Allen Weisselberger
@weisselbergers
Followers
59,279
Following
986
Media
8,300
Statuses
31,186
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
Columbus
• 311568 Tweets
HAPPY IS COMING
• 228701 Tweets
Nobel
• 214783 Tweets
Bill Clinton
• 143352 Tweets
Khaled
• 111343 Tweets
Thanksgiving
• 85799 Tweets
Bret
• 52886 Tweets
Kerem
• 47419 Tweets
#BizimÇocuklar
• 41968 Tweets
Hakan
• 41064 Tweets
Leire
• 40985 Tweets
GALA TU PATRONA
• 36289 Tweets
Geraldo
• 27313 Tweets
#BBUK
• 26292 Tweets
Amaia
• 26268 Tweets
National Grid
• 24169 Tweets
Alvarez
• 21688 Tweets
Nathan
• 20759 Tweets
Belgique
• 20671 Tweets
連休明け
• 20065 Tweets
İzlanda
• 16960 Tweets
Arda Güler
• 16385 Tweets
Kenan
• 15685 Tweets
#BELFRA
• 14750 Tweets
Sombra
• 12698 Tweets
Saliba
• 12453 Tweets
#GERNED
• 10617 Tweets
Zeki
• 10370 Tweets
Uğurcan
• 10326 Tweets
Pinned Tweet
The fact checker has hanged himself.
23
63
527
I like presidents who don't have to pay their spouses to be seen with them in public.
1K
13K
155K
You think weird won’t stick?
Weird is fatal.
337
2K
19K
Nothing says “I’m not bald” like a ski hat in Miami.
546
1K
18K
Tim Walz could have fixed this at 29K feet with a spork and half-pint of KFC gravy.
791
2K
16K
Mary Trump just cast so much shade at Meghan McCain, the rain forests died
130
812
13K
8:00: Teslas will no longer come with wheels.
9:45: Teslas will come with wheels.
12:14: Three wheels. Fourth wheel for additional fee.
1:01: False
1:02: Teslas without “parody” bumper stickers will be recalled.
2:33: 🤣
4:57: The steering wheel counts as a wheel.
182
2K
13K
Lauren Boebert hasn’t enjoyed this much influence since her last DUI.
120
1K
12K
Sorry if you tried to leave a message. Voicemail is full. I'll be out of the office until 2024 to 2026.
187
892
8K
Among MANY charges filed against the son of Lauren Boebert are three counts of (wait for it) contributing to delinquency of a minor.
379
2K
9K
Everyone watched MTV on a color television, dipshit.
Imagine waking-up January 21, 2025 with a President who grew up listening to U2 and watching MTV on a color television.
3K
91
1K
165
559
8K
Oregon is in play for Donald Trump. Could Joe Biden draw a crowd like this?
557
488
8K
The boss loves George P. Bush like his own son
167
419
7K
@KamalaHQ
Okay then maybe the childless shouldn’t have to pay property taxes to finance local schools.
182
233
7K
Keep your friends close but your daughters-in-law closer
125
392
6K
Only 5% of the Devin Nunes story is public knowledge. It's not yet safe to reveal the rest. But when we can finally tell the world what he's done behind the scenes to the people I most love, the gloves are off.
I'm inching closer, Devin. And hell is coming with me.
Parnas: Congressman Pete Sessions, then Congressman Devin Nunes, Senator Ron Johnson and many others understood they were pushing a false narrative. The same goes for John Solomon, Sean Hannity and media personnel, particularly at Fox News
406
5K
12K
112
1K
6K
Since I’m bedridden, I’d like to remind my criminal colleagues in Bucharest that there is a mancave house with 33 unattended automobiles with terrible gas mileage.
40
507
5K
Having second thoughts about the witness protection program
261
254
5K
Stewart Rhodes' attorneys plead to the jury for mercy, explaining, "After his tragic gun mishap, he can only see things from the extreme right."
481
545
5K
In the event of my sudden death, please appoint a special master for my browser history.
48
351
4K
@timgill924
@UTKnoxville
is it your policy to encourage faculty to harass and lie to their students in their free time?
10
64
4K
Whenever the boss wants to send someone a message, I have to wrap a filet-o-fish in a newspaper.
69
419
4K
Please please please can we start calling Trump’s posts “toots” from now on? Make toots happen.
145
745
4K
@Acyn
Jesse was raised by a liberal mother in Philadelphia, but now he sounds like Nathan Bedford Forrest.
51
220
4K
Wait till Steve Bannon finds out you only get one shirt in prison.
143
442
4K
Melania would like us to celebrate the human form.
394
637
4K
For the first time ever, Tiffany is relieved to be forgotten.
40
214
4K
Self-flagellation scene from new 50 Shades of Grey sequel
198
474
3K
Getting booed at the United Nations, World Series, courthouse steps, and Libertarian Comic Con are like the EGOT for douchebags.
39
557
4K
James Comer being duped by Russian intel WAS on my bingo card.
This whole court filing on Alexander Smirnov, the indicted former FBI "informant," is really worth reading.
380
2K
6K
107
411
4K
Turns out our nation’s fentanyl problem was the White House doctor’s office.
38
897
4K
This would be a good time for Vance to change his name again.
118
476
4K
Ted Cruz caved so hard there are 33 Chilean miners trapped in him
74
320
3K
BREAKING: I'm spotted going to Trump Tower, where I work, kicking ass, taking names, and placing those names in the marginalia of columnar allocations of Thai massage Groupons in tertiary ledgers archived with a cipher of 14th-century Rosicrucian sigla and the KFC sides menu.
161
381
3K
Alexander of Magadonia couldn't conquer a ramp.
130
477
3K
At least socialism is getting auditions, Kevin.
203
215
3K
Zero dinosaurs alive after the windmill was invented. Do the math.
51
187
3K
Remember that one time Tucker Carlson wore a bow tie every day of his life until Jon Stewart made fun of him, CNN canned him, and then the bow ties disappeared forever in favor of a white hood? 🧵
57
585
3K
If you're terrified about JD Vance assuming the office of vice president, just imagine how these couches feel.
86
441
3K
I can't believe your shoulders can support the weight of your skull, but here we are.
I can’t believe Republicans just gave the Democrats their socialism bill.
10K
5K
29K
77
200
3K
No one ever talks about the embezzlement we weren't charged for
69
216
3K
@EricTrump
The judge was citing the Palm Beach County Assessor's appraisal range of $18-27.6MM. He didn't "rule" that Mar-a-Lago was worth $18MM.
247
242
3K
@ksorbs
Remember that one time 19 children died when a five-year old affirmed his/her/their gender?
103
116
3K
They’re not *fringe* benefits if they outvalue your salary
31
189
3K
My lawyer keeps asking me if I’m sure I wouldn’t rather defend myself.
62
160
3K
Unemployed actors are a dime a dozen, but only one of them is James Woods
68
118
3K
Today is a very, very bad day to be a porcelain gravy boat in Mar-a-Lago
65
200
3K
Are you having a good day?
I am having a good day.
I own 300,000 shares of Heinz.
58
260
3K
Republicans are finally tired of heterosexuality being shoved down our throats.
39
334
3K
And now I’d like to introduce my other lawyer, who will apparently be offering my confession.
109
428
3K
How far can he throw a paper towel roll though?
50
176
3K
Underwater with women voters, the Trump campaign is bringing back the ladies’ man who gave Kristi Noem the clap.
87
767
3K
Breaking: Caligula to name his horse to the consulship.
120
460
3K
Imagine being too chickenshit to condemn bomb threats because it may lose you the Ohio nazi vote.
28
581
3K
Physicists who say time travel is impossible had better explain how Rittenhouse got a judge from 1859.
39
309
2K
Red states right now after Lil John's electric performance.
22
181
3K
You can’t even take care of your electric bill.
Texas Lt. Gov Dan Patrick on Fox News: "We as a state can take control of our own border." (The Constitution says otherwise.)
247
304
1K
45
356
3K
Gurl, we can just ask your probation officer.
56
318
2K
Just found out George Santos is not my real dad.
154
161
2K
I mean sure if Article II required the president to break into cars, steal credit cards, and brandish history’s skankiest pornstache.
88
332
2K
Didn’t expect a litter box to smell like cat shit?
Didn't expect Tucker Carlson to become an outlet for Nazi apologetics, but here we are.
3K
321
4K
27
210
2K
Imagine someone in the West Wing who knows something about surviving gun violence with dignity and circumspection.
31
261
2K
The only thing that can stop a bad man with porn is a good man with porn.
140
391
2K
Trump is accusing Biden of trying to assassinate him. Meanwhile Trump's lawyers tell the Supreme Court he can assassinate people. Pick a lane, dude.
19
422
2K
May I ask a favor? Please lay off the prison rape jokes. Rape is rape in jail or on a date. Rape is a crime wherever it happens and injustice to whomever it harms. Rape humor invalidates real victims of real trauma. Thanks. TED talk over. You may now resume your tony dick jokes.
83
131
2K
Whomever Kamala selects as her vice president, she won’t hang them.
25
348
2K
Marco Rubio told his whole third grade class who Luke’s father was.
46
152
2K
Many people are saying I look like Lana Turner.
139
184
2K
People are comparing me to Al Capone's accountant. I wish. My job would be a piece of cake if the boss drank bathtub gin.
104
139
2K
I expect a smooth transition to prison, where room and board are free.
72
110
2K
Jury selection is boring until you recall the defendant has to sit captive for a week listening to 60 potential jurors tell him he’s a pusillanimous badger chode whose face-frenulum guffaws approximate human speech.
57
272
2K