Steve Cuss
@stevecusswords
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I help you function as a Connected, Aware, Present human in workplace and home place.
Denver, CO
Joined June 2010
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Do you struggle between what you believe about God vs what you experience from God? My next book is available now for pre order.
Once you've ordered, click here to access exclusive pre order bonuses including immediate access to some chapters
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Sometimes I think half the preacher's job is to enjoy the Bible in front of people.
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My daughter Kaylee says that when olive oil is 'extra virgin' it means that the oil hasn't even been given the talk yet.
I can't stop laughing at that.
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@ericsmithrocks
I've always liked this from Vladimir Nabokov, "The writer's job is to get the main character up a tree, and then once they are up there, throw rocks at them."
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S2 E12
What do you do with a problem like Nate?
We all have experiences, we make meaning out of those experiences. This meaning becomes a script. We then live out the script and project it onto others.
This is how we become bound and stuck.
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My dog is often at my feet, or resting his head on my lap during sermon prep. It is very endearing but I also think he genuinely believes we are co laborers in Christ.
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As a pastor who served in Vegas, I have seen the utter destruction of gambling first hand.
I remain so highly alarmed at how normalized sports betting has become. It should come with dire warnings.
Gambling industry preys on the vulnerabilities of human nature.
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Quick gut check:
Never explain yourself to someone determined to always misunderstand you. Some have a vested interest in misunderstanding you. By giving them more insight, more words you are just giving them a bigger stick to hit you with. Thanks
@Tmorris_pm
for the metaphor.
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I can’t fathom what Beth Moore and her Living Proof team endured because of her 2016 DT tweets. Utterly horrendous treatment toward her by so called Christians based on her utterly reasonable tweets. I can’t fathom how disorienting that was. Beth is a colossal human.
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Four ways relationships get into trouble:
1) Unspoken expectations.
2) Unspoken values.
3) The meaning we make out of what we don't know.
4) Assumption of motive in the other.
Climb down the ladder of inference with curiosity, moving toward the other, trigger management.
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@HeatherTDay
I heard after the Rwandan genocide that they created a proverb, 'not forgiving someone is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die.'
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Why is the most anxious person in the room so often the most powerful, especially in church settings? Because Christians can confuse empathy for enmeshment. We sometimes think indulging someone is care, when it is not
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Four ways relationships get into trouble:
1) Unspoken expectations.
2) Unspoken values.
3) The meaning we make out of what we don't know.
4) Assumption of motive in the other.
You can pause and climb down the ladder of inference today.
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A friend of mine went to therapy, at the end of her rope in ministry, deep wounds, hyper vigilant and not trusting of people.
Therapist asked, 'where is home for you?'
Of course he meant, 'where can you be exactly you, connect to God, relax into God's presence?'
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My 19 year old flew to Michigan for an internship. 20 hours early, Uber too $$$, too young to rent a normal car, so he rented a uhaul for $19 plus miles. I’m proud of his ingenuity.
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Four ways relationships get into trouble:
1) Unspoken expectations.
2) Unspoken values.
3) The meaning we make out of what we don't know.
4) Assumption of motive in the other.
You can pause and climb down the ladder of inference today.
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Leaders dread the text 'we need to meet.' 8 out of 10 times it is going to be bad.
Leaders, what other phrases do you dread?
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A quick reminder of some basics of Systems Theory.
1. Chronic Anxiety spreads in 4 spaces.
2. God exists and moves freely in those 4 spaces.
3. Anxiety tends to block our awareness of God.
4. Awareness of God's presence and goodness tends to cast out anxiety.
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I suspect
@timkellernyc
would get great joy out of the fact that his passing has calmed Christian twitter hostility for a few days.
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It is mildly disturbing how often I fail the 'I'm not a robot' captchas.
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I get the 'church isn't a building it is the people,' I really do. But God dwells and manifests in people at a place. Doesn't have to be church building, but we cultivate memory and meaning when God and people and place connect in a transcendent way.
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'3rd space' anxiety is when you spend energy wondering what people think.
Either what they think of you (insecurity) or 'what were they thinking!' (exasperation.)
But what others think of you/about you is none of your business. Pray for that person and be free.
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What a season. S1 was delight and surprise. S2 was relational development of the first order.
And what acting by the whole cast.
Amazing performance by Nick Mohammed, especially these last few episodes.
Loved it. Thanks for following along.
20/20
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One painful maturing process God has used in my life is to reframe what I used to see as being burned by someone or an organization, to being forged by it. As I study the life of Joseph, I see large doses of abuse and pain...
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One of the reasons criticism is so hard to shake for a young or insecure leader...
BTW, I have been both and at times am still both....
Is because as often as not, the criticism has truth in it.
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@TGC
@RevKevDeYoung
...Welcome to childless, the orphan, the legion of faithful Kingdom disciples, who for various reasons aren't married, or able to bear children.
Until the modern church dies to our idol of family, we're doomed as a prophetic voice in a culture desperate for true hope and life.
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Every Anglican clergy I have met, I have liked.
No exceptions.
What is that about? What magic do thee Anglicans possess?
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@BethMooreLPM
I don't know a single faith leader who would say they are well right now. That has been pretty sobering to discover. Feels like we're being shaken free from what we're clutching onto, but it is painful and scary for sure.
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A gentle reminder that your inner critic is telling you a gospel. It just happens to be a gospel of condemnation and shame.
I fired my IC, but he kept coming to work, like Milton from Office Space. I've learned to quieten it by containing it with God's first and last word.
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@F1
Sainz asks to pass Leclerc a few times, Ferrari refuse, they double stack with slow stop for Leclerc. Sainz goes from 3rd to 5th and should have been a comfy 2nd. Sheesh, Ferrari.
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@BethMooreLPM
"The colossal misunderstanding of our time is that insight works with people who are unmotivated to change." Edwin Friedman.
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I REALLY despise how normalized sports gambling has become. I think it should be illegal to advertise the way cigarettes now can’t be advertised in sports. I used to pastor in Vegas and had a front row seat to gambling addiction and the predatory approach of gambling companies
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Four ways relationships get into trouble:
1) Unspoken expectations.
2) Unspoken values.
3) The meaning we make out of what we don't know.
4) Assumption of motive in the other.
You can pause and climb down the ladder of inference today.
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My work comes out of a theological worldview that anxiety is a spiritual dark force, not just an emotional state so it requires a spiritual intervention, not just an emotional one.
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Anxiety resides in 4 spaces:
1. The space inside you
2. The space between you and another
3. The space between others
4. The space inside another.
A powerful de escalation tools is to first locate the anxiety. Where is it?
Often the answer is 'all 4.' Yikes!
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My last staff meeting as lead pastor at Discovery today. All the feels. What an incredible team, many of whom have served a long tenure. We're excited for our next leader, but today was so rich and I'm filled with gratitude.
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@BethMooreLPM
I just don't know where my faith would be without him, quite honestly. When I was a 24 yr old trauma and hospice chaplain with a still-young-faith, he gave me so much permission to wonder and seek God in the darkness.
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Coming early 2022, a series with
@RightNowMedia
and
@DenverInstitute
. 7 videos for church small groups and 7 videos for business leaders on lowering reactivity, staying connected, emotional health and more.
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“What grieves me most is that on left and right, folks are able to articulate political talking points much more articulately than the teachings of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount. “
-
@richvillodas
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@mitchtidwell
Preachers who unpack things. I know our heritage was circuit riders who got around a lot but COME ON.
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Not much in Scripture about Easter Saturday, but I can't imagine the despair and fear in it. Disorientation can be an essential, but painful stage in faith.
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@BethMooreLPM
'Name it and claim it.' Gold!
A friend of mine says to her grandchildren, '
welcome to Grandma's home. Where every day is Christmas and the answer to every question is 'yes.' '
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Differentiation is 4 things at once:
1. Noticing your reactivity and keeping it from spilling out into someone.
2. Noticing reactivity coming at you and keeping from catching it.
3. Staying emotionally connected to the other.
4. Being clear on your mission, values.
Tricky.
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Phenomenal question.
Maybe we could all do some 'home' work this week.
Where is 'home' for you?
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We have a robot vacuum and it has been a game changer for us. I finally named it. Meryl Sweep. It may be my finest naming moment.
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@TGC
@RevKevDeYoung
From the article: "Here’s a culture war strategy conservative Christians should get behind: have more children and disciple them like crazy."
I think Jesus, the Single Savior, has a better strategy: 'fight a war' by laying down your life for those against you.
Also...
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I'm praying for
@timkellernyc
and his family as he nears the end at this life. His impact on so many of us has been colossal. I learned so much from his preaching and posture.
Health Update: Today, Dad is being discharged from the hospital to receive hospice care at home. Over the past few days, he has asked us to pray with him often. He expressed many times through prayer his desire to go home to be with Jesus. His family is very sad because we... 1/3
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A fresh post covid challenge that pastors face: people who left their local church, either in a huff, or grumbling to others, or just eased out, who now face a huge personal crisis and urgently want the pastor's help.
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Wordle is like COVID. it is all around me, but so far I have not succumbed.
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A friendly reminder that the goal isn't 'non anxious presence.' The goal is 'managed anxiety' or 'contained anxiety.'
You will be anxious today, or this week, but if you can contain it for minutes or hours, you'll build the resilience you need.
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If you carry anxiety it is evidence you are human. Paul said, 'do not be anxious about anything' but he also said, 'I face daily anxiety over the churches.'
He used the same greek word for both.
It is difficult to notice God's presence when we're in the grip of anxiety.
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My chaplain supervisor said, 'The ER doesn't cause the dynamic in a family, it simply reveals and then heightens what it already there.'
Close families got closer, tense ones got worse.
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Phew.
@BethMooreLPM
’s memoir is breath taking. I’m listening to childhood Beth talk about enduring her baptism and ‘the right hand of Christian fellowship, then into her dad’s horrendous abuse and her mom’s illness. Lord have mercy. Healing and redemption are powerful.
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I get asked a lot 'how do I know I'm not ok?'
It is actually an excellent question. Leaders and care givers can often be the last one to know that they are not ok.
Some tangible things to look for, a thread.
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When we think of 'gifts from God' we often think 'conduit' gifts. Gifts God gave us for the sake of others.
But what about the 'recipient' gifts that God gives because you're God's kid.
Feeling depleted today? Engage in some recipient gifts.
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Want to begin to identify your ongoing sources of pressure and anxiety?
Hang your hat on these 5:
1. Control
2. Perfection
3. Knowing the answer
4. Being there for people
5. Approval.
Most of us have more than 1. Which do you 'need' to be ok?
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Remember when
@thebabylonbee
used to mostly have fun with worship, and frequently bass players?
Yeah, I miss those days. I also miss the days when, apparently, they had an actual conscience.
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Good morning friends.
Welcome to May - mental health awareness month. As good a time as any for a pastor (I'm a pastor) to remind us that mental health medication is a gift from God. Taking it is not a comment on your faith. It *might* be a comment on your chemicals.
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Four ways relationships get into trouble:
1) Unspoken expectations.
2) Unspoken values.
3) The meaning we make out of what we don't know.
4) Assumption of motive in the other.
You can pause and climb down the ladder of inference today.
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God With Us, God Ahead Of Us.
A brief thread with an invitation.
Humans strive for up to 5 core false needs:
control, perfection, knowing the answer, being there for others, approval.
Where are you on the 'Big 5?'
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One way you know you are in anxiety's grip is you forget God's presence. Anxiety has a 'gospel' - but it is always bad news - you feel like it is all on you. But God can invade your anxiety and remind you: God is with you. And perhaps the better news: God is already ahead of you.
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Friends,
@richvillodas
is one of the great communicators of our time. Let this one sit with you a while. Chronic anxiety is generated by assumption and false belief. Jesus leads us into truth, which is to say, into himself. Rich said it better and tighter:
There's only one place that God doesn't dwell in––illusion. God only abides in truth.
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@albertmohler
Dr Mohler, perhaps the quote has a broader context. Don't you think 'to be human' biblically, is to live out the Imago Dei, and to follow the perfect Jesus, who is single & childless? You may not have meant it, but the modern church idolizes the nuclear family to our detriment.
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Mother's Day Twitter got strange - a couple of SBC voices speaking against women speaking.
This is as good a time as any to recommend
@scotmcknight
's hidden gem of a book, 'Junia is Not Alone' and
@MargMowczko
's outstanding website.
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@ostrachan
If you do not think it was rape and not adultery then what is it?
The Hebrew requires inference. Nathan uses a lamb metaphor connoting power differential and Bathsheba's lack of agency. Do you think she could refuse the King?
Do you reply or just assert on twitter?
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On each pod episode, I put my guests through a GAUNTLET of anxiety questions. Men cry and women quiver, but all survive the gauntlet. I typically choose 3 - 5 questions. Below are the entire list over the past 5 years. Also known as the world's worst party ice breakers:
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One aspect of Family Systems Theory that I think is at risk of being lost is 'playfulness.' Students of FST like Friedman and Whittaker actually measured anxiety through the lens of playfulness, the opposite being earnestness.
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I met a 3 year old at church today. Her family's first time at our church.
'You're three? Wow! When are you turning four?'
She paused for a while, 'On my birthday.'
There is a new three year old at our church who things I am an idiot to not know basic things about life.
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I feel that a breakfast places that doesn’t open until 8am isn’t a proper breakfast place.
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The modern church has taken a lot of well deserved flack for power abuse etc, but the lesser told story is also true: my phone blowing up from pastors and congregants, connecting need with resource. Displaced people by the fires being cared for by local churches working together.
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One of the most powerful ways to practice
#differentiation
is through the lens of responsibility.
What is mine to carry, what is theirs, what is God's?
Not an easy question to answer, but always worth a pause and reflection.
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Pastors, I don't want to diminish real grief over previous Easter plans, but this year's subdued celebration will be a whole lot closer to the first one than our 'pre-isolation' plans.
Jesus appearing to the Disciples, huddled in a locked room.....
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Every generation holds a spiritual value different from the generation before. And we often arrogantly judge the previous generation for their value, because we see the temptation of it and the hypocrisy of it, but can be blind to our own.
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The head chaplain said, 'When paged to the ER, figure out the dynamic in the family 1 minute before they got the phone call. Whatever was happening between them before the crisis is exposed by the crisis. The crisis doesn't create the dynamic, it exposes it.'
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I spend a surprising amount of time thinking about one episode from the TV show, “the Bear.“ The episode is “Forks.“ What is most amazing is how profoundly I am cheering for a character I used to despise. That is mad good writing.
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LOVE this metaphor for the Covid era church that I heard from
@gpackiam
who got it from
@mrdanielgrothe
who got it from someone:)
‘The church is Dunkirk. Not one big vessel rescuing many, but every church person, each getting their small boats and rescuing a few at a time.’
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My son's literary teacher wants a psych analysis of a movie or TV show. Preferably Freudian.
Andrew said, 'what about Systems Theory?'
Teacher says, 'What is Systems Theory?'
Andrew proceeds to talk Ted Lasso.
Some parenting days are just golden days.
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Helpful warranty reminder for your expectations of your friendly neighborhood pastor...
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Pastors, what if 2020 didn't cause your soul condition, but revealed it? This might sound threatening, but it is actually a gift.
2021 can be different and I can help. My MLA tools are hard fought and hard forged and they help you manage the pressure.
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Do you know what the Southern Baptist convention needs most? Anglicans.
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I love Holy Saturday for the same reason I love the book of Esther.
All seems lost, but God is at work, 'silently close, secretly near' as
@johnpauldickson
puts it.
It isn't a day of waiting, as we don't know what we're waiting for, but it is a day of discerning the Lord.
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Only 4 artists in history have had to 40 hits in 4 decades in a row. In no particular order:
1. Michael Jackson
2. Madonna
3. U2.
aaaand......
4. Weird Al.
I'm telling you, he is a legit phenomenal musical genius. Don't let the parody and accordion fool you. Dude got game.
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Lately I've been exploring the relationship between play and worship.
Both are 'unproductive' and are simply for the joy of connection, in the moment.
Both help us relax into being human sized.
I'm thinking of doing a pod episode on it. Got thoughts?
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In Sept, Mum was in grim shape, unlikely to see Oct. She was fully dependent on care to get around. Yesterday she baked me a cake for my birthday and she is springing up out of her wheelchair like a veritable gazelle.
Thank you for your prayers on Mum's behalf.
God is good.
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Murray Bowen coined 'non anxious presence.' He of course changed the game with his stunning 8 concepts of human behavior.
But as a former purveyor of 'non anxious presence' I confess I have trouble with it and I propose a better phrase...
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A spot of family systems theory for a Friday. Murray Bowen developed 8 concepts to help us see how anxiety spreads and how problems get entrenched. a thread of all 8:
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Systems theory in one quote:
Sadly, the quote takes up two tweets :)
"When we feel anxious, we often try to make other people change. We try to calm everyone else down so we can finally relax.
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Ted never corrects it, he just observes it. This is Ted's failure of leadership. He believes Nate will do the right thing if given enough time and space.
But time and space just make Nate give himself over to his worst sides of himself.
Romans 1.
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A packed house on a beautiful Saturday morning. A church event ‘from chaos to calm’ helping manage reactivity in the work place and home place. I love my job.
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@ostrachan
Funny timing. I am about to call my Mum because she's in Australia and already in the future. Anyway, I was reflecting on the many women whose preaching I have sat under and who have helped form me spiritually. SO many gifted women preachers. I'm deeply grateful.
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Friday Tip: anxiety likes to keep things vague, cloudy and overwhelming. If you can pinpoint what is causing it, you're halfway to diffusing. Part of diffusing is clarifying what you can control and what you cannot.
You can pause, name and diffuse today.
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Brueggemann says faith is 'orientation, disorientation, reorientation.' My experience: after years of steady orientation, disorientation can happen in an instant, reorientation is painfully slow. To be reoriented, we have to stop trying to return to where we were.
#HolySaturday
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A quick Wednesday
#soulcare
question:
What is mine to carry, what is God's to carry and what is theirs to carry?
Differentiation of self is ongoing work and clarifying loads is key.
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Christians MUST grapple with 2nd Amendment rights.
I'm a Christian, an Aussie, an American, a gun owner.
Paul set us an example as a Roman citizen. His rights as a Roman ALWAYS submitted to his allegiance to Jesus.
Our kids are more precious.
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Three ways to lower leadership anxiety:
1) Pause.
Leaders too often 'push through.' We are others focused, vision focused. Some of this is selfless, most of it is fool hardy.
When you notice your reactivity rising, you can stop and tend to yourself, notice God.
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Wow,
@winncollier
, what an incredible and just flat out enjoyable book. You’re a craftsman with words. A craftsman writing about a craftsman. It doesn’t get any better than this.
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What a rare treat to sit under the preaching of
@CharlieDates
today. A stunning message from one of the nation’s premier preachers and impeccable leaders.
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