Honestly can't believe that the Boys are Back in Town by Thin Lizzy isn't a more widely accepted Christmas song. All the boys??? Back in town??? At the same time?? What could the boys possibly be back in town for?? Easter?? Fuck off. It's christmas fellas.
Thinking of the fella I used to work with on about 170k a year that I showed how to copy and paste with Ctrl+C / Ctrl+V and after it he would refer to me only as Rain Man
Spotify: hey, we make playlists catered to your unique tastes.
Spotify user: listens to 18 hours of Mongolian throat singing, Icelandic drumming bands and a peruvian death metal band.
Spotify: pls listen to drake
just watched a movie where the guy has Alzheimer’s and it was randomly jumping and repeating scenes and I was like, well duh, cause he has Alzheimer’s. it’s just an artistic thing by the director. It was not. The chrome cast is just broken and I sat through almost two hours of it
lads I’m in bits. Virgin Media news is after reporting on a hole on portmarnnock beach that ‘Could be the aftermath of a cosmic event’. Some fellas literally dug it the day before with a kid’s shovel
The way your man was talking about the rock being an asteroid had me in tears
#WATCH
A mysterious hole on a beach has caused a stir in North Dublin.
A local astronomy enthusiast is hoping the crater in Portmarnock, could be the aftermath of a cosmic event.
@Hanelizaa
reports ⤵️
#VMNews
they’re turned it off. we’re back to a time where the only portal to New York in dublin is finding a yank in the temple bar that’s up for a green card marriage
Drinking your McDonald’s through one of those dusty fucking paper straws knowing the actual ocean is literally on fire and there’s not a single real change being made to do anything about the destruction of the planet
Boys it's gonna be NINE DEGREES tomorrow night. I'm hopping. I'm fucking rearing to go. A grand cool sleep. The window closed. Fuck off flies. All your limbs under the blanket. Two fuken blankets. A cup of tea. Fuck off flies. Gonna be S W E E T
white tourists after building up the courage to say gracias instead of thank you for the first time on the fourth day of their holiday (they’re in Italy)
just seen there’s a restaurant in japan gone stone mad for irish coffees and the wee little salad sangwidges you’d get at a wake. absolutely fair play to the boys
Landed home after a bellyful of pints and immediately saw the full load of wet clothes sitting in the washing machine that I put on before alcohol existed
7000 cases and the there’s a literal fucking coup in the states why does 2021 already feel the bit in Come On Eileen where the song just keeps getting faster and faster and faster
why did every primary school in the country have a day where firefighters came in to warn kids about chip pan fires. it was all they ever talked about. Getting drunk, falling asleep and starting chip pan fires. NEVER put water on them. Just sitting there like boy. am fuckin seven
I genuinely hate office etiquette I had to sign a card today for a woman that’s leaving and literally the only interaction we’ve ever had is day she turned round to me and goes Do you ever stop fucking eating do you??
Health Minister Stephen Donnelly appeals to people to reduce their social contacts.
Asked if that means people shouldn’t go to nightclubs - he said they shouldn’t “go to nightclubs three times a week”.
Lads I bought a fuckin jambon and a cup of coffee this morning at a filling station in longford and it cost €5.40. Now, I'm no fuckin economist but I'm a great man for a filling station breakfast and lemme tell ya fuckin something, the arse is about to fall out of the economy
Mandatory hotel quarantine is too extreme but having the entire country not able to go more than 5 kilometres from their house for four months is just fucking dandy apparently
Orange? Fucking Orange Met Éireann? Are you fucking serious? All you had to do was fucking over react to a weather anomaly like you used to so i could get a fucking day off work and you can't even do that right you absolute bunch of teaspoons
Just been informed by the Nigerian chap in my course that Westlife were one of the biggest bands in Nigeria during his childhood and that "If you couldn't sing a Westlife song you'd never get a girlfriend" and I'm so pleased to find out Nigeria is just Africa's Sligo
having a pint in a quiet wee pub and two auld lads are beside me chatting, one of them was talking about his brother and the other goes ‘How long is he in the heart now?’ the buck turns round and goes ‘18 years, god rest him’ isn’t that some lovely wee turn of phrase.
This is an important point. If the British had responded to IRA attacks on civilians by launching relentless air strikes on Irish civilian neighborhoods, it would have appeared obviously psychopathic and deranged. Yet in Gaza this is considered a reasonable response to terror.
Sometimes I think im not a culchie and then I remember tasting a lime for the first time at 17 and being like. Wow. This little green orange tastes like 7up
Never has a childhood of growing up in rural Ireland better prepared me for something more than it’s prepared me for this Matt LeBlanc being your uncle meme
Just called to the shop there to get a drop of diesel for the car and was a good five minutes down the road before realising that I had in fact... forgotten... the fucking c a r and was f u c k i n g w a l k i n g
hi
@VirginMediaNews
i’ve discovered this tiny fortification in Galway and believe it may have been built by some sort of hyper intelligent miniature humanoid species. maybe from Space due to their advanced building technology. please send richard chambers and a full camera crew
lads I’m in bits. Virgin Media news is after reporting on a hole on portmarnnock beach that ‘Could be the aftermath of a cosmic event’. Some fellas literally dug it the day before with a kid’s shovel
The way your man was talking about the rock being an asteroid had me in tears
if you give in information on daniel kinahan, you get five million dollars. BUT. if you sign him up to Revolut first you get five million dollars AND sixty euro. Just something to think about
Do you ever wake up on a Sunday morning and sit down and have your silly little coffee and look at the news on your silly little phone and just think to yourself how the fuck is any of this real hahahahah what the fuck has actually been going on for the last six months hahaha
Why do fellas never say name of cocktails they just point at the menu and go can I’ve one of them like hahahaha go on lad just say you want the pornstar martini it’s okay big guy
Haven’t much in common with Micheál Martin but I’ll tell ye one thing when the two of us throw on Out of Office for christmas, we’re fucking out of office lad. He really said see yous cunts on the 6th and closed the laptop
Can't believe English people are out here whinging about how Siobhán is spelled but don't bat an eyelid when Jamie Oliver names his newborn Buddy Bear Cocker Spaniel the Fifth.
i wouldn’t say im very unemployed but I did just accidentally discover that’s it’s almost exactly the same length of a drive from Listowel in Canada to Letterkenny in Canada as it is from Listowel in Kerry to Letterkenny in Donegal. and I just think that’s neat
In a crash last night and a lad in the hospital fucked me out of it for drink driving for 5 minutes despite the fact i was a passenger and we had to sit in the most awkward silence when I asked if he just assumed I was driving because I was drunk and irish (he did)
Irish people last week: WHY do you care about someone else's relationship the royals are inbred anyway
Irish people this week: I will bathe in Rita Ora's blood for this offence to Dee Devlin and her child.
wonder what paul mescal smokes. like sure he’s a famous movie star but he’s also an ex county footballer so I’m assuming he still loves to get absolutely bate into a box of silk cut choice
love that the irish primary school curriculum is perfectly designed to make sure every child leaves with a burning hatred of grey squirrels and the british empire
lot of sad bitter Irish people hoping England lose tonight. should take a long hard look at themselves. Not me though. I want them to win! But only so they can lose on penalties in the final. I want it stolen from them in the last 5 minutes. I want whatever hurts the most.
I can’t believe there’s a walrus illegally boarding and destroying boats in the west of Ireland, like an actual pirate, and somebody decided on calling him Wally the Walrus, instead of going with Gráinne Mhaolrus????
Smoking is rank but sometimes I see someone taking a draw out of a fag when they’re supping a coffee in the sun and it looks like the single most satisfying fucking experience known to man
just got a PCR and my eyes didn’t even water after the amount of antigens I’ve done. Fucking nostrils on me like the M50 you’d park a Fiat 500 up there