tendollar
@tendollardanny
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1,039
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260
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THEY'RE EATING THE DOGS
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pov: you’re about to experience the worst depressive episode of your entire life
Realizing life is literally just what U make of it ………….,,,.
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they shouldn’t have called the first one world war 1. that’s just asking for trouble
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hey man i noticed you’re the only person who likes my tweets. want me to just text them to you?
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schizophrenia but it’s just thinking every vague post is about you
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hope my life immediately gets radically better for no reason at all and never gets bad again
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feeling depressed? stop whatever you’re doing and just think about how bad you’re feeling
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if i was icarus i simply would have demonstrated moderation rather than hubris
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job interviewer: it says here you killed yourself several years ago?
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scenario would be a beautiful name for a little italian boy
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in a stunningly strategic move trump nomiates to the court: joe biden??????????
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interviewer: it says here you’re interested in acquiring resources so you can stay alive?
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as we approach the halloween season try not to forget the scariest thing of all. intimacy
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dming a girl for 6 days is equivalent to a 2 year irl relationship
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the jester is making some really problematic comments toward the king right now
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a million dollars isn’t cool. you know what’s cool? doing a trilogy of jokes on twitter dot com
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a viral tweet above all has to be relatable. it should be something like:
[me filling the ice tray with water and putting it in the freezer]: no way this shit turning into ice 😂
[me checking the freezer a few hours later]: 😭😭😭
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twitter isn’t real life. but to be fair, neither is real life
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i’m a little confused by everything that’s ever happened to me
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my ex-girlfriend? no i said this is my x girlfriend. we met on the app
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sir, how many posts have you made tonight? sir please step out of the car
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one day i’ll be normal. this will all be a distant memory..
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its important to actively piss off and alienate your followers
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if you’re a narcissist it’s time to take a long hard look in the mirror
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offering a $50,000 reward to anyone who can, in plain english, explain what she’s trying to say here
The main problem with the left’s compulsory sexual libertinism is that it’s neurotic not erotic
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you can teach a man to fish but you can’t teach a fish to man
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stay calm. things will never get better. breathe. you are trapped in a nightmare. everything will be okay. it won’t <3
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why did they call it bipolar and not up and down syndrome?
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therapist: when you say “i hate myself and want to die” — what do you mean by that?
me: it means i’m happy
therapist: *taking notes*
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if you think child slavery is okay i don’t know what to tell you. i respect your opinion i guess
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i don’t know who needs to hear this.. so i won’t say it. wouldn’t want the wrong person hearing it
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i have this recurring image of a coffin being lowered into the ground as a slowed down version of party rock plays in a minor key
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still waiting on the damn mail-in likes on some of my posts
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[to no one in particular. about nothing in particular] we got this..
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*takes a deep breath* alright going to be normal for the rest of my life
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it’s important to spend a lot of time feeling sorry for yourself
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it started out as a bit how did it end up like this? it was only a bit it was only a bit
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if you post long enough eventually someone finds you so annoying that they marry you
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a twitter addiction is far more shameful than a heroin addiction
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simply DO NOT care anymore!!!!!!!!!!!
- sent from yes, i do care; regardless of what i say island
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your brain could easily produce serotonin. it just doesn’t want to
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is it too much to ask to feel good every single second of my life?
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lose a few followers gain a few followers: that’s called breaking even baby
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