Zakeeya Ali 🌸
@zakeeyaali
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Author and mentor for Muslim women who are critical thinkers. Ph.D. in wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and female psyche 👩🏻🎓
USA
Joined February 2022
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Some Muslimas are getting so triggered when I say we should teach our daughters to be good wives and mothers. This is showing how much feminism has invaded our deen and why we need more traditional women to speak up.
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Why am I telling mothers to train their daughters better? Because their daughters with big careers are coming to me for mentoring struggling in marriage and motherhood. Those moms wronged their daughters by telling them a career was more important and would bring them happiness.
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Mothers, train your daughters how to cook, clean, sew, run a home, take care of a husband, and raise kids. Then they can pick up a trade or study for a career. Make them aware that being a good wife, mother, and homemaker will help them more in life than anything else they learn.
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We like to use Lady Khadija R.A as an example when we talk about having a career, but let’s also talk about her supportive efforts as a wife and mother, and her haya and adhab because they went hand in hand.
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When I’m seeing to my husband and listening to him this hadith gives me a boost. The Prophet PBUH said: “If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month of Ramadan, guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from ANY gate she wishes.” (Albani)
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Nowhere have I said women can’t have a career. I’m simply reminding my sisters to put family first, learn homemaking, and honor our roles as wives and mothers. This shouldn’t make us defensive when it’s logical, and no one should be insulted for saying so.
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Some sisters claim, “We HAVE to work in case a man abuses us.” But our Lord assures us, “And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide for him from sources he never could imagine.” (65:2)
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More and more sisters are contacting me to say, “Thank you for speaking up.” They get attacked for saying they want to be homemakers, good wives, and stay at home moms. What a shame when society wants to hinder the fitra of a woman.
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Feminists keep saying, “Don’t let your husband control you.” Yet they are the biggest control freaks and will berate you when you choose to go against their narrative.
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I’m being attacked for having a small online business. I’ve never said women can’t make money or have a career. I’m a Muslima, wife, mother, homeschooler, & homemaker FIRST, then in between my responsibilities & with my husband’s permission, I write, design, & mentor from home.
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Taking care of your husband is not a big deal. Just see to his needs, be respectful, let him lead, and be presentable and good natured. There’s ample time to focus on your dreams and ambitions thereafter. You’ll have a happy husband who adores you AND be pleasing your Creator.
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Appreciating your husband with nice words and kindness will make him more receptive to pleasing you than nagging him for what you want.
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Women today are reared to behave like men and become providers. They're told being wives, mothers, and homemakers are oppressive. This isn't Allah’s plan for us as women. We were never created to be like men or have their responsibilities.
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I’ve been told to teach the brothers how to be better husbands and fathers. Firstly my expertise and mentoring is for women, and secondly it’s not my place as a sister to advise men how to behave. That’s the duty of the menfolk and imams.
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Sisters, real men are not attracted to masculine energy. The media loves to show women acting like tough guys & taking the lead. Firstly, it’s all hyped & women aren’t wired to act like that, & secondly, if you go down that path, it’s lonely & wouldn’t make you happy anyway.
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Being a feminine wife means choosing love over ego, listening over lecturing, empathy over judgment, compassion over resentment, caring over arguing - to name a few.
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Astaghfirullah the insults & cursing by my sisters in Islam is heart-wrenching. Those same sisters claim men should step up & are the abusive ones, yet here they are diminishing and verbally abusing another woman. Watch your words, the angels are recording all you do and say.
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Mothers, let’s raise daughters who are feminine, compassionate, and kind. Society is steering them to be loud and proud, and to say whatever they want without conscience. It starts with us moms! We have to be good examples and guide our daughters with wisdom and faith.
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Let’s stop this nonsense correlation of being a good wife and mother, with being oppressed and abused. A few bad incidents shouldn’t taint your views. There’s tons of women who love and honor their roles.
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I could respond to the ignorant, rude, narrow-minded comments on my posts, but I don’t have the time. So here’s a general message to the haters…go tweet your feminist rhetoric on your own account & if you can’t stand what I say, move along. Alhamdulillah for the power of choice.
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Numerous shaykhs and shaykhas are being exposed for reforming our deen to suit liberal-minded Muslims. I used to follow these shaykhas when I was younger, go to their halaqas and workshops, and take what they said to heart. I thought I would get closer to Allah SWT…
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Marriage is you and him against the world not you and him against each other.
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I’ve changed my Twitter name to align with the title of my two new books inshallah, and to hopefully avoid comments on why my message is for wives and not for husbands. I appreciate your continued support and I’m so thankful for this space to share our thoughts together.💐
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Sisters, I know this is hard to believe and you may not want to accept this…But your friends may be jeopardizing your success.
A client of mine has lost an immense amount of weight, she is so happy and looks amazing, but her friends are telling her she has an “eating
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Many wives I speak with claim they “have to work.” But when I delve deeper they want a certain standard of living and nothing less. That’s called a “choice to work. Let’s be honest with ourselves.
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Apologizing to your husband doesn't mean you're wrong and he's right. It means you value your relationship more than your ego.
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To the fathers and mothers who selflessly provide and take care for their children day after day, may Allah SWT bless you and increase your barakah. It’s not easy being a good parent, especially nowadays, but He SWT recognizes your sacrifice and will highly reward you.💐
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A career doesn’t “save” a woman from abuse whether in marriage or elsewhere. Allah SWT is our only Savior and all risq comes from Him. “And He will provide from sources he never could imagine.” (65:2).
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Whenever I post tips for wives to be good to their husbands, somebody has to comment, “Well what about men…?” Let’s STOP this deflection and focus on being good believers, wives, and mothers purely for the sake of Allah SWT and NOT to keep score.
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Let’s stopping posting quotes like, “You are enough” “You are awesome”“You’re amazing” You are perfect just the way you are” etc. This isn’t helping women. Rather, it’s fake boosting our egos and making us feel entitled. As Muslimas, we need to be humble and continuously improve.
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We can’t ask our kids to avoid bad vices if we’re doing it. For eg. teaching our kids to limit social media when our usage is over the limit. Our kids are watching us and know when we’re being hypocritical. Be an example to your children, not a dictator.
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Recently a sister got a ton of support when she exposed a popular brother online for his inappropriate DMs. He’s been libeled, insulted, judged, and his reputation crucified by the female mob.
However, not too long ago a brother exposed a popular sister online who ruined his
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A note to the bullies…You’re welcome to critique my words but if you attack me or my family, you’ll be blocked
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Feminine women influence not dominate. They guide not control. They nurture not provide. They also love being women and adore men taking care of them.
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Why are mothers pushing their daughters towards going to college after school? Why do we not push our daughters towards learning Islam, Arabic, and how to be a good wife and mother first? When I ask moms these questions they become highly defensive and think I’m odd.
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Don’t you wonder, if feminism really worked in women’s favor, we should be so much happier and contented by now. Yet women have become more frustrated, overworked, and disgruntled than ever. That’s something to ponder about.
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Sisters, if there’s one piece of advice I wish someone told me as a younger woman it would be…“Avoid toxic friends.” Our girlfriends have an immense influence on our thoughts and decisions, so mingle with sisters who have fear of Allah, wisdom, and are pro marriage and family.
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As a wife and mom, the most IMPORTANT work you’ll ever do will be within the walls of your HOME.
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We are so busy wanting our husbands to be what we wish, that we fail to appreciate who they are.
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Dear parents, hug your children and tell them you love them often. Don’t only talk to them about rules, misbehavior, and what they don’t do. Uplift them and ask them how they’re doing and what’s on their mind. Our kids are an amanah and the future generation, so be kind to them.
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A lot of women thrive on drama and gossip. If you’re surrounded by these kinds of sisters, remove yourself from their company asap. If you don’t, they can affect your heart and iman, and someday, you may be their next target.
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Have you noticed how commercials have changed? Men are at home doing washing while holding a baby for laundry ads, the guy's on the passenger seat seemingly afraid as his wife drives in car ads, & men are vacuuming & dusting in cleaning ads. Emasculating men has become blatant!
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A smart wife knows what to say, a wise wife knows whether to say it or not.
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Homemaking is an art that requires skill and dedication. The notions that women “do nothing at home” or are “useless and less smart” is not only false but ignorant. Women need to uplift the homemaking status once again and tell our single sisters it’s an honorable role.
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“Where are all the REAL men?” A common question asked by women who want men they can control, but are attracted to the ones they can’t.
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Never allow anyone to tell you to divorce your husband. If they do, that’s a red flag. It’s not their call and it’s not their marriage.
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Dear wife, your husband wants a supportive, tranquil spouse who is his cheerleader. He doesn’t need an opponent who’s constantly questioning his leadership. Think the best of him and trust him to lead the family. He’ll rise to the occasion and be the best he can be just for you.
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Ladies, everyday our husbands go out to face the grueling workplace in order to provide for the family. So greet him sweetly at the door and share a kind word of thanks. He deserves it!
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Mothers, teach your daughters good communication skills - it will be invaluable to their life! Guide them about proper etiquette, adhab, and haya to display offline and online. And please, check what your girls are up to, don’t bury your head in the sand.
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Some brothers are frustrated by sisters who act feministic, but I urge you to be tolerant and not insulting. Many sisters were taught wrong by their parents, had no guidance, or believe the lies of society. Changing hearts is more effective through kindness and gentle guidance.
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Sisters, are you really fighting to go work in a corporate job? Is being chained to a desk with a boss breathing down your neck who doesn’t care about your life so appealing? Remember, there’s tons of ways to earn money without giving up your priorities and freedom.
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Don’t fall for the lies of society that tell women they don’t need men and can be just like men. Women have their own strength and wisdom and we were created to be companions to men and vice versa.
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How some women are closet feminists (and may not even know it).
1. They generally like men, but refrain from defending them or voicing positive opinions when society or feminists unjustly criticize them.
2. They desire men to protect, provide, and support them, but hesitate to
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We shouldn’t be asking wives, “Do you feel abused by your husband?” If you’re abused YOU‘LL KNOW and won’t need a seed of doubt planted in your mind. These questions don’t help women have better marriages, instead, they prompt wives to LOOK FOR PROBLEMS with their husbands. 1/2
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Feminine ladies tend to get bullied a lot by other women. Many just take it, thinking it’s not ladylike to stand their ground. Sisters, it’s perfectly fine to put someone in their place. The key is to do it with good manners and ensure your intention is to teach and not to hurt.
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I think many people believe sending their kids to school and college is the ilm that the Prophet SAW advised us to seek. It’s not. You simply have to read books by John Taylor Gatto to understand the education system in the West doesn’t align with our Islamic values.
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The biggest insult women are told is they need to act like men to be worthy and strong. It means women are flawed and weak so must envelop masculine qualities. Allah SWT doesn’t make mistakes and when women envelop their innate nature their strength and wisdom is immeasurable.
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To the brothers & sisters who selflessly spread Allah’s message, STAY STRONG, He SWT is with you. You’ll be mocked, bullied, insulted, threatened, slandered, & you won’t be able to counteract all the accusations, nor explain yourself enough to those blind to the truth. 1/2
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A friend told me recently, “I get many compliments from women about my degree and job. But never am I complimented for being a good mother and wife.” Unfortunately this is common, so let’s change it. Start offering compliments to the good mothers and wives around you.
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I was mentoring some young girls who were obsessing about their looks. I agreed it’s important to be well groomed as a woman, but we mustn’t forget to beautify ourselves from the inside as well. Looks don’t matter when you’re mean, ill-mannered, and don’t act like a lady.
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Ladies, add more humor to your marriage! Laugh and joke with your husband often and don’t take every little thing he says so seriously. It will bring closeness and add spice to your relationship.
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Too many sisters follow “learned public figures” who make them feel like victims and tell them to leave their “abusive” husbands. But remember, they won’t be there when you’re all alone picking up the pieces of your broken family.
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Say alhumdulillah if you have food, water, shelter, clothing, health, safety, people who love you, mostly good days, and you’re a Muslim. When we focus on the blessings Allah SWT gives us ALL THE TIME, everyday is a great day.
#staygrateful
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In a world full of Kardashians and Beyonces, BE A LADY who is modest and feminine, kind and loving, joyful and grateful, patient and wise. Serve and obey your Lord SWT, learn from His Messenger SAW, and follow the examples of the sahabiyat.
#beareallady
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When you’re a good wife and mother, your days are occupied seeing to the needs of your husband and kids. Thus, you must do it for the sake of Allah, take care of yourself, and get breaks to rejuvenate. In this way you won’t resent your duties and feel frustrated with your family.
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Venting every negative emotion you feel isn’t smart. We must learn to deal with uncomfortable and unpleasant feelings as a part of life and growth - this is maturity and wisdom.
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Don’t stop young adult kids from getting married. Don’t tell them they’re too young and must wait years to finish studying. Parents should facilitate their kids getting married when they’re ready, otherwise, we’ll be held accountable if they fall into haram relationships.
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Instead, they made women rebellious wives and disgruntled mothers. I argued more with my husband and felt tied-down to my kids. We were often told that women need a bigger purpose besides being a wife and a mother, and some of us were shamed for being “just a homemaker”…
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Alhamdulillah, I eventually realized the hypocrisy and left these women’s organizations. I felt lighter and got closer to Allah SWT by learning in other ways. I know there’s sincere shaykhas around, but they’re not popular with huge followers. We should seek them out instead.
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Our spouse and kids will break our heart sometimes, that’s not because they’re bad, but because they’re human. Only Allah SWT will never disappoint us. So we must love Him the deepest, trust Him the most, and place our hopes on His mercy and promise of rewards.
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Being a lady in todays times makes you unique. What is a lady? Someone with manners, modesty, and gentleness. A woman who is ready to forgive instead of judge others. A nurturer and a builder of families and society - just to name a few.
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Let’s be known more as the “Mothers of the poor” instead of “Mothers with a career.” We don’t talk enough about these amazing traits of the Prophet’s SAW wives.
Photo courtesy of Authentic Islamic Bookstore on IG from The Illustrious Women of Islam book.
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In my Tranquil Muslim Wife book I’m writing a chapter on what a Muslim husband wants from his wife. I’d appreciate comments from brothers on this so I can I add more to the chapter, thank you so much.💐
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These shaykhas heavily promoted being independent because “what if you’re abused, sis” and your degree was the measuring stick of your value. Never once were their talks about the reward of being good wives, SAHMs, or homemakers, because that went against what they portrayed…
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If you hear older, single sisters tell you that marriage is not that important and they use fear-mongering tactics about men - please disregard their words. Remember:
- It's their personal opinion
- It's their experiences as a result of their actions
- They may only hear the
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Some women think they’ll prevent themselves from experiencing pain and disappointment if they’re in charge and take control - but that’s a fallacy. In fact, they end up being unsupported by men and lonely as they clutch onto their “safety measures” for comfort.
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Being a grateful wife doesn’t mean you have the perfect marriage or husband. It means you focus on your blessings more than your problems.
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I’m assisting some young women prepare for marriage, and the advice they’re getting from other women are atrocious. Most of them were told that they shouldn’t cook and clean very well after marriage in order to set a low standard for their husband and avoid him expecting the best
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Anytime anyone says anything pro marriage and family the words “abusive husband” gets associated with it. Firstly, both husbands and wives can be abusive and secondly, unhealthy marriages are not the norm as many like to think.
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Some people think being a contented wife means having a problem-free marriage & a perfect husband. Nope, these wives have strong faith, are grateful for their blessings, have a positive outlook, honor the family unit, understand that life has trials & it’s not always about them.
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Looking back at the last 20+ yrs of my life, I don’t regret not having a big career & lots of money. I was able to be a SAHM & supportive wife. Life might’ve been challenging in other ways, but my heart feels content. Ladies, ask yourself, what do you want to show after 20 yrs?
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Double wow. I’ve been doing this work for over a decade and didn’t feel so disheartened till opening Twitter. The lies and slander against Muslim sisters who speak up on our Islamic values is disgusting. There’s still a lot of work to be done.
So I just went through some of the QT’s of this tweet and all I have to say is WOW Twitter is worse than I thought.
Are some ppl really that uneducated on this app? I know I’m semi-new to Twitter but I didn’t think it was THAT bad. Twitter just might be worse than TikTok.
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Sisters, if those whom you follow and get advice from make you fight more with your husband and kids…RUN!
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Wives, if you’re stuck in the mindset of “what about him?” you won’t progress or have a good marriage. Focus on fixing yourself because we all have improvements to make and can’t control what others do.
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Some ways to feel contented as a woman…Be soft outside & strong inside. Take care of yourself. Put Allah first. Prioritize family. Make your home tranquil & tidy. Turn down the online noise. Avoid what disturbs your heart. Be grateful & enjoy the simple things in life.
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Feminists demand male accountability while removing male authority. They want female authority while removing female accountability. Sounds pretty unfair, entitled, and corrupt to me.
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Mashallah we have fine examples of how to be a wife and mother from the sahabiyaat.
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Let’s remember this my dear brothers and sisters when we see widespread fitna and corruption.
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I always tell wives to “stay in their lane.” What this means is STOP focusing so much on what your husband says and does and START focusing more on what you say and do. That simple tweak will improve your life and relationship tremendously.
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Yes, your husband isn’t perfect but neither are you. You wish he’d change to be the way you want and likewise he probably thinks the same. When we think of it this way, we’ll be a more tolerant spouses.
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Ladies, don’t waste your time with people, jobs, or causes that rile you up and put you on the defensive. You don’t need to save the world. Let the men handle the conflict and arguments. We are at our best when we remove turmoil and focus on self improvement and our families.
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If your children attend regular schools, please check what they are learning and get to know their teachers. It’s alarming what’s being mandated in the curriculum nowadays and how some teachers are propagating lifestyles that are contradictory to our Islamic values.
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I deleted my tweet due to this shaykha making a “fatwa” against it. I was telling women to stay feminine & have tawakkul instead of fear. She misinterpreted my words & discredits me. I felt the thread would confuse sisters & harbor more doubt in what I’m trying to say.
﷽
This post is an example of
#religiousrhetoric
. It is fundamentally flawed, misleading, and a misrepresentation of the Sunna. If Rasūlullāh ﷺ didn’t frame a concept in a certain way, no on has the right to do so. There’s no such thing in Islam as ‘be feminine or be careful’…
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I’m a veteran homeschooler but I’ve never pushed any parent into homeschooling because it’s tough. However, what’s happening in our US school system is alarming! I feel it’s become necessary for Muslim families to sacrifice time and money to protect their children’s iman.
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I’ve been called privileged a lot by certain sisters this week because I don’t want to play the victim, don’t blame men for everything, and tell women to take ownership of their lives. I guess privilege is another word for having logic nowadays.
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It’s disheartening how some shaykhas are trying to discredit women who speak up about femininity. Claiming we’re not “qualified” to speak on such matters & misinterpreting our words to say it doesn’t align with Quran & Sunnah. It’s sad times & we need to be careful who we follow.
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Motherhood is beautiful, fulfilling and rewarding. Yes, it’s challenging at times, but so is anything else you do in life that’s worthwhile. It’s also part of our fitra as women, so own it and defend it.
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As parents, we ARE accountable for how our kids behave. Their misbehavior and bad manners are a reflection on us and there’s no excuse. Parenting is tough, period. You WILL have to set time aside to teach and discipline your child consistently. 1/2
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Feminists have twisted the words “abuse” “trauma” and “toxic” to persuade women to convert their traditional values into feministic ideals. As Muslimas, we need to STOP falling for their manipulation and stay true to the Quran and Sunnah.
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Humor aside…ladies, focus less on what men need to be, and focus more on what you have to offer. You can only control yourself and nobody else. Real men are attracted to real women.
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