xtian
@AOWTOUDOUZAT
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Pinned Tweet
My boyfriends mom just excused herself from the table and said “I don’t mean to be rude but if I don’t put on my nightgown now I will kill myself” and then went to bed
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Am I high or is this air conditioner unit stargazing with her legs out the window right now
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Target used to be an EVENT … nothing is fun anymore
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Panda Charlotte: This red panda I'm seeing keeps getting bamboo in the bed
Panda Miranda: I can't even find a panda to eat bamboo with
Panda Samantha: I love a big hard bamboo if you know what I'm talking about
Panda Carrie: Big is moving to Paris
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Last night I ordered nachos and I was like “is it enough food?” and the waitress said “yeah it’s five pieces” and I was like huh ok wonder what that means…… they brought me FIVE TORTILLA CHIPS with scoops of cheese and chicken LMAOOOO
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You’re serving cunt? You’re doomed by the narrative and you’re serving cunt?
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I always make sure I have the deviled egg flowers ready for my husband after a long day of work
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Disney adults are mad at me for this but I am also a Disney adult I just want new stories
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Sorry I did not realize he had a fat ass .. I’m so so so sorry
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I’m so glad that so many of you resonate with her. She’s an air conditioner but she’s also just a girl
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“Hung 4 hung” guys are so weird. Hmu if you have a small penis I’ll suck on it like a push pop tbh
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Am I high or is this air conditioner unit stargazing with her legs out the window right now
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the word "fap" really had a moment during the obama era. don't really here anyone talk about "fapping" much anymore
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just found out the illustrator from the American Girl doll books - Nick Backes, also did really awesome gay erotic art. so cool
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Everyone say congratulations xtian because..... I............ just got... the job... (that I really wanted!!!!!!!)
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Deleted last pic cuz this one is better
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CL and john malkovich
that one random celeb relationship that everyone moved on from but you literally cant forget it and think about it every day
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Practicing smiling with teeth cuz coworker said I have perfect teeth
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I slept on a mat on the floor
I swallowed a sword
I levitated
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This is the ugliest shit i’ve ever seen
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Yeah I just paid $7 for someone's onlyfans and I came 3 minutes into the first video
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It’s me the birthday boy doing my birthday things it’s true it’s me it’s my birthday the rumors are true
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I didn’t give a guy on the train a dollar and he called me “stanley tucci looking ass motherfucker”
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If we’re being honest
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I tweet for boys who were obsessed with figaro from pinocchio
i tweet for girls who were obsessed with this flower in the alice in wonderland movie as children
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this movie is such an accurate portrayal of feeling displaced / parentless, finding your own family, the psychological aftermath of death, social services and gentrification and ALSO legitimately had the first queer characters without being overtly canonically gay is crazy..
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Kinda obsessed
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