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@twerksforpizza
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Pinned Tweet
I have something to say.
I don't owe anyone anything.
I do what I do.
I only do something with a good reason.
I'll always call people out when they're wrong.
It's VERY easy to unfollow people on this app. So if you don't like it, unfollow me.
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“Told these fuckers they’d miss me when I was gone. No one listened.”
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When you realize the USWNT and Kerri Walsh Jennings aren't getting golds this Olympics
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ARod: I'm married
Cheney: I'm married
JJ: I'm engaged
Crystal: I'm engaged
Moe: I'm engaged
Tobin: I was on time.... again.....
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What's 5 Seconds of Summer? I'm here for 6 Minutes of Lesbians
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Ash: Where's Syd?
Dom: I got this... DOM DWYER SUCKS!
Syd: WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT!
Dom: there she is.
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If Christen Press' face at the end didn't break your heart what's wrong with you
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Kling: yeah let's go Ali!
Ash: you got this babe!
Kyle: ABOUT TIME!
Weather: NOT TODAY!
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"Do you know why you're in the principals office?"
Moe: yeah cause you're a little bitch
Carli: I taught her that
Becky: I don't know them
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Fire everyone except Dawn.
Hire Rampone as coach. Abby as assistant coach. Throw Boxxy and Cheney in there somewhere. Add Julie Foudy.
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Patri: with her girlfriend
Leila: with her girlfriend
Lola and Carmen: together
Mapi: Leon
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Cassius is 1 what’s he gonna do? Shove dirt in the refs hand? Wait that was your coach
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Abby Wambah, Christie Rampone, Shannon Boxx and Lauren Holiday are retiring. Thank you to all of them for all they've done!
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ARod: Surprise! Hi everyone!
Jill: Hi! *whispers* I thought I fired her?
Dawn: No that is ARod
Jill: Who the fuck is ARod?
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Dawn: You fired Whit
Jill: Who the fuck I THOUGHT IT WAS HAO!
Dawn: she retired
Jill: Then who's playing in the back?
Dawn: Allie
Jill: WHO?
ARod: Surprise! Hi everyone!
Jill: Hi! *whispers* I thought I fired her?
Dawn: No that is ARod
Jill: Who the fuck is ARod?
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Soccer star better be a third person in this relationship because I know damn well they ain't talking about Ashlyn
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#LaurenDefenseSquad
✔️
#CamilaDefenseSquad
✔️
#NormaniDefenseSquad
✔️
#AllyDefenseSquad
✔️
#DinahDefenseSquad
✔️
#HarmonizerDefenseSquad
✔️
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Bayley looks like a rich mom picking up her rebellious daughter after she got suspended
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Hey USMNT fans look on the bright side! THEY STILL GET PAID IF THEY LOSE!
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I can't wait for Christen Press to score 80 goals in the remaining NWSL games
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"Oh Its in!"
ALEX MORGAN HAS DONE IT BARELY 30 SECONDS TO GO ITS 4-3 TO THE UNITED STATES!
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"Amy Rodriguez got hurt during match against Boston"
Cheney:
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I wanna thank not only Tobin Heath but Hope Solo. I trust them both with my life.
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SURE MORGAN!!! STRIP RIGHT ON THE FIELD!!!!!!! DON'T WORRY ABOUT MY HEALTH I'M SURE I'LL BE BETTER OFF DEAD!!!
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Let me just hop on FIFA16 and get the result this game was SUPPOSED to have.
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What everyone else sees: OMG PREATH!!
What I see: CHRISTEN IS SMILING YAY!!!
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KO: Did you study for the exam?
Mal: No
KO: Did you read the book?
Mal: No
KO: Write the pap-
Mal: No
KO: Fuck it drop out.
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"Lauren Holiday has confirmed retirement at age 27. Also Abby Wambach IS going to try for the Olympics!"
http://t.co/w9503INlni
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PUGH GOT AN ASSIST IN HER HOME STATE
HORAN SCORED IN HER HOME STATE
HINKLE DIDN'T EVEN SUIT UP IN HER HOME STATE
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Mal at her graduation:
"So what are you doing to celebrate?"
Going to play for the USWNT.....
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Ref: *yellow card*
Kriegs: Anyone else taste that? Tastes like bullshit
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I did not break my jaw..
My jaw was broken for me..
I did not miss-step..
My jaw did not “get stuck”..
It was not a feak accident..
My jaw was intentionally kicked..
I was awarded a foul, and Houston awarded a free-kick..
It is due to a lack of respect, that I will not be
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Wait? Hinkle's is actually gonna play in a stadium that has rainbow seats!?!?! IS SHE GONNA BACK OUT LAST MINUTE!!!
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Alicia: I want to be alone
Madison: OK!
Nick: I'm gonna follow her
Madison: OH HELL NO!
#FearTWD
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HOPE SOLO IS THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME!! SAY WHAT YOU WANT ABOUT HER BUT STILL DOESNT DENY THAT SHES THE BEST
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We have to wait 3 years for the World Cup. People are "going to lose interest". I don't know about you guys, but I'm in this for a long time
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Tobin: Amy isn't the same. She doesn't let anyone sit there. I tried but it's "Lauren's seat" like she's coming back.
http://t.co/iPvqhUOAAH
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"Morgan in the box, Wambach in the box. Here comes the cross. OH IT'S IN!!! ALEX MORGAN HAS DONE IT!" Remember this
#ThanksHAO
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LIKE I'M NOT OVER PRESS AND THEN THE OLYMPICS THROW KERRI WALSH LOSING AND THIS AT ME? BYE
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Kriegs: don't believe rumors!
*rumor is true*
Alex: it's a rumor don't believe it
*rumor is true*
Me:
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"Hope Solo freaks out after learning about her suspension"
when in reality the video was Hope crying into her husbands arms.
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ALEX LOVES ORLANDO AND SOME OF Y'ALL LITERALLY SHIT ON HER ALL THE TIME YOU DON'T DESERVE HER!!!
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Sister: If Hope gets hurt who goes in?
Me: Ash
Her: And if Ash gets hurt?
Me: Alyssa
Her: And if Alyssa?
Me: *looks into distance* Kelley...
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KO: Ma I got this
Cap: Go kid
KO: she said if I get a card I don't get ice cream after the game....
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2016. Performed today by Crystal Dunn and Carli Lloyd.
Featuring Tobin Heath and Lindsey Horan.
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Ali: tell it again!
Press: so I scored and then Steph just stood there like this
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Tobin: WHOS READY TO GET THEIR ANKLES BROKEN?
KO: TOBIN IT IS RAINING!!!
JJ: This damn zipper
Kling: I wanna go home
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Ali: IM COMING ASH!
Kriegs you can't crawl to Orlan-
Ali: ASHLYN?!?
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Carli wasn't offside. The refs costs us that game. Jill Ellis wasted 2 important subs that could've helped us
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If you could pick the President and Vice President from the USWNT, (past and present) who would you pick?
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Jill: Rosters ready!
Amy: I'm pregnant
Jill: Shit! Ok *fixes it* Now its ready
Syd: I'm pregnant
Jill: OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!! *flips table*
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"Why are you so upset about the players who got cut from the USWNT roster?"
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