Soph
@sophiawpelton
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“Comedian” in some ways.
Manhattan, NY
Joined June 2009
Time to get stoned and look at my social media content through The Eyes Of The Other.
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I said I was 23 in one of my classes today and two people gasped.
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Okay a barista asked for my number and I gave it to him and then he held out his fist and I FIST BUMPED HIM BUT HE WAS GIVING ME MY CHANGE ????.
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Absolutely in love with the man at my store who’s trying on a dress he wants to buy his girlfriend for her birthday because they are the same size.
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You are clinically unwell if you confront someone about not following you back on social media in person.
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Anyone who’s had the My Fitness Pal app downloaded for a period longer than 2 weeks should be eligible for free legal counsel and monetary compensation for emotional damage.
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People don’t warn you about 22 being the age where people start being younger than you. .
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I was in a class with someone who said they’re friends with the person who picks the books that Kendall Jenner pretends to read on Instagram and that kind of sounds like my ideal job
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If my crush recommends a book, movie etc, I start acting like I have a book report due. Annotating, taking notes, reading full think pieces just to send a text…. horniness is the supreme motivator.
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We all need to stop wasting time trying to be funny on Venmo.
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Jojo Siwa could’ve done Baz Luhann’s Elvis but Austin Butler could NOT have done Dance Moms.
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It’s amazing how many unique and unsettling ways there are for a pair of pants to not fit you.
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POV: You’re watching the insta story of a Gen Z influencer who has the words “activist” and “entrepreneur” in their bio.
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To me, the height of luxury is drinking three liquids at once: one for hydration, one for energy, and one for fun (ex: water, matcha, spindrift.).
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White girls with hair like this scare me to the core of my being. They are too powerful.
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We bought one of our friends 5,000 Instagram followers and I cannot stop laughing
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Gonna shoot my shot at midnight and try to kiss my dad’s new gf. wish me luck <3.
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Yeah I grew up in a queer household (my dad was the one with the eating disorder instead of my mom).
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I love how they advertise these like they’re not exclusively for people with clinical depression
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All I’m missing is the turn around, head back, and let the water run down ur back move.
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My best post pandemic idea is throwing a 2010s party where we only listen to The 1975, Arctic Monkeys, etc., and everyone has to dress like this.
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And to all the people saying “that’s so cute”…. You have confused me for a white woman!!! My uncomfortable energy does not read as endearing!!!! This was simply embarrassing!!!!!!!.
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Boyfriend is gaining consciousness (telling me it would be a “huge slay” if I get out of bed before noon.).
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They all played basketball in high school and have punched at least one person in the face during a suburban house party.
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I went into my dads office and he said, “can I tell you what I did today,” and when I said yes he revealed, with lit’rally the largest smile I’ve ever seen, that he had googled the person I’m dating.
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Being hot and depressed is so fucked up, like I should be making out with people but instead I’m just laying down ???.
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I finally feel comfortable asking. was everyone lying when they said Master Of None was funny?? Enough time has passed you can be honest.
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Her reading the year of magical thinking also reminds me of my friend who bought that book in an airport thinking it would be a light read because of the title and then was trapped on an airplane for 6 hours with nothing to do but cry.
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White guys after saying “it’s actually really interesting because…”
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Not y’all making my pain and embarrassment go viral this shit ain’t even a joke it’s just my life 👱🏾♀️.
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Last weekend I took shrooms with my friends and then an hour later my dad sent a multi paragraph text in my family group chat about his last living will and testament.
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Also he was ultimately afraid he’d rip the armholes and I had to try it on instead :(.
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Modern life is so difficult that I often feel like I have to adopt a rise and grind mindset in order to simply like…. book a tele health appointment.
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Me trying to explain the electoral college to someone after listening to a single episode of The Daily
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The notebook says “Dismantle The System AND Your Bad Study Habits” on the front and is $60 at Target. Order online @ the link in my bio. ✊🏽.
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@mmmuddie It’s always abolition this late capitalism that and then the next slide they’re in an Urban dressing room. not judging just observing . .
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I’ve been waiting months if not years for Jojo Siwa to get the CGH (The Crazy Gay Haircut) and the day is finally upon us.
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POV: I’m on a date with a white liberal trying to sus out their true politics
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“I don’t drink much” - me, with an air of moral superiority despite my pathological addiction to weed.
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Bo Burnham fans really act like they have a PhD in being the most annoying white person you’ve ever met.
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Eating tortellini to treat major depressive disorder…. just an idea.
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If u were the blonde man with a pony tail at my show last night who was laughing at my jokes to the point of someone thinking you were my boyfriend please reach out!!.
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I love thinking about all of their assistants in a group chat, sending this photo back and forth as they individually Facetune each of the KarJenners to their specific tastes and preferences.
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Mom? Can you pick me up. every 26 year old I’ve ever met is tweeting about Olivia Rodrigo and I’m scared.
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This article is three years old but please read it I’m serious
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I’m sorry if u disagree but I really believe this and I can’t be silenced.
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Thinking about the team it took to physically get Joe Biden’s body into these skinny jeans.
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The “most compatible” feature on Hinge regularly affirms my deepest insecurities.
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Trying to explain to your friends why you don’t like that one person that everyone says is “really nice.”
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When the nonbinary 13 yr old the train chooses to sit next to me I’m like…. Ok I’ve created a safe space.
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He then asked what we talk about because he is a neuroscientist, while *I* make little jokes on the internet all day ❤️.
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I JUST FINISHED MY INTENSIVE OUT PATIENT PROGRAM AT THE ZOOMY BIN EVERYONE SAY GOOD JOB SOPHIA!!!!.
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Told my dad to check out White Lotus and he then proceeded to tell me it was difficult to watch because of a time Jennifer Coolidge personally slighted him…. .
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They accidentally sent me four hydro flasks instead of one I’m fucking rich.
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I went viral twice in the past week. no more jokes. time to be passively hot on the tl
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I lose weight the old fashioned way: violent depression and anxiety!.
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PLEASE BOOST: I AM HOT, SINGLE, VACCINATED, AND IN THE NEW YORK METROPOLITAN AREA. INQUIRE BELOW XX.
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How it feels to be the masc friend waiting for the girlies to finish getting ready
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@dysperwitadot He comes in. The dress is vintage so it doesn’t have a size on it. There is also a no return or exchange policy. He says they share clothes so he will try it on. He is afraid he will rip the arm holes. We are approx the same size and so I offer to see if it fits me. It does.
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POV: I hired you as a match maker and I’m telling you what I’m looking for in a partner.
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Something rly cool I learned today is that if you book a round trip ticket on Amtrak and miss the first train they will in fact delete your entire booking without telling you until you get on the train back and learn that your ticket no longer exists.
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