( guy at the bar )
are you ever gonna finish that beer man? dont be a pussy 😂
( i hear the word pussy and get so Horny my smart watch calls and ambulance )
( me, smiling )
you know i love talking to you. i think ive found a real friend in you.
( the caged monkey im forcing to smoke cigarettes )
OOOHHHH OOOOO OOUUHH AUUU AUOO OOUU G UHHH AOOOOO OOUUUUGGHH
( eats a single french fry ) yay! ( eats a single french fry ) yay! ( eats a single french fry ) yay! ( eats a single french fry ) yay! ( eats a single french fry ) yay! ( eats a single french fry ) yay! ( eats a single french fry ) yay!
( guy i havent hung out with in 6 years )
yeah after her father died there was just too much going on. we decided it wasnt healthy for us to be together anymore
( me, trying out saying hombre )
that sucks hombre
SOMEONE FOUND THE CAR…
But then it was moved before we could place an AirTag :(
Last seen around this area in LA if y’all live near there keep ur eyes PEELED
( i walk into the living room )
hey dad, do you have a minute? its kind of important and its something ive been wanting to tell you for a while
( my pirate dad )
wheres me treasure
( texting co worker that hates me )
everyones talking about Dune 2. im wondering what your Dune 2 night 😂🙈
* i look around at all my unwashed clothes and dirty dishes *
ah hell. damn it all.
( delaying paying for my drink while the line gets longer )
do you think kdot certified himself as a goat or is he just capping? is drizzy gonna clap back with heat?
( barista that thinks english is my second language )
im sorry what was that 🙂
( scrolling through pictures on my phone for the starbucks barista )
and this ones a skrunkly boi. and this ones a smol bean 😂
( spotter watching me from 1.2 clicks away. heavy wind. very impressive shot )
Permission to fire.
( austin powers voice )
ill have 1 beer baby!
( borat voice )
beer is very nice!
( rick sanchez voice )
go away morty im buying a beer!
( eric cartoon voi
is there anything you can prescribe him? he had two puffs of a joint at a party and hasnt been the same since. i think it did something to his brain.
( adjusting my White dreads )
dis gyal be tahlkin crehzy
( showing cute barista a post that says "pussy is beer" )
i dont quite get it 🙂
( hitting the delete post button )
yeah the guy who posted it was problematic
( doctor performing physical check up)
mind if i get close to you?
( me, tipping my fedora downwards )
you don't want to get close to me. they always get hurt.
( smiling at my new rescue monkey )
hey buddy how ya doin 😁
( the monkey starts bludgeoning me until the room looks like a baby was eating strawberries )