⋆˖⁺‧₊☽🎃☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ruthie ⋆˖⁺‧₊☽🎃☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
🎃 29
🎃 she/ they
🎃 pan
🎃 married to my big bear bestie 🐻
🎃 ♋︎ 𖤓 • ➰ ☾ • ♓︎ ↑
🎃sometimes nsfw
🎃 tips always rewarded
🎃 updated for spooky season hehehe
had a bad night last night & had a big fat panic attack & ended up biting myself & head banging. so disappointed in myself but i can’t ever describe the absolute animalistic rage that bpd gives you. i hate it here.
anyway it’s my birthday & my lovely lovely husband took me to york for a wild swim. it’s been a lovely sunny afternoon in the shitstorm that has been life lately ❤️
if one more person says i look like i’ve been punched bc of my birthmark they will actually BE punched i stg like do you know how mean you’re being & how sad you’re making me???
omg i dreamt i was doing an a level english lit exam & i was finished so i cut my exam paper up & turned it into a lil story book instead which does sound like me tbf
today i have simply just existed & honestly even just doing that has been difficult but i need to remind myself that i don’t have to productive to be valuable & i’m still loved even when i think i’m a burden ❤️💕🌸🌺💞
i made it though my appointment 🥲 i’ll hear on monday whether they’ve decided what therapy will be the best fit/ whether i’ll be referred on/ whether they need more information from me before making a decision. then it will be a few months wait before therapy starts. 🤯
i have my assessment today to see what therapy will be the best fit for me & then i’ll be starting the therapy shortly after. i’m so incredibly nervous i’m shaking, IBS has flared & i feel so so nauseated 🤢
im feeling upset rn bc it feels like everyone around me is pregnant/ giving birth & i want to be a mother more than anything. i have so much love to give.
i had my return to work meeting today after three months off. my coworkers came out all excited to see me & cuddled me. my boss can’t wait for me to come back. my brain is lying when it says they don’t want me back. i am loved & valued even when im poorly.
not a hot take but gay men are actually some of women’s biggest haters like this is clearly more a mockery of chappell roan rather than an homage oops 🤫 🙈
so many people are pregnant & having babies around me right now & it’s difficult because i am genuinely so fkn happy for them but it’s also like a lil knifey knife in my heart every time bc i wanna be a mother so badly 🙃🙃🙃
i’ve just learnt of the gisèle pélicot case & i can’t stop fucking crying i am sick to my stomach i dont want to live in a world where this happens i hate it
if your initial response when hearing about sexual violence against women committed by men is some ego fuelled “not all men” take, then you are a part of the problem. i wish nothing to do with you.
my 🔌 is an absolute angel with me & gives me free shit w my orders lols & ANYWAY i just realised the acct i to msg him on has me sucking DICK as my profile pic which i’ve accidentally done at some point⁉️⁉️‼️ & only just noticed bc i don’t use the app for anything else 😭😭😭
there’s nothing i LOVE more than watching ppl break away from their ED habits & work through their recovery journey like YES GO GO GO YOU ARE SO STRONG THERE IS NOTHING YOU CANNOT DO 🩷
i did my first long shift since going back to work today & mostly worked alone too. it was a very “steady” day but it was also mostly me having genuine riff with an agency chef who every time i brought in a check he didn’t like he said “language barrier 🤷🏻” & smirked 😭😭😭