Toni
@toniwriter
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Trauma aware peer specialist in men’s mental/emotional health & workplace wellbeing. Author #MVAWG Have #LongCovid Loves📚&🧁
Devon (UK)
Joined March 2010
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*NOW ON AMAZON*
I wrote a book about what it's like to go through a police investigation as a victim of acquaintance rape (no charge) & explore why we have just a 1.4% conviction rate for rape in modern Britain.
Paperback
eBook
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When we talk about 'rape culture' this is what we're talking about. Platforming a convicted rapist being positioned as the victim. Absolutely fuck Sky News & all the media adding to his victim's trauma.
Olympian Steven van de Velde who was convicted of raping a 12-year-old girl says he 'doesn't identify with the teenager of ten years ago'.
More world news 🌏
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After years of wanting some, I finally treated myself to some thigh high leather boots and I am OBSESSED!! 🥳
36 years old, size 14 & I haven’t looked or felt this good is so long 😈
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Unless I’m sat on your face, my weight is of absolutely no concern of yours 🖕🏻
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I’m so physically unwell & depressed I want to cry with exhaustion (but can’t because the depression keeps me numb) but it’s mum’s birthday & we’re going out to lunch so, time to put the sparkles on ✨ 💖
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🥳Day 8 in the gym after my 3yr hiatus due to serious illness & I smashed it💪🏻 Size 16 & yes, my fat spills out especially when I move but I don’t care enough to let it stop me. My body has been through hell & I’m trying to reclaim it & be comfortable with my bigger body ❤️🩹
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I honestly thought after my acquaintance rape that I’d never feel beautiful or sexy again, without feeling ashamed. But this year I’ve fallen in love with my body, enjoy sex again & never felt so physically, mentally or emotionally confident😩😭
I LOVE who I am 🥰🥳
#NYE2020
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The way the media have sanitised Kyrgios' image despite years of poor behaviour on court and admitting to hitting his ex-girlfriend reminds us, once again, that society doesn't care about male violence against women & girls when they like the man.
You know who has already won this tournament? Nick Kyrgios calling this for BBC - a fear in itself - and nailing it. Observant. Efficient with words. Lacking the self-referenrial flab that can plague other Broadcasts ….
#Wimbledon
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Fuck it! Just because he bailed on me, it doesn’t mean I’m going to spend my last night in London in my hotel room, so I’ve glammed myself up to find a nice wine bar to enjoy a drink to myself 🍸
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A beautiful haka performed for fallen
@nzpolice
officer Matthew Hunt who was tragically killed last month during a traffic stop 🙏🏻💙💔
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Well, since I’ve been stood up and I’m already back in my comfy clothes, I’m posting my outfit on here because I was looking 🔥🔥🔥 & I’m not wasting the effort 🙌🏻
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Should have been on a date tonight but he ghosted me so I’m treating myself to something better 😋
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I never post selfies as I struggle to believe I look any good despite many affording me compliments but today, however briefly, I think I look ok so I’m sharing🙂(will probably regret it)!
I’m really proud to see how much strength training is beginning to pay off! 💪🏻🏋🏼♀️
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Ummmm, so I bought a backless chain mail top (the most pointless piece of clothing I could own 😳🙃) to go with my new leather pants!
I turned 35 last month🙈😂
I regret nothing🥳
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It’s days like today, where I desperately crave someone to physically take care of me & cuddle, that I truly despise being single as I acutely feel my loneliness.
(Please, no advice or “you’ll find someone when you least expect it” bullshit, I just want to share my feelings.)
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Landed at 11am & was on the 🏝️ by 1pm. A solo couple weeks in Croatia with no plans other than to rest as much as possible & try to recover after a horrific year for my physical health.
A reminder that it’s ok to be mentally unwell even on holiday ☀️ ✌🏻
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People are so busy attacking
@BootstrapCook
for the smallest of things but she’s out here creating generational policy & behavioural change whilst barely receiving any financial benefit for it & working through her own poverty trauma to do so👇🏻 🙌🏻
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Does anyone else, who is single, feel unloveable in a romantic way? That you know you're loved by friends / family but you see everyone in relationships and wonder what's wrong with you because no one wants you? I'm not alone feeling like this, am I?
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The fact that I can’t share details should tell you everything it needs to about how this officer died.
“And when my time comes, know that I did my best”
Rest in peace young man, truly in peace 💙💔
#OfficerDown
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Not gonna lie, one of the absolute best parts of solo travel is not having to take other people’s wishes into consideration, which is why I’m currently tweeting this from bed (fatigue is bad) without feeling ashamed or worried a partner is angry at me for “missing out” 🥳
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I’m still having far more bad days than good when it comes to my body confidence & self-esteem after all my recent health issues & medication weight gain but holy shit, I look & feel phenomenal tonight 😭🥳
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Today is the anniversary of my rape.
I will be ok.
So will you.
I have survived worst days than this.
So have you.
We can survive today together 💪🏻🙏🏻
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I got badly let down yesterday & my plans got cancelled unexpectedly but
@thedogman_918
came to my rescue & I ended up in the pub with double vodka lemonades 😳 & a team of dog handlers 💙 Needed it 🥳
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I DID IT!! Holy shit 🤯 I went for my 1st brisk walk since July, due to my long covid, & decided to jog a little to test my comfort levels - I managed to run 2.4km of the 3.3km route & ran 1.7km without stopping, with a 6.38m/km!! Absolutely fucking stoked!! 🎉🥳💪🏻
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Day 10 in the gym after a 3 year hiatus due to serious illness & I struck up a convo with a regular who helped me push myself 💪🏻
Now I’m off to dinner with one of my oldest girlfriends & feeling glamorous & sexy AF 🥳💖😌
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I’m not at liberty to share details (though sharing with permission) but we’ve lost another leader (man) to suicide.
“And when it’s time to go, know that you did your best.��
Rest in peace, Sir. Truly, in peace 💙😔💔
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Tomorrow will be my 5th Christmas alone & whilst the decision to do spend it by myself began from trauma, I've genuinely grown to love having the day to myself & the freedom to have a day I want & need & not one expected of me 🥳
This year? Lots of rest for my fatigue 💖
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🥱 I’ve been awake since 4am with a night terror (woke up on my bedroom floor 😬🙄) so it’s a more casual look today although I’ve snuck in some pink leather 🩷🖤
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Hearing of another officer lost to suicide in the last 24 hours (not sharing details)...
I'm tired. I'm tired of writing & seeing these tweets. I'm tired of our men feeling unheard & understood!
We have to do better!
We have to.
RIP Sir, truly in peace 😔💔
#officerdown
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Can we settle an argument please??
I use this photo on my dating profile & men keep calling it a “purple” dress but I call it “magenta pink” 🙄
So is it purple or pink?! 🤔
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It’s been 5 years since my rape & I haven’t slept through the night since, leaving me with night terrors where I soak through my sheets with sweat. Every time I changed my bedding I’d feel ashamed because of the discolouration of them so, I’ve treated myself to some new ones 💕
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An old NHS manager (I despised for her strong-arm tactics & for all but accusing me of faking my long Covid) who still works in the Trust came into the office to say 'hi' & I immediately got up & walked out & waited until she'd left, because fuck enforced politeness to bullies 🥳
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This is one of the most difficult & painful things I’ve ever shared with you all but I need to. I don’t want to feel ashamed anymore...
Behati ❤️
Always missed.
Forever loved.
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A couple weeks ago our housemate came into my bedroom at 3am drunk because he 'got confused'. I naturally freaked out & told my landlord the next day. Long story short, my landlord kicked him out & he left today. I feel heard & protected 🙏🏼
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Off to the pub for a Sunday roast with my childhood best friend 💖🥳
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I've spoken to several police friends over the last 24 hours & I can hear the pain in their voices. Their shame & disgust at being associated with him/his acts. Please know that there are many of us that recognise he doesn't represent you & we will continue to support you 💙
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Today is the 1st day of my new job & readjusting to a 38 hour week in an office full of people when I’ve been out of work since March is going to be hard. I’m also anxious about covid as it’s hospital based but I’m so grateful to have secure employment again! Wish me luck 🙏🏻
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Given I’ve been seriously ill, had steroid weight gain & withdrawal & I’m disabled with liver cirrhosis & long covid fatigue so I can’t exercise as often or as hard as I’d like, I’m so proud of my weight training progress 💪🏻🥳
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A year ago yesterday I slid into
@PCBenOnTheMend
DMs to ask how he was & last night we finally met for the first time, after hours of FaceTime. I have so much time, respect & love for him & it’s a privilege to call him a friend ☺️
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Your reminder that Holly Valance married the privately educated Nick Candy, a British billionaire who donated £100k to the Tory party in a single year & was the lead fundraiser for Shaun Bailey’s failed mayoral campaign. He & his brother are some of the richest men in the UK.
Holly Valance at
#PopCons
party
Liz Truss is great
Lee Anderson is amazing
Jacob Rees Mogg for PM
Apparently lefties are all crap and people just have to start working for a living, then they'd see the world as she does
🤷🏼♀️
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A year ago I ran some victim impact training with a police service around my experience of reporting rape & how to improve victim care. This week I received thanks from an officer who used my experience & advice to deliver great care to a rape victim. How wonderful is that? 💪🏼💙
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Today was hard. In between my run, cooking my roast & watching movies, I shed some tears for my little girl who would have been 15 months old & I'm exhausted.
If 2018 was the year I lost everything, 2019 was the year I felt it but I've survived another day & that's ok 🙏🏼
#JoinIn
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I’d like to thank the pricks who called me a “fat ass” when I ran by leaving me in tears all the way home from my 4.7km run! Do you have any fucking idea how traumatic it is trying to recover from rape in a man’s world? How long it’s taken me to be able to show my body again?!
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I GOT A JOB!!! 🥳
I was originally unsuccessful at interview but they said they loved me & wanted me to apply for another upcoming role but things changed their end & they've offered me a secretary position!
Thank you to everyone's who supported me over these anxious weeks 😭
Officially unemployed as of this morning & I just want to recognise that it’s going to be a naturally stressful time & that’s ok. I don’t need to “think positively” or “stay strong”. I’m doing everything I can to get a job but let’s not drown each other in cliches 🙏🏻
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34 years old & I finally bought myself some leather pants 😍🔥
Seriously, I need to be someone’s wife already because my purchases are wasted on my mirror 😂
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First time I’ve worn makeup in 3 weeks and made a real effort with my outfit as I’m off for a hot chocolate with a friend. Feel like crap physically but at least I look good 💕
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Another 5 hours sleep with night terrors and I feel physically sick so, I’ve glammed myself up & the sparkles are back🎄 ✨
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Good morning, my loves 🥱 just 75 mins of sleep which still included a vivid nightmare so, I’ve glammed myself up 💖 (please don’t give me advice re my sleep - I’m taking steps to address it). I hope we all keep toasty & warm today, whatever we’re doing ❄️
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😭 (sharing with permission) 🧵
Whilst in London, I got recognised (again!!) by an officer. I heard my name in a station & turned round to see a smiling uniformed officer walk toward me. He follows me on here but I didn't recognise him as he has an anon account...
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Good morning, everyone 🥱 We’ve made it to mid-week! Well done 💪🏻 It’s going to be another hot day so please make sure you’re drinking lots of water & wear your sunscreen if you’re out & about ☀️ And isn’t this dress gorgeous?! I feel so lovely wearing it 🥰🥳
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I bought the most pointless item of clothing in my entire life - a jewelled chain top - and I’ve reached the conclusion that I look fucking fabulous in it 🥳 Holy shit I feel sexy as hell 😌 Almost 36 yrs old & my style confidence has never been so strong 🙌🏻
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Am I missing something
@BBCNews
? The large study found more boys than girls experienced violence yet you use a photo of a girl & only speak to a girl who had been a victim in the article? If boys don't see themselves represented they won't seek help!
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Someone connected to my rape is sat in the coffee shop and whilst my hypervigilance (constantly looking up at his table etc) and anxiety are kicking in, I'm doing ok & I'm really proud of myself because it shows me just how far I've come 💪🏻🙏🏻
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🥹 I received so many lovely compliments from colleagues about my dress, smashed my 4th(!!!) gym session of the week & now I’m out for soft drinks 🥳
Another awful night with terrors but I’m feeling *gorgeous* this morning 💖 🥹
We’ve made it to Friday, my darlings! And I know some of you have scrapped through but we still did it & it still counts. I’m so very glad you exist (even if you’re not right now). Keep going 💪🏻🙏🏻
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Friday: Lose my job.
Sunday: Apply for job.
Monday: Get call back.
Tuesday: Go for interview.
Wednesday: GET THE JOB!!!!!!
Absolutely sobbing with relief - I DID IT!!!!!
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A couple of weeks ago I quietly received some devastating health news & I would just like to say that sometimes life is so cruelly unfair...
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I'm still laughing about this! 😳😂
Forgot I had Regimental Sergeant Major from CTC following me & tweeted about my date with a Marine last night.
This was his reply...
🙈
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⚠️🧵A lot of men are suicidal & don’t realise it because they sit with something known as “passive suicidal ideation' so, let’s talk about it, and some of its relatives.
Please look after yourself whilst reading this thread & don't leave judgemental comments...
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Given I can’t regularly exercise with my disabilities, I’m *incredibly* proud of how much I’ve managed to tone down & firm up whilst adding 4kgs in muscle 💪🏻
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I DID IT!!!!😭
After 9yrs of hell, fearing I’d get liver cancer or need a transplant, I’m officially in remission from my autoimmune (non infectious) hepatitis & discharged from my consultant’s care!!!
I’m overwhelmed with emotion right now 🥺 I’m the 1 in 4 😩
😭 This morning I received life-changing news:
I went for a scan to check my liver scarring levels. When I was 1st diagnosed in 2014 I was borderline cirrhotic. Today the nurse told me my liver has COMPLETELY HEALED! 🤯🥳 I got into the car & burst into tears telling mum 😭
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Morning all ☺️ Unusually in black today but loving the simplicity 🖤💖
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Got out of the house for an hour to see a friend for a hot chocolate and catch up so, decided it was necessary to wear more sparkles 💕
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It’s been a while but I’m off to join a late shift (3pm - 12am) with local response police 💙
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Last year I was raped by my boss, lost my baby & job & tried to kill myself.
During my rape investigation I didn’t think I’d be alive for my June b’day this year...
Today I’m about to share my story &
#mensmentalhealth
work with
@metpoliceuk
!
Feeling quite humbled & proud 🥺
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Can someone please set up a travel company (like a dating agency) for solo travellers that matches you with similar people so that you can both enjoy cheap package-holiday trips instead of paying the single supplement bullshit 🙄
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Police officers who die by suicide deserve to be recognised by the Police Memorial & included on the honour roll.
How they die is irrelevant, especially as cause of death doesn't need to be included.
To not include them, dishonours them & doesn't allow collective grief/healing.
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🥹 I’ve wanted to buy a body stocking for years but always felt too big & body conscious but holy shit!! I look & feel INCREDIBLE! 😵🥳
36 yrs old, size 14 & fucking fabulous!
🎼I’m like Chardonnay, get better over time 🎼😌
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Watched the sunset then, as soon as I sat down for dinner, a couple told me they “loved how glamorous” I looked 🥺💖 After my meal, I enjoyed a little meander looking at all the huge yachts & a delicious gelato 😋
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Despite 4 hrs sleep with night terrors, long Covid, the severe depressive episode & (current) low self-esteem about my appearance, I’m absolutely in love with how I look today, especially with my new John Lewis sequin top I bought for £7.99 in a charity shop 🥰🥳
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I’m not ready to share why, but this week was one of the most privately heartbreaking I’ve had in a long while 💔
So I went to the beach to lay in the warm sunshine, eat an ice cream & swim in the ocean.
It helped 💕
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Not going to lie, I’d commit a crime just for the novelty of being chased by them 😂 A new addition to the JRFT for British officers? 🤔
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🎉 Last month my housemate invited me to be her ‘plus one’ to her friend’s wedding so, now I’m in a 5* hotel in Mauritius relaxing in style because…fuck it🏝️ 🥳 🥂
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This week, very unexpectedly, 3 of my officers (all men) thanked me for saving their lives & it's a little bit wonderful to think they're still walking on this earth because I gave them the time & space to save themselves, esp as 2yrs ago I nearly died by suicide myself 💙
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Sadly, it's time to say goodbye to policing for the foreseeable future.
I'll continue my friend/relationships, 1-2-1 support, my weekly men's group & outstanding invites/obligations, but that's me done.
It's been my privilege to support &advocate for so many of you.
💔
#State11
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Boring but comfy outfit today 💜🩶 and I’m really noticing my weight loss / how much I’ve toned up lately 🙏🏻💪🏻
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This (pre loved) dress has to be the most frivolous item of clothing I’ve ever bought but I don’t care because…look at it!!✨💖 Men’s mental health expert AND bubblegum pink princess?! OBSESSED 🥰
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Today is my first day back at work (my day job is a secretary) since Jan 13 when I came down with Covid.
I'll be on 50% hours for the 1st week (3.5 hours a day) to see how I go & though I'll be pleased to see my team, I'm feeling really anxious 🥺
Wish me luck family 🙏🏻
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Instead of workplace wellbeing events, fire your bullying leaders/managers.
Guaranteed to reduce sick rates and increase morale, productivity, efficiency and therefore success.
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Took the day off & went to the beach 🏝️ where I lay in the sun ☀️ , swam in the ocean 🌊 & ate 2 ice creams 🍦 It was a good day 💖🥳😋
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Back in the office today looking like Barbie (even my makeup is pink) 💖 Despite still feeling quite low, I also feel gorgeous this morning 🥰 I hope the sun is shining for you & you manage to look after yourself, even if that’s asking people for help. You’ve got this💪🏻
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Morning 🥱Bright & colourful for my first day back in the office but I’m already counting down to the weekend 😂 and I’m looking forward to my 1st hot chocolate in 2.5 weeks 😋 I hope we have good days or at least get through them as painlessly as possible 🙏🏻💖
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Ever since I tweeted how depressed I am today, I’ve had dozens of people tell me what I ‘need’ to do.
Smile.
Think positively.
Get help.
Talk.
It’s been exhausting to read all the ‘advice’ I haven’t asked for.
I know how to look after myself, I’ve been depressed since I was 13🙄
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Unlike other emergency services, police don't have protected breaks so have to get their refreshments & toilet breaks when & where they can. If they can get a free drink/toilet stop & have the potential to deter thieves simultaneously, it's a win-win situation.
Is it OK for police to accept freebies on the job?
Some retailers hope to entice on-duty officers with the promise of free coffee in an attempt to cut crime.
This is also done in America, could it work here?
@benjaminbutter
|
@mikeparry8
|
@StormHuntley
|
#StormHuntley
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Personal 🧵
I've been noticeably quiet over of late & that's because I've spent the last 7 weeks facing a possible cancer diagnosis.
Thankfully, after several tests, I've been given the all clear but the whole process has been extremely dehumanising.
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Hi 🙋🏼♀️
Why I post selfies:
1. I don’t have anyone to show my outfits to at home.
2. I enjoy sharing my style evolution.
3. I’m becoming more body confident.
3. Because I can.
4. Because I want to.
If you don’t like that, keep scrolling because I’m not stopping 🥳
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💪🏻🥳 Day 9 in the gym after a 3 year hiatus due to serious illness (& a 3 week break whilst on holiday) & I smashed it 🎉 Look how much I’ve toned up!! There’s just 4 weeks between these 📸 I’m so fucking proud of myself 💪🏻🥳
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