Stephanie Foo, author of WHAT MY BONES KNOW
@stephaniefoooo
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C-PTSD survivor, author of NYT Bestseller. Norcal girl. Hypermobile tree friend. Alum: TAL, Snap Judgment. Words: NYT, Vox. Insta: foofoofoo 🇺🇸 🇲🇾
NYC
Joined November 2009
My life story used to be about shame and abuse. But I transformed it into one of pride and survival. The opposite of shame is your story on a goddamn billboard in NYC. Thanks Amazon. Happy #AAPIHeritageMonth !
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To the Asian women who flatten our backs against subway ads so we can’t be pushed onto the tracks. Who look over our shoulders and keep one headphone off our ear, one hand on the pepper spray in our pockets. You deserve better. You deserve to feel safe. RIP Christina Yuna Lee.
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FINALLY!!! I interned at Vice at 18. My editors constantly talked about their STDs but how they were safe to have sex with because they were under control. Editors hit on another intern I knew. she quit and left journalism. And it gets worse. 1/2
Breaking News: Groping, unwanted kisses, propositions for sex: At Vice, a hard-partying, boundary-pushing culture created a degrading workplace for women.
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Andy Mills told me that the reason Radiolab didn’t hire women was because women are bad at Pro Tools. In comparison to him, who could cut “three drafts of a story in one day!” He said this at a party in front of big name producers and one big podcast CEO.
Specificity is powerful! So here's a bit from me. Andy Mills told coworkers and others in radio/podcasting that I was hired not because I was qualified, but because I was a woman.
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They published an issue w/my photo and graphically quoted me about my sex life. which they completely fabricated. They retracted it. after it went to print. I was humiliated. I WAS 18. 2/2.
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Normal cost of a 15-minute long story at a major storytelling podcast:.- 2 months.- 6 pre-interviews, 3 interviews, 7 hours of tape .- 10 drafts.- 2-4 edits, each 1 to 4-hours long with 2-5 editors in the room each time. - 2 days of mixing/scoring. Don't 👏 Lowball 👏 Us 👏.
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I guess the proposal isn't going well
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GOOD MORNING!! Today, I get to update all of my bios to say “New York Times bestseller!!” . 🎉🥳🍾🎊💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻. A life dream I never expected to make happen. If you want me today, I’ll be dancing.
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I debated for years abt whether to have kids and ppl would always tell me to have them for the love n companionship n stuff. But now that I have one, I'd say to anyone debating it, Ask yourself: how big/reliable is your support network? If solid, knock yourself out (or up).
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My brother, ecstatic that @humansofny has already raised him $96k for his org to help underprivileged kids get into speech and debate, The Brooklyn Debate League! Thanks for the song inspo @Lin_Manuel!!! DONATE HERE:
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Friendly reminder that sunny days do not heal mental illness. Seeing friends does not heal mental illness. Trauma doesn't go away if you can eat inside a restaurant or go to a concert. Just because things are "back to normal" does not mean you need to feel back to normal.
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Cut to two hours later, I get a call from Andy. Not to apologize, really. Just,”I get that sometimes I talk too much, but if you have a problem with me, come to me instead of my employer.” He was calling to call me a snitch!! (For the record, I was not the one who told on him).
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Hi I would like to bless the timeline of all the Asians by informing you that Babybel cheeses are lactose free. I learned this two days ago and my house is now full of red wax containers everyplace.
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My partner's grandmother pressed her forehead to mine and said, "If you had a mother, she would have bought you a wedding dress. I know it's hard for you to accept these things, but please let me be your mother for a day." I cried. Starting to see what this family thing is about.
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Nobody called him out so I did. I said “Omfg. Besides how sexist that is, Pro Tools should not be a barrier to entry. I didn’t know Pro Tools when This American Life hired me.” (I had produced 200+ stories in Logic.) .Andy said, “We at Radiolab would never have hired you.”.
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So a couple days later news of this interaction got to Radiolab and they called me to ask if it was true and to say there were taking disciplinary steps—and that he disnt speak for radiolab. This IS good but note, Andy already had multiple HR complaints against him at this point.
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The difference is before he’d targeted female interns and less powerful radio people, and now he’d slipped up by saying this to a fairly powerful radio person (me) in front of the titanic radio elite.
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One year ago today, I released a book that I prayed would.give ONE person with CPTSD hope, which can be so hard to come by for us. Little did I know I’d wind up building a community. Here’s a little of my story… and the present I want to give us next week. 1/?
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PSA: There is nothing shameful or pathetic in spending the holidays alone, and they can even be enjoyable. I'm loved and happy, but have no family, and often spend holidays alone. A retrospective:.
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Ok you guys. I saw Crazy Rich Asians. And I cried. Through the WHOLE. DAMN. THING. It’s set in Singapore and Malaysia. I’m Chinese Malaysian American. And you guys—a Western major motion picture got it right. They got it all right.
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We bonded over Lucifer/Sandman on our second date. So we had @neilhimself's Death handing out golden balloons during our wedding parade.
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Anyway can you not be that fucking dude. Your pain is valid but so are others'. Let them have their spaces. Make your own space and your moment without hijacking someone else's.
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I am a lucky one. Even though yes Andy did hit on me when I first moved to NY and has said some crazy shit to me, I never had to work with him. I never had to feel marginalized or doubt my talents because of him specifically. I feel for the women whose careers suffered bc of him.
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I'm learning that the first thing I should tell people when I'm editing them is, "Don't just come to me when you feel like you did a perfect draft. It's more important for you to come to me when you feel fucked. Let's save time and talk early. I'm your teammate, not your narc.".
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It's finally out! I wrote for @voxdotcom about how Complex PTSD is actually helping me survive this pandemic, and how what we usually consider to be "mental illness" can now be healthy adaptation.
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Also please read (the courageous and amazing) Kelsey’s og thread and the other women’s testimonies, I just saw this today and WOW, this is WILD.
@KelsPadge @Al_Letson @reblavoie @yowei_shaw @JolentaG and called Rukmini every offensive name possible. He said that he pitched the idea for Caliphate to the NYT in his original job interview so he obviously deserves all the credit. And he told me that during his and Rukmini's meeting with Netflix (to sell the rights).
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I wrote my first Op-Ed for the @nytimes, for those who have to spend Christmas alone this year. It can be miserable. Or it can be an opportunity to love yourself wildly. Hope this inspires you to be inventive w your holiday!
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Looking for stories for @ThisAmerLife about libraries. Help! DM me with your story about a library, that took place in a library, etc. <3.
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Thanks Elliot Page ♥️. What an honor!
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The point is, as long as you have yourself, you're in good company. The holidays are just an opportunity to celebrate the art of living a happy lonely life. <3.
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For those who have complicated feelings about Mother's Day. I wrote about the two mothers I've lost, and the different forms of grief they've left behind.
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Americans love the Amish and hate Sikhs?! SIKHS?!? What did Sikhs ever do but be nice and give everyone free daal?? I swear, this country never fails to surprise me.
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Good time to remind people that I had a 2.9 GPA, went to the only UC that didn’t reject me and still wound up with an Emmy 🤷🏻♀️.
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Please listen to my brother in law, who attended Stuyvesant High during 9/11. He knows better than most that the trauma of losing your friends and teachers *stays.* It is just. Not. Worth it.
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I watched Crazy Rich Asians. I cried a lot. Then I wrote about what it meant to me.
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It’s making me cry to see the grandmas and grandpas out here today. They’ve always been taught to keep their heads down and be quiet. It speaks a lot to their courage and their fear that they’ve come out and speak up. One told me how scared she is to get on the train.
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been watching so many tik toks to keep up with the kids these days and I want in on the action! i’m a millennial. an elder millennial
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I apologize! Next time I will make sure my book has a lot of dragons and chopsticks on it so you can be warned that it is gonna be full of boring Asian shit.
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The fact that newscasters were covering the election for 30 hours straight without swapping in alt teams makes me like. DOES NOBODY IN JOURNALISM BELIEVE IN BASIC PROJECT MANAGEMENT SKILLS. You have known this would happen. Protect yr employees with PLANNING.
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Some personal news. After 5 years at @ThisAmerLife, I am leaving to concentrate on writing my book. I'll also be open to part time freelance work. I'm a little nervous, but mostly tremendously excited. Thread!.
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If not, boy I'd really really think hard about what you're willing to give up in order to have that baby.
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Hello library twitter. A few weeks ago I asked for library stories, and you all went hardcore librarian research mode on me, helping me find a ton of amazing stories. Here is the final product: an episode all about libraries. I hope you love it! Thank you!.
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I cannot think of a single day in my life that was more affirming, loving and healing. It was a true confirmation of the enormous power of vulnerability. I could not possibly have asked for anything more.
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It's hard to pitch to @ThisAmerLife . Ppl often send me the standard 3-paragraph pitch that most other mags/shows ask for. But here's one pitch for my ten-minute story: and it's 2 pages long. Will go thru some stuff to notice here.
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10 years ago today, @romanmars sent me this cryptic email. I told him about my podcast, Get Me On This American Life, and he gave me my first radio job at @snapjudgment. A decade, hundreds of radio stories, an Emmy, a book deal later. what a ride. Thanks for emailing, Roman.
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This Alison Roman thing is making me think about how important basic kindness is in creating work environments that welcome people from low-income or traumatic backgrounds and POC. After hiring diversely you gotta care about people. Attribute ideas. Give credit for work. Be nice.
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EXTREMELY EXCITING NEWS!!!!!. Thank you so much to @jdystel and to @randomhouse. I’m so thrilled and grateful to be given a platform to talk about mental health, to acknowledge the weight of trauma, and hopefully help others heal. ❤️
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I don’t know if the act of writing my book was healing, but it being out in the world is. Specifically, I’m changed by the astonishingly loving feedback I get every day. Contrary to the popular narrative, the most traumatized people can be the kindest and most generous souls ♥️♥️.
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So 2.5 years ago I did the bravest thing I’ve ever done: I quit my whole life to write that book on C-PTSD. No publisher, no agent, no idea how I was gonna get it done. But I did it, you guys. Yesterday I turned in my final copy-edited MS. It comes out 2.2.22. ♥️♥️♥️♥️
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I remember when I was 18 and first moved to NYC for a sunmer internship. I was so broke I survived off of $1 books from @strandbookstore. And now my book is being sold there—front and center near the entrance ♥️🌸💀🌸 Go get a copy!
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Maybe don't get mad at your good friends for not reading/listening to your work. Your fans love you for what you put out. It's fulfilling/freeing that your friends love you for who you are, not what you do, and the quality of your work won't affect their love.
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Friendly reminder yet again that you are not a bad person if you put down your phone and take a walk. Eat a sandwich. Talk to a friend about their day. Have a life outside of the news. For most of us, knowing every single detail will not fix anything. Doomscrolling=\=Safety.
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Hot take: maybe women don’t lean in because we’re so emotionally intelligent, we recognize capitalism as a scam built on desire, thus making true satisfaction unattainable no matter how much u work, and we recognize the worth in taking time to foster human connections instead (?).
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I truly feel so honored and grateful to have been allowed to edit @sruthiri's badass reporting in this ep. In this episode, the courageous and exhausting labor that POC must do to support each other in a toxic work environment.
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In a moment of uplifting news I had a healing convo with an ex privileged coworker today who said “I saw what happened to you, it was real and it was not your fault, here’s how I was accountable, here’s how I’ll do better, and I am so sorry.” . Very good template to follow!.
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It’s 2/22/22. Which is unique and momentous for one main reason obviously—. It’s my Pub Day!!! Thanks for buying #whatmybonesknow and if you’re in NYC, hope to see you at Yu and Me Books tonight at 6pm!
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If you don’t have a dad, if you lost your dad, or if you’re estranged from him. My goodness. You came this far, are THIS talented, strong and resilient, from having to parent your own damn self? WOW. Celebrate your amazing parenting abilities today. You deserve it!! ♥️
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Ok I am officially a Naomi Osaka stan
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Wondering how to be a good ally to oppressed coworkers? Here's a guide I based on my own experiences: the wonderful coworkers who stood up for me in the past, the needs I've seen from others coming up behind me. Add your ideas to this thread!
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I haven't reported something in audio form in 2.5 years. I made my first pitches for new stories this week. They went well, so I think I'm still kind of good at it. You're going to hear me reporting again soon. I'm nervous and excited <3.
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Some wonderful news: thrilled to announce I’m a Rosalynn Carter Mental Health fellow! So excited to have their support in writing about Complex PTSD!.
Almost a hundred applications and hours and hours of review later, we’re excited to announce @CarterCenter’s 2019-2020 Mental Health Journalism Fellows!
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TODAY!!!! What My Bones Know comes out in PAPERBACK! . So proud of this book, honored it has helped so many, and I am thrilled that it is now in a more accessible format. Thank you to all of you for your support <3
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When Gillis said that calling us chinks was “nice racism, good racism,” what he meant was, “This racism is okay because Asians are submissive so I won’t suffer consequences.” . Don’t try us. And don’t set foot in Chinatown ever again dude.
Shane Gillis, a comedian announced as a new cast member on "SNL" before videos surfaced in which he used slurs and offensive language, will not be joining the show, "SNL" announced Monday. A spokesperson said they "were not aware of his prior remarks."
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I wanted to just elope. Didn't get the whole wedding industrial complex BS. I was wrong. If you're on the fence, have a wedding. Doesn't need to be fancy. Wear, eat whatever. Just celebrate your gratitude for the ppl who made you capable of love. Celebrate love. We need it.
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Here's a little image thread for those struggling right now, feeling like they're not coping well or are going crazy. You're not. Your brain is trying to protect you. Here's how to work with your brain, not against it. #MentalHealthMatters #COVID19
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@jdesmondharris No, no, no. this is one of my ultimate comfort foods and a major staple dish of entire Southeast Asia. when done correctly its silky, outrageously tender and intensely chickeny. Please dont slander traditional Asian foods as “gross,” its a real trigger point and rly offensive.
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Went to a pier on Lake Merritt on NYE, and it was deserted (cuz everyone was inside w friends) so I put on CHVRCHES and sang and danced at the top of my lungs in public and nobody saw.
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Hi hello. If you are not okay and in pain today REACH OUT TO YOUR PEOPLE! .I promise you won’t be disturbing them. Christmas is a day of connection and kindness. You are needed and loved and its OK to ask for that to be affirmed.
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My husband used to run a radio station in Afghanistan. His DJs had comedy, music, call in shows-interesting stories there. They risked their lives to get to work, some were killed, all were in grave danger after the US left. Been interviewing them. Want a home for this story.
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The virus is affecting us all, but Chinatown's been hit especially hard. To support them, I've organized a night of storytelling, comedy, food, music and dance. Come join us next Thursday to celebrate Chinatown together! Livestream here:
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this morning an old guy whistled at me to roll down my window and I didnt and he yelled “Fuckin Jap, no wonder they knocked you out.” I turned on my camera and he denied it and backed off. I havent experienced this in my Queens neighborhood before and now I feel shaky and awful.
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I started writing my book on what it’s been like to heal from C-PTSD in March and I turned in my first draft yesterday! 💞 I want to thank my PTSD, which has helped me throughout this pandemic and has gicen me the courage and focus to write ♥️.
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I'm thinking of the quote in the beginning of Disability Visibility by Neil Marcus: "Disability is not a brave struggle or "courage in the face of adversity." Disability is an art. It's an ingenious way to live.".
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EEEEEEE GALLEYS ARE HERE 🌺🦴. So strange and magical to see my words! In a BOOK! Such a different feeling than on my screen. It’s becoming real!
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I had no family, so I was forced to live through a decade of lonely Christmases. But with a little creativity, I learned how to love doing Christmas all by myself. For those who struggle through this time of year, I wrote this for you.
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My mother-in-law died last week and I just ordered us grief snacks on her FreshDirect account, where she got the premium membership so we could have free delivery. Until it runs out this is her still taking care of me, I guess. I'll take it.
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Thought experiment: imagine if C-PTSD were considered a legit disability that warranted accommodation. Put aside your "But I'm the broken one I need to fix myself" thoughts aside for one moment. What accommodations would you ask for, if you were allowed to ask for ANYTHING?.
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COVER REVEAL FOR #WHATMYBONESKNOW! It's also available for pre-order! If you plan on buying, NOW is a great time! Pre-orders help author sales and bestseller lists a whole bunch. Thank you to everyone who has supported me - I'm so grateful!
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Taking a nice long bath with fancy salts and then eating an entire pie and a carton of milk in bed while watching old movies.
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What My Bones Know is now going into its SIXTH printing in five months. Thank you to the therapists and teachers who've been assigning it, the caretakers who've been studying it, and most of all the survivors for opening your hearts to it. photo by windermerereads on instagram
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Went to a restaurant and had Christmas dinner by myself, made friends with the restauranteur and heard his amazing life story (he was an Alevi Kurd who escaped from Turkey!).
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I fully give y’all permission to log off, take a bath, and break until tomorrow, or when you feel like you can. Unless you have actual agency in DC or you’re breaking the news, you don’t *NEED* to be following every minute of this. Constant knowledge=\=control.
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Screw impostor syndrome, because rather than weakening me, the fact that I have fought my way through so much excruciating trauma to get here actually makes me more than qualified to produce stories about pain, redemption and the scope of human experience. Take that, doubt.
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My husband STILL hadn’t heard the Four Seasons news and I got to share it with him and I wish you all an experience so full of delight.
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My proudest moment on the company slack
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A thing I’ve noticed about being bicoastal: when horrible things happen in NY all my CA friends text to check in, but when terrible things happen in CA, New Yorkers could not give less of a fuck.
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Hi 👋 I am an immigrant writing a book that's largely about immigrant trauma, and my agent just sent my proposal to publishers today. I really hope to be given a platform to share an underrepresented voice! #ownvoices.
Really exciting news! My agent, @jdystel, released her newsletter announcing her upcoming projects--including my book! We're sending my proposal to publishers next week. It's all really happening!🤞Wish me luck!
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Sitting at a buffet for several hours by myself, eating unlimited foods and reading the Sunday newspaper.
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One of the best things about my MIL Margaret was that she never tried to get me to fix my relationship with my parents, guilt trip me about it, or minimize the abuse I received. She just said "I'll give you the love you didn't get, and the love I know you need." . Be a Margaret.
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@CarolineMoss I came home from a redeye flight to find my furniture missing. Art, couch gone. Then I opened my boyfriend’s closet. It was empty. He’d dumped me by secretly moving out. Oh, and it was our 3-yr anniversary. We had had plans for me to cook him a nice dinner. 🤷🏻♀️.
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Got a one star review and. how!?!?! did this happen!??!?! WhAt?? Is Inner Authority?!!
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The news about the climate is bad, yes. But there's one real solution to feeling helpless and sad: action. I wrote for @Curbed about one great way to do that, while also building a relationship to your environment and to NYC's green spaces.
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@onlykainaima I used to keep a picture of your great grandma on my wall for inspiration. Thank you for posting this. Happy birthday to her <3.
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For the first time in many many many months (years?) I feel VERY PASSIONATELY, EXCITEDLY BUSY, like I’m using my 8ish hours super well, and at the end of each day I feel fulfilled and happy to rest. ❤️. This is a MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT! Applause welcome.
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It's so triggering for Asian-American women to witness this coverage because we've all experienced being reduced to a sexual object purely because of our race. Been thinking about this story I produced years ago about this very phenomenon:
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TBH it's pretty upsetting that if I tweet about an Asian woman's powerful accomplishment, or about my own ecstatic feelings about publishing a book on trauma, it gets a tiny sprinkle of engagement. But if I post about a racist microaggression - BOOM, 500 RTs!.
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I would like to share one of my favorite goodreads reviews thus far
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