Alison Moyet
@AlisonMoyet
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Keeping an irony in the fire. @ModestMgmt @alisonmoyetnews
Joined December 2011
Do women who swear give a fuck if they don’t?
Do men find women who swear unattractive?
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To not contribute to the British tax system and then ask for British tax payers to support your wealth is beyond risible.
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My mate just sent me this topical joke, if you’re up for one.
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Knock his voice? He is hitting notes some singers 30 years his junior lost in their haste, if they ever found them at all. As for the set list. His call. He’s not his own tribute act. Singular talent. Massive admiration. #Macca #glastonburyfestival2022.
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Broke my arm. Seen the same day at A&E. X-Ray and cast. Referred to fracture clinic. Consultant, X-Ray, new cast and follow up appointments. Free at the point of need. This is our #NHS .This is our inheritance. This is what makes us a nation. Britain. Still Great. #SaveOurNHS.
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My son and daughter in law did both have Covid and a four year old. Yes. The guidance was just to sit there .
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Elsewhere on Twitter a female personality criticising another woman for the perceived crime of looking older than her years. Cancer treatment aside, .dissing another woman’s face is far worse a look than any wrinkle surely coming our way.
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Been called a bloke far more times than I can remember. Papers called up my mum in the 80s & said they were writing up a piece about how I was really a man. It all becomes so Meh after a bit. Don’t waste life spinning over how other people see you. We’re all wankers to someone.
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The first single. Yazoo. Only You. 40 today. Happy Birthday, you beauty. We never made a video for so it’s TOTP. My mum gave me 15 quid for fabric & me mate Debbie sewed it up. Making it up as we went along.Yazoo "Only You" 29th April 1982 via @YouTube.
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Katie Hopkins. I don’t want to laugh gently like a spring brook, but I fear I simply must.
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Aged 16 I wanted to be a printer like my father, my grand-father and his father before him. I was met with a ‘No. Closed Shop. No women’. 62 this month and I’ve just completed my first degree. Fine Art Printmaking. Born to make a mess and learnt to clean it up. #ItsNeverTooLate.
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Was asked why I was called Alf. At 16 I was pretty butch. A drama teacher, claiming he had misheard my first name & smirking said, in front of the class, .Alf? Did you say Alf? Looked him deadpan in the face & said yes. Called myself Alf from that day. Don’t let them own you.
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This is going to sound wanky, but does anyone else have massive phone/text/message/mail anxiety? Need to do admin and reply to friends and the heart is predictably pounding. Everyday I promise myself ‘tomorrow’ and still I’m in avoidance. What is that all about?.
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Take a girl out of Basildon. and still she sneaks back home to steal away a Basildon boy. 30 years today with this one. Lucky with my #LockdownLove
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I have the benefit of age. It’s time I share what I’ve learnt. It’s time you listen, and well. If you can’t thinly slice cheddar cheese, use a potato peeler. Don’t wait years to wake up to this. I’ll tell you more stuff later.
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Did that graduating thing today. All a bit late doors, but bees & bonnets & wot not. Congratulations to my fabulous cohort who brought with them much joy, & earnest thanks to our talented educators & technicians for sharing their knowledge & wisdoms generously #savebrightonuni
Please join us in congratulating @AlisonMoyet on graduating with a First in Fine Art Printmaking BA (Hons) from Brighton University today. What an achievement!
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I have just heard the news. Since we were 10. Same estate. Class mates to label mates. He who kept faith with all the old gang and they with him. It doesn’t compute. Fletch. I have no words. #andyfletcher.
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I don’t want to go to the pub. I don’t want to buy nicknacks. I don’t want a MaccyD. I want to see my kids. When are we open for that?.
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No longer verified? .Excellent. Bum. Tit. Willy. Willy. Wank.
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Not complaining. Not remotely. But it is weird as fuck to walk past a busker who is playing your song.
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Dear friends and kind,.kind souls. Thank you so much for your messages of congratulations. I didn’t expect such overwhelming support and this honour is made so much shinier because of it. How loving you all are. Fact. I have the receipts. Xxx.#MBE.
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Forgive me, but I feel compelled to speak out. Hubby. I hate that word. In every possible sphincter-twitching way you can hate a word, I hate it. Thank you for your time and consideration.
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Today I said goodbye to my best friend Lindsay. We met at college 46 years ago and she has been my constant ever since. My better nature, my gentle reminder. A heart that gifted its beats freely and then they were spent. No luggage now, faithful, beautiful girl. Travel lightly. X.
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Not being funny but I’ve had the same Tour stage clothes for 10 years. I’d like to say I was being ethical but truth is I can’t ever be arsed to go up the shops.
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Those religious leaders who have proclaimed that Covid 19 is God’s punishment for homosexuality and have now been tested positive, I certainly wish them well, but it’s a convoluted way to Come Out.
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My beloved daughter-in-law, Dr. works front line Covid 19 triage and is just back returned from sickness, desperately wanting to support her ailing colleagues. My son cares for their young son so that she can. Happy Mother’s Day, beautiful girl. I am so very proud of you and ours.
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Jesus. At this rate I’m going to get as fat as Alison Moyet.
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Young people. You who struggle with yourselves in the mirror. On the page. You who see flaw upon flaw. My goodness. I wish you knew how beautiful you are. Don’t wait ‘til you’re old to see it.
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I am a feminist but I’m not blind to the failings of this movement. ‘Burn your bra’ for example was no doubt thought up by a right ripe arsehole with an AA cup and an adversion to competitive netball.
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If the will of the people is Brexit, no leaver should fear a second referendum.
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The passing of Steve Wright truly marks the end of an era for so many of us. Indefatigable and spirited. A kind, good natured, generous presence welcoming us into the airwaves of our days,.Goodbye Mr. I’m glad you were there.
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When I first met my husband he had hair to his waist. Some many years in and on a whim having lost none of it, he had his head shaved. My bull of a dad with his thick French accent, and dry as tinder, said .‘Fuckin’ ‘ell. First he Jesus, now he bleedin’ Ghandi’. #Anniversary.
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Three vital, significant women ended at the hands of a deranged, narcissistic horror of man. An abomination. Carol. Hannah and Louise. How we sorrow for you and for your poor devastated loved ones. These women count and No is a sentence that many serve.
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You have to wonder how much money it takes for Mone and her ilk to feel like they’ve arrived. When did pride and shame lose their value in the pointless pursuit of owning stuff? More stuff. Endless stuff. The loathsome, joyless weight of stuff.
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Just want to say this. For all the snark & poking that goes on on this platform, I’ve found a muddle of people over the years that exude warmth & generosity & have gifted me so many kindnesses. Know that I am always gladdened to see you here & feel held by your regard. Thank you.
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Playing out with your Street mates. When the council had recently cut the grass. Where you were stealing the last light of dusk and the hedges made walls away from the terraces. When you could still just see the ball. Before they called us in. Wasn’t that the best time ever.
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People who guff ‘When you resort to swearing it tells me all I need to know’ are lofty cunts.
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Twitter is brilliant. I am currently a TERF, Anti-Semite, Zionist, Lefty loon, Right-wing, thick, elite, priviledged, has-been, lovey, Socialist, no-mark who promotes the mutilation of male children’s nether regions. I can also hold a tune. Fuck me, you’re messed up.
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Our cat destroyed DESTROYED our once beautiful stair carpet. Result? We’ve got a truly shitty stair carpet and a brilliant, beloved old cat. Conclusion? We’re not getting another stair carpet while our cat endures. Hopes? Our cat is immortal.
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When I was young I thought I was in competition with other women. That’s what we were conditioned to think. I defied them. Now I understand. Age has gifted me wisdom. Today I celebrate every women who breaks any boundary, every convention that I never did. I am proud of my sex.
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Just got called a fukin’ arsehole for wearing a mask. If the twat had a modicum of wit they’d have known I was an arsehole way before before they got ugly.
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It can’t be underestimated - the mockery directed towards Martina Navratilova when she ruled the game. As girls we were encouraged by the media to regard her strength as freakish & we felt that shame in our own strong bodies. So resilient and unbowed was she. Formidable woman.
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I’m with her.
I hate this whole "women can be sexy at fifty!” narrative. At what age will society stop demanding I try to be sexy for everybody and just let me turn into an old swamp witch, as nature intended?.
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What’s the beef with Angela Rayner going to a rave? In the 70’s we had mosh pits. People in their 60’s and 70’s now weren’t Tip-Toeing at Tea Dances in their youth. Let alone 40 somethings. Moving hard is good for the soul. Stop being the all round argumentative, ya mentalists.
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I met George Michael a few times & he was ever a gentle, unassuming soul.A rare presence in a world full of self. Honest, genuine talent.
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Is it just me that has gotten old these last 3 years? Like bone-draggingly old? .Three busses we didn’t know we were waiting for at once. Brexit. Covid. War. My face has grown up to be a ball-sack. At least it got to grow up.
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Seeing my Jewish neighbours and friends shrink into themselves as antisemitism rears it’s head again on our shores is heart wrenching. Years now we have trumpeted the righteousness of protecting our nations minorities. We need to remember that need for all as the world hardens.
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If you’re allowed to have a cleaner in, can I go to my kid’s houses to do their housework if I promise to wear a pinny the whole while and only look at them sideways?.
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How fab is Derry Girls? Faultless cast and such great writing. So well directed too. Thanks to my son for the recommend.
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I love singing and will do it happily while I can and have a care to, but anyone imagining I have any fucks to give about a career at this stage of my life is sorely mistaken.
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Thank you for all for your tremendously kind birthday wishes. A lady is supposed to fudge her age, apparently. Not me. 63 today!.We need never deny getting old, only the expectation that we stop engaging. Here’s to another interesting adventure. :-).Wishing you all the same xxx.
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Here’s a thought. When you state we are too big, too small, too old, too ugly, too mannish, too irrelevant blah, blah, blah, do bear in mind we hold no ambition to be some random splutter’s wank-standard and neither a role model for the puddle-deep. You’re good to go.
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We all may have wondered where she was but ‘she should have said’ is not what we should be arriving at. Sometimes the right to tell belongs to time, and we all have the right to time for ourselves. Best not to make playgrounds of other people’s lives.
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Spoiler alert. I’m not any one of those singers that do stuff in masks on the telly competition. Never seen it. Never going to happen. All the best x.
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Of course it should be irrelevant and need no mention that the men stabbed in Reading were gay men. but until men are not violently murdered worldwide for being gay, we can’t lose that language. We must stand that every corner.
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You can love your cat or you can love your stair carpet. You can’t love both. Life has taught me this.
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See? Being fat can have its upsides.
One of the most awkward, jaw-dropping things I've ever seen on TV 😲 Felt sorry for Alison Hammond though 🙁
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What’s with these young fella bands routinely cupping their knackers in a dance routine? Can’t management steer them towards a sturdy under-pant? Surely that would both alleviate their seeming discomfort and free them up for the ever popular JazzHands. Something we all can enjoy.
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Young people banging on about the old and telling them to mute themselves. How do you break it to them? That’s your tomorrow that is. You get to eat this old person’s dinner you’re currently throwing together, and sooner than you think. Enjoy! X.
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Oh, Tina Turner. What a gift you were. I found you in my teens & even then I was late to the party but you never lost me. Never saw a woman own the stage like that.And that voice.Opened the door for all the mighty women that followed & never shaded by any of them. Thank you.
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I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief. C.S. Lewis.
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If you’re questioning who in the world of pop is a woman, she is the one that has her dress size approximated in most every article ever written about her.
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This is the last month in which I can say that this year I graduated. Finally. I miss my cohort, my tutors, my university, its workshops and our technicians. They were difficult and entirely splendid years. Community is a wonderful thing.
Did that graduating thing today. All a bit late doors, but bees & bonnets & wot not. Congratulations to my fabulous cohort who brought with them much joy, & earnest thanks to our talented educators & technicians for sharing their knowledge & wisdoms generously #savebrightonuni
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Be less afraid of getting things wrong than missing the chance to engage. Failing is life. No one so step-perfect to judge you. Behind every successful outcome is a weeping heap of mess. Stay curious. Doing stuff renders the demons toothless. Up and at it my beauties :-). Xxx.
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My mother in the 50’s. Short hair. Shameless.
'We want to show it's OK for girls to have short hair'
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Not watched any of the Olympics thus far nor seen any of Rebecca Adlington’s commentating, but read a long thread of people really impressed & enthralled by her punditry and it gave me a really happy feeling. I don’t know her but it was just very lovely to see. That’s all.
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The joy of being 62 is, if CSE maths serves me well, that I can no longer be classified as a middle-aged woman. This means I am no longer the scourge of polite society nor prime causer of human suffering. Time to wear purple and hone the spitting. Result.
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Human Rights? Where are you?.
The Taliban have banned the construction of windows that allow women to be seen in the kitchen or courtyard of neighboring houses. This further restricts women’s freedom. Yet, the world and United Nations remains silent about Afghan women.
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There’s no question that women in public life are more often harshly scrutinised than her male counterparts. I thank the undeniably brave and impressive women that stand for us, for their fortitude and example, that hope resides.
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Anyone comfortable with the way Jews everywhere have become the societal whipping boy again should pack up their Humanity Stalls and trade their peace badges. This cannot stand.
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People not in politics telling singers not in politics that they have no right to voice opinion whilst voicing their own. There’s nowt as wank as bog-standard thick.
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.@Martina Navratilova was a beacon for gay pride and dignity at time when there was no cyber wall of liberals to defend her. She is no ally. She was the vanguard. She is a veteran. Respect, won already. #OverAndOut.
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My grandson had his 8th birthday yesterday. In Southport those poor babes had their every birthday promise stolen from them. It feels trite and cheap to speak of it, but inhuman to let it go unspoken. This pain. Such a world of grief.
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Genuine questions to those believing Covid to be a world wide conspiracy. Who do you think are the beneficiaries? To what end is whoever (conducting this global fraud) hoping to arrive at? What’s their purpose? Who are they?.
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Sod it. I’m 61. Hips could go at anytime. Plus also I forgot to flag @FloorsCastle You gave us a brilliant reception.Every single person working this event was a dream. So welcoming and completely on it. Sat on the grass waiting for stage time looking at that horizon. So good.
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I see Madonna’s bath video and all I can think about is the state of her drains.
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When you realise you’re two years older than the old bloke who is going out with the racist bird who is younger than your daughter and is too dense to shit. ?.It’s time to wear purple with a red hat that doesn’t go.
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Just saying. When my dad came to this country he didn’t speak a word of English. Went to work with bits of paper my mum wrote for him to get around. Worked double shifts and never pulled a sicky. Like most paid into the system that supported us & we, forward for the next. Gladly.
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It’s monday. The country creeps open its doors for shopping to commence. Nope. Still can’t be arsed.
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Happy New Year, one and all. Wishing each of you a peaceful heart and the silk of softnesses. Love Alison x.
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I feel you. I’m wearing vintage M&S.
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Why should we contribute to the betterment of someone else’s kids? Well. In a time when fewer people are choosing to procreate we will invariably need to rely on someone else’s children to build and to care for us. To have them well educated seems to me a wise move going forward.
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Young types on here suggesting a women is twisted with bitterness when another subject/object is deemed more universally shag-worthy. Honestly. Do they imagine that being a chance wank-standard for some random lap-frotter is a common female ambition? An achievement? .Good grief.
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It is widely understood that people need safe spaces and it is they that determine what their safe space looks like. No less, raped women deserve to determine their own safe space and are supremely deserving of care.
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As a #MiddleClassWomanOfaCertainAge, I’d say it’s pretty offensive to infer that working class women take no position. These women will tell you your fortune soon enough. Gratis.
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Dear political types. I’ve been invited to do concerts this year in that Europe post your magic exit day. Can I confirm I will be able to get there wiv me trucks and shit? .Asking on behalf of a British tax payer. #DoNotRedundencyMe.
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Gender non-conforming since 1961. Infant nickname - ‘Stamina’. Junior nickname ‘’Buffalo Bill’. Senior nickname ‘Alf’, but apparently ‘TERF’ since I reject ‘cis’. Fuck you.
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I’ve been on this platform for 13 years & follow some 2k accounts for reasons I’ve mostly forgotten. I’m not related to & have never met 1 single person I’ve agreed with unequivocally. They don’t need to exist. I post no hate to any door. Sending it to me isn’t my shame to open.
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In our lives we will be many people. What on one day seems unbearable to live with is vapour the next. We can’t avoid sorrows, we can undoubtedly expect change. Hold on. Light always follows darkness. Love is the Phoenix. #WorldSuicidePreventionDay.
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Good Friday! A good day to pop in & mention that during my Twitter sabbatical I became granny for the second time. Another beautiful boy. Older & still not pissed off about it. Happy Easter, chums and if Easter is not your thing, may your day have many happy aspects regardless. X.
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If you tell little kids stuff they believe you. Once, sat on my grandads lap, stroking his head I asked him where his hair had gone.The wind blew it off & away down the river,he said.I remember staring at the electric heater in the fire place thinking it could happen to any of us.
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Baby Alf and best buddy. 1977. Woolworths photo booth. Basildon.
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Hoping above hope that Boris Johnson gets through this nightmare. That everyone struggling this night and the next and the next will pull through this.
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He has followed me upstairs and is hammering at the window like a vexatious curtain twitcher for all to hear. I said I would stop feeding them. I patently lied. And he’s got the brass front to look at me like that? .The traitorous splitter.
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I look at my old man and he is a thing of elegant beauty. I think I really should make more of an effort. From now on I pledge to ensure my clothes are not inside-out at the absolute very least.
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I will never be hounded off Twitter. Bored off, though, is a likely contender.
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I have tolerated Toss Pots too long. Disagree. Argue. Oppose. Be frustrated, by all means, and you will be heard and your comments considered. Come at me with insult and play-ground, spiteful petulance and you can fuck right off. #WankBlock.
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