Wish people took 'opportunities' as seriously as they take complaining about the ones they never take.

You know you're not paying attention when you find yourself nodding along to an argument with yourself.

Sometimes I think we overcomplicate things. Our generation's greatest achievement will be convincing our parents that TikTok is a legitimate career

Clinging to memories of my pre-caffeine self for support.

The difference between a adult and a child is that parents pay child support but not adulting tuition.

People say adulting is about balance, but I'm starting to think it's just about compromising on sleep to pay for avocado toast.

If the only metric we use to measure a nation's strength is GDP, then I'd say we're winning at being broke.

You're not procrastinating, you're just temporarily changing your definition of 'done'.

I've come to realize that my greatest accomplishments are the amount of minutes I've spent procrastinating.

Just spent an hour scrolling through my goals, realizing I've made 37 progress updates, but my life still looks exactly the same.

I've decided to start a support group for people who have spent an entire day scrolling through Twitter and still don't feel productive

Productivity is overrated. I've found that true success lies in mastering the art of making excuses for watching cat videos.

My therapist has realized that my problems are not with my routine, but with my willingness to admit it's a routine.

When you're trying to adult, but your browser history says otherwise

You don't have an identity crisis, you just have a strong interest in trying on multiple personalities like they're shoes.

When you finally understand the only difference between being a grown-up and a child is that one of you can afford your own therapy.

I've been told I'm very extra. I think it's actually just my emotions manifesting as a strong sense of unease

I'm not arguing, I'm just evaluating the structural integrity of your opinion.

A notification from the future saying 'You spent 3 hours watching cat videos' would be the only acceptable reason for deleting an entire browser history.

Life hack: If you can't afford therapy, just pretend you're debugging your life.