future cigarette mom
@thr0at_g0at__
Followers
10,523
Following
653
Media
213
Statuses
1,489
addicted to nicotine // sofa king we tall did // head game autistic
Chicago, IL
Joined August 2014
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a day in my life as a 26 year old living in chicago✨💅
-wake up at 1pm
-hit the pen
-order $90 of taco bell with the roomie
-turn on the tv for background noise/
ambiance
-hit the pen again
-rot in the same spot on the couch until bedtime
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first date idea: we come down from adderall together and just fight the whole time
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sending someone a venmo for a “ski trip” in the summer is crazy
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we had a good run but i think this means its time for me to finally delete my hinge..
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everyone probably thinks i’m shitting because i’m taking so long in the bathroom but in reality i’m just taking mirror pics
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staying in and behaving myself for once on a friday night
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a girl in the bathroom just told me that if she looked like me naked she would never wear clothes and that right there is my green light to dress the most slutty this summer
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cant wait to do this at my wedding
the wedding i went to last night had an open bar with free cigs 🥰
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how are you gona do blow every weekend and be fat? the math aint mathing
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first date idea: you play tech decks on my ass
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is it a requirement to be retarded in order to be an uber eats driver??
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if you go clubbing and don’t do any type of networking while you’re out then you’re doing it wrong
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everyone in the office has a crush on me today
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“taco bell is sus” ok well i literally vape and take mystery drugs from strangers so i think a mexican pizza is the least of my worries
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all hot girls had a shoreline mafia phase at one point in their life
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matched with this male stripper on hinge and blew my shot at free tickets to his show bc he was not rockin with my jokes.. whatever tho my friends and i bought tickets anyways and will be in attendance tomorrow night so that stripper bitch better give me a lap dance
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he’s a 10 but you can’t say retard in front of him
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on a date and people are approaching asking if i’m the throat goat this is no bueno
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people drink red bull without the vodka?? that’s wild
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another engagement on the instagram TL meanwhile im talking to a 23 year old that i met on twitter🤪🔫
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5’9 and not afraid to flick a short king in the forehead
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now this is one of the funniest DMs ive gotten in a while
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about to eat 5000 calories of shake shack then go to the club
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he’s probably listening to marvins room as we speak
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the most important test for a man to pass in order to make it past the first date
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hypothetically if a man wanted to take me off the streets i would retire from twitter.. just saying
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flying one lucky follower out to hawk tuah in my mouth at 10k
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oh you blended a spotify playlist with her? thats a body.
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sending likes to men i’ve already fucked on hinge and just saying “what up slime”
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i know i’m from chicago but deep dish pizza fucking sucks
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stripper bitch did a line off my ass tat and now were best friends, stay mad hoes 💅
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so done with finance bros im now fully convinced i need a blue collar man
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people who ride scooters to work look like such fucking dorks lmao
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just chased smirnoff with pedialyte im getting ratchet tonight
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just got violently high and used my vibrator til it died and when i got up to charge it i passed out and spilled my water all over my room
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you know the blow is good when it got you shittin at the clurb
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when you just wana go home and eat but your friends drag you to another club
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the CEO of my company just came up to my desk to tell me i’ve been doing a good job and then proceeded to call me a “good girl” ummm give me a damn raise pal
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very curious about the logistics of making out or munching box with a mustache like this
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woke up and realized i spent $700 at the strip club.. is this was men feel like?
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red hair reveal because im obsessed
dyeing my hair red tomorrow because im bored and why tf not
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yeah, except for when i’m here. i’m judging all you big fat fucks.
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high of 80 degrees today im bout to go pop my pussy all over this city
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last year on st pattys day i started drinking at 7am and was out until 5am the next day and the only snap memory i have from that day is a singular selfie taken at 9am. cant wait to see what tomfoolery i get into this year.
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way ahead of ya
@thr0at_g0at__
You need one of the hat clips for that so you can proudly display it the whole round
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luckily i have dildo
i also have fists and a doorman PLUS im a cunt so dont pull up on me like that
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fresh set of coke spoons just in time for the weekend
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if i was mentally stable you really think i would be on this app??
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no way my mom just texted me this it had to be meant for my dad i’m fucking dying😭
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you know i had to make it out for
@mummymelkers
bday♥️
fighting some serious demons right now but i need to be at the club in an hour everyone keep me in your prayers
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“hella vyvanse” what is this college? grow up and offer me some blow like a real man
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if you live in chicago and went to the mustache crawl but you aren’t in college you’re a LOSER
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tbh only time i’m not yapping is when there’s a dick in my mouth
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my unemployed friend dragged me out on a monday night everyone pray for me
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just scheduled my boob job consultation fuck all yall
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bought him a new pack dont worry. like a good neighbor cig mom is there.
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just decided that the love of my life is probably not in chicago so im moving to scottsdale
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this guy i used to talk to now strictly bangs old MILFs and he’s constantly posting stories of himself out with the MILFs getting drunk and going on dates it’s just so entertaining to watch. what a beast he must be living that sugar baby life
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picking your mutual up from the airport gets your balls gargled btw
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i need a man who will tell me to shut the fuck up
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really tempted to buy this just so that every time an annoying lame tries to kill my vibe with a shitty song at the bar i can skip to the next
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thinking about the time i blacked out and gave my FWB sloppy in the back of the uber and the next day he told me there was no music playing and i was being loud asf so he had to play baseball highlights on his phone to drown out the noise.. i wonder how his uber rating is doing
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red hair was slaying today in case anyone was wondering
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reverse cowgirl so he doesnt see me hitting my vape
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autistic but my special interest is sucking dick
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at the strip show about to get down on my hands and knees and apologize to that man for calling him a stripper bitch bc damn is he sexy
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