still not sure if he was joking but I’ve done it now, haven’t I? (For slightly less niche art, follow me on insta- ) 😛
#sorryjack
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The exhibition I’ve curated is front page of the
@guardian
guide today! Featuring interviews with
@HarryHill
@timkeyperson
@lollyadefope
@JosieLong
&
@JamesMoir10
@VicReeves1
🙌🙌🙌🙌
#artisthebestmedicine
opens next week
@FiumanoClase
@mentalhealthuk
13-20 December 2019
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You should need signed consent from someone before adding them to a WhatsApp group
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Why do we clean our glasses with the only bit of fabric we never wash?
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Had an argument with my mum before she went to work. Just found this note in the kitchen. Very funny tbf
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Your boyfriend takes pictures of the Carnaby Street Christmas lights
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I’ve just been chased on an email that was sent to me 3 hours ago. Threw up instantly.
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Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against compliments(!!!!) but if you’re going to say something nice after a gig, please don’t feel the need to preface it with “normally when I see a woman on the bill I’m a bit unsure but...”
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Had a brilliant time at
@AberComedyFest
! Thank you
@henrywiddicombe
and thank you everyone who came to see my show. Thanks also go to
@AmusicalShow
for making mine and
@SunilDPatel
’s anxiety dreams come true...
#itsahardknocklife
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So annoying when you wake up before your alarm goes off. I’d set mine for April
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Just deleted Google Maps cos I can’t imagine ever needing that again
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I don’t want to make generalisations about men & women but the only man at pilates tonight turned up 15 minutes late, spent 5 minutes talking about his bike accident, attempted to flirt with the teacher, claimed he’d taught the class before, then did every movement wrong
#namaste
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My mum said “I had this thought at 3am. I’m sure they’ve already thought of it though...” HAVE THEY THOUGHT OF IT? I think it’s a great idea. Anyway, I made her tweet it 🤷🏼♀️
How about removing all the oxygen from the grounded planes and giving them to the emergency services?
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Ironically when I was reading this book on the tube- which I’d highly recommend (the book, not the tube)- a man started hassling me and when another man eventually stepped in (🙌) to tell him to leave me alone, he said “what if I wanted to do something really nasty to that lady?”
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Happy
#InternationalMensDay
! Hope you're all enjoying your nuts, bolts, buttons, batteries, half a pencil and a bent paperclip
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So good to be gigging again! I’ve missed asking audiences if they’re dead then waiting at Newbury station for half an hour by myself on a Friday night
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Pretty sure I went to school with this girl. Emily something?
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Played football last night and arrived with one of the men also playing. The woman on reception asked him which pitch he’d booked then said to me “Sorry darling, I can’t let you in if you’re spectating...” 🙃
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The chat at Hampstead Ladies pond wouldn’t pass the Bechdel test
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THAT’S NOT THE POINT
@instagram
. You’re supposed to check it every thirty seconds until you want to kill yourself
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Hell is one big group photo with the photographer saying “now let’s do a fun one!”
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@metpoliceuk
While I’ve got you here actually, don’t think you ever found my 2019 flasher? DW- painted him too xx
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Fun being on the road supporting
@LouSanders
, even if she does think they drive on the right in Manchester 💜
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