jamie
@veryhotmomm
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cold bartender, warm heart | Trauma Plot: A Life 3.25.25 | rep: @aylazeef | check out my 2 year proust project below ⬇️
brooklyn
Joined March 2009
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i’ve never worked at a tiny used bookstore and i just think i would be very hot at that
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Jessica Chastain reveals that as a kid she would sit in the school cafeteria eating orange and banana peels:
“I remember sitting in the cafeteria and eating orange peels and banana peels because it made people notice me. The other kids would be like, 'Oh my God, look at her.' I
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seems utterly indisputable that this should be the guy which is why the ticket will end up being harris and some stupid fuck everyone hates
Walz says rights "are not like a damn pie," "there is enough for everybody"
"Imagine Donald Trump waking up after Kamala Harris beats him in this election"
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wild that the sequel to hot girl summer ended up being “me and almost every woman i know had the worst september and early october of our entire lives”
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there are 4 types of twitter people
•cum queens
•irony boys
•anime avis who u can’t tell if they’re baby trans, nazis, or boths
•18 y/o white girls in ohio who pretend to have bought ugly suburban homes w their bf of 3 months saying “we own! what have u done w ~your life🤣”
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i think often about the 30 rock episode where jenna plants a story that she’s like 59 years old so they start doing the “she looks absolutely incredible for her age!” thing
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my sister is jealous that i live in nyc & then i look at her pictures,, this bitch lives cheap, swims in lakes all day, smokes good weed, trains dogs for a living, & has a hot bf who loves her,,my thrilling NYC life is lying prostrate in bed bc another 30something dj made me cry
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off to my unionized job at the starve men of sex factory ! time to generate good discourse bc sex is DEFINITELY not something i, a wom, desire or enjoy ! my body is merely the cookie crumb i offer men when they are good,, this makes men understand women as sexually autonomous 😌
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anytime i wear my little outfits around the city everyone acts like they've never seen a slut before
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it's always two dumb bitches telling each other "exactlyyyyyyy"
President Biden doesn't believe his bad poll numbers — and neither do many of his closest advisers.
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there are no attractive single straight men in brooklyn,,, there are only one million men who have deeply loving relationships w their ~primary partner while literally CONSTANTLY trying to fuck other women
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NEWS: In Detroit, Biden announces his plans for first 100 days:
- Make Roe law of the land
- Sign John Lewis Voting Rights Act
- Expand Social Security and Medicare
- End medical debt
- Raise federal minimum wage
- Renew ban on assault weapons
- Make child tax cut permanent
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YES i took a hot tit pic earlier to send to a cute man and YES it was right there blown up to the largest possible size on my phone screen when it unlocked and YES a quiet 70 year old man sitting beside me at the bar saw it and then said “bon appetite” and tipped his cap to me
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i hate shit like this. leave waitresses and bartenders alone. i only work bar bars now but when i was still in restaurants i would have popped right back at this snot nosed shit. you’re not going to train a literal child to hate poor women on MY TIME.
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i think i can speak for all of Cum Twitter when i say, per our official party platform, we disavow grimes’ public statements on being nutted in by elon musk, and rebuke knowledge of the fetus that is germinating bc of this,,, we reject Big Cum’s most monstrous ambassadors
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oh god i’m crushing on this guy rn and found out after the fact that he is intermittently part of the blue man group,,, WHY does EVERY man in the blue man group somehow end up romantically entangled w me and how do i never know of their affiliations until it’s too late
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i’m so exhausted, i think i’ll just age thanks
Don’t be shy bring your skin care down to your nipples and thank me when you’re 50
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just witnessed a bushwick fuckboy fill up SEVEN washing machines with dirty clothes at the laundromat … i feel ill
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i’m a woman who fucks men; stop calling me “queer” just bc i’m trans—this indicates to me that you think of me as ~*woman, but w an asterisk ,,,just accept that i am stupid enough in 2019 to be a straight girl ok😡😡😡
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love when i’m bartending and a flirty man takes a v long time to sign his tab out and i automatically assume he’s leaving his number but then i look and actually he’s just so drunk he had to add 2+2 in the margins of the receipt
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lol @ everyone tweeting about fucking aliens. y’all won’t even fuck us trans bitches and u think u can handle octavia butler level mind melding mutating sex organ higher plane shit? go read bloodchild before u douche and call ur lyfts, sweaties🤣🤣
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went in for my post-op today and no lie when i revealed my breasts to my surgeon a ray of light broke over her face + she said "oh my god, they're perfect"
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the fun thing about dating lots of different men is realizing that the guys i’m going out w who are 28 and the guys i’m going out w who are 45 all have the exact same maturity level as the 22 year old guys i went out w when i was 18!!! time really is a flat circle or whatever
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men are soooooooooo hot ... i wish any of them could make me laugh
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me: yeah i hardly drink any coffee or blast cigs anymore,, dropped meat & dairy,,,,, i’m basically a nun now
my mom: the booze??
me: that’s work
mom: drugs?
me: edibles are for ptsd & jamie can have little a bump now & again
mom: the men?
me: welllll i’m a VERY lonely nun
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OBSESSED with this person watching the stepford wives and being like, "wow, i wish that would happen to me!"
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my roommate straight asked me how long it had been since i’d “got some blue” bc she knows the story of how i keep accidentally going on dates w out of costume blue man group men😞
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i've been saying the age of irony poisoning is OVER ... earnest girlies rise up! water's fine
macklemore, rupi kaur… proof that corniness and moral clarity are not mutually exclusive
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i say this—genuinely—with deep love in my heart … you all have got to start asking yourselves what brings wonder and pleasure into your lives … there’s a poet who wrote an amazing poem about this but i’m blanking on her name
I don’t understand the appeal of M*ry Oliver’s poetry. It’s like an upmarket Rupi Kaur. I will spend my one wild and precious life walking on my knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting, to die on this hill
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every single day i think about how my bf justified his disgust with the stringy part of bananas by inspecting videos of monkeys and seeing that they throw that part out too
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the grinch has the body of a bushwick drummer with end stage alcoholism…this is why martha may whovier rightly finds him undeniably sexy
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men are fully 37 years old texting “sorry if it felt like u were feeling hurt by thinking that i treated you like a cum rag undeserving of respect,, i SAID in my tinder profile that i’m ~figuring things out and working on myself~ so kinda seems like your fault huh🤔”
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being in a long term relationship really does wonders for helping a girl forget she went on dates with *several* men from the blue man group ...
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biden admin fucked up abortion and student loans so fucking bad and STILL had young people willing to
hold their noses bc of the absolute monsters on the right—now all this? at a certain point you have to think they Want to lose
Deeply embarrassing. I really think Biden/the Dems are in for a rude awakening from the under 40 set if they keep this up.
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customers at the bar if i so much as take a single second to check the time on my phone
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funny how every cure to this “epidemic” has something to do with women giving men unfettered access to our bodies
I heard something on a podcast that shifted my reality:
Some men go months without being hugged.
The guest said: “Men can’t solve loneliness, touch starvation, or isolation on their own. Unless everyone who’s listening to this goes out and hugs a man, no one will.”
The second
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back in the glory days posting this would have gotten me 12 new boyfriends ... what hasn't that ugly man with the hair plugs taken from us
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glad to see so many of my cis dude mutuals admiring ricky g’s hosting gig tonight bc they think he’s an irl shitposter when he’s spent the past several years devoting as much of his energy as possible to making trans lives less survivable
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astrology is a storytelling device & it is entirely possible to enjoy using it to reckon w bullshit that feels out of our control or otherwise opaque,,, any way of thinking can be assimilated into bigoted & fascistic ideologies, u aren’t nearly as smart as u think calling it fash
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my rapists? absolutely trembling in their steel toed boots😳😳😳thank u Scort
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anne looks *gorgeous* of course but let’s be real here, rich and famous cis women age well not because of moral goodness but because they’re all getting ffs lmao
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intermittent fasting?🤔oh u mean being someone who plans ahead to get fucked in the ass???🤣🤣🤣
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maybe i can’t date other women bc that would make me bi & then i’d have to tweet some variation on “my bisexuality is wanting every woman to romantically & erotically pummel me and also being attracted to 2.5 men🤣🤣🤣” every 6 hours and that just sounds ,,exhausting
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it’s fun having ~6k followers in that, when i talk about my experiences as a trans woman who dates & fucks men, cis lesbians/cis bi women constantly ask why i’m erasing them by not talking about THEM,, like i’m just one stupid bitch ok? i’m not writing sex & the city here
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pete buttigieg throwing chelsea manning under the bus blossoms out of a long and storied history of twinks participating in the torment of trans women for their own microscopic political gains
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sen bernard sanders’ staffers disclose that he is “eyeing the possibility of an e girl veep pick very closely,” sources report
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every guy i’ve dated in the last year has been like “oooo u write poetry? i wanna hear it” and busts on my tits but never comes to my readings ,,,i thought u were a ~lover of literature~ SIR😡
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i love “classic” “literature” … everyone in this e.m. forster novel is convinced the heroine listened to so much beethoven it turned her into a huge slut
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sis i hate to break the bad news but ,,, no ur cishet dude crush/bf/ex/fuckbuddy is NOT thinking about u,, he’s using his final brain cells trying to shit out a tweet about succession he hopes will get RTed by a blue checkmark man/big podcast host
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annie clark a “get the T out of lgbtq” stan confirmed
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with kindness in my heart, this and the comments are SO funny … dozens of gay guys in shock because “this show about women isn’t obscurely for or about gay men😨😨” the divas are down indeed
There is something both uniquely feminine but deeply ungay about Gilmore Girls (as much as I love it, it’s not gay culture) and I think that’s kind of rare. Like I genuinely don’t think ASP has many close gay guy friends in her circle. I mean the hats!
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“are straight women ok?” no now go attend to your perfect little polycule that is definitely drama free and comprised exclusively of 10s
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being single and dating around is so fun when there’s not a bitch inner voice in ya ear telling you it’s a referendum on your value as a woman
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men in brooklyn actually do be like “i’m in a serious relationship w 1 woman, casually dating 3 others, and fucking 7 more,,,, they are all monogamous, to me but,,,, ? i am poly 🙂”
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i'll never understand how a person could witness a group of children *inviting* us to protect them and refuse that call--this is a shattering
Palestinian children in Gaza hold a press conference outside Al Shifa hospital, speaking English so the world cannot pretend not to understand them: “We come now to shout and invite you to protect us; we want to live, we want peace… we want to live as the other children live.”
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this smear campaign is absurd and everyone on this letter can be written off as a total fucking dolt, end of story
Jonathan Glazer Open Letter Gets More Than 500 Additional Signatures Overnight (Exclusive)
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yelling about how missionary is vanilla all over twitter doesn’t make u seem sexually adventurous it just makes u seem unimaginative and bad at fucking
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everyone posting about “oh no summertime sadness is back in the charts??? what about hot girl summer🤣🤣🤣” as if we sad girls aren’t deeply and profoundly hot,,, anytime i cry in front of a man he wants to fuck lmao
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no i will NOT wear a bra under semi transparent t shirts it’s called having truly iconically perfect nipples
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@anarchofrills
@MxstressX
@stefsanjati
if i’m giving a man a fake number it’s because my “no” was not respected and i’m looking for a way out. shaming men who are already engaging w women on that creep ass level is a total dice roll.
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jameela jamil men who date women
🤝
responding to profound trauma w “damm babe that’s crazy”
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after a scary trip to the ER in may and two months spent waiting to see the specialist i got test results back today that say i'm actually NOT full of cancer, which is fab
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in a way it’s almost beautiful that men never see how this actually *creates* an additional arena of domestic labor for women to manage
*Tip for women.
Most of us men really want to help but don’t know how.
Give us lists!
Give us list items weekly we can take off your plate & we love to help!
Guys, ask her what can I take off your plate today?
The key is solid communication around this.
We can’t READ MINDS.
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i was supposed to have a date w a man later who demanded i give him “ALL INFO” on my ~transition (he knew i wasn’t cis when he asked me out a week ago) & said if i didn’t he‘d cancel our reservations, so i told him he could entirely fuck off & made date plans w myself instead
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so proud of all the women bravely coming out as "too smart and strong" to be domestically and or sexually assaulted ... the world is raising a glass tonight in your honor
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as a bartender if there’s ever a time u hear what u think is an australian accent but then ur taken aback bc they tip well or aren’t evil,,, just remember,,, u actually just helped a kiwi, NOT an australian
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experiencing an emotional response to art does not necessarily mean you were "emotionally manipulated" by that art...just one woman's humble opinion lol
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some girl brought her bf to yoga. he was wearing a shirt that said “stop being a pussy” w a cat on it. he proceeded to huff and puff and shake pitifully during the whole class while surrounded by strong beautiful women who moved through the flow w ease ,,,i just have to laugh🤷🏼♀️
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positively thrilled to spend the entire day dealing w people being like “hey !!! what about XYZ people😡😡😡😡” listen fuck off i don’t care i’m hungover and i want my crush to text me back faster ok
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bought an extra latte at the cafe just now so everyone assumes i am a v good girlfriend who ran out for morning coffee after totally exhausting my man’s dick,, don’t mind me, just a perfect woman heading back to the TWO FLOOR APARTMENT i share w my BOYFRIEND who LOVES ME
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attempts to drive abortion and trans people out of existence are legislatively and ideologically continuous … neither is a diversionary tactic
This whole transgender and sex change thing is classic bait-and-switch. An effort to get the Republican base spun up so they'll forget the conservative-leaning Supreme Court took away a woman's right to choose.
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staying on brand by sterilizing my dildos in a large cast iron cauldron in the middle of the woods, cacklingly
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i am trying NOT to be a judgmental bitch but if ur wearing knee high socks but u don’t swallow u are stealing valor from the rest of us sluts out here ok
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last week i said if i didn’t make out w a v tall man i would die and i made out w a 6’3” man AND a 6’9” man,,, i manifest shit,,, i am all powerful ,,,, so this week i say if i don’t get a hot man’s mouth on my tiddies w a little tooth grazing on my perfect nipples i? will die
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on top of everything else the election being between three rapists is some real nasty business
BREAKING: When asked about the allegations that RFK Jr. sexually assualted his then 23 year old babysitter, his answer?
"I am not a church boy ... I said [there are] skeletons in my closet."
He then refused to comment.
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any leftism that mocks and silences sex workers ,,,,, isn’t leftism
i can’t fathom why this is at all a question
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talented mr ripley was such an achievement…they really had matt damon, jude law, philip seymour hoffman, + goop all working at the top of their game AND at their hottest
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there’s a lot here but on top of everything, *my* governor cynthia nixon getting enthusiastic applause after her call for a ceasefire on THE VIEW feels so illustrative of where people’s hearts are 💗
“This is really a moment for moral clarity, and I think we need to look into our hearts and ask ourselves: Do Palestinian children deserve the same safety as all other children do?”
@CynthiaNixon
talks about joining the call for a permanent ceasefire in Gaza on The View.
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the man i was in love w for a year who never loved me back is going to marry the woman he’s been dating since then who still has reverse ombré hair in 2019 and calls him This Weirdo: my struggle
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it’s nice that i’ve been telling everyone i’d let shia lebeouf raw for YEARS and suddenly all of u act as if u discovered the fact that he has like a perfect chest hair pattern and clearly makes a woman multiple orgasm every single time ??? ok 🤣
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in my The Bachelor education i am learning that every woman is legally obliged to surrender their boyfriends to me if i teeter totter over on my little kitten heels and say the following LEGALLY BINDING WORDS “sis?🥺🥺🥺hey girl 😳 do u mind if i steal him for a minute😌☺️”
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dude friend groups be like “hey i’m kev that’s aarin, jonn, sam, and steve! over there is eggs. he doesn’t talk much” ...u look over. eggs is high as shit laughing by himself in the corner. then they ask if ur the kind of girl who likes to “have fun”
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i've got like 6 more weeks of post-breakup manic pixie dream slut in me ... then i'm locking some behemoth down or going nun mode for the winter
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at this point getting ghosted is standard but what’s wild abt bartending in the same 2 bars for 5+ yrs is seeing men who ghosted me roll thru wholly unperturbed by bringing dates where i work & fully pre-fucking them in front of me while i have their credit cards in my possession
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girl ................. do you remember big?
something that makes me very hopeful is that Carrie didn’t meet Big until she was 33!! there’s still plenty of time!!!
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it’s impossible for hot women to be “reply girls”,, we are simply girlfriends u never deserved and have forgotten u had
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am i gonna talk mad shit about dating men 24/7 ? yes,,, am i going to ALSO tell the men i actually date & sleep w that i worship them and their perfect cocks and i would die without their cum??? yes ,, it’s called having a multidimensional personality ok luv??
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s/o to the bitch boy who approached me ln to say “hey this is weird but i follow u on twitter,,, i guess i get caught up in LEFTISM” then didn’t tip me, & THEN got tossed by my sound tech who found him & his friend drinking stowaway mikes hard & limearitas in the back fuck u dude
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sadly we all had exactly 12 hours to enjoy and or be horny for new jersey pasta guy before discovering his anti black videos,,, if i had to be disappointed so do u
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