Keir Wrong Un
@wef_uk
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Leader of the People's Party of North London I run pub called Toolmaker. I buy my own clothing BRING BACK MY SAUSAGES All Hail Leader 🙌
United Kingdom
Joined July 2022
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
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Pinned Tweet
While out walking in a park I fell, my pants slipped down and I suddenly found 9 sausages inside me. One of which belonged to Lord Alli
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Supreme Leader here, updating UK Republic of North London censored phrase list.
Today's censored phrase: "Female athlete"
Remember, freedom of speech has limits set by the government elected by 20% of you.
Democracy wonderful. All hail leader or else.
#TwoTierKeir
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Dear Prisoners of UK Republic of North London
Your Supreme Leader love you, and that why I ban:
Free speech
Smoking
Swearing
Cars
Meat
Laughter
Straight white men in adverts
Feee will
Foreign travel
Memes
Biology
And soon alcohol.
I want you to be happy.
All Hail Leader
🚨 BREAKING: Keir Starmer is set to ban smoking outside of pub gardens, nightclubs and football stadiums according to leaked government plans
[
@JackElsom
]
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Things that scare Glorious leader
1. Far right
2. People think for selves
3. Picture of old lady
4. Deputy Leaders Growler
5. Far right
6. Running out of things to ban
All Hail Leader
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Sunday morning facts about your Glorious Leader:
Leader loved by all ❤️
Leaders' fathers made tools 🔨
Leader was first man on moon
Leader never sweats
Leader sees you when sleeping and knows when you're awake
Leader best solicitor in world
Leader never mispekt word
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Rejoice citizens of the UK Republic of North London for it is Monday!
The leader brings you sun and warmth today.
It's time to go work to pay taxes to fund foreign wars, pride things and police to censor far right "free" speech.
Remember, think before you Tweet or jail.
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Evening Peasants of the Glorious UK Republic of North London!
As you know, my picture must be hung in every home, school, Turkish barber, farm and police station.
Because we live in democracy (no laughing at back), you get to choose new picture!
So A or B? Vote now or else.
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Good Afternoon Citizens,
I bring you photo update on sausage situation.
All Hail Leader
#LabourConference24
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Goodmorning Poorly dressed peasant!
Hat: £699
Powersuit: £5799
Killing your Nan: priceless
All Hail Leader
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That face Glorious Leader make when he spot someone laughing in pub.
We need more police.
All Hail Leader
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Good Morning Peasant. Happy Friday it nearly time for weekend!
People ask Leader "Glorious Leader how you sleep at night with all the problems in UK Republic of North London?"
Leader's answer "I sleep fine as I don't care about any of you"
All Hail Leader or else.
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In an effort to reassure the public Oxford Council release pictures of a scale model of their traffic control scheme.
#15minutescity
#papersplease
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The Supreme leader welcomes new train service, which take Meme criminals straight to Gulag.
Think before you Tweet
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It late but Glorious Leader still works for you.
Tonight we visit Marshall Lammy Cervix Farm.
We grow cervix for men.
All Hail Leader.
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Good Afternoon Citizens.
There is much gloom around the UK Republic of North London and I here to tell you things aren't all bad.
We just arrest 11 year old child. The future bright. The future open prison.
All Hail Leader
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Your Glorious Leader has eyes of eagle, nose of bloodhound, and feet of duck.
I can smell & see when peasants enjoy life and stop it.
Change is coming.
All Hail Leader
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In effort to speed up "your NHS" we ask screening questions:
Do you support:
Israel
Brexit
Free Speech
Other political party
Smoking in pub garden
Not being arrested for Meme
If you answer "yes" to any above you can go to veterinary
Answer carefully...
All hail Leader
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Our Glourious October budget will encourage you to:
Get out of car and walk
Reduce your food consumption
Eat your pets
Wear more clothes in winter
Die at home alone.
Good Luck. 👍
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Good Afternoon Citizen!
I bring wonderful news! The last coal fire power station close today!
Soon our dream of rolling blackouts, average £3000 energy bills and frozen conservative voter will be reality!
Net zero life is the future.
All Hail Leader
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Carlsberg don't do wankers but if they did, they'd look like this.
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If Leader gets to 7k followers before midnight every citizen gets 1 free turnip.
Just kidding, there are no turnips as Marshall Miliband covered all land with solar pannels to impress weird lady
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Leader can confirm GB Energy is up and running!
No we haven't generated any electricity yet but we have hired 5 diversity officer. Taking the staff at GB Energy to 5.
Wrap up warm.
All Hail Leader
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Leader new banned phrase.
Instead of using phrase "brutally murdered" use phrase "lost live"
We keep people safe from distress words and truth
This help project imagine that Glorious UK Republic of North London capital not festering pile of horse manure.
All Hail Leader
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Matt Hancock stole two years of my children's lives, based upon lies. He is a weird creepy sociopath who only cares about himself and his career. He should not be allowed near other humans.
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Much pointless talk of paintings in Palace of Glorious Leader
I replace all paintings with this in palace.
There has only been one Leader.
History stop.
All Hail Leader or else.
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Face you make when energy bills rise by £150 and you shut down back up coal fire station.
All hail Hypothermia
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Good Morning I visit regime indoctrination centre for citizens age 4-11.
I get asked toughest question as Supreme Leader ever.
In seperate news we arrest 6 year old for thought crime against Leader.
All Hail Leader.
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Good Day Peasants of UK Republic of North London
We had no idea how bad things are. (stop laughter)
Leader found hole in floor of Treasury we think far right stole money.
We have £22b issue.
Do not ask about £400b spend on lockdowns or gulag.
We fix everything with tax.
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Supreme Leader update with your banned phrase of day.
Today's censored phrase "far left"
"Far left" is a far right conspiracy theory.
Remember the Leader loves you and kiss my picture before bed.
Finally a reminder, watch what you tweet or else.
Supreme Leader here, updating UK Republic of North London censored phrase list.
Today's censored phrase: "Female athlete"
Remember, freedom of speech has limits set by the government elected by 20% of you.
Democracy wonderful. All hail leader or else.
#TwoTierKeir
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Hello Beautiful Tax Cows.
It time for 13:27 Leader clarity tweet.
October budget will be painful but fair.
We tax those with broad shoulders include:
Those employed
Retired
Dead
People with house worth over £100k
Those who like eating
Anyone with car
All Hail leader
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Good Afternoon Peasants!
Do you like Leaders new suit? I dare you to say no.
I got it free, all I had to give was access to back door (of palace)
All hail Leader
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. Apparently
@SadiqKhan
has claimed that if you are against
#ULEZ
you are in bed with the far right, antivaxxers, Hitler, etc. etc.
Let's now see who Sadiq is in bed with. Oh...
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Happy Grey Monday!
Leader bring you joke to raise morale of nation.
"What is blue and stiff?"
"Your Nan this January"
Ha. We freeze everyone.
All Hail Leader
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"Did you like the underwear I got your missus Sir?"
"Did it make stiff like a frozen pensioner?"
"Oh suits you!"
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Dear Taxation Serfs,
I have responsibility to keep you safe as we know best.
Therefore I ban smoking outside of pubs, clubs, homes, parks, dentist, doctors, candlestick makers, Blockbuster video, and Radio Rentals.
We also ban smoking after sex unless screwing nation.
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@AskNationwide
Please explain:
1. How this weird fettish is different from black face?
2. What this has to do with banking?
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Face Leader make when he realise one day he will run out of things to ban.
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Life in UK Republic of North London difficult and Leader has to make tough decision.
Here Leader turn off NHS life support for citizen who sent "funny meme" of Leader.
Who laugh now?
Me. Ha.
Watch what tweet.
All Hail Leader
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Leader Maths Lesson of Day.
-16 = +75
Anyone question, Gulag
All Hail Leader
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Good Morning, Glorious Leaders
#WednesdayMotivation
is to make you all cold, poor and miserable.
I make a good start, but there still much to do.
Happy Wednesday
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Your Glorious Leader believes in accountability. (Stop laughing at back)
I have seen photo of Marshall Jess Phillips at hospital where she allegedly jump queue.
We investigate fully to find criminal who leak photo.
All Hail Leader
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Leader know it has been painful few days so I bring you cheer.
I very excited to announce grand new TV style show on ITV Digital call "The Leader Farm"!
Watch and laugh as we discuss turnip, turnip planting, turnip harvest and eating pets.
Watch now or else.
All Hail Leader
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Good Morning my workers & peasants of UK Republic of North London.
I bring you sunshine & gift.
We agree picture boring. Therefore Leader send this to remind you who rule you.
You put this in every home, restaurant, turkish barber, pub, barn and milk bar.
All hail Leader.
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Happy Capitalist Pig No Work Day.
Unfortunately, Leader has bad news.
We had no idea how bad things are. (No, honesty)
The Leader now needs 10 years to fix country. After 10 years we have a glorious 1000 year period.
Join me on 10 year totalitarian journey or else jail.
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Dear Smokers in Parks and (checks note) outside Shisha bar (checks note again) yes Shisha bar.
We coming.
All Hail Leader.
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Helwo! I hope you enjoy sunshine Leader bring you today.
People like "Clarkson" constantly complain say we out of touch with farmers.
Yet here I am in countryside at farm.
This farm grows five new pronouns each week for citizens of UK Republic of North London to use and enjoy.
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Workers Party of North London conference going well.
Our plan to change UK Republic of North London into Venezuela on track.
Here nice picture of Leader and cat to make me look like "normal human."
All Hail Leader or else.
#LabourConference24
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Hello Citizens of Socialist Utopia,
I simple man I provide simple guide for you.
£500k + suit = Keys to palace
£1m + 2 suit = keys to palace and can rub Leader feet
£2m + 3 suit = Seat in House of Lords
Over £5m + 5 suit = you can order Leader to start war
All hail Leader
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We need help. We need new tax idea.
We already tax you to:
Own home
Heat home
Buy home
Own car
Drive car on road
Put fuel in car
Drive car (again) if not "green"
Have job or business
Earn profit
Holiday
Drink beer to forget taxes
Please send ideas
#LabourConference24
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How pensioner start under Leader vs. how they finish
All Hail Leader
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If Leader get 14k follower one of you receive this turnip
All Hail leader
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We have more idea for 2025 .
9. 10mph zones
10. Ban talk when drive
11. CCTV in every home
12. Meat free year
13. Tax windows (been done but good idea)
14. Tax pubs with floor
15. Ban excessive "tutting"
16. Tax number chairs in house
We never stop tax and ban for safety
Leader too excited. I release list.
1. Higher taxes
2. Frozen pensioners
3. Blackouts
4. Civil unrest
5. Marshall Rayner dance again!
6. More taxes
7. Arrest farcright 8 year old 🤞
8. Ban dogs from pub
All hail Leader
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How dare you say "slowly"?
Keir Starmer is slowly becoming the most dangerous Prime Minister we have ever had.
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Good Evening the Glorious Leader is just like you.
I like beer and joke.
"Knock, knock
Who there?
Secret police
You under arrest for mean Tweet"
Ha.
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Good Afternoon Prisoners of UK Republic of North London
I am pleased officers have removed this menance from society
Aggressive horn blowing (no laughing at back) will not be tolerated.
All Hail Leader.
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Leader Friday statistical official update:
GB Energy GW produce = 0
GB Energy PFI debt created £8b
Gangs smashed = 0
Grans smashed = 1
Cervix Grown by Marshall Lammy team = 0
Bus routes for Jews created = 1
Grannys frozen = 0 (too fcking warm)
Back to work.
Hail Leader
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Your Leader singing his favorite song:
"I Arrest all enemies of Party and crush their capitalist dreams"
I sing it in D minor
Enjoy.
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Leader busy man.
Yey I provide update on David Lammy shoe status.
Leader can confirm trainers where for flight.
Marshall Lammy now wearing these more appropriate shoes to reflect his intellectual stature.
All Hail Leader
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Good Evening,
Marshall Lammy and Supreme Leader have very productive day in USA.
Plans for turning Europe into nuclear wasteland go well.
All Hail Leader
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Good Day All!
Leader has new painting in Palace, replaced scary lady painting.
I hope you like
All Hail Leader.
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Leader has busy day today!
I bring you update.
Marshall for Hypothermia and Blackouts Miliband has secured first deal for Great British Energy!
We order 4 million of these, enough to power many home.
We on road to Net Zero!
Congratulations Marshall Miliband
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Despite what some people say, Marshall Cooper display full range of emotion.
Here she is:
Happy.
Sad.
Excited.
Angry.
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Quick Glorious Leader 13:47 update.
After get rid of painting of old scary lady Leader has commissioned new art work of Leader and Marshall Miliband.
Marshall Miliband points to farmers field covered in wind mill & underground solar panels.
Like it or else.
All Hail Leader.
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Hello Citizens!
The Glorious Leader is pleased to announce your state pub is fully open.
The Toolmaker (named after father) is your community hub. We host weddings, book burnings and public shamings.
This Tuesday pub quiz.
Question this week: What should Leader ban next?
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Mission accomplish.
Rich capitalist pensioners to freeze ✅️
Off to pub now!
Perhaps drown a puppy on way.
All Hail Leader
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Helwo,
Despite recent event, we take donation declaration seriously.
We investigate where Deputy Supreme Leader Rayner get her clothes from.
Our focus is on Sports Direct and Primark.
All Hail Leader
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Dear Pensioners,
Rest assured the Leader has not forgotten you.
I bring you special message.
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My vision for Oxford Street
Let's make change happen.
All hail Leader
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Good Morning,
There confusion on what cause "run on pound"
Let Leader clarify:
What don't cause run:
£400b on lockdowns
Pay rises for people to "drive" train
Destroying energy industry
Freezing pensioners
Raising taxes
Cause of run:
Tax cuts
Keeping pensioners alive.
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Work never stops for Glorious Leader
Leader trains to drop small tatical nuclear device on enemies of state include:
Far right meme creators
Far right pub smokers
Far right people who ask about immigration
Far right people who want pensioners to live.
I keep you safe.
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Femi is type of citizen you should all aspire to be.
Virgin, jobless and unable to think for self.
Leader needs millions of you like this.
Happy Sunday
I'd rather my politicians rave in Ibiza than in lockdown. 🤷🏿♂️
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Good Morning Peasants
People sometime say to Leader:
"Leader it feel like you out of touch with common man"
My response is "Arrest that man for hate crime"
To be clear, Leader not out of touch, I just don't care about you.
All Hail Leader
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Wonderful news Supreme Leader has updated censorship list.
The phrase "rolling blackouts" will be replaced this winter with "extended nap times"
Usage: "Marshall Miliband has caused many glorious extended nap times"
Think before Tweet.
Supreme Leader here, updating UK Republic of North London censored phrase list.
Today's censored phrase: "Female athlete"
Remember, freedom of speech has limits set by the government elected by 20% of you.
Democracy wonderful. All hail leader or else.
#TwoTierKeir
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Marshall Lammy releases statement on Iran Israel situation and unfolding World War 3
All Hail Leader
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To the morons saying "but she wasn't arrested for praying" I and others told she was arrested for praying. Oh and you're the type of people who would have turned in Anne Frank.
Catholic prosecuted for praying outside abortion clinic is CLEARED
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Good Evening Citizens
I bring Sunday Glorious Leader Facts
1. Leader never blinks
2. Leaders' fathers made tool
3. Leader original member of Oasis
All hail Leader
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Morning Peasants,
Leader is meeting President Trump today.
He rich man.
Leader might ask him for new suit or perhaps USA holiday home for our pet cat
All hail Leader
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Good Evening Peasants!
Leader has exciting news!
Leader receive new suit from Lord Ali
Do you like?
All Hail Leader
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