she died. our dog died last night. i fell asleep in the floor next to her and when i woke up she had left the room to be alone to die. i don’t know what to do. i don’t want to exist right now.
@girlwithagat
umm now i also feel secondhand insecurity about mine but wtf do they think it’s supposed to look like.. ur vag doesn’t shrink into oblivion just bc you lose weight i’m so confused
@calriio
tbh i didn’t mind seeing her content a while back at first but omg it’s gotten so old i roll my eyes anytime youtube tries to recommend her shorts to me
y’all ever binge/bp something so hard that it ruined that food for you? idk if that makes sense but a couple years ago i would bp this caramel cookie ice cream like a lot, and now i get kinda grossed out by caramel & just thinking about that ice cream feels gross oof
@j3nrexic
into garbage bags in my car at the parking lots of grocery stores where i’d just bought binge food while pretending i was at therapy appointments so my bf wouldn’t find out (he still did though lmao)
@greenteahoe3
i’d be upset. its not like ur going to the store in nothing but lingerie. even if he means it in a concerned, caring way - it comes across controlling & possessive.. ppl are going to perceive u & look at u anyway. i love clothes & i don’t want ppl to tell me how i should dress :(
@taradiaries
godDAMN that’s horrible. i imagine he’s having a hard time coping with how scary this may be for him but wow, you’d think it’d be obvious that’s kind of an unhinged to say to your child.
i’ve been wanting to try protein drinks for a long time but i want them to actually taste rly good. do y’all have any favs? i’ve heard good things abt the fairlife & premier protein ones.
i’m going through my following list & trying to unfollow peeps that are too young. i realized i’ve followed accounts just based off their layout or w/e without paying attention to their age sometimes & i feel uncomfy with that :( so i’m sorry if i unfollow u, that’s the reason <3
i just realized he has small animal cages in his room… if you’re gonna let your room become like this, maybe don’t force your pets to live in that too?.. idk :/
That poor maid i cannot imagine how degrading it is to clean this titan looking man’s room while he proudly films his biohazard den for TikTok money on a daily basis. “Roblox streamer”….
@0oortcloud
i am so deeply sorry this happened and you witnessed it in the way you did. i know what it’s like to find a loved one dead in their bed and to feel their body in that state.. it’s unbelievably traumatizing & i’m so sorry for your loss.
like there’s a rrrrly old scale in the local winn dixie that i could try lmao but that still means i have to take off my shoes & get on it with people around which feels embarrassing ugh but do i care abt that enough to stop me?..
@zhaugal
at my lw my bladder control was p bad. one time my bf was in the only bathroom in our house & suddenly i had to pee. i tried so hard to wait but like 10 seconds later it ended in me pissing in the kitchen floor >.<
i’ve been writing down ed rules that i need to follow like i did when i got to my lw and honestly it’s p eye opening to think ab all the shit i’ve been doing to self sabotage my progress :/
my doctor knows ab my ed (considering she had to clear me for treatment before lol) & the first thing she said today was that i’ve lost weight since last time she saw me, omg in my head i was like “she can tell?? 🤩”
i’m gonna make chocolate pb oatmeal cookies for the halloween party next weekend but i need to avoid eating them. my mom used to make them a lot when i was younger & they’re a childhood favorite but such a fear food now :’(
anytime i’ve ever tried recovery, it’s like.. after a while i get tired of the food. i get tired of being able to eat whatever i want.
it’s like being able to do that makes food less special, & i don’t like that. restricting what i can eat makes the things i do eat feel special.
october is one of my favorite months & i will not let myself waste it like i did september. like what was i even doing last month?? who knows. i’m gonna make myself be more aware & make it a good month
my piercer asked me if i could crochet a top for her and said to just make it to fit me bc we’re basically the same size but i swear she’s *gotta* be smaller than i am & i’m so scared i’ll make it in my size & it’ll be way too big for her & i’ll be super embarrassed AAaaksjsj :(
my body acts so dumb when my period is abt to start. the past few days i’ve wanted to eat *everything*, and now today suddenly the thought of food is just.. ew. i won’t complain about that last part, but the binge urges that came before?? FUCK that shit 😡
i prepared some overnight oats last night & i’m going to try them after work. if any of y’all eat them, do you prefer them cold or warmed back up? i’m not sure which way to try them
i miss people being worried about my weight but at the same time i know for a fact that i wasn’t even close to actually being at a dangerous weight so i guess i hope people continue to not care
confession theres this big building i clean twice a week and they always have lots of soda in the fridge & i take a coke zero like once a week, i hope they’d b okay with it lmao
i still haven’t gotten my paycheck yet even though the pay period ended on the 16th, this is just one reason why i hate having to wait for my paycheck to come in the mail
am i ridiculous for counting the candy wrappers in the trash of one lady’s cubicle?
she had around 600 cals of werther’s caramel candies according to the bag that was in there too btw o_o
my goal for this month is to get as close to 85 lbs as i can.. at LEAST under 90. i know i should be able to do it. i just have to keep being consistent.
just gonna use this as a sort of b/c since i don’t take many pics of myself at this weight but i want y’all to have an idea of what i look like ig?
p.s. i crocheted this top 4 the barbie movie
how does it even make sense that i weighed myself this morning & was 98 lbs, then drank some coffee, went to work, drank like 30+ fl oz of water, sweated a bunch, and then after work i weighed 95?? i can’t complain but,,, how.
update they are good!! i like the texture, it’s kinda puffy & crunchy like the way gerber puffs are, and they taste sweeter n better than i thought they would. i read reviews that say the texture gets weird in milk but i planned to eat these w yogurt anyway :3
how many of our moms have an ed as well? bcs it seems like a lot.
my mom has had an ed since she was 14. she used to bp a lot when she was younger & now she says she thinks ab food all the time, she still has a lot of food guilt & i feel like she’s kind of an exercise addict
my bf is naturally skinny like no matter what he eats (i’m jealous) & we’re getting smoothies n i always order mine w splenda to make the cals way lower, meanwhile bf is upset they don’t have any smoothies with more than 700 cals because he wants smth even higher in cals 😳
working out sucks during the workout but i’d forgotten how fucking good it feels afterwards. i’ve been exercising but not really pushing myself for a long while. now i am pushing harder & it already feels much better
the overnight oats were a success, but i will need to play around with flavor/sweetness. i like things likr this to be rly sweet 🥺 i added a couple of chopped up strawberries & banana slices along w some crumbled up cereal on top & it was v good & filling
i’ve been fighting off bp urges for days now. why tf does it feel so difficult to just refuse to do it when i know it won’t even make me feel any more satisfied??
during the last week of october i binged a lot & in the week since i went back & forth between restricting well one day but then eating enough the next day to negate the deficit from the day before ig. buuut the past few days i’ve been consistent & i know i will start losing..
i’m getting back to counting cals in my app & weighing my food instead ofjust estimating, and i’m manifesting a whole honeymoon era bc i WILL lose this weight b4 the end of the year
i’m nervous abt the halloween party tomorrow (✿˵•́ ‸ •̀˵)
i know some of the ppl there on an acquaintance level but nothing more so i’m worried i’ll seem super awkward
maybe if i do really well all month, on halloween i could let myself have some of the food i’ve hoarded over the past couple months… i will consider it ^x^
our senior dog does not seem to be doing well tonight.. i’m really worried about her.
i’m laying in the floor next to her bed to try & comfort her. idk what else to do. she’s around 15 years old & i know things are inevitable.. i just don’t want it to happen.
for the past like.. year or more probably, i’ve been just doing cardio really, which i should know isn’t going to actually change my body. to get results i need cardio ofc but i need to not just go for a walk or jog in place, i need to also do workout videos that are challenging
@starvingforhimx
last year i found out my partner of 8 years cheated on me with his ex while i was in treatment in 2017. i’m still with him too, we’ve both fucked things up but we love each other & are always trying to get better w our communication
i’m using the rest of this month (and beyond, but i’m focused on right now) to dive deeep into my restrictive behaviors & put way more effort into exercising. i can’t continue living in my body when it’s so big. i feel so unsafe.
there were a bunch of leftover donuts at work that were free to take or else they’d be thrown out sooo i took them home bc i want to bp on them so bad.. but at the same time i don’t want to, like at all. but i do. but i don’t. ughh