The Daily Mash
@thedailymash
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Now I’m beginning to doubt whether the Queen even met Paddington, admits royalist
47
1K
10K
Gay man shatters stereotypes by being boring, unfunny and badly-dressed
95
947
6K
Sturgeon prepared to hold second resignation if this one doesn't work
41
535
2K
Brexit 50p coins 'can be sharpened and thrown at the rats trying to steal your last potato'
20
549
2K
Larry the Cat named best inhabitant of No. 10 in 21st Century
29
508
1K
Larry the Cat named best inhabitant of Number 10 in 21st Century
16
368
1K
We’ve been showing the same Hootenanny for 17 years and you haven’t noticed, BBC confirms
11
118
1K
I’ve met some dickheads in my time but wow, says Queen
7
458
1K
Dom Cummings announces Lockdown 2 tour dates
9
293
1K
‘Hillary should’ve smiled more,’ says voter choosing between her or a deranged murder clown
23
531
993
You have measles because daddy reads bullshit on the internet, child told
14
357
811
Taliban to take over Middlesbrough FC
18
251
726
Wales arrogantly expecting to win whole thing as usual
46
104
659
Scotland now in danger of losing to fictional countries
26
195
620
Northern Ireland border could be beaded curtain, says government
13
308
619
Woman who keeps voting Tory can't work out why public services are shit
9
289
568
Jacob Rees-Mogg ‘viewed lithographs of Victorian ladies’ ankles’
22
290
568
British Cabinet grips fans by killing off a character every week
8
337
572
Northern Ireland border could be beaded curtain, says government
9
286
581
I miss being Britain’s biggest arsehole, says Piers Morgan
145
56
546
Conspiracy theorists finally convinced no secret society could possibly be running this mess
15
427
545
Another 12 seasons of this and you’re fired, board warns Wenger
8
298
523
It took six months and a lot of work but we’ve caved completely, says David Davis
6
345
528
It took six months and a lot of work but we’ve caved completely, says David Davis
7
334
527
Meghan to embrace British culture by carrying large inflatable cock on hen night
18
202
499
Crowdfund started to have Nigel Farage fired into the sun
19
156
493
Working class man reckons someone called ‘Annunziata Rees-Mogg’ is on his side
7
164
483
Thank you for distracting everyone from my shit-show of a government, May tells Meghan
1
195
482
“Even in moments of tranquillity, Murray Walker sounds like a man whose trousers are on fire” RIP Clive James
7
106
492
Hancock admits track and trace app was developed for Nokia 3310
7
117
488
Senate asks Zuckerberg, ‘While you’re here, can you set up our printer?’
7
221
466
"What are you doing creeping around a cow shed at two o'clock in the morning? That doesn't sound very wise to me." RIP Terry Jones. A genius.
4
109
466
I’ve met some dickheads in my time but wow, says Queen
3
153
458
School kid who didn't revise and prayed for a miracle scared of his own powers
2
124
442
Woman who keeps voting Tory can't work out why public services are shit
2
200
432
Coke-snorting couple wouldn't take vaccine because they 'won't know what's in it'
5
78
437
BBC accidentally interviews Remain-voting member of public
5
138
421
‘You, too, can destroy your own country,’ Farage tells US
10
478
399
UK completely unprepared for snow for 10,438th winter running
1
111
415
Hunt jealous of hackers who were able to cripple NHS in just 20 minutes
6
361
411
Theresa May still prime minister for some f**king reason
6
148
408
Filling in forms correctly is woke, says Laurence Fox
9
108
423
‘We got through the war and we’ll get through this’ says plumber born in 1977
10
154
404
Labour manifesto pledges to restore Tom Baker as Doctor Who
25
239
389
Dad chooses saying ‘series’ instead of ‘season’ as his hill to die on
18
106
385
Women strangely reluctant to stick flares up their arse for final
8
68
399
People boycotting Peter Rabbit ‘should probably avoid’ Watership Down
6
156
379
‘We got through the war and we’ll get through this’ says plumber born in 1977
18
123
373
Crowdfund started to have Nigel Farage fired into the sun
14
147
370
UK completely unprepared for snow for 10,438th winter running
5
204
374
Waitrose limits food sales to people with detached houses
9
105
382
Beluga whale in Thames changes route after discovering price of pint in London
3
109
376
5k run adds 30 minutes to your life but takes 40 minutes
8
131
381
Woman who keeps voting Tory can't work out why public services are shit
8
334
356
You’re not even in our top five worries, Londoners tell extremists
3
331
371
Disappointment for millions who had booked holidays in Leicester
11
107
375
Gilet wearer admits his arms have been cold for years
10
124
367
Scotland dies laughing
12
352
346
Trump's 'cognitive ability' normal, he's just a prick, says White House doctor
5
173
365
Britain in historic vote that only a handful of twats wanted in the first place
5
421
351
Brexit 50p coins ‘can be sharpened and thrown at the rats trying to steal your last potato’
5
149
351
Box of green tea in office kitchen now longest-serving member of staff
2
71
354
Crowdfund started to have Nigel Farage fired into the sun
13
101
334
How much pasta should you cook to make the sadness go away?
13
91
344
Queen manically texting to find out what the hell she did last night
4
95
343
John Terry’s Chelsea farewell ‘a bit over the top’, says North Korea
4
298
333
Royal wedding off after Meghan realises Harry not Ed Sheeran
5
150
340
Johnson and Rees-Mogg hold secret meeting in treehouse where girls aren’t allowed
4
96
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Anti-vaccination family has built up natural immunity to facts
2
136
333
Rory Stewart is ‘active MI6 agent infiltrating extreme right-wing organisation’
9
76
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Danny Dyer appointed Minister for Not Getting Mugged Right off like a Right Little Mug
6
128
327
Crowdfund started to have Nigel Farage fired into the sun
9
79
332
Brexit 50p coins ‘can be sharpened and thrown at the rats trying to steal your last potato’
4
144
329
Trump jumped his skateboard over a car ‘but only his cousin saw it’
6
95
320
Southern Rail to replace timetable with avant garde poem
3
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Man claims his life being ruined by immigration but can’t explain how
5
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Adults who say 'sleeps' instead of 'days' told to pack it the f**k in
11
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Tory conference enters Guinness Book of Records for most bastards in one place
5
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320