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Jon Didion Profile
Jon Didion

@2002tacomasr5

Followers
900
Following
1,341
Media
509
Statuses
3,824

Loving husband, caring a friend, devouring father, truck-haver.

Austin, TX
Joined May 2018
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
11 months
if i was one of the green tomatoes and this happened to me i would kill myself
@fasc1nate
Fascinating
11 months
Amazing tomato sorter.
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
@urmomlolroasted does THIS look like a red flag? ya i didnt think so
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
this is so embarrassing.. now if i have coffee after 6pm i cant fall asleep because a weird muscle twitches in my face all night. i used to smoke crack
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
eat the rich should include stuart little. driving a convertible jag on a substitute teachers salary? yeah right thats apartheid emerald mine money for sure
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
11 months
@WorldwideFm_ the same way anyone else does.. by smoking a lot of cigarettes
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
1 year
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@skatie420
katie
1 year
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
4 years
@T4RIG I have been saying this for ages
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
do i like CBD? uh yeah, Courting a Beautiful Dame..
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
11 months
imagine you let your pikachu evolve into raichu and then it has just absolutely gigantic balls
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
@UNILAD they finally made cigarettes for girls too
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
youre asking girls at the bar for their number im asking them for help getting to the bathroom. my eyes arent what they used to be
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
healthy masculinity is peeing with the tip of your dick submerged in the toilet water so it doesnt make a sound
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
5 years
@Hollowgazetx @heather_wicker Ground Control to Major Thomas O'Malley
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
17 days
You make your own luck
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
hey man i noticed you dont have an "I LOVE MY WIFE" bumper sticker on your car. is everything alright?
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
@ogrods methinks you might be wrong
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
the only thing that can stop an evil man with a gun is a good man with an anti-gun
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
11 months
@WorldwideFm_ i wouldnt buy a cigarette a beautiful woman would give me one
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
2 years
@literally_chad even more alarming
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
7 years sober today getting absolutely blasted on soft-boiled eggs
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
[Twitter HQ] MANAGER: hey everything's on track for the removal of fleets right? you've taken them down? EMPLOYEE:{turning computer to face the manager, fleets full of nudes} ok so here's the thing.. MANAGER: EMPLOYEE: yeah they just started doing that on their own..
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
yeah i have a PHD (Pair of HotDogs)
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
meta? have you a meta my wife 🤌
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
1 year
stop fucking doing that he's just a kid
@MachinePix
MachinePix
1 year
DeepMind training bipedal robots to play soccer using deep reinforcement learning.
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
@jigsaw_quotes waking up next to an emo kid in a locked walk-in freezer and immediately murdering them because you see a keyblade tattoo poking out from the top of their tight black v-neck. hmm no key in there.. your manager walks in. you passed out from huffing whipped cream no jigsaw in sight
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
2 years
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
science has gone too far
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
1 year
this is what happens if you dont act weird as hell on katies posts
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
11 months
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
sometimes you eat the corn dog sometimes the corn dog eats you
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
2 years
terrified that at the end of The Rehearsal Nathan is going to look straight at the camera and have an effortless conversation with me from a full scale model of my bedroom. revealing that he has been watching me and that i have been a part of the The Rehearsal the entire time.
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
4 years
@kwusho @T4RIG Kong is bisexual and have you SEEN a silverback gorillas donk???
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
2 years
@jakebrodes the predator lands at my ex-gf's house and she immediately gaslights him in to blowing his brains out bang roll credits
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
my realtor is the only guy that gets me
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
2 years
at a hockey game. kinda sexy that they make the boys sit in a little box when they are bad
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
2 years
its freaky how many twilight characters i look like when i am crying
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
there should be an option on uber to have the driver circle the block until you fall asleep and then carry you inside
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
2 years
@jakebrodes gas station vape and a couple benadryl thats a sober speedball baby!
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
2 years
another tough day for real wife guys
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
4 years
@i_zzzzzz you should be able to upgrade all of the pieces for example combining a knight and rook into a right that can move up two and over to the right foreverf
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
when she is not my wife! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
its crazy to me that you can make a joke that is SO funny that it makes someone want to have sex with you and fall in love and get married. but one joke that is wrong.......
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
do NOT ✋ talk to me if you are not my wife 🤵‍♂️👰‍♀️
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
@fncythot @boywaif kinda small meal for a date dont you think?
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
@DustinH01977816 @skatie420 dustin that absolutely does not rock
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
@LoganReeceB pupils dilated because they are looking upon their creation with infinite love
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
@XJarowey but at what cost
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
bumper stickers are for losers unless they say something honorable like "i love my wife"
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
2 years
im a male barista and i greeted every group of customers today with "whats up weirdos" and they just let me do it you can say anything to these people they are so weak
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
6 months
Playing True Detective season 1 tonight.. I'm going to make Rust Cohle chill out
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
1 year
if you want to answer thee first solve my riddles three ass ui
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
gaslighting my partner into thinking THEY are the one that is crying by wiping my tears onto their cheeks with one hand and wiping them away with the other while shushing them like they are a horse
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
im going to make it the first largest mark my words
@kennedytcooper
Themperor Kennedée🐸🏳️‍🌈
3 years
Can't stop thinking about how the 7th largest pyramid in the world is a Bass Pro Shop
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
2 years
im like american psycho if he loved his wife
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
@no_goblins @skatie420 lets cyberbully someone!
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
28 days
Is it okay to be petite and have baby fever if you're a boy
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
2 years
im living la vida normal
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
another lockdown sounds awrsome to me. more time to hang out with all of my little items
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
4 years
7 years sober doing hits of people liking my posts on the internet
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
would it kill u guys to retweet some of these bangers... im trying to not do heroin here!!
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
telling people that i will NOT see them in the kingdom of heaven every time they say something mean to me
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
youre up late because youre scared of your sleep paralysis demon. im up late because im making mine cum. we arent the same
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
4 years
@i_zzzzzz the moon is just the back of the sun!
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
oh these cows are "best friends"? sorry that doesnt look very platonic to me
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
You Can Go To Hell Im Going To Dillard's
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
1 year
@fuckmarrywill it's called a forever stew and it's all over the news....
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
2 years
smoke crack one too many times and suddenly youre not allowed to drink BEERS anymore. embarassing.
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
why arent there any TV shows where the characters are morally good and nothing bad happens ever
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
2 years
[horny] i think astrology is real and also spirits
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
2 years
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
having an idea for a new type of symbol that isnt for numbers or letters and doesnt mean anything
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
4 months
I bought this Halo 2 shirt for $50. I will never own a home.
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
2 years
getting my first tattoo
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
4 months
Ok nobody get mad but can I say something...
@kudosdunce
johnny 🪿
4 months
current follower count
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
i could easily have sex in this bed
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
i wish there was a beach that made you normal so i could send all you freaks there
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
7 months
He thinks my hair is long and that I'm hilarious 🥰
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
2 years
sorry about your huge boobs im here if you need to talk about them.. im a visual listener by the way
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
25 days
I was blacked out by the way
@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
27 days
I think I'm blacked out but here's the fit check
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
2 years
there should be a slur for male baristas
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
2 years
an italian man spent half an hour explaining to me in broken english that our espresso sucks because i keep the machine too clean and i let him because he was so fucking hot
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
2 years
Ahhh Tuesday.. the Monday of Wednesday
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
8 months
@sexwithuruncle he didnt die
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
yall are listening to the wrong music
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
30 days
Thinks? I'm pretty sure he's doing it
@J37746526
J
1 month
spent the last hour going down the rabbit hole of this autistic black guy on instagram who thinks he can create leaf tornados
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
*gaslightingly* hey man
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
2 years
to any hot girls out there i have a very malleable mind and a fluid style that would make it really easy to change me into whatever type of guy you wanted to marry
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
FRANK SINATRA: If pretty girls excite me well, thats life ME:Booooo FRANK SINATRA: But just in case, you didnt know I Love My Wife ME: YEAH now we're talking! this guy rocks
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
{gaslightingly} dude the weather is being so crazy right now haha
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
2 years
@growing_daniel i would love to take my wifes last name but havent we taken enough from women
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
@Antony50997822 i will not see you in the kingdom of heaven *PTUH*
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@2002tacomasr5
Jon Didion
3 years
a diagram of how i would defeat joe rogan in hand to hand combat
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