Saurabh Tak
@takofthetown
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1,282
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Media
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The 1st Indian Moth Slam Winner. "Saurabh Tak has more skeletons in his closet than Capuchin Crypt." Your man in Jaipur. Bootleg jokes. Mercenary for retweets.
Mom's Basement
Joined October 2010
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Pinned Tweet
Can you help me get out of India and set me up in a foreign country? I can weave carpets in Iran and pick olives in Israel. I can shear sheep in Australia and cure cheese in Austria. I can bus tables in Taiwan and bust gangsters in Saskatchewan. Seriously, DM me!
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Barack Obama getting elected POTUS gave me hope that someone who looked like me could become the most powerful person in the world.
Donald Trump getting elected POTUS gives me hope that someone who talks like me can become the most powerful person in the world.
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It isn’t that Blacks have suddenly begun to lynch Whites in 2019, it’s just that Whites hadn’t yet invented smartphones in 1619.
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There's more merit in the claim that African-Americans are the most pampered demographic in the world than in the claim that African-Americans are the most oppressed demographic in America.
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A mob of Indians doxxed this American woman’s parents, branded her a harlot, and threatened to beat her up for jokingly telling a few half-truths about Indians. She’s in hiding. Now the Pajeets are celebrating their “victory” by shitting together out in the streets of Varanasi.
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The Sikhs studying at Harvard support the Muslims kidnapping raping and beheading the Jews living in Israel.
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I'm on the wrong side of a history being made up before my two eyes.
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Khalistan is the landlocked wet dream of Sikh supremacists drunk on their Canadian dollars, astride their Pakistani coolies, and forever eager to stick their daggers into the hearts of Hindus on the pretext of blasphemy.
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@sanjukta
But why is Ravi Shankar Prasad so proud of his daughter going to MIT in missionary Christian America? Are there no good sanskari business school in glorious Hindu Bharat based on an indic curriculum where they teach you how to market gau mutra, among other things?
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A strapping young Black man punching the bejesus out of an Asian grandma waddling to the bodega with a walker can't be racist because it's the Asian grandma who has the power in the chocolate city where the mayor, the police chief, and the district attorney are all Black.
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Why move all the way to Somalia when you can vote Democrat in America?
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You can put all the onus you want on whites but there's never going to be a racial reckoning until blacks own up to making an outsize contribution to obnoxious behaviour, unfounded hate, and gratuitous violence in America.
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The institutional humiliation, demonization, and persecution of marginalized white Americans is brazen.
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@WhiteRabidbat
“Lynchings” weren’t lynchings. They were public executions of cruelly murderous criminals.
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Blacks faking to be victims of fanciful hate crimes or eye-rolling microaggressions while savagely terrorizing Americans of all colors make a timeless pair of synchronized phenomena.
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@kmt1957th
“A police officer is 18.5 times more likely to be killed by a black male than an unarmed black male is to be killed by a police officer.”
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What are “Sikh Games”? Are Sikhs turning Australia into a shithole?
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White folks' speech is violence.
Black folks' violence is speech.
Critical Race Theory 101
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Blacks pretending to be victims of fanciful hate crimes or eye-rolling microaggressions while violently victimizing Americans of all colors make a pair of timeless simultaneous phenomena.
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What do Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, and Don Lemon have in common?
Banning white man in the streets, banging white man in the sheets.
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Late-night comics roast Republican conspiracy theorists.
Democrat conspiracy theorists host prime-time news.
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Each American university can sponsor at least a semester abroad in Africa for its homesick ‘Black Studies’ majors and professors. Imagine the healthy return on investment when the estranged Afrocentric Marxists return stateside to their good fortune and make less ‘good trouble’.
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When you escape India, your skin will grow taut, your hair thick, your teeth strong, your eyes sharp, your brain lucid, and, yes, your wiener hard. Leaving India will make you young again.
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If he'd just jet out of his palace in Martha's Vineyard to stage a sit-in in Chicago until blacks stopped killing other blacks, whites, Jews, and Asians way out of proportion to their numbers in America, black warlord Barack Obama could finally earn his Nobel Peace Prize.
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BLM terrorizes more Whites, Jews, and Asians over a weekend than KKK terrorized Blacks, Jews, and Catholics over a century.
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Making babies and chapatis inside your hut when you should be in school is part of your Indian culture, too. Why be selective in exhibiting your proud heritage?
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Joe Biden responds to blacks beating the bejesus out of East Asian immigrants in San Francisco, New York, and Washington DC by ordering American ambassadors to fly Black Lives Matter flags in Hanoi, Manila, and Taipei.
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When was the last time you saw White men waving tiki torches push an Asian grandma in front of a speeding train? Or march through a Black neighborhood at midnight chanting "WAKE UP, MOTHERFUCKERS!"? Or break into a Victoria's Secret store and loot its latest line of lace panties?
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@Iyervval
What do Kshama Sawant, Pramila Jayapal, and Kamala Harris have in common?
Banning the white man in the streets, banging the white man in the sheets.
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When you got out of Africa, you won the lottery.
When you landed in America, you hit the jackpot.
Africa was never Wakanda. America was always Wakanda.
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Your grandkids will never learn about the Waukesha Race Massacre from the New York Times.
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Name a single free-market reform that Narendra Modi has introduced in India. Has he slashed duties, taxes, onerous paperwork and bribes? Can a citizen register a new business in a day, let alone a foreigner? Can a plaintive ever get justice in a court of law before he dies out?
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There's more merit in the claim that whites are victims of systemic crime in America than in the claim that blacks are victims of systemic racism in America.
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How presumptuous of white Trump voters to think that they could get away with a couple of hours of doing to the powerful what black Obama voters had just gotten away with a couple of months of doing to the powerless with the connivance of the powerful!
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Hindus didn’t emigrate out of Mughal Hindustan and they stayed put throughout the British Raj. But ever since a Hindu began to rule India in 2014, Hindus have been fleeing it in record numbers for both Islamic and Anglophone countries. Why do you think that is?
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Iranis make better movies than Indians.
Pakistanis make better TV shows than Indians.
Afghanis make better music than Indians.
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If you're still a Democrat in America, then you're either stupid or diabolical.
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@JayantBhandari5
Turns out that most of the more sensational reports of the persecution of Hindus in Bangladesh are merely rumors cooked up by Hindu nationalists in India. On the other hand, the raping lynching and bulldozing of Muslims during these last few years in India has been all too real.
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Has a single African-American president, congressman, civil rights leader, mayor, journalist, academic, artist, athlete, or any sundry racial monomaniac said a word about the endless anti-Asian-American pogrom in America’s chocolate cities?
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When mobs of terrorists have been out pillaging your exceptional country, when lawmakers have been egging them on and law enforcement bending the knee before them, one young man finally leaves his home to save his beloved country from ruin. His name is Kyle Rittenhouse.
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Narendra Modi's greatest achievement will have been to gaslight more than 500 million Indians into believing that an Italian who landed in India 5 decades ago is to blame for the ills that Indians have cultivated for 5 millennia.
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They'll keep calling you a racist anyway.
They'll keep calling you a white supremacist anyway.
They'll keep calling you a Nazi anyway.
It's up to you to keep pleading not guilty like a slave or to start giving them the middle finger like a boss.
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@JayantBhandari5
I’ll crawl through broken glass to get out of Modi’s India and into Xi’s China.
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Donald Trump didn't incite a fraction of the violence that Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, and Obamas continue to incite with their ''systemic racism'' conspiracy palaver.
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The uproar over white microaggressions and the silence over black macroaggressions will never go out of fashion in America.
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@sairasameerarao
I'm an Indian in India. I like Winston Churchill more than I like Mahatma Gandhi. White people are my fellow human beings.
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India is perpetually beset with the worst and most peculiar cases of pollution, disorder, catastrophe, and unsightliness in the world.
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African-Americans keep terrorizing Asian-Americans with zero mentions in the news. But if one of the victims finally flips out, the lone act of retaliation will forever be enshrined in American history as a painful reminder of white-adjacent supremacy.
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You can't draw Mohammad.
You can't draw a Chinese boy who eats with sticks.
You can't draw Chinese beating a boy named Mohammad with sticks.
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@TheMalechHunter
❤️day teri ma sexism kar rahi thi poore mohalle ke sath wo nahi dikha tujhe
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@sanjukta
Is this the same Mohandas Pai who won't stop screaming how Hindu Bhartiya Sanskriti is superior to Christian Western Civilization but badly copies a Florentine dome and Ionic columns in Jaipur to sell wealthy Indian parents on the illusion that their kids are studying in America?
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The British only ever looted the word ‘loot’ from Indians. Indians, reverting to character, have been on a spree, ever since the British left India, of looting credit for the museums, hospitals, colleges, roads, train stations, and cities that the British built for them in India.
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If it weren’t for expatriate Christian missionaries founding schools in India during the British Raj, generations of anghoothachaap Hindu girls would have continued to learn only how to make babies and chapatis.
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The Democratic Party is the deadliest terrorist organization in the world.
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Nothing screams white supremacy like white people blaming white people for all the evil in the world.
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Sonia Gandhi: Gave up living in Europe to serve in the Third World. Never left.
Modi Bhakt NRI: Fled India for the First World the first opportunity he smelled. Now finds India too smelly to visit even once in five Diwalis.
The latter will tell you that the former is a traitor!
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Living outside Bharat is every Hindu supremacist’s wet dream.
Getting kicked back to Bharat is every Hindu supremacist’s worst nightmare.
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@RepublicRev
@stillgray
Because De Blasio would have the driver charged with first degree genocide of oppressed black kids.
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All the world's peoples are entitled to live in America as long as they swear to bury their genocidal feuds dating back to the advent of the Stone Age and pledge to unite against the scourge of white supremacy dating back to the advent of Teen Vogue.
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One of the pettiest kinds of trolling circulated by majoritarian Hindus on their Chinese smartphones in India begins with their cobbling together or dredging up of some obscure never-heard-of-it-before Hindu holy day to coincidentally upstage Eid, Christmas, or Valentine’s Day.
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If he would jet out of his palace in Martha’s Vineyard to stage a sit-in in Chicago until Blacks stopped killing Blacks, Whites, Browns, Yellows, and LGBTQs way out of proportion to their numbers in America, Black warlord Barack Obama could finally earn his Nobel Peace Prize.
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Democrats are for blowing up ancient statues of enlightened men.
Democrats are for a woman in burka gracing the cover of Sports Illustrated.
Democrats are for ripping the tongue out of a court jester in Viking helmet speaking truth to power.
So are the Taliban.
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Burning, looting, and murdering across America won Joe Biden the White House. Why should the Democrats ever tolerate a 17-year-old good samaritan with an AR-15 to pour cold water all over their sure-fire strategy?
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Burning, looting, and murdering can be the language of the unheard, but, god forbid, if a slur can ever be the language of the burned, looted, and murdered.
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The people who coined slurs such as K2a, Ricebag, Mleccha, Bhimta, Sepoy, and Bhosadpiller are suddenly upset that their own onomatopoeic sobriquet, Pajeet, has caught on among their victims.
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If I wished to kneel before a mob of Afrocentric Marxists, I'd have begged Idi Amin to take me in before his janissaries robbed me blind and hunted me out of Uganda; I'd not have squatted overnight outside the American Consulate in New Delhi.
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These are the countries that my Indian nationalist neighbors privately pay for their own sons and daughters to escape to just as they dutifully propagandize for India’s exceptional and interminable Golden Age belatedly reprised by Narendra Modi in our neighborhood WhatsApp group.
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There's more merit in the claim that whites invented equality than in the claim that whites invented inequality.
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I'm on nobody's side. I'm against whatever side whose disingenuous narrative becomes oppressively mainstreamed.
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Hindu chauvinists, who enjoy the freedom to speak what they like or to marry the person they like or to eat the food they like or to practice the religion they like in the West, want those same freedoms denied to minorities back in India.
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The base of the Democratic Party have come to believe that they are entitled to go out burning, looting, and murdering every time celebrities, journalists, and politicians cook up and toss out a fake grievance at them.
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The people who want you to believe that Donald Trump could only get white people in the sticks to vote for him also want you to believe that Donald Trump could only get black people in the cities to beat the crap out of Asian-Americans!
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Why kill a cow to eat its flesh when it can live to eat your trash! (This isn’t an uncommon spectacle in Ajmer — one of Narendra Modi’s chosen “smart cities” all over India.)
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All the world's peoples owe the British reparations for excavating, deciphering, and preserving their heirlooms in state-of-the-art museums open to the public for the first time.
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How can I believe Elizabeth Warren on Lee, Bragg, and Benning, all of whom died 150 years ago, when she wants me to not believe my lying eyes on Sandmann, Rittenhouse, and the McCloskeys today?
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The British oppressed the Indians so badly that a mere decade after they had quit India millions of Indians turned out in New Delhi to welcome the visiting new British queen!
1961 :: Queen Elizabeth II Addressing Mammoth Crowd at Ramleela Ground In Delhi
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Just like NPR’s Indian correspondent before him, Denmark’s ambassador in India will be hounded out of India by furious Indian nationalists. Both Western expatriates (both admirers of Indians usually) have scandalously let it slip that Indians are fonder of filth than pigs.
🚨 A Danish diplomat rants that no action is being taken on cleanliness near the Denmark Embassy in New Delhi. (📹-
@svane_freddy
)
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Why is leaving Hinduism for Christianity for a bag of rice dishonorable but leaving India for America for a degree from Rice honorable?
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Americans of what color make the most hate crimes against others per capita by far while also making up the most hoax crimes against themselves per capita by far?
White
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Brown
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Authors for burning books
Feminists for shaming sluts
Atheists for beheading blasphemers
Journalists for doxing dissidents
Comedians for tearjerkers
Lawyers for kangaroo courts
Immigrants for shitholes
Artists for tearing sculptures limb from limb
Government for the mob
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Every time a cop shoots back at a black man in America, thousands of black men in America get to put Samsungs on their walls, Air Jordans on their feet, and MacArthur Geniuses on their resumes.
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Our chatty neighbor is gung ho about India’s prospects under Modi’s long and unchallenged projected reign. Simultaneously, he has tattled to his neighbors that he just finished scraping together a couple of million rupees to help his 20-something daughter emigrate to Canada.
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Collectively, in public, Indians are the dirtiest, rudest, and dumbest people you ever saw. Individually, in private, Indians are the cleanest, kindest, and sharpest people you ever met.
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@JayantBhandari5
The first PM of India to not have an IQ higher than the average Indian’s. No wonder they consider him one of their own and vote for him.
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Americans demanding the freedom to speak whatever they want will be battling Americans demanding the freedom to shit wherever they want in the Second American Civil War.
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For the last ten years, Hindu nationalists have been crudely insulting slandering and demonizing Muslims and Christians on Twitter nonstop. Now that the latter are flinging poop memes right back finally, Hindu nationalists are squatting and begging Daddy Musk, Saar Why Us!
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The Ram Raj that Indians have evidence of was the British Raj.
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@sanjayuvacha
I'm wary of even the word socialism let alone actual communism and yet I found myself cheering Kanhaiya Kumar's every word.
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