Jon Didion
@2002tacomasr5
Followers
900
Following
1,341
Media
509
Statuses
3,824
Loving husband, caring a friend, devouring father, truck-haver.
Austin, TX
Joined May 2018
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if i was one of the green tomatoes and this happened to me i would kill myself
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this is so embarrassing.. now if i have coffee after 6pm i cant fall asleep because a weird muscle twitches in my face all night. i used to smoke crack
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eat the rich should include stuart little. driving a convertible jag on a substitute teachers salary? yeah right thats apartheid emerald mine money for sure
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imagine you let your pikachu evolve into raichu and then it has just absolutely gigantic balls
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youre asking girls at the bar for their number im asking them for help getting to the bathroom. my eyes arent what they used to be
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healthy masculinity is peeing with the tip of your dick submerged in the toilet water so it doesnt make a sound
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hey man i noticed you dont have an "I LOVE MY WIFE" bumper sticker on your car. is everything alright?
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the only thing that can stop an evil man with a gun is a good man with an anti-gun
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7 years sober today getting absolutely blasted on soft-boiled eggs
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[Twitter HQ]
MANAGER: hey everything's on track for the removal of fleets right? you've taken them down?
EMPLOYEE:{turning computer to face the manager, fleets full of nudes} ok so here's the thing..
MANAGER:
EMPLOYEE: yeah they just started doing that on their own..
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stop fucking doing that he's just a kid
DeepMind training bipedal robots to play soccer using deep reinforcement learning.
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@jigsaw_quotes
waking up next to an emo kid in a locked walk-in freezer and immediately murdering them because you see a keyblade tattoo poking out from the top of their tight black v-neck. hmm no key in there.. your manager walks in. you passed out from huffing whipped cream no jigsaw in sight
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this is what happens if you dont act weird as hell on katies posts
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sometimes you eat the corn dog sometimes the corn dog eats you
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terrified that at the end of The Rehearsal Nathan is going to look straight at the camera and have an effortless conversation with me from a full scale model of my bedroom. revealing that he has been watching me and that i have been a part of the The Rehearsal the entire time.
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@jakebrodes
the predator lands at my ex-gf's house and she immediately gaslights him in to blowing his brains out bang roll credits
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at a hockey game. kinda sexy that they make the boys sit in a little box when they are bad
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its freaky how many twilight characters i look like when i am crying
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there should be an option on uber to have the driver circle the block until you fall asleep and then carry you inside
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@i_zzzzzz
you should be able to upgrade all of the pieces for example combining a knight and rook into a right that can move up two and over to the right foreverf
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its crazy to me that you can make a joke that is SO funny that it makes someone want to have sex with you and fall in love and get married.
but one joke that is wrong.......
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bumper stickers are for losers unless they say something honorable like "i love my wife"
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im a male barista and i greeted every group of customers today with "whats up weirdos" and they just let me do it you can say anything to these people they are so weak
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Playing True Detective season 1 tonight.. I'm going to make Rust Cohle chill out
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if you want to answer thee first solve my riddles three ass ui
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gaslighting my partner into thinking THEY are the one that is crying by wiping my tears onto their cheeks with one hand and wiping them away with the other while shushing them like they are a horse
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im going to make it the first largest mark my words
Can't stop thinking about how the 7th largest pyramid in the world is a Bass Pro Shop
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Is it okay to be petite and have baby fever if you're a boy
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another lockdown sounds awrsome to me. more time to hang out with all of my little items
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7 years sober doing hits of people liking my posts on the internet
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would it kill u guys to retweet some of these bangers... im trying to not do heroin here!!
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telling people that i will NOT see them in the kingdom of heaven every time they say something mean to me
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youre up late because youre scared of your sleep paralysis demon. im up late because im making mine cum. we arent the same
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oh these cows are "best friends"? sorry that doesnt look very platonic to me
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smoke crack one too many times and suddenly youre not allowed to drink BEERS anymore. embarassing.
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why arent there any TV shows where the characters are morally good and nothing bad happens ever
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having an idea for a new type of symbol that isnt for numbers or letters and doesnt mean anything
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I bought this Halo 2 shirt for $50. I will never own a home.
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Ok nobody get mad but can I say something...
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i wish there was a beach that made you normal so i could send all you freaks there
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sorry about your huge boobs im here if you need to talk about them.. im a visual listener by the way
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I was blacked out by the way
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an italian man spent half an hour explaining to me in broken english that our espresso sucks because i keep the machine too clean and i let him because he was so fucking hot
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Thinks? I'm pretty sure he's doing it
spent the last hour going down the rabbit hole of this autistic black guy on instagram who thinks he can create leaf tornados
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to any hot girls out there i have a very malleable mind and a fluid style that would make it really easy to change me into whatever type of guy you wanted to marry
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FRANK SINATRA: If pretty girls excite me well, thats life
ME:Booooo
FRANK SINATRA: But just in case, you didnt know I Love My Wife
ME: YEAH now we're talking! this guy rocks
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{gaslightingly} dude the weather is being so crazy right now haha
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@growing_daniel
i would love to take my wifes last name but havent we taken enough from women
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a diagram of how i would defeat joe rogan in hand to hand combat
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