Alan Plotzker, MD
@AlanPlotzker
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Neurologist, pun enthusiast, die-hard Eagles fan. Husband of @mcknight_writes . Opinions are my own
Pittsburgh, PA
Joined October 2020
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呪術廻戦
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FEMA
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Eagles
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Chiefs
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#GHDBT4
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Courtois
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Elsa
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Browns
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Broncos
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Ancelotti
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Simeone
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Braves
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PRENDAN EL CIRIO
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Chargers
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Herbert
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Flacco
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Maite
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Koke
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#朝ドラおむすび
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The Purge
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Nacho
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Rashee Rice
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Cardinals
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#RaiseHail
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Cholo
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Pinned Tweet
Medical specialties as Pokémon. A 🧵. 1st gen (sorry
@joshmcgoo
)
Emergency Medicine—Ditto
Changes into basically every other specialty depending on the situation. May not get all the details perfect, but gets the job done
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@AubryAndrews
“I’m not racist, but…” remains undefeated for predicting that whatever comes next is going to be SUPER racist
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@redlianak
1. If they asked me, I would point blank refuse any scenario in which any of those kids is killed or seriously injured to get the person in question, and so would my mom
2. This is a false dichotomy between killing kids and “doing nothing”
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@redlianak
@SzMarsupial
Every hostage situation ever is “how do you get [person] without harming the innocent people?” and the answer is never “level the building”
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@BadMedicalTakes
Believing this is wild because not only do you have to have never seen someone give birth, you ALSO need to believe that every dramatization is wrong, and that the mother literally telling you about it is just making it up
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@BadMedicalTakes
Yes, 96-year-olds with hypertension famously never had heart issues before the COVID vaccines were developed
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@BadMedicalTakes
“I was not aware of this thing before, so it didn’t exist before” underpins SO MUCH right wing thinking
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@EyePatchGuy
The Confederacy literally enshrined in their constitution that states COULDN’T ban slavery if they wanted. The idea that it was about self-governance is laughable
The 1860s analog of “leave abortion to the states!” being immediately followed by a proposed national abortion ban
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@MartinKulldorff
Good Lord, how do you manage to tweet something THIS wrong? I mean, seriously, there are *biblical* passages about handling people with leprosy, to say nothing of the histories of plague, typhoid, and the broad scale (untrue) demonization of disfavored groups as disease carries
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@redlianak
The false dichotomy was the “we can’t do anything” part
You have more limited options than if they were in a building by themselves. Limited options ≠ no options
Netanyahu’s own brother is famous for leading a rescue operation against Ugandan terrorists with hostages
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@radleybalko
The first “recourse” that comes to mind is “don’t shoot the goddamn dog.”
Walk away. If for some reason you are too scared of a *goldendoodle* (shown here in all their typical ferocity) to walk past it, wait until it gets bored and leaves. This isn’t hard
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My dude, there was a pope who dug up the corpse of his 7-months-dead predecessor, propped it up for a “trial,” spent days asking it questions, then mutilated the corpse and threw it in a river
And he’s probably not even the worst
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@ask_aubry
“Learning to deal with people being assholes is part of growing up, but learning to not be an asshole isn’t” is certainly a take
Nobody asked her to “punish” her kid. Just talk to him about why it’s not good to say stuff like that. You know, like basic parenting
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@MSteitz468
@nypost
Turns out “normal” chokeholds can and do kill people, which is why you shouldn’t use chokeholds
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@yuhline
Chefs: “Don’t do this”
Food safety experts: “Don’t do this”
Doctors: “Don’t do this”
You: “OMG, people don’t do this?? Do this!!”
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@ask_aubry
The idea that both penises and vaginas are being washed in public restrooms (and visibly, at that) makes it seem like this person has never been in a public restroom. Everybody who has would be confident that AT LEAST one of those things was wrong
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Well, I have COVID-19. Which sucks. Cough, sore throat, muscle aches, and I sound like I’ve been chain-smoking for 50 years, but thankfully no shortness of breath so far.
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@ask_aubry
It’s like…EXACTLY when girls start on average. Median age when menstruation starts in the US is 12.43…which is 7th grade for most kids (not to mention that means half start earlier)
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@ALMannixMD
Aside from the silly quiz session, can we just pause at 1) disbelieving someone is an EM doctor based on, as far as I can tell, nothing, and 2) thinking that demanding they answer medical trivia questions is an appropriate way to verify?
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@JoshDenny
Good Lord, maybe try learning the very basics of this stuff before spouting off with something so breathtakingly wrong? You can learn about it for free.
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@ajdeluxe_
Usually they don’t find out until after they’ve stayed over and had coffee in the morning
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@DGlaucomflecken
I did not expect Texaco Mike to become a recurring Glaucomflecken Cinematic Universe character, but I am 1000% here for it.
Here’s the prequel in case anyone needs it
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@ALMannixMD
Shoulda stuck with MS1 facts anyway. “Oh yeah, we’ll if you’re REALLY a doctor, what comes after isocitrate in the Krebs cycle???”
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I see we’re doing “mansplain neurology to a neurologist” this morning
Cc:
@BadMedicalTakes
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@ask_aubry
“We will physically harm children, but at least they won’t hear about gay people” 😡
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@BadMedicalTakes
Was curious what it would actually be. Almonds have 3 mg/100 g of salicylic acid. Molecular weight of salicylic acid is 138 vs 180 for aspirin, so you only need 76.6% as much weight for the same salicylate content. So to get the equivalent of 650 mg you’d need 16.6 kg of almonds
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@DGlaucomflecken
Kinda depressing when you put it that way, really.
Just need to keep reminding myself that the loudest, angriest ones aren’t speaking for everyone else.
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@DrJenGunter
It’s extremely painful if something is wrong and ALSO extremely painful if everything goes exactly as expected with no complications, which…doesn’t seem wildly useful?
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@DGlaucomflecken
“Have you considered just dying of colon cancer? Our internal research says that’s cheaper”
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@Caulimovirus
My favorite part of this Wikipedia dive was finding out that her uncle was named Doodles and his real name was arguably more ridiculous than Doodles
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@BadMedicalTakes
“I heard these wildly implausible things for which I have no source. Someone please lend this legitimacy”
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@angiericono
@KCKPDChief
@KCTV5
It is genuinely harmful to keep spreading this. As others have noted, those symptoms are not at all like symptoms of an opioid overdose, and it’s important for both police and the general public to
1) understand those symptoms, and
2) not fail to render aid for fear of “exposure”
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@DGlaucomflecken
Honestly, every time I’ve literally recommended a brain biopsy, it’s been way easier than convincing antivax people about the vaccine
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@DGlaucomflecken
The key is to have cultures sent but no results back yet. Makes for a great cliffhanger.
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The infection ended up being too much for Ozzie’s system to handle, even with aggressive supportive care. We had to say goodbye to the friendliest kitten in the world. The only consolation is that he was with us at the end and knew how loved he was
We’re so, so devastated
Ozzie had seemed like he was doing somewhat better, but things have taken a turn for the worse this morning, and vets aren’t sure if he’s going to make it. Getting a second transfusion now. Hoping we can support him long enough for the remdesivir to help
Send good vibes/prayers
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@DGlaucomflecken
“If we don’t appreciate recs, consultants will not thank us for our interesting consults; it’s the backbone of medicine” may be my favorite line from this whole series.
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@CatDocMD
- Q-tips
- truly horrific sleep hygiene
- stopping antidepressants without talking to my doctor
- barely exercised since the pandemic started
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@MamaDoctorJones
Even if they WERE undocumented, we still treat undocumented kids in need to medical attention
I made this handy flow chart for Mary and her friend to use in the future
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@BadMedicalTakes
Honestly, anything short of “vitamin K shot refused. Then she showed me her internet research, and I realized the error of my ways and will henceforth no longer offer it” was gonna be interpreted as persecution
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@BadMedicalTakes
This is impressive in both its wrongness breadth (wrong on 6 separate topics in one tweet!) and wrongness efficiency (no inadvertent correct things. A charcuterie board of wrongness!
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Internal Medicine—Eevee
Highly adaptable. Can evolve into subspecialties like renal (Vaporeon), cards/EP (Jolteon), and critical care (Flareon)
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@UdaBaker
@oneunderscore__
To recap:
You: [says comically and obviously wrong thing]
Everyone: [tells you how comically and obviously wrong the thing you said was, laughs at you]
You: “Frothy emotions appeals!!”
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I see we’re doing “explain dementia to a dementia specialist” today 🤦🏻♂️
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@BadMedicalTakes
The “let me loudly demonstrate how I don’t know what mRNA is” types are an endless source of amusement
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@redlianak
1. This is quite obviously a reference to the present situation in Gaza
2. In the hypothetical, alternate options would be literally the first things to discuss
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@Flightless223
@radleybalko
Are you joking? The dog barked at him and he immediately shot it. Dogs bark. And he wasn’t “cornered.” Literally every non-shooting option in the world was open. If you’re such a sniveling little bitch that you’re scared of a goldendoodle because it BARKS, you shouldn’t be a cop
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“Virtually no one was dying” would probably be a more compelling point if you didn’t attach it to a chart showing that, in fact, a large number of people were (preventably) dying
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@DGlaucomflecken
Between this and the clotting cascade, you’re really starting to blow up a lot of closely held trade secrets
People are gonna be mad when you reveal that ortho really just super glues the bones together and all the nails and screws are for show
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@BadLegalTakes
“Guy convicted of actual crimes thinks someone should be arrested for saying mean things”
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Orthopedic Surgery—Cubone
You probably thought I was gonna pick a bro pokemon like Machoke or Primape, but if wearing bones and holding a hammer made of another bone doesn’t say “ortho,” I don’t know what does
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@Dumfukdetector
@TheDarcyGray
Oof. Look, I get that people don’t know a lot about placentas. They’re pretty weird (and always looked like aliens to me). But if you DON’T know anything about placentas, there’s a whole internet at your fingertips to check whatever stupid thing you’re about to say about them
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@shift_in2_turbo
@scottswigart
So what you’re saying is that Democrats prevent Republicans from enacting Republican priorities while they’re in power?
Gosh, what insight!
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Radiology—Diglett
Generally found underground away from the sun
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Commonly misunderstood point in hospital treatment of migraine: dopamine antagonists such as Compazine and Reglan aren’t just there for nausea. They treat the headache. They’re NOT interchangeable with Zofran
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@shift_in2_turbo
@scottswigart
Do you just not understand how the US government works?
Or do you imagine that a Biden win would somehow go along with huge veto-proof Republican majorities in Congress?
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@CatholicLeague
They are married. Chasten is his husband. The world does not revolve around you and your bigotry
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Ophthalmology—Unown
I’m cheating by using a 2nd gen (pretend it’s Magnemite if you’re a purist), but Unown is too perfect
✅ Like 80% eye
✅ Mysterious
✅ Can form the letters of a Snellen chart
✅ Hates Visine
✅ Known for funny TikTok videos
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Anesthesia—Snorlax
Could have gone with Hypno (puts people to sleep) or Koffing (uses gases), but I feel like Snorlax perfectly captures the anesthesia dichotomy where it’s either super chill (maintaining anesthesia during routine surgery) or super intense (airway in crashing pt)
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@BadMedicalTakes
This take is impressive in that it’s not just wrong about the (very common) issues of heavy/painful/irregular periods, etc. it’s ALSO wrong about ordinary, run-of-the-mill periods
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Ob/Gyn—Cloyster
The Pokémon version of a Georgia O’Keefe painting
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Psychiatry - Abra
Powerful psychic energy. Flees if confronted with physical threats (e.g. patient with mild AKI)
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@KateHarding
@DGlaucomflecken
This was always infuriating. PT and OT do their literal job of recommending an appropriate rehab setting. Insurance chimes in with “we don’t think they can do 3+ hours a day of rehab.”
Oh? You don’t? Based on what? Did you sneak in and do an evaluation when I wasn’t looking?
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@ask_aubry
You’d think that a 0% success rate would eventually lead dudes to stop doing shit like this, but you’d be wrong
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@shift_in2_turbo
@scottswigart
Again, what the fuck are you talking about?
Explain how you think Republicans enact the legislation laid out in Project 2025 without a Republican President
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Pediatrics—Kangaskhan
Perpetually taking care of a baby and highly protective of it
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Family Medicine—Growlithe
Friendly, loyal, hardworking, and at risk of burning out
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@NatMulkey
This one is honestly kind of tricky because many people are, in fact, offended by being asked, because they feel that the implication is “I can’t tell.” The reality is that you’re going to offend some people by asking and others by not asking.
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My 7-year-old daughter wanted to play doctor and was able to do a lumbar puncture. Told her her clinical skills suck because she took three attempts and had 20 RBCs in tube 1
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@BadMedicalTakes
“Men grow hair wherever they ejaculate,” he writes with his bearded profile pic 🧐
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Neurology—Psyduck. Constantly dealing with headache and discharges of brain energy (seizures)
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Preventive Medicine—Mew
Extremely rarely seen. People aren’t quite sure if it actually exists
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“Show me the trials that say Ivermectin doesn’t work!”
“Sure, here’s a meta-analysis of 11 of them”
“TRUMP 2024!!!”
🤣🤣🤣
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@XavierHelgesen
This is one of those things that sounds like a good idea if you don’t know anything about medical diagnostics, but very much is not.
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@jack_turban
I haven’t seen an iota of evidence that Rowling is actually open to learning anything here
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@BadMedicalTakes
“These days”
Yes, somebody should really look into where all these women are coming from. Feels like they’re half the population these days!
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Nursing—Chansey
Is a literal nurse. Does the actual work of healing
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@BadMedicalTakes
“Why aren’t you fact checking me????” I yell as I make ludicrous statements without making even a token effort to check their accuracy
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Dermatology—Clefairy
Likes moonlight, will not come out into the sun without at LEAST SPF 30 reapplied every 2 hours. Mechanism of treatments is ✨magic ✨
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@BadMedicalTakes
Look, if you’re trying to convince people not to get vaccinated, telling them they’ll turn into an awesome hybrid of human + DRAGON seems counterproductive
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Update: turns out that the answer is that we can’t. We’re adopting both the tuxedo cat and this little black tabby kitten (he has little gray stripes you can’t see well here)
How are we supposed to only adopt ONE of these kittens??
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@BadMedicalTakes
I mean, it DOES seem a little cumbersome to have an extra middleman between DNA and protein. Probably not the cleanest way to design an organism. Should have been worked out during beta testing
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@enbyourself
I feel like the exclamation mark and smiley face after the “Here’s your new rate of pay” part just adds insult to injury
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@hc6packranch
What if—and I know this may seem like a crazy thought—human beings are different from livestock, and their value does not depend on their ability to reproduce?
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@ConceptualJames
What do you imagine “minimally invasive and aggressive” treatment is?
Because this sure seems like something you cluelessly babble about while having absolutely no inkling of what you’re talking about
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@ask_aubry
Man, who would have guessed that a Neo Nazi like Anglin would have gross takes about everything else, too
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@MamaDoctorJones
Yeah, I literally HAVE treated people with swastikas (I’m Jewish) and people convicted of murder. They needed medical care, and if I think health care is a human right, that also extends to humans I think are awful
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@NYCCOBA1
What you are describing is not even vaguely close to being medically possible, and you should listen to the numerous actual medical professionals telling you that rather than relying on your own misconceptions
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