Kellalena
@topaz_kell
Followers
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Following
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Statuses
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Make me laugh & I’ll love you forever
Joined February 2014
Transition lenses that keep getting darker the longer someone is talking to you.
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…and for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.
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I’ve never met a windshield wiper speed that understands me.
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The Burger King employee who puts the one onion ring in with the fries is my emergency contact.
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I’m such a private person, I don’t even tell myself what’s going on.
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Finish your plate, there are people starving at Victoria's Secret.
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Just threw my back out scrolling down to select my birth year.
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I don’t expect everything handed to me, it can also be sent.
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I can achieve anything I put my mind to unless it’s boring or too hard.
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Sorry I disappeared for 3 years, I was getting out of a bean bag chair.
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Everytime a mullet reaches shoulder length, an angel gets its jean jacket.
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Sure sex is great, but have you ever used a pen that is satisfyingly smooth and fun to write with?.
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Screaming into a pillow is therapeutic but it also gets you kicked out of Target.
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I don’t trust people who wake up and immediately start talking.
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The field sobriety test was going ok until I grabbed two traffic cones and did a Madonna impersonation.
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I don’t expect everything handed to me, just set it down outside my door.
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I'm more prepared for a zombie apocalypse than answering the door.
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I hate when the camera adds ten pounds, dog ears, a flower crown and rainbow puke.
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Learning a new language called “saying no without explaining myself.”.
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… and then I heard those three magical words: “can we reschedule?”.
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My favorite mythical creature is someone who understands me.
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Rubbing coffee grounds on your body makes your skin glow but it also gets you kicked out of Starbucks.
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Sometimes in the middle of tweeting and retweeting I ask myself, . Did a jogger just bounce off my windshield?.
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If you hear me telling the same story twice, mind your business.
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My new boyfriend keeps mumbling “I love you” under the duct tape.
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If you don't say hi to dogs that are waiting in the car in a parking lot, we can't be friends.
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I’m never quite sure when to lean in for a kiss after a job interview.
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It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while so you can get excited about going home.
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"Have you tried popping bubble wrap?". - Me as a therapist.
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A simple neck kiss can speed up the ATM transaction of the person ahead of you.
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… and for my next trick, I will worry about 20 different things at the same time.
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Throwing a grenade at someone who's taking a selfie is photobombing, right?.
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