Areola Grande
@uhhhhhoksure
Followers
57,790
Following
1,279
Media
835
Statuses
22,949
Everything I say is a joke except the stuff I mean. Is this where I say I love coffee and I’m sassy?
New York, USA
Joined March 2011
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Pinned Tweet
I’m 32 never been married, no kids. Most people my age are married with kids. The older I get it is likely the man I marry will be a divorced dad. Satistically 80% of 2nd marriages with kids end in divorce. So what I’m saying is if you are looking for a 2nd ex wife hit me up.
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Hi. Please like this photo. My self esteem depends on it.
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Hi. I was super self conscious this morning after taking this. So please like it. My life depends on it.
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I want my tombstone to read:
“You are standing on my tits.”
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Hi. Please validate me. I did my makeup and everything.
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I’m trying to lose 30lbs without dieting and exercising.
Internet do your thing.
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Hello. Like this photo. I’m going on a first date. It’s been a year.
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I wanted to post this the other day but was too self-conscious. Fuck it. Here I am and please note the Apple Watch
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People have said I only post my face, I must be hiding something. It’s true, I’ve been hiding my great tits.
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Get down on your knees and tell me you love me.
Merry Christmas, you filthy animals.
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Which movie title best describes your sex life?
Toy Story.
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I don’t know who needs to hear this but clean your ceiling fan.
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I’m a Mog. Half man, half dog. I’m my own best friend.
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My anxiety is crippling but at least I have nice boobs
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I may not have a lot going for me but I can reach an orgasm from my nipples so there
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My bisexual friend told me I was her type and if she wasn’t married she would hit on me and I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
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I’m 34, single, no kids, I make a lot of money, and currently I’m sleeping on a mattress on the floor.
Line forms to the left, gentlemen.
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Since I’m always crying here is a pic of me not crying.
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The world: Don’t touch your face.
Chicks on Twitter: Just this once.
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Getting old is weird. Like my face so I can justify more skin care products. Thanks.
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No, I do not sell my nudes. You’ll have to get them the old fashioned way by pretending to like me.
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It’s Monday! Show me your faces! Just kidding! I just need you all to love mine 😁
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Me: Is there a club for a 31 year old with crippling social anxiety and low self esteem?
Twitter: Welcome.
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I hate when I tell a dude I’m fat and he doesn’t believe me. It’s your funeral when I get on top and crush you to death.
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Passover is on 4/20 this year. So pass over the joint amirite?
I’m sorry for this, I really am.
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Unpopular Opinion: McDonald’s chicken nuggets are shit.
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Get down on your knees and tell me you love me. Merry Christmas you filthy animal.
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I hate the people on here that hide behind this “it’s Twitter not Facebook” bullshit so they feel they have the right to be mean spirited assholes.
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Do you ever wonder how bad of a murderer you had to be to be caught in 1882?
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Every time I am sad I just look down at my boobs and immediately feel better.
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I hate the dentist. I just show up and let them abuse my mouth and then go home sad. Much like my sex life in my early 20s.
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I will never ever understand people who put ketchup on mac and cheese.
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My best friend: The guy I’ve been talking to got me Christmas gifts and I got him nothing!
Me: Suck his dick.
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I totally had sex with myself and then took a nap and quite frankly it was a great afternoon.
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Women are superior because we can tweet and pee at the same time.
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Fuck. He’s sending me music and I’m actually listening to it. That’s it. I’m toast. I’m in deep.
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I would like to have sex one more time before the earth drowns us
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I love Halloween season, getting ghosted just feels festive.
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It’s my shitty attitude and alcoholism that keeps me young
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I am thinking about using a SnapChat filter for my LinkedIn photo, too much glasses?
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COVID. The biggest cock block I’ve ever had to deal with.
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I shaved my whole body like someone was actually going to touch me
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This is the best filter. Don’t @ me. Unless it’s with marriage proposals. I prefer emeralds over diamonds.
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