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𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘴 . . . 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙 𝘣𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘧𝘪𝘵! editing @joylandmagazine writing performance comedy mailing list:
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Pinned Tweet
If you write a story in second person, that's gaslighting. "You step into the crowded hallway" No I didn't
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My Close Friends list is for only my most enduring friendships and also ten people I've never spoken to but I think have "good energy"
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when i am worried i am not achieving enough i remind myself that i am 22. which looks like two swans hanging out
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Why Aren't Millennials Selling Their Hair To Purchase Their Boyfriend A Watch Fob Only To Discover That Their Boyfriend Has Sold His Watch To Purchase Them Hair Combs Rendering Both Gifts Useless But Creating Tangible Proof Of Their Love For Each Other (Though Now They Are Broke)
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I hate the crossword. If someone asked me in person to name "Someone getting dressed for lunch?" and then they smiled wryly and said "salad" I would ruin their life
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pence: kamala wants to help the environment
kamala: that is a vicious lie
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Twitter is not a good place for debate. Twitter is a good place for learning about a new kind of eel and then everyone you know dunks on the eel
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Nonfiction is crazy…… you’re telling me you know what happened to you?
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I can guess anyone’s name with 90% accuracy, with just one simple question
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If a piano fell on your head how long could you go without exposing your piano key teeth challenge
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Printing millions of graphic tees that say “G(I)RL(B)OS(S)”, cashing out and moving to the seaside
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me: Come quick. I see something Lynchian
wife: Is it another bug crawling in the dirt
me: [getting angry and lying] No It's something else
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Always thought Yoda was cute until I learned of Baby Yoda. Now regular Yoda is lower than a dog to me
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I really loved your piece this week. But I noticed that even though the story takes place at night, you never mention Dracula at all. You might consider setting the story in the daytime, or telling us that Dracula's on vacation
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𝔇𝔢𝔞𝔯 𝔍𝔬𝔲𝔯𝔫𝔞𝔩. 𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩𝔦𝔢𝔰 𝔞𝔫𝔡 ℑ 𝔡𝔦𝔰𝔠𝔲𝔰𝔰𝔢𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔭𝔬𝔭 𝔰𝔬𝔫𝔤𝔰 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔬𝔡𝔞𝔶. ℑ 𝔠𝔞𝔫𝔠𝔢𝔩𝔢𝔡 𝔱𝔴𝔬 𝔣𝔯𝔦𝔢𝔫𝔡𝔰.ℑ 𝔴𝔯𝔬𝔱𝔢 𝔞 𝔗𝔦𝔫𝔶𝔩𝔢𝔱𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔞𝔟𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔦𝔪𝔭𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔰𝔶𝔫𝔡𝔯𝔬𝔪𝔢. 𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔭𝔩𝔞𝔤𝔲𝔢 𝔯𝔞𝔤𝔢𝔰 𝔬𝔫.
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I’m on the Close Friends of girls I’ve never heard of. I’m on the Close Friends of girls who’ve died, girls who haven’t yet been born
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I’m practicing going “Ha ha ha!” and hitting a table. To replace Jimmy Fallon
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The perfect crime..... driving a train through a movie theater screen
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Clinging desperately to my love language, enneagram, Myers-Briggs, star chart. My qualities…. My little qualities……
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Women's ancient gathering instinct is reflected in their tendency to screenshot text messages
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The notes app is a uniquely melancholy place where banal tasks like "buy paper towels" live next to incoherent, sad aspirations like "become more like safdie brothers" (??)
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Lots of alt comedy is just average looking people deciding they’re either hot or ugly and extrapolating an act from there
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I wish just once a comedian would say "I'll leave you with this" and then do a breathtaking dance
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Phoebe Bridgers is Taylor Swift for people who like different music
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Hey, I noticed you didn't post much this week. Are you falling in love?
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Longlegs was actually really nice to me. But that’s just my personal experience with him
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Across the nation people are discovering that they can wear a little skirt
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Hey girl I love your outfit {getting confident and overreaching} It's very psychosexual,
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Hey girl I love that the speaker of your tweets is a deranged character unbound by logic
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(Seeing two guys next to each other) Ah. Just like the authors of Freakonomics
(Remembering I’m there too) no, no…. This must be Challengers
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Hey man, are you okay? I keyword searched your tweets for the words "beauty" and "meaning" and came up bereft.....
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(I see my crush kissing someone else)
There is only one thing to do about this: win a major award in thirty years
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(me on the computer) (posting photo of 3 peas in a pod) Look at this three bedroom apartment in Brooklyn I found. Hee hee hee
(Dracula who i let into my house) vat
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On the list of things you can just do, poetry might actually rank as one of the highest
people seem to not realize that poetry isn’t just a thing you can do. it requires knowledge of form and structure, and of course some amount of talent
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Every time I read a book I count the # of sentences with a positive moral value and the # of sentences with a negative moral value. If there are more neg than pos I mail the author anthrax and if there are more pos than neg I reread the book every day for the rest of my life
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It was a hot, humid summer. The summer we wanted to unzip our sweaty skin and step out of it like so many ill-fitting suits we wore to interviews. The summer girls became women and boys became dogs. Reagan was president. Or was he? Now it's time for my second paragraph.
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Everyone saying "Fast Car" was a more hopeful song when it was recorded is neglecting the fact that cars can go even faster now. They're called planes
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wife: Ever since you learned about the Doppler effect it's all you talk about. I'm leaving
me [amazed]: Your voice is going to sound so low
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Lots of contemporary fiction doing this lately. I won’t explain
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When you write about something bad you’ve done, that’s autofiction. When you write about something bad done to you, that’s memoir
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Oh yeah, I loved that book. I just had one critique, which is that I wished instead of that book, it were a manual on how I should live my life
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Once I was in a reading of a new play. The director as an icebreaker asked us each to say a regret we had. I said I wished I were closer to my brother and then the woman after me said as a child she kicked her dog until it passed out. Then we did the reading which was a comedy
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I loved reading your memoir. I'm just a little confused.... none of that stuff happened to me
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A button next to Twitter's "like" button, shaped like a spiral. When you click it, it forces the person who posted the tweet to make a ten-minute video explaining why they posted it, the intention behind it. You can press the button once in your life
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You’re lucid dreaming? I’m lucid walking. I’m lucid running around
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Jesus died on the cross? That's such a weird coincidence.......... exactly like the necklaces
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now im 23 and in Hell
when i am worried i am not achieving enough i remind myself that i am 22. which looks like two swans hanging out
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(Beautiful wife watching a movie) Help me my love. I don’t understand
(Me on my phone) It’s about the power of story
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Nathan Fielder came to my house and hugged me. And he told me I was wise and loving
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Accidentally wore my New Yorker tote with my Murakami shirt with my LRB scrunchie with my Ben Lerner shoes with my DFW chest tat with my Joan Didion bindle
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I know I can never smoke cigarettes because I am already extremely vulnerable to "little treats"
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{devil's advocate voice} But what if the soft animal of my body loves to walk on its knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting
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Maybe YOUR body keeps the score. I'm doing all this stuff on purpose
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Hey girl, just wanted to check in! I noticed you didn't bow when I walked in the room and I find that concerning and sinister
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My favorite type of acting is the acting that is just smoothing down your clothes with intention
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The Simpsons is the beautiful story of a jaundiced family's triumphs
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Some of you don't seem to know where the line is between joking around and actually materially supporting the Grinch.........
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Becoming fascist because some of your peers happen to be acting corny..... many such cases
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I have a question. What do scenes achieve? Unless an important plot point/character moment is taking place, can't all scenes happen offscreen?
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Poetry is an extremely powerful art form. Without it how else would we know the moon is a woman
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My son [14M] is dealing with feelings of regret and shame after attending his middle school formal and being peer pressured by Kool and the Gang [70M, 71M, 68M, 71M, 67M, 69M, 70M, 67M, 68M, 69M, 68M, 78M, 80M] into dancing
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Books MISLED me about what ADULTHOOD would be like. To this DAY I have NEVER seen a WORM driving a CAR
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Sorry babe I'm going to be late for dinner. I saw a hog rolling in the mud just now and I'm going to try to network with it
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Just invented the idea of a “bimbo.” Essentially it’s a blonde girl who is friendly
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Pizza could have been the name of a beautiful girl with ribbons flowing down her back. Instead it's the name of a circle....
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