Andrej
@AndrejNkv
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The Pokémon Prohibitionist. Opinions and faux pas strictly my own.
Edinburgh, Scotland
Joined March 2009
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Pinned Tweet
My mum is visiting this weekend and she has taken the absolute best photo of the cats.
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Whoever it was on here who noted that he stands like the front end of a centaur, I have not been able to unsee it ever since
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Are there photos of Macron where he *doesn't* look like a Bond villain?
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Politics is awful, so have a few pictures of my favourite animal: the noble viscacha
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Now I'm losing the huile d'olive
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I scaled the Prime Ministers to their terms in office
All of the former prime ministers (and Rishi Sunak) gathered at the cenotaph,
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So that's two people arrested for Sycamore Gap... just one more and they'll have the tree fellers they're after
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I am the very model of a Russian Major General
My standing in the battlefield is growing quite untenable
My forces, though equipped and given orders unequivocal
Did not expect the fight to be remotely this reciprocal
Writing prompt:
I am the very model of a Russian Major General
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The fact that the Prime Minister is allowed to go on what is fast becoming the governing party’s own TV channel and, unchallenged, deliver what is essentially an election address is just utterly nuts. Makes a mockery of having broadcast rules in the first place.
'Labour simply don't have a plan. If you don't have a plan, you can't deliver any change.'
Rishi Sunak greets the GB News People's Forum in County Durham.
#GBNPeoplesForum
📺 Freeview 236, Sky 512, Virgin 604
🔓 Become a GB News Member:
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Interesting part of the 2005 election Question Time when the audience were having a go at Tonty for the 48 hour target for GP appointments meaning they were being forced to book appointments sooner than they wanted them...
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.
@AndrewGarethP
just reminded me of this one, which has to be up there with the best of them
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I used to have a tank brigade but now I have lost several
My fresh assaults are faltering with battleplans extemporal
I can't recover vehicles but farmers in a tractor can
It's all becoming rather reminiscent of Afghanistan
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My ordnance is the best but only half my missiles make it there
I would have thought by now that we would be controllers of the air
But at the rate the snipers work my time here is ephemeral
I am the very model of a Russian Major General
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Getting real Dishonored vibes from this, dunno why
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I think TV debates are an imported Americanism we could do without
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This view is astoundingly common on the trad right but it fundamentally misunderstands NIMBYism. You could plan the nicest looking streets and buildings in the world and people would still veto them if it threatens the view over their emotional support disused Safeway car park
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London Mayoral race update....
Sounds like Tory Susan Hall is ahead in the voting in Camden / Barnet patch
A Ulez bounce?
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I don't want to say we didn't realise how good we had it, but it's certainly a fascinating contrast with today's situation where you're lucky if you can get a GP appointment at all...
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Expectation management of No10 this eve has been magnificent.
Flying Graham Stuart back to make things look like they are on the brink makes the win tonight look all the more seismic.
It makes the PM’s authority look stronger even if No10 never believed things were in doubt.
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Whenever I see those on the right resorting to this sort of rank classism about Rayner, I take heart in the fact that the last time they did this about a Labour deputy leader, he ended up serving as deputy PM for a decade.
The costalivin the Torehs the Torehs the Liz Truss the windfall tax it’s disGOSTIN
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the american mind cannot comprehend this
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A 5-month fall! Impressive. Now to take a big sip of tea and look at the big picture...
We’ve seen the biggest 5-month fall in overall NHS waiting lists in over a decade, outside the pandemic.
Since September, overall NHS waiting lists have decreased by almost 200,000.
With an extra £2.4 billion announced at the budget, we’re delivering on our shared priorities.
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Authorities say they're investigating a shell company
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I just can’t get over how this was an entirely unforced error and he apparently just woke up on Thursday and decided to implode his own premiership
EXC: Humza Yousaf is preparing to quit as Scotland’s first minister after coming to the conclusion that his position is no longer tenable
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If they don’t call the football regulator Ofside I will be very disappointed in them
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The Ian Wright “solidarity” news resulted in a BBC Breaking News alert.
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I wish I could remember who first described Bitcoin as Dunning-Krugerrands because all I remember is that it was pretty early on and it was just perfectly withering as a description for the crypto phenomenon as a whole
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smh train conductors shouldn't have to deal with bullion in the workplace
Efforts are being made to track down owner of more than 3kg of gold left on a train 💰
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Penny Mordaunt says she will bring "the white heat of modernisation" to government.
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Okay since this has rather exploded, I'll answer a few common questions:
They are sisters, their names are Maisie (left) and Morag (right), they are ragdoll cats & they are just over 6 months old!
I have set up an Instagram if anyone wants to follow them:
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Does any country's older generation openly hate its young quite as much as ours?
"Places like Italy in particular or Germany, they don't actually aspire necessarily to own their own home they’re quite happy to rent."
This Somerset Tory activist says young people need to be more realistic about their dreams of home ownership.
@Jo_Crawford
for
#TimesRadio
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What if we put one fish in one end of the fish tube, and another fish into the other end of the fish tube, and turned it into the large haddock collider?
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The Tories' governing strategy, 2024
Officials under govt pressure to sell off token plot of HS2 before election to create rhetorical trap for Labour (which is bound to impress the voters!)
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So I don't have anything particular to hawk in my 5 minutes of Twitter fame, but if you can spare some coin for the good people over at
@MSF
, pls consider it ❤️
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We all need a bit of levity at the moment - what's your favourite video on the whole internet? You know, the one you go back to when you need cheering up...
I'll start:
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I again remind people what the Tories were saying after the 1996 local elections…
HARLOW: Con HOLD (Maj down 11 to 1) Tory source: "Tough night [but] clear absolutely no love for KS"
>>Tories performance dire. Cld lose up to half seats based on results in (c500 losses) BUT Lab gaining half Tory losses as seats go to others. Cld b Qs abt Lab sealing the deal..
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Striking how many of the UK's problems are related to a failure to invest (1/n)
1. Home insulation -> higher energy bills
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This is beginning to feel less "NHS in crisis" and more "systemic societal collapse"
Exclusive: Armed police are being sent to save the lives of people in cardiac arrest because ambulances “can’t cope” with demand
Officers are spending up to a third of their time on non-policing matters, HM Chief Inspector of Constabulary told me
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I don’t think the Doomsday Clock should get headlines any more
The Doomsday Clock remains at 90 seconds to midnight, the experts predicting the likelihood of a global catastrophe have said
Full story ⬇️
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[mysterious old lady flips tarot card revealing a dude who looks exactly like Rishi Sunak flying a hot air balloon into power lines]
Rishi Sunak: is that good
Current feeling in the Survation office.
Maybe don’t look up, or do, I dunno.
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Amusingly
@AndrewGarethP
has found this very similar reaction from Robin Hodgson in the wake of the 1996 local elections (featuring a youthful
@jonsopel
!)
‘I don’t see any enthusiasm for Labour,’ says Greg Hands after Labour win two by elections and overturn 20,000 + Tory majorities. Finger on the pulse
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I think I’m right in saying she’s run the hairdresser in Parliament basically since it was converted from the old men-only barber, she’s lovely, and it’s actually really nice that she’s been recognised for her work.
🚨 | BREAKING: Boris Johnson has given an OBE to his... hairdresser
Apparently, it's for "parliamentary service"
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Guido journos at every photo of Starmer in a car for the next 2 years
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Sorry, they just need to be banned. Breed-specific legislation is a blunt instrument but I don't see any alternative when you have killing machines like this roaming around. The sheer number of examples suggests it isn't just a few bad apples - they're just dangerous dogs.
Two XL bully dogs kill 22 sheep in savage attack after escaping from their home
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What a difference 4 years makes!
Swollen eyes, a hunchback and claw-like hands: What remote-workers will look like by 2100
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Using this site as an average user is really starting to feel like a peasant trying to live with the increasingly insane whims of a mad king. Until recently there were just unnerving rumours from the castle, but now the fields are being painted purple and cows have been outlawed.
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He must really hate this guy then, he sold it so well...
🔴 The Brexit divorce deal is "contradictory" and must be rewritten to protect the Union, Boris Johnson will tell EU leaders on Tuesday
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The Badger/Mushroom theory of Prime Ministers predicted the final in this leadership race.
Churchill🦡
Attlee🦡
Churchill🦡
Eden🦡
Macmillan🦡
Douglas-Home🦡
Wilson🦡
Heath🦡
Wilson🦡
Callaghan🦡
Thatcher🦡
Major🦡
Blair🍄
Brown🍄
Cameron🦡
May🦡
Johnson🦡
Truss/Sunak🦡
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@feedthedrummer
Thought I had a good one but it seems it’s cheating because there is apparently literally no public transport to the village I thought of any more so anywhere to there kind of wins
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@The149thBishop
When I created it they were 1 pixel width = 10 days in office, hence Truss got 5 pixels. I think the translation to Twitter has resized it somewhat but I think it should all still be in proportion.
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Heartening to see such joy, but it also reminds me of the Ukrainians deported to the far reaches of Russia, the children forcibly adopted to Russian families in the meantime, and the many killed civilians, who will never know the joy of liberation. They must not be forgotten.
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The BBC could cause serious harm to local news publishers who cannot compete with the national broadcaster, the chief of trade body News Media Association has warned.
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Make your gay characters complex. Problematic. Nasty fuckers who do bad things. Unapologetic. Evil. Manipulative. Unlikeable. Three dimensional. Villainous. Not just the ‘cute’ teens holding hands.
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🔒RT Thinking about that time Peter Bottomley said the quiet part out loud
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"We've angered the Greens by mistake"
Another vintage Humza Yousaf quote today re the Greens:
“I didn’t mean, and didn’t intend, to make them as angry as they clearly are.”
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This one. It’s one of the best things that’s ever happened.
What viral video makes you laugh no matter how many times you watch it? Mine is ‘bye driver’
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Two points:
1) ffs, the man is a walking security nightmare
2) Unless I’m very much mistaken, this was the password when I was there ~7 years ago - does our national legislature not have basic security hygiene or do they assume MPs and staff are going to leak it so don’t bother?
William Wragg's photo shoot for the Times, with his wifi password on full display.
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Boris Johnson now squats like a giant toad across British politics. He has expanded the Overton window in both directions. Praising bankers and drug companies, while tight on immigration and woke history. Cheered for lauding the NHS and pro LGBT. Where does Labour find a gap?
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When my gran was developing Alzheimer’s she kept falling for scam calls and I dare say many people across the country have had the exact same experience, so this is good actually
Fed up of scam calls?
Labour will take tough action to prevent them 👇
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Our front pages are like this every time you elect a new gerontocrat, let us have this once every lifetime
I’m not a Queen-hater but British royal affairs being dominant front page news in the United States represents a remarkable degree of psychic colonization by an empire we kicked out over 200 years ago.
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Once again thankful to the Telegraph paywall for its visual representation of walking away from the local pub bore
Britain is in ruins thanks to the failed dogmas of our permanent Leftist elite
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If this is true why did you prefix it by saying that Yvette Cooper "can't even get the name of the country right"?
Some keyboard snipers moaning that I criticised the opposition for referring to the Kigali government, not the Rwandan government.
I would not call the French government, the Paris government nor the Scottish government, the Edinburgh government.
Why disrespect Rwanda?
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Greece (for 40 years): We want the Parthenon marbles back.
UK: No.
Greek PM: We want the Parthenon marbles back.
UK PM:
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Forget what people are trying to build, look at what NIMBYs are trying to *protect*. All too often it's a car park, a disused concrete building, something grim but known to them. If it were all about aesthetics, would that make sense?
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“I have to tell you now that no such undertaking has been received, and that consequently…”
It is with a heavy heart I announce the sale of my long term ape, Salazar. Most of my early followers know me as this ape. My kids know me as this ape. I met my wife when I WAS this ape and had my first kid when I was still proudly wore this ape. By extension, it is part of me.
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The problem is you've literally been arguing this for longer than it takes to build a nuclear power station
Bone-headed & senseless decision. Govt says
#SizewellC
is vital to meet 2035 electricity decarbonisation target, but *its own impact statement* found we won't get supply for at least another 13-17 years - do the maths! Nuclear is hugely costly & simply can't help meet 2035 target
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The arc of history is long but it bends towards us never building anything ever again
Parliamentary committee of MPs expresses concern over funding model for Sizewell C nuclear plant
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🏴 EXC: PM tells Sun England will win Euros but says country “shouldn’t just be worried about the Danes, Slovenians and Serbs
“They should be worried about Captain Flip Flop and his band of socialists. I think victory is in sight and we’ll bring it home”
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Tory MP tells me that the moments of stunned silence from Tory backbenchers was because they couldn’t quite believe what they were hearing. Proper Tory policy!
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🚨New Voting Intention🚨
Labour lead increases to twenty-three points in our latest results.
Con 23% (-4)
Lab 46% (+2)
Lib Dem 9% (-1)
Reform 12% (+1)
SNP 2% (-)
Green 5% (+1)
Other 3% (+1)
Fieldwork: 15th-18th March 2024
Sample: 2,072 GB adults
(Changes from 8th-11th March 2024)
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Worms don’t live off the dead for as long as this
"She belonged to me," Diana's former butler and close friend Paul Burrell speaks to us exclusively about his friendship with the Princess.
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The arc of history is long but it bends towards taking George Osborne's stupid "fixing the roof while the sun is shining" quote and making it as literal as possible for his insane decision to cut capital expenditure to ring in almost a decade of ultra-low interest rates
🚨 EXCLUSIVE: Internal NHS reports reveal hospital buildings are at imminent risk of "catastrophic" collapse, with significant loss of life, as a result of crumbling concrete:
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"Waterstones Dad is more despondent, politically confused, curious yet overwhelmed by choice, drained by hopes raised and dashed, but lashed to the mast of a career, a good house, and the comforts of family life."
💬
@GavJacobson
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It's fascinating how many people are sharing this uncritically despite him very clearly wearing a seatbelt. Are we really that addled by social media that we see only what we want to see? It's like The Dress but for party politics 🤔
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The Conservative Party literally cultivated this. They sent out election literature promising that only areas which voted Conservative would get resources spent on them. Now they’re complaining they’ve got people asking for the pork they were promised?
"The new intake have been small-scale socialists," complains one cabinet minister. "Once, Tory MPs’ groups were about ideas. Now, they all want bribes."
This week's
@spectator
column on selections and their consequences for the Tory parliamentary party
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@hrafnkat
@petestrzok
It's quite difficult to catch individual responses as they're whizzing past but I'm glad I saw this one and I'm happy it brought back good memories for you! All the best
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Go around this country and see, even in little villages on the periphery, the Ukrainian flags that people have spontaneously put up in support of them against your aggression. Is it any wonder this propaganda point of yours isn't working very well here?
Zelensky’s in town. Time for British taxpayers to make another generous contribution.
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When I made this I didn't think it would be a prediction
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There really needs to be some kind of reckoning with the amount of people who've felt enabled by social media such as YouTube and TikTok to use "it's just a prank bro" as a cover for increasingly horrible and antisocial behaviour. This guy is just being a criminal for clicks.
Another hilarious video, this time asking women late at night if they want to die
You’ll see in following videos, he has a thing for targeting women
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"We have concluded our investigation into the Glasgow Willy Wonka Experience, and come to the following conclusions:
There are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know..."
BREAKING: PM to make a statement outside No 10 at 5.40pm. Understand this is not calling an election but I also hear he wants to make a statement about something that is important to him. Might be about recent divisions over Gaza and issues of extremism…
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I wonder if Andrew Neil ever has an occasional pang of guilt about his part in getting this channel to air
Matt Hancock doesn't need a Bushtucker trial; he needs a Nuremberg trial. It is that serious.
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Richard Holden says he believes Tories can hold every seat they won in 2019 AND make gains
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He’s on schedule
If you could pick anybody to run the country, who would it be?
Voters in
#BBCLauraK
’s focus groups tell us they’d like to see “Carol Vorderman, Alex Ferguson, Alan Sugar and Martin Lewis” as potential prime ministers
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