Tony | Unflinching Fatherhood
@unflinchingdads
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Took the dadpill a decade ago. 1 wife/2 kids. You’re never ready to become a dad. Helping you hit the ground running, create balance, and be the dad you needed.
Dadly resources ☞
Joined April 2007
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How to be a remarkable husband
21 rules for married men
// Thread //
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20 ways to be an exceptional husband
// Thread //
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1. Ask her what she thinks it means
Your wife has a definition of what it means to be a great husband
Find out what it is
This will give you an idea of your strengths and areas for improvement.
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7. Take her out
She loved it when you were dating, she loves it now
Drop the kids off with a sitter and
- Drink wine and paint
- Hold hands at a movie
- Have a romantic dinner
- Drive to the country and look at stars
Don't stop courting your wife just because you're married.
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6. Be interesting
Your identity must be more than 'the family man'
- Have hobbies
- Be passionate
- Have close friends
If you only focus on being 'the dad'
You'll forget who you really are.
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8. Value cleanliness
Don't make her fill the ‘mom’ role in your life
- Groom yourself
- Put your stuff away
- No pubes on the toilet
You may not think these are a big deal
But it means a lot if you're a clean guy.
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4. Have a vision
You’re not the only leader of the family, but you should be at the front lines
Always be planning, strategizing, and sharing those plans with your wife
She’ll appreciate the thoughtful and active approach.
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5. Handle family business
Your wife will do things she doesn't want to if you don't do them
She'll pick up the slack
But it takes a toll over time
- Pay the bills
- Plan for the future
- Maintain the house
And many more
Just do them.
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3. Joke with her
She loves to see you smile
You love to see her smile
Share humor with each other as often as possible.
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2. Tell her what you think it means
You have a definition, too
Talk about how it overlaps with her definition
The sweet spot is likely a healthy mix of both
Never stop trying to find this balance.
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11. Give her space
Physically and emotionally
Yeah, you're married but that doesn't mean you should be together at all times
Give her time:
- By herself
- To decompress
- Without the kids
- Away from the house
She's a flower, let her bloom.
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12. Buy her flowers
Make her feel like you just met
Like she is one of the most important parts of your life
After all, she is.
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14. Love her well
Find out how she prefers to be loved
And start showing love in those ways
The 5 love languages are
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
It's likely that she favors a few of these
Do them.
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15. Remember the little things
How does she relax?
What's her favorite song?
What concerns her daily?
Back scratch or massage?
Most recent thing that made her smile?
Has she mentioned wanting anything lately?
Remember the little things.
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20 ways to be a great dad
// Thread //
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9. Keep a project list
I'm sure you've heard of a 'honey-do' list
It's a list of things she wishes she didn't have to remind you to do
Remedy this:
- Create the list
- Prioritize the items
- Assign each a deadline
- When she asks something of you, add it
Be the driver.
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20. Be consistent
Don't do any of these just once
You can do anything once or twice and nobody blinks
But greatness on the daily; that's when people start to take notice
Be so consistent that people never think twice before counting on you.
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13. Make her a meal
You may not be a good cook
I know I'm not
But if you take the time to
- Learn a recipe
- Buy the ingredients
- Put aside your fears
- Cook the dang thing
She'll appreciate it.
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16. Communicate daily
The strong, silent type isn't going to cut it
You think lots of things every day
You don't have to share all of them
But you should share more of them
She wants to know.
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10. Be an amazing dad
If you're blessed to have kids, love them well
So much to be said on this topic 👇🏻
20 ways to be a great dad
// Thread //
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18. Be inspiring
- Wake up early
- Have strong values
- Always floss your teeth
- Relentlessly pursue a vision
- Be physically and mentally strong
Just be someone who she's proud to be married to.
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Do you perform a security check of your house every night?
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17. Be honest and kind
"Does this dress make me look fat?"
Trick question, right?
Find soft ways to tell her what you really think so she can be at her best
"I like the other one better, babe."
"What about that sexy blue dress you always wear?"
Always improve communication.
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19. Think your own thoughts
Don't fall into the trap of guessing what she's thinking
You'll never get it right
And you will forget what your own thoughts are
Be your own man
She wants that more than anything
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16 ways to stay married forever
// Thread //
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Porn is killing your relationship
Porn is killing your motivation
Porn is killing your energy
Porn is killing YOU
4 ways to quit porn today
// Thread //
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6 hours is enough sleep.
True or False?
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20 ways to be an exceptional wife, according to husbands
// Thread //
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I’m not perfect at any of these.
I work hard consistently to check myself and be better in each area.
Connecting with cool dads is what I want to do here.
Hit me up anytime with questions or just to say hey 👋
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Have painters out at the house this week.
Rate their work.
(Doorknob was previously bronze)
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The masculine urge to keep every tiny screw and spare part.
Just in case.
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Pornography is the most destructive thing men can consume.
Do you agree?
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A father should be the leader of his family.
Sometimes that means:
- Late nights
- Early mornings
- Tough decisions
- Thorough research
- Organized planning
The reward is more than worth it.
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How to be a magnificent wife
19 rules for a lasting marriage
// Thread //
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Married?
Fantasizing about other women is cheating.
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20 ways to be the best dad on the block
Your kids' friends will remark "your dad is so COOL"
Your wife's friends will wonder how she bagged you
// Thread //
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This account exists to teach you how break generational curses and raise a joyful family.
To illuminate the dark parts of yourself and turn them into light
Adopt these 6 identities to supercharge your family
Read on 👇
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Porn is killing your relationships
Porn is killing your motivation
Porn is killing your energy
Porn is killing YOU
Why you should quit porn today
And how to finally do it
// Thread //
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Men didn’t get lost.
They were misguided.
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@Theholisticpsyc
Any tips to break this cycle? I know many who don’t want to pass it on to their own children.
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Being a loving father isn't enough
5 fatherhood LIES that are crippling your family:
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Should a married man look at other women?
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Stop using your kids as an excuse to be stagnant.
Start using them as a reason to become your best self.
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Validation seeking behavior is the fast track to divorce
Grow up and validate yourself, or else
Here's how to start:
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Me at 32:
- Weak mind
- Boring marriage
- Yelling at my kids
- Floating through life
- Destined for mediocrity
Me at 34:
- Strong-willed
- Present father
- Dating my wife
- Vision and purpose
- Focused path to greatness
A few years of consistency will change your life.
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@tannerguzy
I was raised in a conflict-avoidant home.
I've been slowly working toward this comfort, it's so necessary.
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The only thing better than conquering the world
Is conquering the world with your family by your side
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Your wife doesn’t need a helper, she wants a leader
Start doing these today, or you won't have much of a family left to lead
⬇️ Read on ⬇️
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Men,
We're in trouble.
A story about how men are failing to step up in an unexpected way.
Read on ⬇️
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10 Rules of Fatherhood
1. Don’t help your kids
2. Pursue your wife
3. Explore nature
4. Do fun things often
5. Keep up with maintenance
6. Eat right and exercise
7. Listen more than you speak
8. Set standards
9. Take the lead
10. Don’t yell
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1. Love their mother
Parents who stick together give their children a distinct advantage. Give them this gift.
They will know what a healthy relationship looks like.
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Your wife is your partner
You need to work *together* to surmount any obstacle
Any. Obstacle.
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We grow or we decay.
There is no standing still.
Choose growth.
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I’ve looked like a grown man for years
But I felt like a BOY for years into adulthood
Why?
- No Direction
- No Planning
- No Action
Today, I feel like the man I am, because I act like the man I am
YOU have complete control of this, too.
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6 hours is enough sleep.
Yes or No?
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Every man should be able to change a tire.
What else?
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A great father is prepared at all times.
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20 ways to be an exceptional father
// Thread //
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I have a confession.
My kids watch too many screens, too often.
But check this out...
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He who cannot lead himself is incapable of leading a family.
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Dads: how many diapers have you changed in your life?
Trying to see something
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What’s the best lesson your father ever taught you?
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My biggest parenting mistake so far:
Expecting my kids to be self sufficient, instead of encouraging them to be.
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It’s 10 pm. Your kids are wide awake.
You expect them to be asleep.
“Go to sleep RIGHT NOW!” you yell.
Oops.
🔽 How expectations lead to anger and what to do about it 🔽
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Fellow dads:
How are you going to be remembered?
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A man should help with the dishes.
True or false?
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You’ll never regret spending more time with your kids.
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7. Communicate clearly
Do not let your kids grow up without knowing how to express themselves. Teach them to say what they want, unapologetically.
An essential skill.
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6 things you need to stop right now
- Porn
- Lying
- Laziness
- Overeating
- Uncontrolled anger
- Planning without action
- Action without planning
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I’m not a nice guy.
At least not anymore.
How my people-pleasing behavior almost destroyed my marriage.
And how you can avoid it.
⬇️ A short story thread ⬇️
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Work from home dads texting their wife like:
“No meetings today, meet me in the shower”
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This account exists so your wife never forgets why she chose you.
So your kids never know what it’s like without a dad.
So you can learn from my mistakes, skip the frustration, and do what it takes to build a beautiful family.
Complacency destroys.
Action is the antidote.
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What’s the most memorable thing your father taught you?
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3. Engage daily
Spend quality time with your children. They know if you are distracted.
“A father present doesn’t always mean a present father.” -
@fathersreforged
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I come from a broken family
And it made me who I am today
But a broken family will NOT come from me
My journey has been a real one
// Read along //
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@Theholisticpsyc
My layman take on this is that trauma first causes us to breathe more shallow
The shallow breath becomes habit
Everything else suffers. Blood flow to brain, etc.
Again: not a medical take but I’m telling you to breathe, people.
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8. Follow through
A man is only as good as his word. *Actually* discipline your kids. Five more minutes means five more minutes.
If you say you're going to do something, do it.
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This account exists so your wife never forgets why she chose you.
So your kids never know what it’s like without a dad.
So you never forget how lucky you really are.
Complacency destroys people and families.
Action is the antidote.
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F*ck mediocrity
Define an inspiring vision and be worth following
// Thread //
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4. Know your kids
Research their developmental age and engage appropriately. Ask them questions and listen to the answers.
There will be a quiz.
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10. Keep promises
Your kids idolize you. You know all in their minds. So imagine the hurt that can come when their favorite person breaks a promise.
A man is only as good as his word.
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Me at 27
- Porn everyday
- Boring relationship
- Floating through life
- Destined for mediocrity
Me at 37:
- Read every day
- On-fire marriage
- Present and grateful
- Progress toward vision
Consistent introspection and self-driven change will make you unrecognizable.
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2. Work hard
If you don’t have a rock-solid work ethic, it’s impossible to teach it to your kids. They’ll want to sit on the couch just like dad.
This is hard to reverse in adulthood.
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You never know what tomorrow will bring.
It will probably be good.
But if it's not,
Be prepared.
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Work to give her the view she wants.
She’ll give you the view you want.
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When it feels like your kids are asking for too much of your time,
You’re probably not giving them enough of your attention.
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I don’t know what you’re looking for when you scroll
I don’t even know what I’m looking for when I scroll
Yes, I scroll
But I’m telling you, we’re not going to find it here
What’s really happening 👇
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In three words exactly
What is your definition of fatherhood?
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It doesn't matter if you just met her
Or you've been married for years
Never stop treating her right
Good morning
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7 qualities of effective fathers
Use these as a North Star to level up and bring your family the value they deserve.
⏬ Follow along ⏬
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I started improving my mindset in 2010
I started making more 9-5 $ in 2013
I started a beautiful family in 2014
I started getting healthy in 2018
I started my mission in 2020
I started online $ in 2021
I started
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Dads of daughters:
Are you genuinely ready for her teenage years?
How are you going to handle lazy, unkempt teenage boys?
Social accounts? Skimpy outfits?
The general population will try to destroy her innocence.
How are you going to fight it?
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Even a father surrounded by his family
Must walk his inner road alone
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20 ways to be great husband
// Thread //
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I’m not a nice guy.
At least not anymore.
How my people-pleasing behavior almost destroyed my marriage.
And how you can avoid it.
⬇️ A short story thread ⬇️
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6. Eat healthy
Teach your kids how to eat real food by only eating real food. If you don’t, they’ll be lost to the convenience of Oreos and McDonalds.
Model healthy habits.
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5. Get moving
Go for a hike. Take a run with the stroller. Exercise is one of the best ways to release dopamine.
Longevity starts early.
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20. Express love daily
Your kids need to know you love them. There are many ways to express this love. You don’t want them to reach adulthood and wonder “why didn’t dad ever hug me?”
Show them what they mean to you.
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