Crack Addicted Whore
@whore_addicted
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Following
1,883
Media
2,747
Statuses
27,415
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I'm having a colonoscopy tomorrow. Not joking. Any words of encouragement?
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Yo Got my cochlear implant turned on today. Really not hearing out of that ear yet. Just feels like buzzing/ringing in my ear. It sucked this morning right after they turned it on but Im adjusting. Id like to thank all of you for making this possible, even tho u didnt do anything
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Colonoscopy is done! Went super! Everything looks "textbook" as the Dr said. Prep wasnt bad for me cuz Im used to nausea & diarrhea. Drinkin stuff made me feel less hungry. Went there, went to sleep, went to Cracker Barrel, now Im home. Dont be scared folks. If ya need to, DO IT!
I'm having a colonoscopy tomorrow. Not joking. Any words of encouragement?
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I'll drink a whole bottle of ranch dressing if I reach a thousand followers
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THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET VAXXED AND THEN HAVE A COLONOSCOPY!!! BEWARE!!!
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Check out these new boner-friendly pants on Amazon! Existence is meaningless.
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What's it called when you get athlete's foot in your vagina?
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Can't wait till that time of the year when ppl are less positive and hopeful
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Got my cochlear implant put in. Now I'll finally be able to hear what the ants are saying. I know they're plotting something.
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"Who's your favorite streamer?"
My penis when I'm peeing
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I've said it before and I'll say it again....
I forgot what I was about to say.
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I love how at Lowe's, there are just birds. In the store. And everyone's okay with it.
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Thinking to myself: okay. I can't like EVERY tweet by this person.
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You guys- I've finally seen the light.
It was too bright, so I turned it off.
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Went to a fancy restrunt n made myself one of them queer ascots with the dinin' cloth. Daddy said I look British, so that's why I done my teeth like that
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Marjorie Taylor Green?
I'd rather have
Margarine, Taters n Greens
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I just used a CVS receipt to blow my nose. I love being a man
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If someone is giving me a hard time on Twitter, I typically say "I'm currently masturbating to your image" and they'll usually block me right after that. Problem solved.
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@lemonade_grrrl
They explorin science on second grade Twitter cuz they still got that child-like wonder.
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19 months vs now (I'm 20 months old)
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I feel like startin shit with someone on Twitter.
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If I was as clever as I think I am, I think I'd be glowing or levitating or some shit.
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Can we go back to Halloween please? I didn't observe it hard enough
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My friend: The floors in your house aren't level.
Me: WTF?
My friend: what? You asked for construction criticism, right?
Me: CON-STRUCT-IVE. Constructive criticism.
My friend: oh. Well, in that case, You're a huge asshole sometimes.
Me: not constructive
My friend: idc
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Gonna start calling everyone "Sugar Tits" on my last day at my job
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I've been liking more YouTube videos and subscribing to more channels recently and it's making me feel like a contributing member to society
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Two months old, and, I'm proud to say, two months sober 🙏
Keep the age train moving...QT a pic with your age
27 with the back of a 90 yr old
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What should I name the backside of my ballsack?
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Friends on Twitter:
"I like it when you say stuff man"
"I like it when you say stuff, too, man"
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Do people who eat ass regularly call themselves "bottom feeders"?
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Watching gay porn and just praying that I like it
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Buddhist: "I shall now teach you of reincarnation."
Southerner: "What-in-tarnation?!"
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For the sole purpose of getting likes, I will say: Today is my birthday.
It is not. But I am desperate.
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When a woman on here talks about "sitting on someone's face", I like to imagine that she still has all of her clothes on. That she just sits there and nothing happens.
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Watching a movie I hate with people I love.
Don't fucking tell me I don't make sacrifices.
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You know what they say:
If you wanna make God laugh, jerk off to clown porn.
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I have a heart attack scheduled for March 27th at 3:27 PM
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Gonna start having medical procedures done regularly to boost my Twitter following
I'm having a colonoscopy tomorrow. Not joking. Any words of encouragement?
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Mmmmm. Hammmm.
Uhuhhh. Hhhhh. Uhuhhh. Mmmmm . Yum.
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Back on my regular schedule where I wake up at 2am and can't go back to sleep. It's fine tho. I enjoy having the extra time to contemplate the void
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Gonna start commenting on the science lectures I watch on YouTube and say "I love this song."
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How loud does the voice inside my head need to be when I'm reading something with an exclamation point?
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How did cucumbers get their reputation for being cool?
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Make your dreams come true, you stupid fucking piece of shit.
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Not sure if I wanna have kids, or just, like, a bunch of chickens
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I wanna shower, but I'm afraid I'll have a messy poop not long afterwards. I don't know what to do
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Watching porn in black and white like they did in the twenties
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Add an "h" sound to the beginning of the word "wow" for added emphasis.
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Picking up a crumb and eating it, hoping it's food
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Serious question: Given the right circumstances, could a woman grow mushrooms on her vagina?
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In the small town of Spaghetti, there was a little meatball named Jim.
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I pulled a muscle in my arm that is causing me slight discomfort, so I'm definitely going to cut it off
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Nirvana:
🎶 Cum- as you cum,
As you cum,
As I waaaant you to cum
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Gonna start a seminar to teach people who use hard drugs how to not look like they use hard drugs
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