virgo b*tch
@whatsacoachella
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Gypsy Rose Blanchard’s child has the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever
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Guys I support Gypsy being free. It was a joke… no need for think pieces this is twitter not a classroom.
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me: *graduated monday*
everyone: so how do you feel? what will you do now? do you have a job?
me:
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I’m so sorry if you’re white do me a favor and never let me see you wearing a telfar
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OKAY SO KYLE JENNER REALLY WAS PREGNANT THE WHOLE TIME AND TRAVIS SCOTT REALLY IS THE DAD AND SHE LITERALLY HAD HER BABY THREE DAYS AGO WTF 2018 IS A SIMULATION IT CANNOT BE REAL
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tell me why I’m so high I got on the c train and looked for my seatbelt 😭
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Oh yeah yesterday I was just crying because one of the Christmas gifts my boyfriend got me was a neon sign portrait of me that he made BY HAND😭 I love him so fucking much
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GUYS WHAT THE OMG JT MADE MY DRAWING HER PROFILE PICTURE OMG
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I remember when I dated a guy who had virtually no furniture but he did have framed picture of snooki on his wall
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Alvin Simon and Theodore after fucking up Dave’s day
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Everyone's kissing somebody this New Year's Eve and I just matched with an Everything Bagel on Tinder...
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Hot take... I do not think white people should have Juneteenth off and get paid for it LOL
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I’m glad I’m depressed in nyc and not nebraska or some shit
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I hope everyone gets lucky enough to find an amazing boyfriend like I have 🥺🧡
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To the fellow drunk girl in the Applebee’s bathroom in Midtown last night who said her number one ick for a guy is “jumping into a pool while pinching his nose” I love you
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I know it’s small but my new job asking me where they should send my work laptop really made me happy 😩
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I know I look good cuz the Uber driver asked if he could take me back home lol
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the way I found out joe biden won? hearing people cheering and blasting fuck donald trump outside my window 🥰
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G train stands for “girl you look good”
L train stands for “lady I’d like to get to know ya”
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BIDEN SAID TRUMP IS RACIST AND TRUMP AIN’T EVEN DENY THAT SHIT
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being a chef’s kid means I can get up and torch a creme brulee at 4am
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Today is the first time in 60 years that my grandma has had her birthday without my grandfather because he died from Covid back in April. Please for the love of GOD let these election results be good
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thinking back to when guys a year older than me would ask me to call them “DADDY” during sex... like absolutely not bro you’re my peer 😭
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I would’ve been like “who’s your man? The ugly one over there?”
the way i would’ve just walked away like girl be fr 😭
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this youtube comment had me sooooo fucking weak you dont understand 😩😩😩😩
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why am I in a hotel room with a 35 year old man watching Shrek
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TOM DOES NOT PLAY!!!!!! HE!!! KNOWS!! MY!!! ANGLES!!!
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oh fuck I just got a $219 sex toy from work for free I’m never tweeting about men again
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I love living by myself… I’m literally on my couch drinking seltzer water in my hoodie watching law and order svu having the time of my life
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Do not talk to Bernie like that I will fucking clap you Elon
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you’re supposed to finish the whole bottle of wine by yourself when you open it right?
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me rolling over to say hey to my boyfriend: morning ba-
his dog:
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I’m not turning 24 today, I am actually two 12-year-olds in a trenchcoat
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After 2 weeks of multiple health screens and asking everyone to quarantine, I surprised my closest inner circle with a trip to a private island where we could pretend things were normal just for a brief moment in time 💙
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my sister said “if he doesn’t check on you during the race war he doesn’t care” that was the wakeup call I needed lol 😭
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why tf am I still waiting for a $500 check… if I keep doing freelance work I need a gun
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Why she describing Toucan Sam
men aren’t attractive when they are good looking. men are attractive when they are goofy and a lil fruity and have a big nose. that’s true sex appeal.
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so i saw a new doctor today
him: are you currently sexually active?
me: lol no
him: well once you’re vaccinated I encourage you to get back out there
me:
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I enjoy being a salaried employee now because I can sit on my ass and do nothing all day and get paid for it
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Why the fuck would I ever go back to an office for work again?! I just had sex on company time you ain’t getting me out this damn house
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Nah I definitely think some people NEED to be in prison lmao like rapists, murderers, pedophiles ya know? Twitter be thinkin they the whole criminal justice system
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thinking about how my mom has my dad blocked on instagram
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started watching this is us yesterday and dear god I want milo ventimiglia to RAAAAAAAAWWWWW ME holy shit
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not even gonna lie being a black woman at a predominantly white media company fucking sucks bc I know I was held back from reaching my full potential every step of the way
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this dude on tinder said he wanted to be submissive to me and wanted to send me money… why did he cash app me five dollars like that was going to get my pussy wet???
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Going on a dinner date with a 35 old man tonight nature is healing 😌🙏🏾
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and now we’re going to italy after being together for a year… stay up y’all!!!
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I’m about to give my two weeks notice and I kind of wanna vomit???
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babe its giving david hasselhoff’s funeral
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