allyy 🌻
@xo_shmallyy
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it’s a shit show but follow along if you want! •mama to my boy 💛 •t1d •Vegas to Florida ✨
Hunter Lee O’Connor
Joined July 2011
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This was a guy I met less than 24 hours and he has shown more RED FLAGS 😂💀
I’d say I dodged a bullet.
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My boyfriend was so supportive and serious today when he told me to quit my job and move in with him so I can go to nursing school full time and not have to work. 🥺 A MAN YOU GUYS. A MAN THAT WANTS BETTER FOR US. A MAN THAT SUPPORTS MY DREAMS. A MAN THAT SUPPORTS ME!!!! 😭😭🥰
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Pregnancy doesn’t promise a baby and that is one of the hardest things I’ve had to come to terms with.
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Today, my car wash cost me $200. Wanna know why?
I contemplated going to the drive thru or do it at home. My nephew wanted to help @🏡you know what I did?
I forgot it was 115 degrees outside & put cold h20 on my windshield. So guess what? It cracked. ALL the way across. :)))
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My last table tonight an older gentleman went to hand me my tip and I awkwardly put my hand out to find this. If you know you know my son died almost 4 years ago and his animal is elephants. I cried. I asked for a sign today & he said “here mom, hi”
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I JUST WANT TO SCREAM AND SHOUT TO EVERYONE I AM STILL A MOM.
I have a child. I labored my child. I held my baby. I AM STILL A MOM.
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My baby daddy came into my work today, sat at a table I was sectioned to serve & drank the last 2 hours of my shift. It is so weird to have had a child with someone…. your baby die….. then you live life as strangers. (Tan hat)
I haven’t seen him since Oct 2020. H died Feb 2020
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I really don’t care if my sons pictures trigger you. I’m so fucking triggered that I carried/birthed him and don’t get the chance to watch him become the big boy he was meant to be. So leave your comments to yourself.
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INFERTILITY IS A FUCKING BITCH AND SHOULD ONLY HAPPEN TO WOMEN WHO DONT DESERVE TO BE A MOM. don’t @ me. I don’t care. I said what I said.
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My mom crossed a boundary of mine today (had me on speaker w/aunt I don’t speak to, listening)
She knows I don’t have a relationship w her. I want nothing to do w her or her know anything of my life. I said “I didn’t know I was on speaker I’ll talk to you later”
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I was a bit upset because that’s one person I do not like.
BUT MY MOM WALKED AWAY FROM EVERYONE TO CALL ME BACK AND APOLOGIZED.
My mom did that and I’m so proud of her. Very thankful we are here.
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You’re still a parent no matter if your child is alive or dead. Read that again. You’re still a parent.
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tonight one of my co workers was talking to another worker about me: “why does she claim to be a mom when she has no kid”. That right there is gross. My kid died. I still was his mom. I still went through labor. I’m still his mom?
Lol f baby loss, that’s all.
I hate people
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My OB’s nurse partner helped me yesterday and my whole appointment there she was talking to me about hunter as if he was still alive…… she has no idea how much that meant to me. She validated I’m a mommy. She made it normal for just 30 minutes. Something so small means so big.
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Today I donated 1 bin to this baby boy who was adopted through foster care. 💛 I know my boy would be happy to do it if he had the choice. So I did it for them both. ✨
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I was fired at my job for refusing to pay a guest tab of $46 because he said “there was too much food”.
Happy 2024 to me. 🥰🥰🥰
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There is no good reason why my baby died. There is no “wasn’t meant to be”. THERE IS NOTHING TO JUSTIFY WHY MY BABY DIED. He was meant to be or I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. He deserved a shot at life. He deserved to live. He should be here & he’s not. Don’t try to justify it
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I’m so angry. I don’t get it. He was so healthy for 9 months and all of a sudden he stopped moving in my belly and his heart stopped. 10 hours before we were scheduled for our induction. Life is not fair. He should be here.
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I will never shut up about child loss. Unfollow me if it’s too much. There’s too many parents out here that endure this pain and there’s not enough help. We have to make the change and be the change. NORMALIZE TALKING ABOUT CHILDREN THAT HAVE PASSED. THEY ARE HUMANS TOO.
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He hated me for months after our son passed away in my belly. He wouldn’t even look at me. He became distant & angry. I put up w/it for awhile bc people grieve differently but once I realized it was me who made his grief worse, I left.
“when I look at u I get sad&remember”-him
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It’s not like I got pregnant on accident. We tried for 2 years. Together around 5 years. Bought a house to create that family, created that family, lost that family and lost each other.
Weirdest experience to encounter.
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Ouch two years ago I saw those 2 lines on a pink stick. I didn’t believe it so I took 8 more. Two years ago I became a mommy to the most handsome Hunter Lee. I would do it all over again if I could hold you all one more time. 💛🍯
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Have you ever been traumatized from a tv show or movie to the point you think of it in everyday life?
I’ll go first.
My mom unplugs the toaster/air fryer every time it isn’t in use due to “This Is Us” bc the family went thru hell from a toaster catching fire.
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When I walked into the hospital on Feb 12th 2020 I didn’t know I’d be leaving the hospital empty handed. A year later I walked through those doors to deliver a box to another loss family and left knowing they were leaving empty handed too. My heart hurts.
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4 years ago, I found out I was pregnant!
2 weeks before I sat in the bathroom w/my sister who was also pregnant. My sister miscarried. I had a stillborn.
We both think of our babies often. I often wonder why both of us lost our children.
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I was just trying to shop. My eyes and ears are never turned off when I’m by myself. People are cruel and it shows more EVERYDAY. make it stop.
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I have been single for 10 months. When I first left my ex I promised myself to focus on me and to heal a lot of my trauma. My therapist and I agreed a year would be ideal. I’ve almost accomplished my goal 🥲 I’m ready to start dating. This is huge. I am so proud of myself.
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A year ago, we had my baby shower for Hunter. We couldn’t wait to meet him, spoil him and love ON him. Today, we miss him, honor him and love him from earth all the way to heaven. My sweet boy should be here. He should be 11 months old tomorrow. Oh Hunny,
be still my heart 💛🍯
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December 9th of 2022 I lost my job and relationship. The same day. I had no idea what was to come next. Fast forward to August 9th of 2023 I was able to get a new job, save $11k and travel across country.
I did that. I AM DOING IT. 😭
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I’m triggered by moms or people calling a living child an “angel”. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m a loss mom to a literal angel. It triggers me so badly. DO NOT CALL A LIVING CHILD AN ANGEL BABY.
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I’m ovulating today and I’m upset because I want a baby. Actually I want my baby. I want hunter. I miss hunter. I miss his movements. I miss carrying him. I miss holding him. I miss his chunky thighs. I miss his nose. I miss his hiccups. I miss that cry I never heard.
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Not knowing why my baby died 6 hours before his set induction date doesn’t sit well. I didn’t do anything different that day. I in fact slept most of the day. He was so fragile after our traumatic labor, I didn’t want him touched. My baby didn’t deserve to die. He was healthy. ☹️
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Sharing our story with our new followers and with the ones who were here from the start ❤️
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I hate that doctors tell you the safe zone is after 12 weeks but really…. There’s no safe zone in pregnancy. Your baby could become sick or suddenly have their heart stop beating at any given moment. I wish there was a safe zone but there’s not.
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Hi my sweet boy 💛
if love could’ve saved you, you’d still be here.
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Today I got a tattoo for my Hunter 💛🍯 I just love him so much.
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My grandparents pay $440 for their mortgage to a 3 bedroom, 2 full baths, a lot of land and a view of the desert.
They paid $70k for the house in 2009.
🫨
I also found out it’s being left to us grandkids. We will always have gram & pops home 🥹🩵
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My mother in law made Hunter a shelf at her house too 🥺💛 (she hasn’t/doesn’t know I made an area for him too)
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Since when did a McDouble become $4????
That was on the dollar menu and it needs to return.
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Update: my mom and sisters helped move me completely out today. I officially don’t own a home with the love of my life with our son. I’m okay because I know this is what’s best but fuck. I hate it here.
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This whole bed sharing Twitter drama is really fucking trashy guys. It’s a MOM who had her BABY DIE bc of her bed sharing and now she’s grieving. Just stop for one second and picture that your life. Can you do that? I doubt it but guess what it’s reality to some of us. We live it
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All of these post about baby loss make me miss and ache to hold my chunky boy. This shouldn’t be my life, anyone’s life. Not Hunters life either. Be kind to us loss mamas. Sharing the only thing we have left, pictures. Be gentle. Be kind. They’re human beings too. Our babies💛🍯
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I met Ms. Nova today.
I found so much comfort snuggling her.
Yay to another trigger taken off the list. I did it.
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The tweet of the day is MY MF BEST FRIEND IS IN LABOR SO 🥳🥳🥳🥳 she survived PAL after losing 3 babies. Send her & baby all the good vibes as baby makes the way earthside. 💛
✨✨✨✨✨
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What happens if your adhd doesn’t allow you to hyperfixate on a meal anymore??? What do you eat. Cause I won’t eat 😞
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My boy is a year and a half today and I wonder who he would be as a little toddler. I wonder what toy he’d play with most. I wonder what show he’d watch. I wonder if he’s okay wherever he is. I’m missing him every day, every hour and every minute. I wanted to share Hunter 🍯💛
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My family is in shambles and I can’t talk about it because of the investigation. Please just send us whatever you believe in. Prayers, spiritual guide, healing vibes…. Whatever. We need it.
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I’m not ashamed because I’m 4 months postpartum and I’ve lost 58 pounds. So here’s a picture of me “naked” 😂🤷🏼♀️ cheers to depression 🍻
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I did it guys. I got a job! This is my office, where I get to make it mine. IM DOING THE DAMN THING. 😊😇
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Today I had the guts to get into Hunters diaper bag and grab one of his “coming home” outfits. So now Hunny bear will wear it 💛🍯🧸
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Today I’m feeling extra special that Hunter is mine, I got to hold him for 9 months, feed him, love him and felt all of his movements. I’m the lucky one. 🥺🍯💛
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I wonder if my baby daddy is using our dead sons room for his new baby. I wonder if he painted it just like he did for our son. I wonder if she is decorating by herself like I did. I wonder if he still has our sons hospital stuff. I wonder if she acknowledges his deceased son.
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For those of you wondering.... Hunts skin started to deteriorate due to the amniotic fluid and him being passed for (we guess) a few days before giving birth. ❤️ he’s so beautiful though, with or without skin. He was a mixture of daddy and I. He had features of both us 🧸
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Tomorrow I will look, hold and love on a baby. My childhood best friend had her baby 4 months ago. I’m ready to interact with a baby. My triggers are there but I’m facing them, finally. 10 months later and I’m going to be in the same room as a baby. I’m excited guys 🥺🥺
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@hailezabeth1128
Bruh the fact my aunt had the balls to chime in and tell me my cardiologist is no good WITHOUT EVEN knowing my doctor nor any more details than what lil I did say on the phone. Bitch bye.
But mama is learning. She apologized and took accountability. Chefs kiss 🥲😅
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To the people who still go on my profile and like or retweet my boys birth post remind me why I still post about him. He is my baby and always will be. 💛 he might’ve been born still but he was still born. Read that again.
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I would give anything to carry you again, feel your kicks and hear your heart beat. You’re my only son 💛 my heart is broken, literally. I’d do it all over again and again. Just to hold you one last time. 🐘
#HunterLeeOconnor
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Hunter Lee O’Connor is a month old today 🧸💙
#HonorHunterOConnor
I carried you every second of your life and I will love you for every second of mine. 👼🏼
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My pops answered my FaceTime call to my grams and he couldn’t find her. Well he found her in the shower and his face says it all 🤣
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Yesterday I received my Hunny bear. He weighs 9lbs 2oz like Hunter Lee! A 6 yr old who helped stuff him drew me a picture to show extra love. I’m thankful to love on my Hunny bear today as I’m missing my boy so much. 💛🍯🧸
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I ordered these as gifts for being parents. We may not be together as a family but the love I have for the both of you will never die. We deserve to be recognized as parents too. 💛🍯
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Mama misses you so much my baby you are 🍯💛 happy bereaved Mother’s Day.
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I would take the uncomfortable parts of pregnancy, throwing up, late nights, early mornings, high risk, bed bound, multiple doctor appointments.....shittttt even the NICU if that meant my baby got to stay alive.
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For the people on my tweet about my man supporting me while I go to school asking WHO THE BABY IS IN MY PINNED TWEET.
THAT IS MY CHILD.
HI HELLO. IT SAYS ON MY CAPTION.
NO I AM NOT WITH THE FATHER OF MY CHILD.
YES MY BABY DIED.
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A year ago today I had a full mason jar of coffee thrown at me while riding passenger due to that person having anger issues.
That same person offered me the shirt to clean up the coffee they threw at me.
I knew then I was in no good.
It took me half a year, but I knew.
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Wait... update: I GOT MY HEART RESULTS BACK AND MY HEART EF IS BACK TO 60%. Now I just need the clearance from my OB that I can carry another baby! Cardiomyopathy isn’t stopping me 🥲
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Reminding myself. Just because one doctor is against me having another kid doesn’t mean I’m done. I can find another doctor who will support us and be there until I get to bring my living baby home. I will do all I have to.
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I had nothing when I left. I had lost everything. My house, my car, my dog, my comfort, my self and my whole family. I was trying to grieve the loss of our son but his dad had to go & destroy our relationship so I started grieving them both. Now I’m healthy & somewhat happy.🥺
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It’s 8 wks since I had my boy. It’s been 4 wks since I had my stitches removed. It’s been 3 wks since I’ve been able to move my legs correctly. It’s been 1 wk since he’s been laid to rest & is now home in his comfy spot. IT’S BEEN WEEKS OF CHALLENGES but I’m doing it 🍯🧸👏🏼
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I’ll never understand why you didn’t get a chance at life. I’ll never stop missing your chunky cheeks. I’ll never love anyone like I do, you. Forever my still sweet baby boy. 💛🍯
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I feel like Miles at the end and my baby daddy is Rachel. If you know you know.
Tears are falling. Falling. Falling.
Also saw my baby daddy had his baby shower today. Same place we had ours. Same kind of photo. Same set up.
It would help if he acknowledged our dead baby.
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The most precious gift. My sweet boy, when I said “be still my heart” I didn’t mean literally. If I could do anything, I’d bring you back to earth. Mamas boy forever 💛🍯
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I often get told “your child’s father seems so lost to me...”
The day we left that hospital empty handed. The last touch of handing our baby away for the last time. The minute we heard “there’s no heartbeat.” That day we lost our baby...
WE LOST OURSELVES
he’s lost. I’m lost.
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I can’t believe I’m apart of the 1% statistics of stillbirths. I never thought it would happen to me. The chances were 1%..... but it didn’t matter because I lost my baby. It happened to us. It happens every single day and we need more support. No we are not ok. My baby died.
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My heart hurts for my babies. I’ve lived with them the past 6 months. I lived 5 minutes down the street before moving in with them. I am now going to be across the country. I miss them already ☹️
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Now it makes sense why my bd didn’t reply to me when I told him I was opening our sons urn if he wanted any of his ashes 😋
Because he’s having another baby and it’s easier to act like ours didn’t exist since he is dead.
That’s all.
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Surprised trip to Denver. I’m going to do something special for Hunter in a different state every year 💛🍯
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I’m putting it into the universe that I will be back living our house, happily loved, pregnant, employed and enrolled to school by 2021. I’m not fucking ending this year on the “shit show”. I’m about over this show. It has to have a plot twist some time. Stay tuned.
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Sometimes I can’t believe my dad was really murdered. I know he was trouble in his young years but he wasn’t trouble anymore. He was shot to death from a man in his own garage. From a man married into the family. That man knew he was a dad to two girls. That man didn’t care.
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It’s 1am and I’m being spooned by B in our bed as he snores in my ear. I hear our fur baby snoring in his bed. I feel so complete yet so empty. I love us. I love my little family so so much. That’s all. Update like
#1000000
? Maybe. Lol
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For Hunters first birthday his auntie
@miranda__jewelz
really showed up for us. We celebrated by going to have Mexican food, margaritas, cake, sang happy birthday and went exploring Denver. My baby is a year old in heaven. He isn’t a baby anymore but he’s my baby forever 💛🍯
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Missing my son a lot today. My heart is heavy. My arms are empty. My eyes are watery. Ok.
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The past few months I’ve learned to love again and how to be loved. It’s the greatest feeling doing it with him.♥️
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I hope me being open about child loss and full term still borns brings awareness. I hope I don’t “scare” moms. I’m not “attacking” moms for being “blissfully happy” while pregnant because they don’t know death. I’m just bringing awareness if you think something is wrong. Go to LD
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UPDATE: I saw b last night for dinner.
I don’t love him like I thought I did.
I don’t miss him like I thought I did.
I don’t want him like I used to.
The resentment is there. The silence is still so loud. The communication is still shit. His humor is ugly.
I love Tommy.
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It goes across. I didn’t realize until I went to go dry it. 🥲
buzz needs new glasses
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B & I made the perfect boy for heaven. I never knew that’s why I woke up to mommy and baby stuffed elephants. I never knew that was his meaning behind it. My heart. 😔💛
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